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Single women going through/considering adoption/fostering

79K views 408 replies 49 participants last post by  Nearly There 
#1 ·
New thread for single women that are going through or considering adoption/fostering.

If you would like a list seperate from the main list, please let me know ;)

Lou
X
 
#377 ·
Hi Baby. lovely to see you over here. do have a good look round - everyone's very friendly. also at the top of the singles page there is a link to a singles parenting section (or click here http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=477.0 ) where there is lots of parenting discussions.
Love Kiz x
 
#378 ·
Hello everyone on here,

How are you all doing?
Kizzi, can't believe your LO has been home 8 months! that has gone so fast.

Well, I am now no longer adopting  :'( :'(  Official letter arrived today from the Dept of Education. After an epic 7.5 years of waiting I have had to withdraw my application to adopt from China, my social worker thought it was not wise considering I now have two kids. Of course I totally understand this decision and agreed with her, although it was hard to actually give up after waiting so long and expecting that one day it would happen.  I haven't ruled out adopting in the UK in a couple of years and will always feel a little sad that I never got to complete my adoption but of course I am utterly grateful that I have my gorgeous LO's.

xxx
 
#379 ·
Oh Lulu, that must be such a bittersweet thing to bear.  Yes, fabulous re your two cherubs, but seven years is a long time to carry forward a dream.  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^


A-Mx
 
#380 ·
Thanks inde, as always you hit the nail on the head!!! But hey no complaining here I know how lucky I am :)
Xxx
 
#381 ·
Its hard to let go of something that has been with us for so long Lulu xxxx
 
#382 ·
Really sorry to see your news Lulu - so hard, especially after such a long wait.
Yes lil man is getting BIG now (i need to go shopping for 2-3yr clothes even though he is only 19mnths as soooo tall - but very slim so lots of adjustable waistbands and dungarees). I am very lucky. Social workers should be going to court to finalise the adoption order on 22nd April then we will go to court a couple of weeks later to make it official.
If any one is thinking of adopting I wld def recommend 15000 kids and counting which is on channel 4 (series started last night) which is all about the process from birth families, foster carers, adopters and social workers.
Love to all, kiz and lil C  x
 
#383 ·
Hello everyone

I've been through various treatments and am now considering DD, although I am now reading more about adoption. I hadn't realised it was possible as a single person, but am pleased to see I was wrong.

I have no idea where to start....Can anyone give me some first contacts to make, eg are there a selection of different agencies to approach?

Many thanks for any info!

Eymet
 
#384 ·
You can look on your local council website to find out about adoption info events or evenings, I also went to one organized by Coram in London because I was interested in concurrent planning (where you look after a newborn baby as a foster carer with view to adopting them after a year). Best of luck xx
 
#385 ·
My friend became a single mum through adoption last yr-She was approved for 0-2 yr old  through her local social services- google your local one they usually have monthly into evening for interested pple to find out more about it x
 
#386 ·
Hi Eymet,
as I understand it (I'm not an adopter although I did look into it in some detail when my tx looked like it was going nowhere), there are two options: your Local Authority (LA) or a Voluntary Agency (VA)
depending on where you are in the country you may be able to apply to more than one LA. this wasn't the case for me, I was told that I had to apply to the one in which I was resident/paid council tax. neighbouring LAs would not pay for me to be assessed
if you look on LA website and search adoption, you'll find the contact details - I found it best to call them, have a chat and then they will send you more info if you want to proceed
with VAs, you can apply to any - so I'd just google and see what you come up with
LA's place children in their own area first and foremost whereas VAs place children from all over, but do tend to have the harder cases that LAs have sometimes failed to place
I was told by my LA that as a single woman I would not get a child 0-2 yrs but if I was able to take on a sibling group or child with disabilities then I would be quite high up the list. But all LAs are different and it depends on your own circumstances and situation too
good luck, am sure one or two of our single adopters will be along soon with some more personal/hands on experience to share :)
Suitcase
x
 
#389 ·
Good luck at panel Starryeyed xxxx
 
#391 ·
Beat of luck Nearly There, what an auspicious date :)
Hope all goes well and you get to meet your little one soon xx
 
#393 ·
Hello all

It's very quite over here.  I guess there are not that many singles around  ;)

Oh well!! Yesterday I received confirmation from the agencies decision maker, so it's all official now, yippee!!

During the week I registered for adoption link, the new online family finding service. They contact your social worker to verify you and I thought oh no more delays. But she must of responded straight away because I was made active the very next day.  Anyway I've made enquiries on a couple of LO's. One of which the SW has already responded and asked for my SW's details. I'll just have to wait and see. 

I know it's still early days but I think this bit is worse than the HS. At least I had a bit of control over what was happening. This just feels never ending 
 
#394 ·
Congratulations Nearlythere. fab news. I really hope one of your enquiries comes to fruition. Its simply fab - can't believe my LO has now been home nearly a year! Will look forward to your updates... Good luck, kiz  and lil C  xx
 
#395 ·
Thanks Kizzi

I looked back through posts and read your story. It is so inspiring  :) I'm so glad that you and lil man are doing well. I can't wait to find my LO and settle into family life.

Having come through the other end of the whole process do you have any advice for me at the family finding stage?  I'm leaning towards a little pink as I have no male role models and feel I may struggle with a blue on my own. How are you finding thing?
 
#396 ·
Hi Nearly there

I was very lucky in that the day after I went to approval panel I was approached about a potential match (who became my son) - I think they had us in mind for each other for a while as he was deemed a difficult to place child due to potential learning disability and for medical reasons but I had always been open to taking a child with additional needs (as it stands though the medical problems have resolved over time and he appears to be progressing well cognitively).

Advice - be open to discussing potentials but with that be honest about what you feel you can cope with and ask lots of questions so you are fully aware of all issues affecting that child. The foster carer always knows more than anyone else as they are taking care of the child 24/7 - they can give you the reality of that child's needs. If there are no immediate matches there is always the regional and national registers, Children Who Wait, Be My Parent and a new service Adoption Link (https://www.********.com/adoptionlinkuk) - it needs to be the right match for you to make it work!

Initially with a boy I worried about role models but the nursery he now attends has a male manager who is very involved and granddad and my 2 brother in laws are involved. Not sure if this will change over time (though interestingly he came from a foster home with all foster sisters and a single parent foster mum so in reality is more used to girls/women). I hope over time to get him involved in groups which also give these opportunities (if he is keen), e.g. scouts, sports groups, etc.

Will be lovely to see your journey to joining us "parents" :)

Love Kiz and Lil C xx

/links
 
#397 ·
Thanks for your response Kizzi, it was very helpful.

Yes I think being honest with what I can cope with is crucial. I enquired about a gorgeous little boy but after hearing more, his needs were clearly above what I could manage on my own :(

I am already on the national register and I've signed up for adoption link. My SW is going to send my profile out to the LA's so I think I'll wait go send if anything comes of that before I consider CWW or BMP.

How lucky for you to be matched so quickly. I take it you were assessed by a LA.  You sound so happy and satisfied. I can't recall reading but are you back at work now?
 
#398 ·
Hi Kizzi

I'm at the family finding stage and I've been looking at profiles and I've seen one CPR. I'm totally overwhelmed and wanted to ask you - how did you choose?

I understand that I need to be comfortable that I can meet the LO's needs but with some profiles that are very similar what is your deciding factor?

I would hear about this 'gut feeling'.  Trouble is I'm not feeling that with any of them  what's worse is that I haven't a clue what to say to my SW, as she is waiting for feedback from me. I feel like such a fusspot but I'm not. I just can't imagine parenting the lovely LO's I've seen so far and I feel so dreadful. I just can't explain it

I'd appreciate any help you can offer xx
 
#399 ·
Hi nearlythere
I only saw two full CPRs  - one whilst i was on prep and Cs profile the day after i went to approval panel. The other profile was for a little girl who had sustained a non accidental head injury at a early age - i chose not to persue any further as her family finder felt she would need someone to be home full time to support her medical needs and i knew this would not be viable as i need to work financially. So the choice was a "head" decision as knew it would not be right for her or me. With Christopher I did not have the infamous "gut feeling" from reading the CPR - but more from meeting his foster care whilst really knew him. My LA has a policy of only showing one CPR at a time (with no photos) for exactly this reason. I wonder if you feel it would help whether you could speak with the children's social workers
 
#400 ·
Or foster cares to be able to get a more realistic picture of them as an individual. Is there anything else which doesn't feel right? - my social worker told me sometimes people are unaware that they have certain preferences until this stage (for example may prefer a younger/older child, a boy/girl, etc).
Good luck, it is all quite emotional!!
Kiz    xx
 
#401 ·
Hi Kizzi

Thanks for coming back to me. I think you hit the nail on the head with your last statement!!

My preference was always for a little girl but I didn't want to completely rule out a boy so I opened my mind to both. However all but one of the profiles I received have been for older boys.  They were all really cute but just didn't feel right for me. Well I slept on it and came to the realisation that as my heart is really set on a little girl I will always have doubts about any boy I look at.

I told my SW that I've decided to concentrate my search on my hearts desire. She mentioned that it may take longer and that a girl may have more complex needs. However this is a really important decision and I'm prepared to wait for the right LO for me.  Who knows in a couple of months I may feel differently but right now this is what I'm feeling.

Thanks again xx
 
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