* Author Topic: A New Chat Thread for Twin Mummies bringing up lone twins  (Read 48730 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline kitty123

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 115
  • Gender: Female
Thank you Denise for putting me on to this thread. I did see it but wasn't sure if I should post as I was thinking that it was for twin Mummies. I found every story so touching and think this thread will really help me. My story is below.

My little ones were conceived using donor sperm as my dh is infertile. An early scan showed 2 sacs and what looked like 2 heartbeats. We were scared but delighted when our 12 week scan showed triplets. We had scans every other week and, although, Ted was a little small and his water was slightly reduced, all seemed well. I was pretty tired and ill but nothing prepared me for waking up in the middle of the night and feeling a leak at 26+3. I knew straight away that my waters had broken. Dh took me into hospital but I don't think he realised how bad a situation it was. A scan showed 3 lovely heartbeats and trip 1 (kitty) in reduced water but moving around. We were told that the babies were likely to come in the next 24 hours and that they would have a 40% chance of survival. The doctor spoke to us about what we would want to do should they have trouble resusitating babies once they were born bearing in mind he effects oxygen starvation could have. Laying on a bed in the delivery suite I cried and cried.

24 hours came and went, although I had contractions and continued to leak fluid, nothing happened and I was put onto a ward. I held on for another 12 days leaking fluid, each day the midwifes found 3 lovely heartbeats.

I woke up at midnight in a lot of pain and I was hooked up to a machine that traced those 3 lovely heartbeats for 6 hours. At 4 am my cervix was closed but I was still contracting every few minutes. Although no one said it i knew the babies were coming at 28+1 and finally rang my dh. The next few hours were a haze. Suddenly I was 5 cm dilated and rushed into theatre for a c section where around 20 doctors and nurses were ready.

I saw the first baby being passed to a team behind me. Now I know this was Ted and it is the only time I saw him born and alive. Dh could hear that something was wrong and a doctor came over to tell us that 2 babies were fine but they were having difficulty with the smallest and we needed to make a decision. I just said 'Ted' and my Dh went green and fainted. I am ashamed of what happened next. I simply turned my head away. I could hear the staff rousing my dh, I could hear the doctor saying that a decision needed to be made. After a few minutes the doctor came round to see me and asked for a decision. I said, "Let him go." She asked if I wanted to see Ted, I said, "No. later" but she brought him over anyway and I will always be grateful to her. We kissed him and said goodbye. The doctor asked if I wanted to hold Ted and I said. "No. later". Well, later never came and I feel so bad that I didn't cuddle my little boy.

I've just re-read my post through some major tears. I think it's best if I skip to the end! Kitty and Laurie came home on 2/01/09 after 3 months in NICU. It is a relief to see reference on this thread to some of the words and phrases, like CPAP and being home on O2, that became our life for those 3 months. The early days with Kitty were touch and go, and I was convinced she would die too - she was 7lb 7oz a week ago (was 2lb 9oz) and although on O2 she looks as though she'll be off in the next few weeks. We had Ted's funeral 2 weeks after he was born and I thought that it was only the beginning.

I am typing one handed whilst holding Laurie who we think was Ted's identical twin. Laurie was 7lb 10 oz at the last weigh in - he was 2lb 4oz at birth. Both are hard work but gorgeous. They are 5 weeks corrected, holding their heads up on their own, grabbing things, looking around and really active. I just can't wait until I see them smile.

I'm not sure what I will tell K and L. They will know about Ted but will it be too much for Laurie to know that they may have been identical? Luckily we have plenty of time to decide but I would be interested on the thoughts of others.

 ^hugme^ ^hugme^ to all.

Lisa

Offline AggieJ

  • Gold Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1128
  • Gender: Female
Lisa
Masses of  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ for you sweetheart. Your story is completely heart breaking and I'm so so sorry that you lost your goregeous Ted (lovely name!)
Of course you belong here, it may be that the name of the thread needs to be changed? Like all us Mummies you have lost one of your very wanted children who was a multiple. I really really feel for you as your situation is that bit more unusual (in that triplets are rarer than twins), really hope that you have support around you as I can't imagine how hard things must be for you caring for your surviving triplets whilst grieving  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^
It's so hard isn't it? wondering what to tell our surviving children? I worry that I'll get the "balance" right... guess I will follow Jacob's lead at the start. Am sure when the time comes you'll know what to do. I think we'll always worry though  ^hugme^

Please keep in touch hun

Kate xxx

Offline Welshkez

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 81
  • Gender: Female
  • Birthday Boy!!
Hi everyone

Just thought I would pop in and say hi to everyone.

I have had some lovely messages of support from some wonderful people on here even though I am just a 'Nanny'..

Our story is as follows ...

My daughter gave birth to Euan and Imogen on September 5th 08 at 25 + 4 weeks.  Euan was 1lb 7oz and Imogen 1lb 5oz.  Sadly we lost Imogen to NEC when she was just 8 days old, she became an angel on September 13th - the day before my 50th birthday.  She went to sleep in her Mummy's arms and it was the first time that my daughter had been able to hold her.

Euan came home on December 30th 08 after almost 4 months in SBCU.  He is doing so well - currently 7lb 12oz and growing at an amazing rate.  He still has a few small problems in as much as he has ROP which isn't regressing as quick as they would like and also what us 'oldies' call Glue Ear which they will continue to monitor as he grows.

I understand all too well what some of you on this thread are going through and my thoughts and prayers are with you all.

We had Imogen's funeral on September 17th but my daughter still holds on to her ashes - I understand why and I know that when they are ready they will take her somewhere special to all of them.  Dont feel bad about taking your time over funeral arrangements - the right time will become apparent when its right.

Euan has a picture of Imogen in his cot with him and has always had her with him even in SCBU.  Their nursery holds pictures of both of them and also gifts that Imogen had when she was born.  She is part of us and the other half of Euan and will always remain so.  She will keep him safe and look over him all of his life and he will always know her as his sister.

The loss of a child is always hard on all of the family but especially so when they are a mulitple as even when you are feeling very low you have to keep going for your surviving children.

I remember someone telling me when I had my daughter that I should never forget that children are only lent to us and even if its only for a short time to cherish that time.

Love to all of you

Kez xxx

Offline budgie

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 173
  • Gender: Female
Hi all

Kiwit, how are you today?  Your results all fine I hope.

Welshkez, your daughter is so lucky.  I wish my mum was as caring as you.  My family just see it as in the circumstances I should be grateful to have one child.  I am, I just want my other one too.

Kitty  ^hugme^ Ted, bless him, what a gorgeous name for a gorgeous little man.

Hugs, How is Aimee?  Her temperature better?

Aggie, Hope you are well today.  Thanks again for all your support.  I will have a search again online for support groups.  Perhaps theres one somewhere I could get to even if its a long drive.

Dreamer.  Sophie sounds great.  The whole hand washing thing never goes away.  I used to also be obsessed with what Nathan weighs, now I don't give it a second thought but I always have a bottle of dettol to hand!

Even though its weeks away, I've already started worrying about the whole birthday thing.  Last year we got DH parents to do a party the weekend before so we could just turn up to something.  I want to be able to give Nathan a party this year ourselves.  Think we will do.  He deserves it.

Love to all XX



Offline kiwitk

  • Gold Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 630
  • Gender: Female
Hi Everyone,

Just rang the hospital and the test results show no sign of infection which is great news as it means both sets of waters should still be intact.  He continues to be active and kick away although he was very quiet this morning so I couldnt stand it and had to get the doppler out just to make sure the heartbeat was still there and it was still going strong :) 

Tried to leave the house again today as I was worried that I'll develop agoraphobia if I'm not careful - havent left the house since they gave us the news last wednesday except to go to the hospital.  It's the second day I've tried and chickened out.  Only made it 3 steps yesterday, today I made it 6 steps, but felt my feet slipping on the snow on step 3, and then again as I stepped down onto the first stair of the decking and that was it for me - panicked and went back into the house.  Somehow I feel that he'll be safe if I just stay indoors, mad I know.  Fortunately I have a great hubby who despite working a full day stopped at the supermarket on the way home to restock and even then cooked dinner when he finally made it home.

Hearing everyones stories and reading others on the internet I've come to realise how incredibly lucky I am that the death of his sister at such a late stage didn't trigger the birth of them both, and that he is able to stay in there to keep growing.  Long may it continue.  So hopefully the doppler scan will go well next wed and show that he's growing and getting good nourishment.

How sad it is that there are so many Twin Mummies mourning the loss of a child, but nice that there is a place where we can share information and experiences..  Budgie if you decide to have a party for Nathan let me know, I have some left over stock from a little shop I used to have and have some gorgeous fabric bunting for birthday parties, I'd be thrilled to send you some if you'd like :)

Welcome Kez - It would be great to get any advice from you on how I could best support my parents, they are on the other side of the world and these twins were to be their first grandchildren, I know they are in great pain too but trying so hard to be strong for me.

Lisa welcome - your story broke my heart, but I'm so glad your two are doing well, Ted will always be with you and your girls as a guardian angel.  I'm struggling with what to tell our little boy (if we are lucky enough for him to make it) about his sister too, I think in the end we'll have to tell him about her as I want to always have her existence acknowledged in our lives even though she never got to draw breath.

Denise I'm going to ask about steriod injections when we are in for the scan next week and see what they say :)

It's snowing here again today - hope you all have a lovely weekend.

Tris xx

Offline Hugs

  • WILL ALWAYS BE A TWIN MUMMY
  • VIP Member Sponsor
  • *
  • Posts: 1112
  • Gender: Female
  • Please let this happen
Hello all,

Just a wee quick one.


Kez - I know i have spoke to you b4. I also have Daniels ashes and i don't think we will ever be able to let them go. We were going to get them made into a neckless for Aimee but to get a blue one made it takes 6 months and costs 10,000 yes thats TEN THOUSAND   :o. I'm glad to hear the wee or should i say big man is well. Aimee had ROP and had laser surgery she also had the heart surgery that the big man had too.


Aimee's birthday is the 17th of September so Aimee and Imogen share a special day.


Kiwitk -  Glad to hear the tests were all clear.


The twins were also my mum and dads 1st grandchildren well really they were meant to be the last born as my sister and brothers g/f was pregnant too, infact we just had a baby shower a few days before i lost Daniel. It was a great day and millions of baby clothes and there was double for me  :'( all Daniels clothes are still up in Aimee's room as i just cant bare to put them away  :'( god it hurts so much. My mum came to all our scans and on the day things started she took me to the hospital so my mum is very traumatised by what happened, she cries alto but she is the only one who talks about him, my dad just says "we have Aimee" which yes i do know but i want my son her brother to be talked about too. I was due Xmas eve 2007 and my sister was due 0ct 07 so after i had my twins i took a dislike to my sister and i know how wrong it was but i was so angry and believe it or not she had a boy  :'(. I have only just started being able too take a interest in them and even the other week we went out together and put the 2 car seats in her car and god when i looked back and saw them in there car seats i wished so much it could of been my Daniel there. I guess I'm slowly getting to know my sister again.

Lisa - Hows your wee ones today ?


Aggie - You OK ? Hows the wee man ?

Budgie - Hello. Yeah Aimee's temp back to normal thanks for asking but now she has a wee cold but coping fab. I always use to panic when she got a cold and i would imagine all sorts but over the last wee while i have began to accept that she cant fight anything that life throws at her. she is such a wee star. :)


Well my princess Aimee is having a wee nap so best go and get ready.

Love to you all
Denise+Aimee
xx












Offline AggieJ

  • Gold Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1128
  • Gender: Female
Hello Kez. Lovely to have you here. I can't get over what a lovely, supportive Mum and Grandma you are... it will help your family so much to have you there. I am just so sorry you lost your precious grand-daughter  ^hugme^ ^hugme^, I hope you get some support and tlc too as I know that grandparents suffer a great deal when a baby dies, and the focus is usually on their daughter or son. The picture of Euan is just adorable btw, he's a real poppet!

Kiwi - thinking of you loads and so pleased your results were clear. I'm not surprised you don't feel like facing the outside world just now... you've just had the most devastating news hun, and are most likely in shock. Please go really easy on yourself and I hope you've got someone you can talk to. We're here too remember ^hugme^

Denise -  ^hugme^ I really relate to your story about your sister and so pleased things have got a little better. It must have been incredibly difficult, her having a son when she did  ^hugme^ ^hugme^
I know it's not the same but I have a friend I've known for about 14 years and I just can't see her. She spent awful 6 years being unable to conceive, had IUIs which didn't work and had her first cycle of IVF exactly a year after us (almost to the day!) Lo and behold it worked (great!) but I KNEW it would happen, she got pg with twins. I feel horrible but I can't face her and have written to her... she's been so understanding about it too. It was like torture though, she was going through her pregnancy exactly a year after mine, finished work about the same time and gave birth just after Eddie's anniversary. I'm even jealous that she got to 38 weeks and also had frosties... I hate myself for it as she went through hell, but it's as it is I guess  :-\
Glad Aimee is on the mend  :)

Lisa -  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^

Michelle - hope you're ok  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ Thinking of you today on Sophie's christening and remembering your beautiful Millie too xx

Emma - You will know how to mark your boys birthday when the time comes, and your family will develop traditions as the years go on. Everyone told me the build-up would be worse, and it was. We had a big party for Jacob and to remember Eddie. We hired a lovely venue, invited 70 people and had a balloon release... It was beautiful and we got everyone to write their messages twice so that we had a copy to put in Eddie's memory box and to show Jacob. I can't tell you how much we dreaded the day, but my instincts told me it was the right thing for us and it was. I'll never forget it, we felt so loved and it was great to have people talking about Eddie again... the best thing is that it was really cathartic both for DH and I, but also for other family and friends. Sending you a big  ^hugme^ and I hope you find some support really soon

Still feeling a bit flat. On Wed, found out our hopes of having a brother or sister for Jacob were a bit slimmer than I thought. It's NOT beyond the realms of possibility, but I'm 39 and will only consider eSET as more twins wouldn't be right for us. I thought as we got 11 embryos at our 1st cycle we'd have a good chance of going to blast but it seems not. Have found out that the 2 which went back were very good quality and the others not great.  However, have to try to stay positive as each cycle is different and who knows?

Thinking of you all

Kate xxx



Offline Hugs

  • WILL ALWAYS BE A TWIN MUMMY
  • VIP Member Sponsor
  • *
  • Posts: 1112
  • Gender: Female
  • Please let this happen
Hi,

Kate - Have you definitely decided to start tx then ?  Remember all it takes is ONE and I'm sure you wee angel will watch over you.  :) ^hugme^

Well time for me to be honest. I'm totally miserable and have been for months. The only joy i have in my life is Aimee. My wee mum is away a Caribbean cruise with my dad so I'm missing her loads but it goes deeper than just that. I set up another thread as me and my DH were just not the same anymore and i saw a text that he was sending to another girl which had things like "your the most beautiful person in the world" and "fate has stopped us being together again" He told me this text was all a joke to the girl DH but i know it was no joke but i do believe in my heart nothing actully happened with this girl. It was as if he tried and she rejected him. I got  lots of help form this site but decided to delete the thread. My DH left on NYD then to cut a long story short came back and told me tough as it was half his house too (fair enough) but he slept on the couch until he came to me 3 weeks ago and said that he loved me so much and loved me as his wife and previously he said he dint know if he loved me as his wife or sister (yuck!!) so however i decided OK but i know i my heart i don't want him so i told him he was going to fast for me and we had to slow things downs as so much had been said and done in the previous months. This seems to have cause loads of bother and he is being nasty again but i am too cause i know we just cant ever get back the love we had, i mean somewhere in my broken heart i do love him but if you asked me to write 3 reasons why i would not know what to write down. I seem to have headaches all the time and feel sick, i cant eat so therefor tired all the time and feel and look awful. He doesn't help me with Aimee but TBH i wouldn't trust him with her. I'm sitting downstairs and he is upstairs watching TV. I just cant live my life like this anymore.  I don't even know what i want any of you to say but maybe its cause i'm so traumatised by Daniels awful birth and Aimee's journey of 6 months in ITU that im blocking him out my life. i just don't know but what i do know is that only i can do something about it. I ether sit and fade away to nothing by not eaten or give myself a kick up the bum and move on but i just cant get over the fact that my life was just not meant to turn out this way.

Well thats made me feel better  :) sorry i know this threads not about my problem  but maybe one of you can relate to it ?

Well i cant smell a lovely aroma coming from my princess so best go and get to it. Kiwi - you have this to look forward to  :)

Offline AggieJ

  • Gold Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1128
  • Gender: Female
Denise  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^

You need a lot of hugs I think  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^

Am so sorry that you're going through all this with DH too. I'm not very good at advice and I'm sure that's not why you posted... However, can only think that all that's happened to you both has left you both with such low reserves of anything. It's bl**dy difficult grieving, caring for a small baby and also looking after your relationship. I know I've worried loads over the months that I couldn't feel anymore, and that all I cared about was Jacob. It's got better slowly thankfully, but we definitely took a battering and I reckon lots of couples do in the circumstances.
It's hard as a lot of men don't talk as much as us, and struggle with the grieving so much as a result. I know that my DH felt that there wasn't any support for Dads, that it was all focused on the Mum, and that he was expected to be "strong"... he has a point! Have you and your DH got counselling since Daniel died? Not necessarily as a couple but as individuals?
Sorry your Mum's away too, when is she back? You really don't need this on top of everything else. I just hope that you can get a bit of help and that things are salvageable.
Please take care and keep in touch with us

Kate xxxx

Offline kiwitk

  • Gold Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 630
  • Gender: Female
Oh Denise   ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^

You are having such a crap time of it, I'm so sorry, only wish you lived down here in the South and I could give you a big hug.

As if the situation with the babies wasn't bad enough you are now trying to deal with your relationship as well at a time that you'd ordinarily be relying on that for support.  I went through something similiar with my first husband, had my suspicions (which he denied initially) but eventually had to admit to the affair, but not the 2nd one which I also knew about and was testing his honesty on!  It was that that was the death knell of the relationship for me. We had tried counselling but throughout he was having these affairs. 
I guess from my own experience I'd say that's a very strange text to be sending, you need him to be honest with you so that you have all the information and can decide if this was a one off that you can get over or whether you feel trust is irrevocably damaged.  With my now partner I accidently came across some emails he and a woman had been exchanging, los of very heavy flirting and  talk of meeting up.  I confronted him and there was a big barney about it, even escorted him to work the next morning so that I could read his work emails - I just had to know.  He told me it started out as silly flirting and had got out of hand but that nothing physical had occurred.  I chose to believe this but did give him the very distant treatment for about a month till I decided that it was worth continuing, that was in our first year together and now 11 years later we are still together and no more blips. 
So the big thing is whether you can believe and trust in him from here forward, and whether you still have enough feeling to want to.  Remember though that you've had such a hugely emotional time lately that it might be hard to know your true feelings at the moment.  If you dont want to try couples counselling sometimes just going on your own is useful to help sort out your own thoughts.  I did that back with number one and it was really useful to speak to someone without any emotional involvement with either of us.  Eventually once the decision was made I did tell my parents, but of course from that point on they hated husb 1 for what he'd done, so if i'd told them before making the decision and decided to stay with him then their relationship would have always been damaged.....

If you are not able to eat or sleep properly you might want to see your GP too, as you've been through a lot lately....

God - I've really gone on and on here..... always around if you want to talk over the phone :)

For me I actually managed to leave the house yesterday with hubbys help so nice to get som fresh air, we decided yesterday that we are going to name our wee girl Eden, still working on a boys name.

Be well everyone xx

Kiwi

 

* Search


Free Butterfly PIN

Butterfly Pin

Everyone who donates, gets a free discrete butterfly pin.
Many of our members are using these to help spot each other at clinics and group meetups!


Recent Topics


Amazon top seller!

SimplePortal 2.3.5 © 2008-2012, SimplePortal