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Single Newbies Welcome Thread - post here to get started! - Part 4

81K views 727 replies 161 participants last post by  BloomingMum 
#1 ·
Welcome!

This thread is a starting point for anyone that wants to join us here on our Single Women's Board!

It can be pretty daunting making that first post so this is an ideal place for it. You'll find a warm welcome awaiting you - we have a great bunch of people on here!

:-*
 
#377 ·
Hello all, I'm new to the site. I live in the States and was directed to this forum by some friends on a ** support group. Anyhow, I'm 39 and started TTC about 6 years ago. I tried ICI at home, with & with out Clomid. Finally went to a Reproductive Endocrinologist last year. My Amh is so low it didn't register on the test (which goes down to 0.65). Everything else looks great though, I always had great linings and my SonoHSG was clear. So I decided I wanted to try IUI. I did 2 IUI cycles, medicated of course. I was able to grow several follicles to size, but still didn't get pregnant. So I changed RE's (due to insurance) and went through IVF. It took me 2 days to recover from the retrieval! Again, I had several follicles but when they did the retrieval they only got 3 eggs. When the lab went to fertilize them, only 2 were mature enough to be fertilized. So they transferred both back in me even though one was graded a 2 and one a 4 out of 5. Now I'm on to donor embryo, I've been on Miracles Waiting for a year with no luck. Nobody wants to donate their embies to a single lady.

Sorry for the long story, but I'm now looking at going to an international clinic. I really want to go to a clinic in the Czech Rep, because of their success, prices, and my G-Grandma immigrated from there. I don't have a ton of money, which is one of the reasons I'm not doing this in the states. Problem is that I hear they require a signed paper from a boyfriend accepting responsibility. I think I could get a friend to help out, but was wondering if there are any alternatives? I know there are other clinics, but I'm blonde w/ grey eyes which makes it a little more difficult if I want my baby to resemble me. I also have to worry about cost coming from the US, for example travel alone will cost me as much as the procedure at Reprofit.  ^eyes^  Suggestions or ideas would be great!

-Stella
 
#378 ·
welcome Stella

have a look at Serum in Athens (Greece) - would assume travel costs similar to Czech and clinic prices are also quite similar I think. they have a good range of donors there including those of Eastern European origin and they have very good success rates

because it is illegal to treat single women in Czech, you would need the paperwork signed as per Reprofit's request whereas in Greece this is not the case so you may be more comfortable going there?

wishing you the very best of luck
x
 
#379 ·
I would second serum greece. I am a single lady and began my journey last year. Serum and penny are very supportive and offer a wide range of treatments tailored to you. Penny is the most marvellous lady and will do everything she can to help you have a baby x
 
#380 ·
I totally agree with the other ladies. Right now I am at Serum and I can not recommend thrm high enough. They are wonderful and very caring. Worthy trying.
 
#381 ·
I'm a serum girl too you will be treated equally like you deserve to be x

Ps serum offer embryo adoption if you aren't too worried about specific characteristics for only 3000 euro so that's a huge saving on double donation  :)
 
#382 ·
Hi Stella
Try Dogus in Cyprus.  International island with American and British army bases so lots of the female donors are British or American.  Male donor is chosen from Cryos website.  Dogus will only need a single visit for treatment which is the advantage over serum who usually have you out for a hysteroscopy first.

Please be aware that there are two websites for Dogus as two Doctors run clinics there.  I went with Dr F.  Please feel free to PM me.

Good Luck
TCC
 
#383 ·
Just had my FET today.Have been trying on my own for the past 2 years and would love to talk to anybody in the same boat.As much as friends try to help they dont really " get it".would love to hear from anybody else to share the ups and downs with.This is my 5th cycle and still hoping for a ositive outcome
 
#384 ·
#385 ·
Oh my goodness come on over to our singles board  ;D there are a fair few of us on FF myself included x
 
#386 ·
Hello again,

I wanted to ask about people's experience with getting support from family and friends.. I have the support of my mum but my dad is being 'practical' about it and thinks I should freeze my eggs. How will a single woman with a child meet a partner and it will be lonely and tiring.. I have my eyes open to both these things but right now I want a child more than I want to spend time trying to meet a partner (and delay the chance of having a child). I have been looking for a partner for the last 5 years!

A bit of background to my situation- I recently got pregnant by accident and then miscarried at 10 weeks. It has been quite heartbreaking recovering from the miscarriage but at least I know I can get pregnant.

Has anyone had trouble getting their family on board with their decision?
Apple
 
#387 ·
I'm so sorry to hear about your mc.  I have only told a few people but those I have told have been 1000% behind me.  My mum and dad have been just fab too.  I think I am older than you Apple so have decided that I have run out of time to settle down with someone and have a child in the 'traditional' way.  I may be making the chance of a future relationship a bit trickier but I ain't been having a great deal of luck over the last decade anyway.  Support is of course incredibly important but it can't be other people's opinions that make the decision for you - it has to be you and you alone.  I really would think about having a counseling session especially as you have gone though the devastation of a miscarriage.  Take care of yourself.
LRx
 
#388 ·
Sorry to hear that Apple. Take care of yourself x For support - I don't think most of my family were massively behind the idea whilst it was an idea - but once I started the process of appointments and then sadly MC, everyone fully behind it and part of my cheerleading squad. Dad gave me the money for this IUI  - hoping its a lucky omen for me :)

Take care
Xx
 
#389 ·
^hugme^ apple, sorry to hear about the recent miscarriage

I was nearly 38 when I started ttc and my family knew I'd wanted kids for ages so they were totally behind me - that said it's just my mum and sisters as my dad died when I was a teenager. think perhaps it's harder for dads sometimes, and I'm sure he's just worried about you too
could you ask your mum to have a quiet word with him to help get him on side perhaps?

at the end of the day though, it's your life, so you just need to do what feels right for you - am sure your dad will come round, especially once he has a new grandchild :)

good luck!
x

 
#390 ·
Thanks everyone. Ultimately it's my decision but I do want the support of family, as it will not be easy, the process as well as bringing up a child on my own (if it happens). I will ask my mum to bring him round.

Sorry to hear about your mc Izzyblue. I think it's especially hard not being with someone to be able to just try getting pregnant again, that a lot of others I know who have experienced a mc are able to do. I hope you are ok.

Recovering from the mc has been compounded by the fact I learnt this week that my younger sister is expecting twins.. That definitely felt like a life isn't fair moment.

LR I'm 37. My philosophy is that you can fall in love at any age, but you can't have a kid at any age. I have seen a therapist to help get through things, although I realise that getting over the mc will take a while (happened just before Xmas).

I'm going to an open evening at a clinic next week. Slowly inching my way forward in the process of finding out more.
 
#391 ·
BroodyChick said:
Hi Lou....
What is your boyfriends reason for not wanting kids? Will you stay with him anyway and make him a stepdad? Or move out and go it on your own?
Just making sure you know all of this is SO much easier with a guy, I'm so sorry he wasted all this time of your life though if he's serious about not wanting kids.
Keep us posted!
Hi and thank everyone for making me welcome...
I know this would be easier with a man, which is sort of why I have stayed so long whilst the boyfriend has dangled the carrot all these years. Not meaning that as a euphemism there!

The problem with the boyfriend is he does not flat out say he doesn't want kids, he says 'he does want kids, just not yet.' If I ask when, in a year, 2 years, 5 years? He says he doesn't know, just not yet. I have pointed out that trying is one thing and even if by a miracle we did try and get pregnant instantly it's 9 months min.

Even my mum ( who treats my boyfriend like her son) says he is one of those people who hates confrontation so would rather say maybe than no. My feeling is he just doesn't want to. He would rather leave it as a maybe. He has 2 brothers who both have young kids but are both very hands-off dads, maybe it's an upbringing thing? Ironically though his sister is a nanny.

When I met him he had a small dog, honestly the dedication to the dog was amazing, so loving. After the dog died last year, I thought this might be a point where he would consider trying for a baby. But no. I missed the dog so much I wanted to have a new one. Boyfriend didn't really want new dog and I went ahead and now he just avoids the puppy. So I know 100% without his agreement it won't work staying living together. :(

Also since mentioning the lets start trying for a baby he is anti sex. Just incase ....

I'm not sure what my family would say?

And valentines can do one.
 
#392 ·
Hi Loubou, why don't you freeze your eggs? You are at a good  age to do it and at the same time you can have an open discussion with your boyfriend. Ask him what his honest concerns are( sorry  but "the dog is sick " doesn't sound such a serious explanation.) I have the same problem with you but I am 38 and a half so It's not the same. I am under much more pressure.
 
#393 ·
Dear Louboo, First of all welcome! It really is such a dilemma isn't it... I am not sure that freezing your eggs is the answer. I wondered how your boyfriend would feel about creating embryos with him and freezing those - it is something that I think you may consider discussing with him if nothing else but to see his reaction. If you are definite that you want to stay together and you yourself are prepared to wait a few years then this would win you some time but may put you in a quandary if he decides he is never going to be ready and you would need his permission to use them at a later date. I would personally have as much of an open discussion with him as you can now, lay out the pros and cons, try not to fight about it but work through it very logically together and help him to understand that you will walk away if you cannot agree. Then comes the hard part if you have to separate because that will be very, very hard. I had a similar situation in some ways but my boyfriend was honest and told me that he had thought long and hard about it, but that he could not have (more) children so we decided together that we had to separate - very much a joint decision although heart breaking. As you will see from my signature, I did not and still do not feel ready to do this on my own but I am certainly moving in that direction. If you do separate I would really encourage you to take some time if you can before jumping into any kind of actual treatment but I would try and relatively quickly work out your options. The way to do this would be to have a consultation at a local fertility clinic which may cost around 200 pounds and some tests to find out what your fertility is looking like. Freezing embryos (using a donor) may be one way of getting the ball rolling if you are not ready to be pregnant immediately and certainly in my case has given me a bit of breathing space. However, you need to know that all IVF is expensive and, pending your fertility tests, you may be better off trying IUI to start off with. You may also be able to participate in an egg share scheme until you are 35 (some seem to take you until your 36th birthday) which would mean you do not pay for your IVF treatment, but you would share half of the eggs collected anonymously as a donor. I bet your head is reeling at the moment with all the options but just try to take things one step at a time. Give yourself a time limit to come to a conclusion with your boyfriend, maybe have a consultation now (you needn't tell him about it) and start to work out a plan either with him or without him. I know how hard it is and really send you my best wishes at this really difficult time. Best wishes xxx
 
#394 ·
Hi Apple, and welcome!
So sorry to hear about your miscarriage, if you need support there's a great chat thread on here for people who suffered losses. It helped me loads to talk to others in the same situation after both my mc's.
As for your dad, he may be unaware that freezing eggs isn't all it's cracked up to be despite recent media attention. There have been VERY few actual babies born of frozen eggs and it may not be worth the expense. To give you some idea, many countries don't offer this for women over 38 at all because of low success rate, and you may need around 30 good quality eggs to give you some hope at all, which could be as many as 10rounds of stimulation and egg collection - all with associated days off work and £££!

Your dad will love his grandchild however they appear in your life! If your mum is offering practical help (essential! You cannot raise a baby totally on your own...believe me I'm trying!) then that is very positive indeed and will make all the difference to your experience.
I'd urge you all to join the DCN, had a meeting with some fellow single mums in London last week and it was so nice to meet others in the same boat :)
 
#395 ·
welcome, and good luck hun! hope the 2WW isn't too painful - fingers crossed for a positive result this time :)

loads of us singlies here, at all stages of the process - I have nearly 4 yr old twin boys after many years of ttc...

jump in and chat - everyone is very welcoming

all the best,
Suitcase
x
 
#396 ·
Thanks ladies,its great to know that there are others doing the same thing.Even though my friends are lovely some of them think Im a bit mad going on my own ^idiot^.Still Im not sure about this one,before whe Ive had BFP Iv e always had symptoms,but none this time so not feeling very hopeful tonight! :(.My OTD is not till the 16th,should have been 14th but my clinic doesnt do the bloods at the weekend so an extra couple of days of torture(if I get that far)
 
#397 ·
Hi Jeannieb,

Lots of singles on FF for support.  I am an older single mum to 8 year old donor embryo twins.

Just to let you know that in addition to FF you may want to take a look at the Donor Conception Network website.  They have a large number of single women thinking, trying, or already with children and are a great source of support.

Best of luck,

Daisy xx
 
#399 ·
Welcome Jeannieb,

I'm also doing this by myself, tried with my own eggs 2 times last years without succes. I'll be going for a double donation FET in 2 weeks (I'm from Canada, going to Greece for it)

I'm my case only my close family and a few friends know about it all and are very supportive but like you said, it's not exactly the same as some of the ladies who actually know what it's like...once people will found out I'm pregnant they will have questions and I'll happily answer but for now I don't want to deal with their hopefulness and questions...

Good luck with this cycle  ^pray^
 
#400 ·
natclare said:
Dear Louboo, First of all welcome! It really is such a dilemma isn't it... I am not sure that freezing your eggs is the answer. I wondered how your boyfriend would feel about creating embryos with him and freezing those - it is something that I think you may consider discussing with him if nothing else but to see his reaction.......
.... I had a similar situation in some ways but my boyfriend was honest and told me that he had thought long and hard about it, but that he could not have (more) children I know how hard it is and really send you my best wishes at this really difficult time. Best wishes xxx
Did try to have a little chat with the boyfriend about donor sperm, if he didn't want to try for a baby. He just rolled his eyes and left the room. Hadn't thought of egg freezing !

The more I think about leaving him over the if/when baby issue, the more I feel cross about having to be the person that leaves. He gets his way at the moment I stay, I keep paying towards our lifetstyle, no baby, everything is the same.

We have both paid for the property we live in and why should I leave and give up everything? Even if we sold it both us would struggle to buy anything solo and even rents seem to be crazy. No wonder my renting friends are staying put, as they say the monthly charges would be more if they moved and having looked I can see why :-\

I feel for you too, as this whole type of situation is so emotional. It actually makes it so hard to research things because I just end up getting upset. Really good advice not to rush, and I think if I could egg freeze it would take pressure off me. I'm gutted I have felt ready for a family for years, but a lot more patience and waiting is needed!

Ultimately I feel like it's a choice between staying here with everything ready to start a family, but never getting the chance to try OR starting from scratch, no where to live, back to struggling to pay bills on my own, then needing to save for any treatments. Can I face making my life worst for the next 5 years to be able to make it happen? ???
 
#401 ·
Frozen embryos are more successful than frozen eggs.  If money is tight please consider freeze embryos with donor sperm.  I froze eggs and although formed good embryos failed to implant.  Admittedly frozen under old technology more than 10 years ago and used after 8 years freezing.
If I had my time again I would have frozen embryos as I never did meet anyone else and have now ended up using double donor to have my boys.  Wonderful as they are it would have been nice to have had the genetic link

TCCx
 
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