IVF support for the UK - The Mind/Body/Spirit link with Fertility Problems

Are fertility problems caused solely by physical problems? No. Clearly man factors affect fertility--ranging from the sexual relationship (or lack of it) to hormonal imbalances caused, for example, by stress--which may originate from other spheres of life unrelated to procreation, such as overwork, job dissatisfaction and many other modern sources of tension.

Some women suspect that their fertility problems may be caused--or at least exacerbated--by psychological issues, emotional problems and negative mental attitudes.

What might these issues be? Once we get some clues, we can begin to devise means to heal or remove these blocks to conception and successful pregnancy. This has been one of the key goals for the fertility support groups that I¹ve facilitated for the past decade.

This approach is not meant to replace conventional medical treatment--but to support it by rallying all aspects of the patient to aid the healing process. The holistic perspective accepts that mental, emotional and spiritual dimensions are also relevant to health. A 'disease' on one level
may manifest as a symptom on another.

Over 12 years of working in depth with both individual clients, couples and in group therapy, certain patterns emerged. They clearly don¹t apply to everyone--but seem worth noting.

These factors MAY be linked to sub-fertility is SOME women:

1) Trauma to the genitals or reproductive organs

The can occur through incest, sexual abuse, rape, terminations, miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy or other medical procedures. Even a rough gynaecological examination is experienced by some women as traumatic.

2) Fear of losing control of one's body

Sometimes this fear stems from loss of control connected to incidents of sexual abuse--but it may also be linked to fears about becoming 'fat' (i.e. pregnant) in a society that seems to prize a thin physique.

3) Unresolved issues linked with being adopted

For example, might an adoptive daughter seek (unconsciously) to emulated her adoptive mother (in cases where she was infertile) by also failing to have her own biological child?

4) Traumatic birth

If a woman's birth was painful or difficult for herself and/or her mother, an unconscious barrier may be erected against experiencing a similar event.

It¹s worth exploring what a person's birth experience was like--or at least what they were told about it. Sometimes the family myth is as powerful as the reality.

5) Mixed Motivation for Motherhood

When motivation is explored deeply, many women realise they want a baby as a means to some other ends--such as separating from their own demanding mothers or taking time off from the pressures of a career. These goals are better met by more direct action.

Sometimes women are pushed towards motherhood by parents wanting grandchildren or to keep up with siblings and peers. Disentangling these pressures is helpful.

Societal norms still seem to suggest that 'real woman' have babies--so those who don¹t may struggle with their feminine identity.

6) Sexual Difficulties

These can arise from many sources, ranging from sexual traumas mentioned above to more mundane situations--such as being raised in a sexually repressed and inhibited family.

A tendency to disconnect from the pelvis, cutting off breath and life to that part of the body may negatively affect fertility.

7) Invasive Parenting

If a woman's experience of her own parents or caretakers was that they were invasive--sexually, emotionally or intellectually--she may form an unconscious barrier against anything Oother¹ (such as a foetus) 'invading' the inner space of her body.

8) Soured Perception of Parental Role

This often arises when children are forced inappropriately to 'parent' others. For example, children of parents who are seriously ill or alcoholic may find themselves forced to 'parent' their parents as well as look after younger siblings; or adults may find themselves caring for ailing and demanding elderly parents, creating resentment. The idea of welcoming a dependent infant into the household may seem unattractive.

9) Refusal to Accept Adult Womanhood

A complex area, where many forces may be at work: negative modelling of what it means to be a mature woman, based on observation of the mother or other relevant role models, possibly reinforced by cultural values; fear of growing into sexual maturity because of a sexually intimidating father or close male relation (the girl clings to more child-like ways of being, even to the extent of failing to menstruate); unfulfilled childhood needs for care may result in a woman choosing a partner who serves more as parent than mate, with sexual problems in the background.

10) Negative underlying beliefs

These can be quite global and linked to low self esteem: ‘Everything in life is hard for me.’, ’This may work for other people, but it will never work for me.’ I don¹t deserve a child.’

11) Ambivalent partners

Many husbands/partners of women in groups were ambivalent or negative about the prospect of parenthood. Some refused to marry their partners and one refused to undergo a vasectomy reversal operation. Recent studies seem to indicate that the partner¹s support is important for success.

12) Ungrieved terminations, miscarriages or stillbirths

The emotional effect of pregnancy loss and terminations may be profound in some women. Appropriate grief work is helpful in working through the feelings. There is a role here for suitable ritual.

13) No Nest

For women who are living outside their home cultures or travelling frequently, there may be some difficulty in ‘putting down roots’ and having a family while living abroad, far outside one¹s home culture.

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Of course there are women whose life experiences encompass many of the above factors--yet they succeed in having children. However that doesn¹t negate the possibility that for certain women, these factors may be inhibiting their fertility.

If any of these factors feel familiar, the good news is that they can be consciously addressed through various kinds of therapy. In my own practice, I¹ve witnessed many women do psychological work which seemed to 'clear' something--enabling them finally to conceive and carry a pregnancy to term. Sometimes the pregnancy is achieved with the help of medical
intervention--but in other instances, the pregnancies occur naturally, sometimes after IVF failed repeatedly.

Whether a pregnancy is achieved or not, this therapeutic 'work' is never wasted...In bringing healing to inner wounds, however ancient, we move towards health & well-being--both physically and psychologically; we reduce the likelihood that pain & grief from unhealed wounds linger or go underground, leading to depression or disease.

Obviously some women (including me) never succeed in having children. However the inner healing that takes place in well-run groups endures. We realise we are not isolated and alone; Others are wrestling with similar problems. Our creativity in its broadest sense is affirmed, even if it seems blocked on purely biological dimension.

Something else may be looking for birth on an inner level. This may include the realisation that life has purpose and meaning aside from being a parent. It may involve the unfolding of qualities such as compassion, courage and endurance. In any case, in fertility groups, obstacles that once threatened to overwhelm us shrink into stepping stones leading to significant personal growth. It¹s not necessarily an easy journey, but in a therapeutic group there are companions on the path who support us in the worst moments, teach us by example and encourage us to meet challenges as they arise.

For information about Meredith¹s workshop, contact her at:
St. Martin de Dauzats, Lautrec 81440

France

Tel: (00 33) 5 63 59 11 32
Fax: (00 33) 5 63 59 11 31
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