* Author Topic: OneDayAtATime ICSI#1+#2 BFN (DH-Azoospermia) Off to ARGC for #3! BFP-Twins!  (Read 19318 times)

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Offline OneDayAtATime

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I'm 28 and DH is 38. I've got no known fertility problems.
 
In June 2009 he had a sperm analysis test as we'd been TTC, with no luck. We laughed and giggled about him having to go and 'produce' a sample at the hospital... Then the results came back - zero sperm. We were utterly shocked, lost, confused and mostly heartbroken. I vividly remember typing in "no sperm in semen" into Google and one website saying our options were "donor sperm or acceptance of childlessness". Devastated. They did a second SA, same results.
 
The weeks that followed involved us both walking around in a daze, not quite sure how to deal with what we'd found out, how to deal with life, other people or each other. It was awful.
 
We were referred to the Infertility Team at the hospital, all DH's hormone, genetics, CF tests came back normal. They assumed that this meant there was a blockage and we were referred to the Urologist. After lots of lost referalls, lost letters, delays and lots of waiting, they decided to operate with the primary goal of retriving sperm to freeze and also having a look around for any blockages. After another 3 month wait they cancelled the operation the day before, again we were utterly bereft. Anyway, finally the operation was carried out and after nervously waiting for the results, we were over the moon, when we were told that they had recovered lots of sperm! 16 Straws if that means anything to you! They didn't find the blockage to mend, but hey ho.

In the year before DH's operation, we have become stronger than ever before, I know it's a cliche but he has been my rock, after the first week of finding out, he's constantly been positive, strong, brave and has done absolutely everything he could to make it happen (acupuncture, supplements, no drinking for 4 months!) It's all made me love him and admire him more than ever.
 
So, now we're having our ICSI treatment. We both feel SO lucky to be at this stage it's like a complete gift. After the year that's gone, the relief to even be here is just so wonderful. We're at the start of this journey but a year ago, when I typed into Google, we really didn't think we'd ever get here.
 
I'm writing this diary for two reasons, mainly because on those dark awful times when we'd just found out, reading about someone further along the road really helped me and also so I have somewhere to rant!
 
All baby dust and bubbles greatfully received!
 
Here we go... x x x

Offline OneDayAtATime

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Day 16 D/R

I've been pretty up and down with the D/R, first week I was pretty loopy, miserable, forgetful and tired. Second week not so bad at all.. Last couple of days I've been tired and forgetful. But it's all basically up and down. It hasn't been half as bad as I imagined so far, the injections are absolutely fine, which I'm grateful for.

I have days where I can't stop eating though, today has been one of them. My jeans are tight after 2 weeks of this! Keep reminding myself can't do all this and not have a bit of chocolate here and there!!

On countdown to my first scan on 25th August.

Night night x

Offline OneDayAtATime

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Day 17 D/R

What a funny day, had a nice restful day off today went out with some friends. Very relaxing until we went to pay, I couldn't find my purse! Lots of panic from me and worry. When I got home I'd obviously left it here but I feel so confused and cotton wool headed. I'm so worried about what I'm going to forget next! Very frustrating to feel out of control of your own brain, but on the plus side, no hot sweats today and had a lovely night's sleep last night, so yay!

Onwards and upwards, not long now... x

Offline OneDayAtATime

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Day 21 D/R

Wow time passes quickly sometimes doesn't it? I've been so busy with work that I feel like I've been neglecting obsessing about the treatment for the last few days. Not sure if that makes sense. Maybe it's better to be busy. Symptom wise I've had a good few days, hardly any. I can't wait for my scan, I'm so excited to be hopefully getting to the next stage. Off to have a rest, drink some milk and have a bath while I still can!

Offline OneDayAtATime

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Day 23 D/R

Oh dear, I had a bit of a meltdown last night. Burst into tears and really couldn't stop crying. DH is so supportive and yet sometimes I still feel really alone, it's only me that can feel the cotton wool brain, sore, bruised tummy and tiredness. Not that I would want him to have to. I cried and cried while he hugged me for ages. Sometimes the weight of it all just gets a bit much 'eh? Weirdly I felt better afterwards.

Onwards and upwards! I downloaded a meditation thingy for my iPod the other day. I used it on Saturday night and appart from the weird echoy man's voice and sound effects, I think I quite like it. I did it again this morning, it is super relaxing. I will try and carry on until I start listening to my Zita West CD, which I think I start during Stims. Not long now hopefully!

Lots of love and thanks to this lovely site for keeping me (partially) sane x x x

Offline OneDayAtATime

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Day 25 D/R

Finally my baseline scan today! I can't remember whether I mentioned before, but it's a week late as they couldn't fit me in last week for a scan, so I hope I'm well and truly shut down today. I am also, weirdly, looking forward to getting some hormones back into me. I've been tired, grumpy, completely forgetful, confused and just a bit weird! BUT in lots of ways, not as bad as I expected. Injections not too bad (have moved to my leg now so tummy less sore) and not a lot of grumpy screaming and shouting. AND it will all be worth it!

Really thinking of all the other ladies on the same journey as me today, sending them lots of good vibes and love x x x

Offline OneDayAtATime

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Tx Day 26
Stims Day 2

Scan all good, grumpy nurse but all ok. Did a Menopur whilst there and another this morning, felt nervous doing it this morning as she had made it seem so complicated. But it was fine. No effects yet. Yay (although hope it's doing it's stuff!)

Feeling a bit less bloated today, weird, can it be some hormones back in me again I wonder? Or maybe I've just got used to having my belt further open?!

Not to repeat myself, but I did post earlier on the treatment this month thread, a stupid friend phoned me today and told me a mutual friend was pregnant. But NO sensitivity whatsoever. All of this makes me realise and appreciate those people that have shown true kindness, thoughtfulness and understand. Unfortunately she isn't one. I've gain a new friend this year and she has been so special to me whilst this is going on, taking me out for treats, cheering me up, making me laugh. Funny how people come into your life sometimes just when you need them?

When I went to the clinic yesterday, I stopped in the chappel. I pass it on my way out and I just sat quietly for a minute and had a little prayer. Not normally religious but it felt so comforting in there. Peaceful and welcoming. I read the prayer book, where people ask for prayers. It was so moving, I had to stop reading. Some people have such complete sadness, lots of people remembering lost loved ones and children and I felt so lucky to have this opportunity. Must remember that in the dark times! (Not always that easy though is it?!)

Anyway, I have a super busy weekend with work this weekend but am feeling v positive, calm and prepared which is great. Then I can settle down a bit to rest more.

xxx

Offline OneDayAtATime

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Tx Day 30
Stims Day 6

I'm a bit worried, day 6 of Stims and no symptoms, is this normal?! Very tired but I have had my busiest few days of the year work wise. (Although with lots of help it wasn't half as bad as I expected.)

Also, this morning, somehow I managed to end up with 0.7ml of Menopur rather than 0.8ml... Worrying now!

Funny how all this procedure makes you worry about the tiniest variation. I also never imagined I'd be wishing for symptoms.

Well, today I'm going to enjoy a rest after being so busy, not sure what to do with myself?! Might do some eBaying, very satisfying and watch rubbish TV, then a little walk later. Good bank holiday Monday I think! Had a lovely bath and read my book this morning, so a good start to the day (apart from the dastardley injection).

We had our first BFP on the treatment thread and am so happy for them! Hopefully first of a long line of them... x

Offline OneDayAtATime

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Tx Day 35
Stims Day 11

Yesterday was my follicle scan, and felt quite sad that although there were lots of "oooh" and "ahhh how nice!" whilst they looked at my womb (!) I'm not ready for EC on Monday. Feel better today as can really feel my ovaries a lot today which makes me feel hopefully there's a growth spurt going on in there. At my scan I had 6 follicles over 10mm (including the largest at 18mm) and 4 under 10mm.

Come on follies, grow and be big and strong!

I have some work on for 16th and 17th Sep and have now decided to try and rearrange this as am worried in case ET creeps closer to that date. Will try and sort that out on Monday. Sometimes working for yourself is lovely and sometimes it's pants! Although, it has been nice to be able to rest lots whilst this is all going on... But when it's busy, it's really busy!

Anyway off to lie on the sofa with my milk and hot water bottle (again!) x

Offline OneDayAtATime

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Tx Day 37
Stims Day 13

Feeling tired and in need of a cup of tea (Rooibos obviously!) So am being lazy and have just pasted below my message from today on the August/Sep thread... (Sorry to be boring.)

Had my scan and am still not ready for EC. Dr said I could have EC on Weds if I'd prefer but he (and his 4 colleagues that had discussed me for 15 mins) think it would be best for Fri. My response has been slow, but because of growth spurt since last Fri, they felt that with a few extra days they could be even better although the one follicle which is at 24mm might pop before then. Apparently I'm 'a bit slow' (!!) and no more 2 x Menopur in future for me :(
 
Anyway, I'm feeling all a wee bit disheartened, I know I shouldn't really and I'm lucky to have this opportunity at all, but I really need some PMA, good thoughts, bubbles or whatever pls ladies!

 

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