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Home  Articles & Poetry Counselling Letting Go Workshop
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Saturday, 19 July 2003 |
After many years of infertility investigation, unsuccessful infertility treatment much pain, shame and resentment and three adopted children later I found myself at a workshop designed to support people with difficulties around unwanted childlessness.
Despite my three children I have never really felt like a ³real mother² (whatever ³real mothers² are!). I decided to attend this workshop to test the water of how infertility could still be impacting on my life. The workshop is run by an experienced transpersonal psychotherapist, herself childless. My attendance in itself was rather remarkable as I have always been extremely cynical about Œworkshops¹ and I had decided to allow myself to leave had I needed to! However I was not only still there on Sunday afternoon but quite changed by events.
The workshop is run over the course of a weekend; Friday evening to Sunday afternoon. It culminates in a memorial service to honour the losses associated with unwanted childlessness.
On arrival, fraught with nerves and just as much cynicism I was very quickly astounded by the depth of feeling that was evoked in me by witnessing other women talking about their experiences and by having the opportunity to talk myself.
Over the course of the weekend various exercises were introduced and practised all with the aim of releasing some of the difficult feelings associated with infertility and childlessness. The idea being that by letting-go of the pain, anguish and feelings of failure- through grieving and giving space to fully experience those feelings- then healing can begin. Some of the activities involved talking with others about different aspects of infertility; therapeutic in itself. Others activities were more physical or creative. All just required your willingness to participate and some sense of adventure and of trust in the group. These conditions were well supported and enhanced by the facilitator who created a strong sense of integrity and security. There was some discussion time and feedback after each session. Some involved visualisation, relaxation and meditation. There was music, lots of candles, lots of tears and lots of laughter.
On the Sunday afternoon we attended the service (which was open to the public). This was lead by the workshop facilitator as a non-denominational tribute to the losses that have been experienced by people though infertility in all its forms. This was an incredibly powerful moment that really seemed to consolidate and cement the weekend. It for me was a real rite-of-passage from which it is now much easier to look back.
Probably the strongest most cathartic experience was just being among other people who understood my experiences and could empathise with them. This was however remarkably contained by Meredith Wheeler who created a safe, sensitive and respecting, yet adventurous milieu within which participants were able to work.
Work it was, I was amazed by how exhausting yet energising the weekend was. There was so much food for thought, new relationships to consider, exercises to mull over, feedback for my long suffering husband, things I wished I hadn¹t said and things I wished I had. I had never before experienced such complete sadness about my own infertility nor connection with other women. I felt such deep respect for everybody¹s experiences and felt I gained the same back. It was a soulful, humbling and healing encounter that has remained very special and important to me.
I feel now much more able to enjoy my children, much more of a mother and much more complete as a woman.
I cannot recommend this course highly enough for anyone suffering from the pain of infertility or those who still have hopes for successful treatment. Although it was obviously a very individual experience, all of the women on the course felt that they had gained something, for some this was momentous. New friendships have developed and new decisions made and quite literally for some new lives begun.
Meredith Wheeler is running a similar workshop this year; there will also be the memorial service on April 14th. There is also a residential course in June in the South of France for individuals or couples at any stage in their journey though the infertility battlefield. I dare not say too much about that lest you think I have a vested interest, but I do just want to say let yourself have this experience it really is amazing.
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