A New Chat Thread for Twin Mummies bringing up lone twins

[Shooting star]

I really hope I dont upset anyone by posting here but I was not sure where else to post. I am feeling really sad but guilty for feeling this way as you have all been through such difficult situation. Here is my problem. After several years I conceived on clomid and the 7wk scan showed what the con was pretty sure was twins. One strong heart beat and a flickerig one. She requested a rescan at 9weeks to confirm. I had a tiny bleed 3 days before the scan and when scanned only one heart beat was found. I was a bit sad but tried to focus on my other baby. I had 6 near mc and just concentrated on getting my remaining baby through. Although thrilled with my little boy I found early motherhood really hard. Things are much easier now and Ethan is 13months. I have suddenly begun to tihnk of the twin i think i lost and it has really made me sad. I now also feel guilty that I have spent over a year hardly thinking of them. I think thats terrrible. Confused and sad and guilty.

SS

[mini-me]

Hi all,

I've just found this thread.   

Shooting Star - I could have written your post.  I lost DS's twin just over  a year ago and I too, concentrated on the remaining baby.  I haven't even properly cried for the loss - I think it's a self preservation thing.  I know it was only at 7 1/2 weeks but to me, s/he was my baby and it upsets me when people say s/he wasn't really a baby, just a collection of cells (there was a heartbeat, so hardly a collection of cells).  Like you I have began to think about the twin as life with DS gets easier.

Really glad I found this thread as I can talk to people who really understand.

Love mini-me
xxx

[Alison0702]

Hi 

I am having a really hard time and need some support please.

In October 2007 I gave birth to my twin boys at 24+5. After 2 days one of boys Alex, decided to say goodnight after a big bleed in his brain and lungs and passed away in my arms. We had his funeral a week or so after. I cried a little biut, got drunk, then life went back to normal sitting by Christophers incubator worried sick that he was going to die too.
Christopher was very sick for a long time and I didnt think he would make it, but after 4 months in intensive care and after 4 operations, he came home where he belonged.
Life was horrible for months as I didnt enjoy him at all as I thought he was going to die constantly.

I didnt really think much about Alex as I had too much on my plate with looking after Christopher.

Even when Christopher was in hospital, I craved to be pregnant again so last year I had single embryo transfer and got pregnant first time again with another boy. Pregnancy was going well until I hit 22 weeks and my cervix started to shrink so they put 2 emergency stitches in and luckily it kept him in until 38 weeks and he was fine.

I found it a bit hard when I had the new baby home from hosp and I started to feel very depressed. I had really bad days then I was fine, then had more bad days. The bad days were always about losing Alex.

I have a some lovely friends who I met in the hospital, who have twins and that has never bothered me. But on Saturday night I went out with some friends and half of the group were parents of twins so a lot of the talk during the night was about twins.
I woke up yesterday morning and felt totally low and upset and spent most of the day/night/today in tears. I just want my baby back and its not fair.
I really dont know how to cope with this. I was all set to go to the docs this morning but now I dont know what to do.

People say it gets easier but I am finding it is getting worse. I know it is all down to the fact I didnt/couldnt grieve for him as I had Christopher to worry about but I dont think I know how to grieve now its nearly 2 years later.

How have you all coped as you might be able to help me. Sorry if I have waffled on x

[Alison0702]

I take it no-one bothers with this thread anymore..and maybe its not in the right place either cos I have started reading other twin threads and its just made it worse

[dreamer100]

Hi Alison

I have sent you a PM   



Ladies : How is everyone?

[Hugs]

Alison,

Why did you not phone me ? I will tyry calling you just now and i will give you a  and a  you know im feeling the excat same as Daniels special day is this sunday 

Hope i get you on on the phone

Denise
xx

[AggieJ]

Hey Alison,
 

So sorry to hear things are so tough hun. I can only imagine how things are with a new baby too... it must throw up all kinds of things plus am sure you're shattered. I hope your HV has been any use, also have you talked to anyone about PND? I know you're grieving big time still but maybe your hormones are making it feel even worse. I don't know, just a thought. Am sure us mums who've lost a precious baby are prime candidates.

You've been very brave spending time with mums who have both their twins. I know I had to stop seeing a friend who had her twin pregnancy exactly a year after mine... was so scared that they would be born on my boys' birthday or Eddie's anniversary. Also she called them names starting with the same initials which hurt even more! It's so so normal to find seeing twins very difficult and always wondering why you weren't allowed to keep both your babies. More  for you.

I think this thread has gone quiet because we're all in so much pain tbh. I'm starting to realise that the people who've been able to support me the most are those who've lost their babies a bit longer ago. Where things aren't so raw... I feel terrible that I've not posted here and not asked after people for so long but started to find it hard coming on here. There's a multiples thread on the pregnancy loss board and I think the same happens there. I used to use the Sands site but find it makes me feel sadder atm. Re it being on the twins board I know what you mean. I guess we feel that we're twin parents too so this is our home but I'm with you on reading the other twins and more threads.. I've been lurking since I was pregnant and wish I could stop 

I found Sands really good and now I help at meetings rather than going primarily as a bereaved parent. Just great to meet parents at all different stages and to realise this is survivable. I also found Tamba Bereavement Support group were good in that I got a great befriender who'd lost one of her twin boys over 10 years ago... she helped so much. Also, have you had any counselling? I managed to get some free through a charity and went for nearly 18 months (only just stopped  )

Please PM me if you need anything or want to chat.

All love to you and your family

Kate xxxx

[dreamer100]

Kate
I completely agreed with you, I often dont post as its too too.... painful but I am always reading other posts often.




This website is brilliant but sometimes I have to shut off to gather strength and by not posted it seems the easier thing to do.

I want to say thank you to all the kind friends (Kate, Denise, too many to list) I have made and I really appreciate the support from all of you, athough its so sad we have meet in these circumstances.

Not sure if you all know but I am half way through our 2nd IVF cycle FET and due to have FET 14th Sept with ONLY 1 embie this time, its so difficult as it brings back even more emotions but I felt cheated of my pregnancy and want a brother or sister for Sophie.

Michelle

[AggieJ]

Michelle
 

Wishing you all the luck in the world hun. It's a massive step trying again and you're a brave lady. Please PM if you need to chat, I'll not be far away.

Kate xxx

[Hugs]

Hi al,

I'm here for anyone too just give me a shout if anyone needs a chat.

I have Daniels anniversary tomorrow so feeling