* Author Topic: successful double donation - how did you feel when baby arrived?  (Read 2344 times)

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Offline dharmagrrl

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I've had double donor treatment and all being well baby will be here soon.
I feel positive about my choice and feel that this is my baby. But have worried that I may feel differently and have wondered of late what other women have felt - have your feelings changed at any point? Positively or negatively? What has your experience been like when baby finally arrived? It's something that is rarely discussed and it would be good to hear what you have felt.
Thank you in advance for sharing  :)

Offline ciaelle

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I have a daughter conceived naturally and a son result from a double donation. During pregnancy, i felt the same both time. Since my son's birth, i feel a sif  he was much more "from me" than his sister. link is more natural, physical. But i think it's because of his birth conditions, i gave birth at home, with a very respectuous midwife and i was very proud of this baby helping me to give birth as i wanted, we lived this moment intensively and together(baby and me), i think it's much more important than donated or own embryons.

Offline dharmagrrl

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Thank you for responding Ciaelle - it's really reassuring to read about your experience and the fact that you have a comparison between a 'natural' conception and double donation. Good too to read how a home birth, with your little girl involved and an excellent midwife made a difference to your experience. Thank you for sharing. Wishing you and yours all the best.

 :)

Offline indekiwi

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Dharmagrrl, I've written so much about this over the past two - three years that I've probably bored an entire roll call of FF!  ;D   One OE + DS child and two double donor children in my family.  I love my girls with the same intensity that I love my son - and this isn't a new baby induced fugue - my elder girl is every inch the toddler at nearly 3!  There is no physical resemblance between me and one of my daughters - apart from some of her expressions (she has a carbon copy frown  ;D ) and some of the things she says.  (It's enough for some people to pick up on though and to think that there is a physical resemblance....)  Sometimes I feel a bit wistful about this, but it doesn't detract from my feelings towards her in the least.  I would not change the conception of any of my three, looks and all.   ^DizzyLove^


A-Mx



 

Offline dharmagrrl

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thank you indekiwi  :)

So good to hear about your experience. Can you direct me to any of your threads on this topic - I'd be interested to read your thoughts.

Have a lovely week with your little ones  :)

Offline indekiwi

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Hi Dharmagrrl, I normally post on the singles board.  If I get a moment this weekend, I will search out some of the relevant posts and put them together in a PM to you.  :)


A-Mx

Offline chaab01

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Hi Dharmagrrl,

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

My beautiful daughter is currently 5.5 weeks old and conceived through double donation. I can honestly say that both my DH and I love our daughter more than words can ever say and we fall more in love with her with each day that passes........although how that's possible I don't know  :)

From the moment the embryos were created I knew they were ours and that feeling hasn't changed since giving birth, if anything it's intensified. That said i dont have a OE child so unable to compare but from the moment she was placed in my arms I knew she was meant to be our daughter. We are her parents and I don't believe we would feel anything different if we had been able to do OIVF.

The only people that know about our double donation route are close family and friends I've met throughout FF and it's interesting how people see what they want to see in terms of looks etc. Even my family think she has our family nose  :)

Best wishes, xxx

Offline LinLou

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Hi Dharmagrrl


I second what chaab01 says, our beautiful double donor baby girl is 14 weeks old and I didnt think it was possible to love someone so much!  Each day that passes we love her more and more - when I was pregnant I felt instantly connected (especially after seeing the scans!) and so did my DH but of course I had doubts/worries running through my head about how I would feel, what would she look like, would it be obvious that she was not biologically our baby etc etc and believe me, all those worries and fears completely become irrelevant when you hold your bubba in your arms!! If anything I feel I love her more as she is so special and we tried so hard to have her - I feel she was meant to be our daughter, despite miscarrying the year before she was born with my own egg!  My only worry is that, as we are going to be open with her as to how she was conceived, I worry about her feelings about it all.  I hope that we bring her up in such a loving environment that she doesn't worry about her genetics but I just hope with all my heart that she feels ok about it all.  It would break my heart to think she will feel negative about it or that she feels sad that she doesn't look like anyone etc...My DH is adopted himself so I hope she can connect with him about any feelings of not "looking like us"  I know adoption is completely different from carrying your own donor baby as people adopted have been carried and been born to another women but my DH had feelings when he was growing up about not looking like his brother or mum and dad etc so maybe he can talk to her about those feelings if it is something she worries about.  I have already written her a letter about how we longed for her to grow in mummy's tummy for many years and how mummy's eggs didn't work and daddy didn't have any seeds and that a kind lady and man gave us their eggs and seeds so that you could grow in mummy's tummy etc etc... I hope when she is old enough to understand, to speak to her about it and show her the letter I wrote when she was born so that she can try to understand how she was created... that is my only worry now...but I hope if we bring her up as a loved and balanced little girl who is showered with love and affection my worries will be for nothing!


We hope to try for a sibling for her but unfortunately we made the big mistake of not freezing the left over embryos so if we have another child it will be from different donors.  In hindsight I wished we had frozen the left over embryos as it would have been nice for her to have a biological brother or sister but hindsight is a good thing.  I was more tempted by the fact that a fresh cycle has a lot higher chance of working than frozen so we would do fresh again, but at the time, didn't consider it from a sibling point of view.


Not long to go now Dharmagrrl!  Enjoy every minute!


chaab01 - congratulations of your beautiful baby girl!  Being a Mummy is just amazing!


congrats also to Am-x and Ciaelle!


What we have been through to get here makes our babies even more amazing!


Linlou :) x

Offline Shamrock.

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Dharmagrrl Thank you for starting this thread as there is very little open discussion on the emotional aspect of using double donor to conceive.

I am currently very lucky to be 38 weeks 2 Days Pregnant with a double donor baby. I am scheduled to have an elective c-section in 4 days time so please God I will be meeting my baby girl very soon  :)

It is so nice to read here of other womens experience of having a double donor baby and the positive experiences you all have had  :)

LinLou my thoughts are exactly the same as yours. It is good to know that the worries and fears about what she will look like, would it be obvious that she is not genetically ours etc become irrelevant once the baby is born. You sound like you are totally and uttterly smitten  :)

I too worry about the future and how our daughter will feel about her conception. Like you I am hoping that she will be so happy in her loving family environment that she will accept how we created her.

We are also already talking about trying for a sibling! We conceived this baby on a fresh cycle but do not have any frozen embryos either. Luckily though we have reserved some of the frozen donor sperm and we are hoping that when we are ready to go back to Serum to try for a sibling that our female donor will still be donating and will be willing and able to donate to us again.

Best of luck to everyone going down the double donor route  :)

Offline LinLou

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Hi Shamrock


wow c-section in 4 days! how exciting! - I also had an elective c-section - it was the best decision ever! I recovered really well and just wanted a date that I would finally meet my gorgeous girl and didnt want the worry of the labour and going  overdue and any complications during the labour etc... the c-section was so easy.  From point of incision, she was out in 3 minutes!  My consultant who did my c-section was wonderful as he and his wife had also had 10 IVF's so he was totally sympathetic and understanding as to why I wanted a c-section.  It made such a difference and he told me that a planned c-section carries virtually no risks and recovery is very quick, whereas emergency c-sections were totally different due to them obviously being an "emergency" for one reason or another.... it really was a breeze!  Yes we are totally smitten by her as you will be with your miracle baby! 


Good that you reserved the sperm :) 


Very excited for you - enjoy being a mummy! :) xx







 

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