* Author Topic: A New Chat Thread for Twin Mummies bringing up lone twins  (Read 52911 times)

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Offline Hugs

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Hello all,

Just a wee quick one.

Kez - I know i have spoke to you b4. I also have Daniels ashes and i don't think we will ever be able to let them go. We were going to get them made into a neckless for Aimee but to get a blue one made it takes 6 months and costs 10,000 yes thats TEN THOUSAND   :o. I'm glad to hear the wee or should i say big man is well. Aimee had ROP and had laser surgery she also had the heart surgery that the big man had too.

Aimee's birthday is the 17th of September so Aimee and Imogen share a special day.

Kiwitk -  Glad to hear the tests were all clear.

The twins were also my mum and dads 1st grandchildren well really they were meant to be the last born as my sister and brothers g/f was pregnant too, infact we just had a baby shower a few days before i lost Daniel. It was a great day and millions of baby clothes and there was double for me  :'( all Daniels clothes are still up in Aimee's room as i just cant bare to put them away  :'( god it hurts so much. My mum came to all our scans and on the day things started she took me to the hospital so my mum is very traumatised by what happened, she cries alto but she is the only one who talks about him, my dad just says "we have Aimee" which yes i do know but i want my son her brother to be talked about too. I was due Xmas eve 2007 and my sister was due 0ct 07 so after i had my twins i took a dislike to my sister and i know how wrong it was but i was so angry and believe it or not she had a boy  :'(. I have only just started being able too take a interest in them and even the other week we went out together and put the 2 car seats in her car and god when i looked back and saw them in there car seats i wished so much it could of been my Daniel there. I guess I'm slowly getting to know my sister again.

Lisa - Hows your wee ones today ?

Aggie - You OK ? Hows the wee man ?

Budgie - Hello. Yeah Aimee's temp back to normal thanks for asking but now she has a wee cold but coping fab. I always use to panic when she got a cold and i would imagine all sorts but over the last wee while i have began to accept that she cant fight anything that life throws at her. she is such a wee star. :)

Well my princess Aimee is having a wee nap so best go and get ready.

Love to you all

Offline AggieJ

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Hello Kez. Lovely to have you here. I can't get over what a lovely, supportive Mum and Grandma you are... it will help your family so much to have you there. I am just so sorry you lost your precious grand-daughter  ^hugme^ ^hugme^, I hope you get some support and tlc too as I know that grandparents suffer a great deal when a baby dies, and the focus is usually on their daughter or son. The picture of Euan is just adorable btw, he's a real poppet!

Kiwi - thinking of you loads and so pleased your results were clear. I'm not surprised you don't feel like facing the outside world just now... you've just had the most devastating news hun, and are most likely in shock. Please go really easy on yourself and I hope you've got someone you can talk to. We're here too remember ^hugme^

Denise -  ^hugme^ I really relate to your story about your sister and so pleased things have got a little better. It must have been incredibly difficult, her having a son when she did  ^hugme^ ^hugme^
I know it's not the same but I have a friend I've known for about 14 years and I just can't see her. She spent awful 6 years being unable to conceive, had IUIs which didn't work and had her first cycle of IVF exactly a year after us (almost to the day!) Lo and behold it worked (great!) but I KNEW it would happen, she got pg with twins. I feel horrible but I can't face her and have written to her... she's been so understanding about it too. It was like torture though, she was going through her pregnancy exactly a year after mine, finished work about the same time and gave birth just after Eddie's anniversary. I'm even jealous that she got to 38 weeks and also had frosties... I hate myself for it as she went through hell, but it's as it is I guess  :-\
Glad Aimee is on the mend  :)

Lisa -  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^

Michelle - hope you're ok  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ Thinking of you today on Sophie's christening and remembering your beautiful Millie too xx

Emma - You will know how to mark your boys birthday when the time comes, and your family will develop traditions as the years go on. Everyone told me the build-up would be worse, and it was. We had a big party for Jacob and to remember Eddie. We hired a lovely venue, invited 70 people and had a balloon release... It was beautiful and we got everyone to write their messages twice so that we had a copy to put in Eddie's memory box and to show Jacob. I can't tell you how much we dreaded the day, but my instincts told me it was the right thing for us and it was. I'll never forget it, we felt so loved and it was great to have people talking about Eddie again... the best thing is that it was really cathartic both for DH and I, but also for other family and friends. Sending you a big  ^hugme^ and I hope you find some support really soon

Still feeling a bit flat. On Wed, found out our hopes of having a brother or sister for Jacob were a bit slimmer than I thought. It's NOT beyond the realms of possibility, but I'm 39 and will only consider eSET as more twins wouldn't be right for us. I thought as we got 11 embryos at our 1st cycle we'd have a good chance of going to blast but it seems not. Have found out that the 2 which went back were very good quality and the others not great.  However, have to try to stay positive as each cycle is different and who knows?

Thinking of you all

Kate xxx

Offline Hugs

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Kate - Have you definitely decided to start tx then ?  Remember all it takes is ONE and I'm sure you wee angel will watch over you.  :) ^hugme^

Well time for me to be honest. I'm totally miserable and have been for months. The only joy i have in my life is Aimee. My wee mum is away a Caribbean cruise with my dad so I'm missing her loads but it goes deeper than just that. I set up another thread as me and my DH were just not the same anymore and i saw a text that he was sending to another girl which had things like "your the most beautiful person in the world" and "fate has stopped us being together again" He told me this text was all a joke to the girl DH but i know it was no joke but i do believe in my heart nothing actully happened with this girl. It was as if he tried and she rejected him. I got  lots of help form this site but decided to delete the thread. My DH left on NYD then to cut a long story short came back and told me tough as it was half his house too (fair enough) but he slept on the couch until he came to me 3 weeks ago and said that he loved me so much and loved me as his wife and previously he said he dint know if he loved me as his wife or sister (yuck!!) so however i decided OK but i know i my heart i don't want him so i told him he was going to fast for me and we had to slow things downs as so much had been said and done in the previous months. This seems to have cause loads of bother and he is being nasty again but i am too cause i know we just cant ever get back the love we had, i mean somewhere in my broken heart i do love him but if you asked me to write 3 reasons why i would not know what to write down. I seem to have headaches all the time and feel sick, i cant eat so therefor tired all the time and feel and look awful. He doesn't help me with Aimee but TBH i wouldn't trust him with her. I'm sitting downstairs and he is upstairs watching TV. I just cant live my life like this anymore.  I don't even know what i want any of you to say but maybe its cause i'm so traumatised by Daniels awful birth and Aimee's journey of 6 months in ITU that im blocking him out my life. i just don't know but what i do know is that only i can do something about it. I ether sit and fade away to nothing by not eaten or give myself a kick up the bum and move on but i just cant get over the fact that my life was just not meant to turn out this way.

Well thats made me feel better  :) sorry i know this threads not about my problem  but maybe one of you can relate to it ?

Well i cant smell a lovely aroma coming from my princess so best go and get to it. Kiwi - you have this to look forward to  :)

Offline AggieJ

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Denise  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^

You need a lot of hugs I think  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^

Am so sorry that you're going through all this with DH too. I'm not very good at advice and I'm sure that's not why you posted... However, can only think that all that's happened to you both has left you both with such low reserves of anything. It's bl**dy difficult grieving, caring for a small baby and also looking after your relationship. I know I've worried loads over the months that I couldn't feel anymore, and that all I cared about was Jacob. It's got better slowly thankfully, but we definitely took a battering and I reckon lots of couples do in the circumstances.
It's hard as a lot of men don't talk as much as us, and struggle with the grieving so much as a result. I know that my DH felt that there wasn't any support for Dads, that it was all focused on the Mum, and that he was expected to be "strong"... he has a point! Have you and your DH got counselling since Daniel died? Not necessarily as a couple but as individuals?
Sorry your Mum's away too, when is she back? You really don't need this on top of everything else. I just hope that you can get a bit of help and that things are salvageable.
Please take care and keep in touch with us

Kate xxxx

Offline kiwitk

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Oh Denise   ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^

You are having such a crap time of it, I'm so sorry, only wish you lived down here in the South and I could give you a big hug.

As if the situation with the babies wasn't bad enough you are now trying to deal with your relationship as well at a time that you'd ordinarily be relying on that for support.  I went through something similiar with my first husband, had my suspicions (which he denied initially) but eventually had to admit to the affair, but not the 2nd one which I also knew about and was testing his honesty on!  It was that that was the death knell of the relationship for me. We had tried counselling but throughout he was having these affairs. 
I guess from my own experience I'd say that's a very strange text to be sending, you need him to be honest with you so that you have all the information and can decide if this was a one off that you can get over or whether you feel trust is irrevocably damaged.  With my now partner I accidently came across some emails he and a woman had been exchanging, los of very heavy flirting and  talk of meeting up.  I confronted him and there was a big barney about it, even escorted him to work the next morning so that I could read his work emails - I just had to know.  He told me it started out as silly flirting and had got out of hand but that nothing physical had occurred.  I chose to believe this but did give him the very distant treatment for about a month till I decided that it was worth continuing, that was in our first year together and now 11 years later we are still together and no more blips. 
So the big thing is whether you can believe and trust in him from here forward, and whether you still have enough feeling to want to.  Remember though that you've had such a hugely emotional time lately that it might be hard to know your true feelings at the moment.  If you dont want to try couples counselling sometimes just going on your own is useful to help sort out your own thoughts.  I did that back with number one and it was really useful to speak to someone without any emotional involvement with either of us.  Eventually once the decision was made I did tell my parents, but of course from that point on they hated husb 1 for what he'd done, so if i'd told them before making the decision and decided to stay with him then their relationship would have always been damaged.....

If you are not able to eat or sleep properly you might want to see your GP too, as you've been through a lot lately....

God - I've really gone on and on here..... always around if you want to talk over the phone :)

For me I actually managed to leave the house yesterday with hubbys help so nice to get som fresh air, we decided yesterday that we are going to name our wee girl Eden, still working on a boys name.

Be well everyone xx


Offline dreamer100

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Hi all

Have been trying to catch up on all your posts, the christening & Sophie have taken up all my time.  Yesterday was perfect, a sunny day with a clear sky and a covering of snow in the distance fields.  The service was lovely and we had some readings and prays for our precious Millie, I managed just one tear as I wanted it to be a happy day. We all said a pray for all our babies that we have been taken too soon.  After the service I visited the grave and put the most colourfull pink & yellow roses with the support of my hubby and godmother & family. Our fairy godmother was our ITU nurse who befriended us and I believe it was fate we met, she is one in a million and I managed to talk to her about the future.

I know Sophie is so young, but its so hard to find a healthily balance about the right time to tell her !!!!  I want her to be her own person and her birthdays to be happy but I don't want to forget Millie so I will have to work this one out in time.

I am so pleased to have read yr posts and realised that I am not on my own, like the funeral Millie died on 14th July but because Sophie was so critical I wanted them to be together again so we didn't have the funeral for over 3 weeks. I felt guilty at the time but now i understand it was the right thing to do, its just so sad we as mothers are put in this situation

Anyway thats enough about me !!!!! I'd be here all day..........................

Denise - Hope you got my pm the other day and if you ever want to chat - I am here.
My sister was due with her baby 12 days after our twins due date.  Its so hard as Sophie and her baby are the same weight, almost always in pink and my mum forgets sometimes but when we went shopping she brought them both the same outfits. I started demanding in the shop I didn't want the same clothes but she just didn't get it, that hurt so so much .  I know my mum doesn't mean to upset me but she always puts them in the moses basket together and I always think thats what it would have been like !!!! snuggled up just the two of them. I try to avoid trips out with my sister as everyone says what lovely babies - twins ???

Kiwitk --Eden - What a beautiful name meaning - pleasure / garden of peace.  So pleased no sign of infection and you have ventured out. Hang in there little one  ^pray^ ^pray^

Aggie - Never give up, your embryos must be to the minimum standard or they wouldn't have frozen them, so think positive  ^reiki^. I would like to go for FET in January next year but would only have one embryo put back. I know we were given the choice about having 2 put back but I dont think it was stressed to me how risky a twin pregnancy was which I am annoyed about.

Oooppssss - must go as some little madam is stirring - will catch up again tomorrow -

Offline AggieJ

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Budgie -  :-\  ^hugme^ I've never heard that comment before, that's really unfortunate that she said that to you...
 I totally agree about the overthinking too  ^hugme^. Are you back at work at all? Or are you at home atm? I've had to go back p/t while DH looks after Jacob and although it was awful at first I have to say that I think a bit less when I'm there. I'm a teacher so there's NO way the kids will give me a moment to myself which can be great  :). Not so clever when you'd like to have an off day though.

Dreamer - really glad that the sun shone for you on Saturday  :), the christening sounds really moving. Great that your nurse has kept in touch with you too...

Kiwi - thinking of you a lot right now. I hope you're as ok as you can be  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^

No news here really. Four molars are on their way, so a certain little boy is keeping us informed!! He's been an enthusiastic teether since he was 3 months old, and we've got 12 more to come  ^scared^.
 Told one of SLT about doing more tx (why do we have to inform people when we're trying to conceive?!  ^bigbad^), I really didn't want to but may have to take a day or 2 off for EC, and last time I coasted which meant many morning scans... I have to say he looked faintly irritated but I'm sure I'm being paranoid. I just wanted to shout at him, "Yes, I wish I could just do it the normal way like the majority of your staff!!!"  ^bigbad^ ^bigbad^ ^bigbad^ He has 4 or 5 kids btw! I can't believe this IF lark is doing my head in already and I've not even started sniffing  ;D ;D ;D Heaven help us!

Big  ^hugme^ for everyone. Hope you're all ok x

Offline kiwitk

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Hi Girls,

Good news - Had the doppler scan today and it went really well, was really pleased as it was our actual Consultant Miss Deans who did the scan so I tend to trust her more than a sonographer. 

Baby has lots of fluid around him and really good blood flow, so would appear to be progressing normally and getting all the nutrients and oxygen he needs, his measurements are within normal ranges and he has all the signs he should have at this stage - fluid in the stomach and bladder etc..internal organs etc look good, and the 'danger' period for miscarriage after the death of his sibling has now passed - so the Consultant is fairly happy that he should now just proceed as a normal singleton pregnancy and hopefully there will be no more complications.

Big weight off our shoulders - although I'll be even more relaxed once he's got past 28 weeks :)  He's currently lying head down towards the pelvis with his butt sticking out on my right hand side and his legs on the left, which explains why I'm feeling most of the kicks to my left lately :)  I have another routine scan in 3-4 weeks and the diabetes tests on the 15th march an well as bloods so everything seems to be being monitored closely.

Thanks to everyone for your support - onwards and upwards (or should I say outwards??) from here... 

Hope the sunshine is helping put a sunnier feeling in everyones heart - we have a lovely day down here today, lots of sunshine and blue skies finally melting off that snow.

Love to all xx

Offline Hugs

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Hello all,

Not been on for a few day as things awful here but anyway.

Kiwi - Fantastic news.  :-* :-* :-*

Well Aimee is back to normal now and got hopefully her last RSV jag on Tuesday. My mum usually comes with me and holds her but as my mum is on a Caribbean cruise i had to go myself and this is where I'm such a bad mummy, i had to ask the nurse to hold her  :'( :'( and now i feel so bad AGAIN!!! I have seen her go through much worse that a jag but i just cant bring myself to hold her when she gets any of her jags  :'(

Hope everyone else and there LO's are well


Offline kitty123

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Hi all,

Just a quick post as my 2 had their 3rd mmr yesterday and are by turns grizzly/sleepy. Lovely HV called and said it was normal, thank goodness. I know I'm a paranoid mum but who can blame me - I imagine I'm not the only one on this thread. Like everyone here I have ups and downs. Often I cry when I look at my surviving little boy. Will need to start unpacking all the clothes I had packed away in preparation for the triplets. 2 of most of the boys things - I feel sick thinking about it.

Denise - Sorry to hear things are rough at mo.  ^hugme^You sound so strong.

Kiwitk - Great news  :)

Budgie - I'm a bit housebound at moment too. Kitty and Laurie are 4 months but still small (8lb 8oz and 9lb 2oz). K is on home o2 as well as being small. I join a parent group in March and am already a bit nervy which the old Lisa would never have been.

Aggie - I can totally empathise. My boss even asked what sort of treatment we were having!

Lol to all,


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