* Author Topic: Osborne's 1st IVF (ICSI); BFP!!! Surprise natural BFP!  (Read 7756 times)

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Offline osborne

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Re: Osborne's 1st IVF - It's a BFP!!!
« Reply #20 on: 29/11/10, 13:17 »
Monday 29th November 2010
 
Today was scan day; I've been so anxious leading up to it as symptom wise not a lot going on - dizziness has reduced, appetite is better although I have a thing for savoury foods especially cheese & onion crisps!!! Have been tired but only when I've been at work! no morning sickness at all but do think I have heightend sense of smell. Also have AF type feelings now and again and still getting the watery CM in spurts! (sorry TMI I'm sure!)
 
Our appointment was 845 this morning, we had to give a reason why we were there; explained GP had referred after our IVF and was bluntly told they shouldn't have! i just love the NHS... here we go again!!! The nurse told me she would have to write on her form that I was having pains in order for me to get seen - ridiculous, she then started attempting to work out how pregnant I was; then told me I was too early! Explained to her that the appointment was actually given by a nurse in the EPU when I explained about IVF! Back to the waiting room we went, eventually getting called to another waiting room right opposite the nurses kitchen where one of them was talking about sick she'd been at the weekend and how she isn't right now, nice - hope I don't come into contact with her!... then eventually went in for the scan.
 
The sonographer was actually lovely and asked sensible questions about the IVF cycle; she saw one pregnancy sack/yolk which measured 9mm which she said was spot on for where I am (between 5 & 6 weeks). She couldn't see the baby or heartbeat but said it was too early and to come back in 2 weeks. She also mentions my womb tilts backwards which she was sure Id heard before... um NO!! She also said my left ovary was still enlarged (12mm).
 
Scan over, we had to wait outside for her to produce the report then take it back to the other waiting room... then we were called in to see the same nurse who was now on best behaviour as she had a student with her. She suggested the 13th for the next scan, declined and opted for 14th - any bit of luck I can grab I will!!
 
So, fantastic we have seen the sack and we know there is one baby but another 2 week wait ahead of us - I pray and pray there will be a heartbeat in 2 weeks ^pray^ ^pray^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^

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    Offline osborne

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    Re: Osborne's 1st IVF - It's a BFP!!!
    « Reply #21 on: 14/12/10, 12:55 »
    Tuesday december 14th 2010
     
    Hello diary,
     
    after an anxious 2 week wait, we had our scan this morning and thankfully there is a heartbeat!! Clinic says we are 8 weeks yesterday and EPU have dated baby 7 weeks + 5 days (apparently milimetres make all the difference in days date wise so I shouldn't worry about the couple of days out!)
     
    It was an internal scan again as she could only see the sac abdominally which had grown, such a relief and we're so very happy; feel blessed and are not taking this for granted as I'm so aware of all the ladies who have to go through many attempts to get their BFP.
     
    There are 2 areas of fluid which she didn't think were sacs but may be a result of the treatment; she says I may find I bleed when these disperse but not to worry although if I do worry (course I will!) I can call them and be scanned again. Other than that, overies have small cysts which again she thinks may be due to treatment but all is as good as it could be for this stage for which we are so very thankful.
     
    Popped into Doctors on way home and I have my midwife booking apt tomorrow! starting to feel real now and I'm so pleased it was good news today - doesn't bear thinking about what might have been. Looking forward to our (last!!!) Xmas on our own.
     
    Countdown now to 12 weeks scan so more  ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^  &  ^pray^ ^pray^ ^pray^  we continue safely on this journey and then I can start sharing my news!
     
    To anyone reading this, I wish you the very best in your treatment and happy christmas! xxx

    Offline osborne

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    Re: Osborne's 1st IVF - It's a BFP!!!
    « Reply #22 on: 21/01/11, 08:42 »
    Friday January 21st 2010
     
    Thought I'd update my diary as we had our 12 week scan on Wednesday 19th and hadn't been updating prior for fear of jinxing things (I know, it sounds  ^idiot^ )
     
    So, last time I wrote in my diary I wasn't having much in the way of symptoms... that all changed from between 7 & 8 weeks; my first experience of nausea happened whilst I was decorating the xmas tree - thought it was because I was going round and round wrapping the decs but no, since then it's been morning, noon, night & midnight!! I've only actually been sick twice but went off almost all foods - the smell of vegetables cooking in particular!! The midnight wakings were the worst... it's like a hungry sick feeling and the only way to take the edge off is to eat something, I went with biscuits but you're just forcing them down...I've also had to get up every night to pee between midnight & 2am!!
     
    So, there you are from worrying I had no symptoms to having them constantly and living off things like ready salted crisps, banana nesquik & cheese sandwiches!! Whilst some days it can be draining (especially over Christmas when you want to enjoy the feast!), I don't mind as taking it all as reassuring signs and believe me, I have wanted nothing more for 7 years than to have morning sickness  ;D
     
    I was struck down with an awful cold virus just before Christmas, couldn't take anything and still clearing the cough now! After much consideration and seeking medical advice, I did have the flu vaccine.
     
    I've booked in now with the midwife; our care will be consultant led due to us having IVF.
     
    So, that pretty much brings us up to date. Been very nervous anticipating our 12 week scan, despite all the sickness I worried there would be nothing there! We would actually be 13 weeks + 3 days for the scan. The sonographer couldn't see enough detail through the abdomen as my womb tilts backwards so, it was back to the vaginal scans we know so well  :o  and there s/he was!! she pointed out the heartbeat straight away then the limbs - because of the type of scan she could only get images of the baby with it's face facing us.She wouldn't be able to do the Downs screening due to the way she had to scan so, Ihave to have a blood test next week instead.
     
    The sonographer also told me that I would have to come back at 16 weeks for another vaginal scan as requested by the consultant... this would be to measure the length of my cervix to ensure it's competent - this was all news to us!! it seems due to me having pre cancerous cells a few years ago and a procedure to remove them, they need to ensure the cervix is up to the job and if not, I'll have a stitch put in - just glad they picked it up.
     
    So, after all the years of watching many a lady show off her scan pictures and never thinking I'd have my own set... I DID!!! yesterday I took them into work; it was lovely to share them with those friends who have been with me over the years through this journey and as the news is now "out there", to receive all the lovely wishes and congratulations from people who don't know of our history - wow, I never believed yesterday would happen - a great day!!!
     
    Shall update again as and when things happen, thanks for reading and best of luck to anyone on their own journey reading this;miricles do happen xxxx

    Offline osborne

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    Re: Osborne's 1st IVF - It's a BFP!!!
    « Reply #23 on: 10/03/11, 18:14 »
    10th March 2011
     
    wow! what a day!! it was our 20 week scan today where we found out it was a little girl; this was surprising given a scan at 16 weeks seemed to show "boy bits"!!
     
    the 16 week scan was on February 9th and was to measure the length of my cervix due to a cone biopsy I had years ago which can sometimes cause the cervix to be incompetent for a pregnancy - i was within the normal range therefore didn't need a stitch putting in. I do have an increased risk of premature labour however the consultant says nothing to be alarmed about though... i'm just being very sensible and not lifting anything heavy such as shopping bags or the hoover !!
     
    dates are all on track for the original due date of 26th July, I can't believe it's already 20 weeks into the pregnancy but at the same time we have felt every minute of those 20 weeks! when you go through the journey of infertility your mind daren't wander to getting a BFP and onto what next! I guess I just assumed once we had our BFP all of that despair, pain, heartache and worry would just evaporate however, it's all replaced by a fresh set of hurdles to overcome one by one. I'm so grateful for being where we are today and whilst I am beginning to allow myself to enjoy it I'm still very aware of all those things which may still go wrong... I need to listen to what my head is saying and that is to simply BELIEVE  ^pray^
     
    In terms of how I'm feeling, well the sickness has gone unless I don't eat for 2 hours in the day... my appetite is slowly returning although I still can't bear carrotts or too much chocolate! I don't sleep soundly through the night either because I need a wee at midnight-2am or because my mind won't switch off; maybe I'll get some good nights now the 20 week mark has passed.
     
    the baby started moving about 2 weeks ago now, i was at work at the time in the afternoon when I first felt it; it feels like bubble wrap being popped inside you!! you have very active days then nothing for maybe a day or two.. the movements have got stronger the last 2 days and last night DH was able to feel a definately kick! it's a lovely feeling and makes me do my gormless grin as I go about my daily business!!
     
    DH and I bought our first baby bits a few weeks ago; we chose a white cardi/jacket, a hat & scratch mitts all in white from Debenhams...
     
    so, that's where we are for now, scans can never be 100% of course but we're having a 4d scan later on so guess I'll check back in at that point... until then, I think we need to get on with drawing up a list of things to buy... pink things!! very best wishes to those of you reading this with your own journey xxx
     

    Offline osborne

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    Re: Osborne's 1st IVF - It's a BFP!!!
    « Reply #24 on: 26/04/11, 20:12 »
    April 26th 2011- 4D Scan; take 1 !
     
    Today I am 27 weeks +2 and as of yesterday in my third trimester - milestone!!!
     
    The weeks seem to be whizzing by now and as I've been feeling well I've really been enjoying this time! Since my last post I have well and truely embraced the pink and Little Miss has quite the capsule wardrobe  ;D 
     
    The bubble wrap sensations are now full on movements and I can literally sit there for hours watching the movements across my stomach usually when I lay on my back at bedtime; 10pm seems to be a firm awake time!!
     
    Currently on holiday and looking forward to leaving at the end of June  ;)
     
    So, today we had our 4D scan; Little Miss was feeling shy though hiding behind her feet to begin with and then the placenta! The sonographer tried for a good half hour before sending us away for a walk and a mars bar and bottle of fanta to wake her up!! Another half hour session followed and whilst we were able to see most of her face the picture wasn't full therefore we're back again in a week for another try (free of charge!!) - it was lovely to see the baby in usual scan mode & 4d for such a long time and seeing her face brings it home that there is actually a little person inside me!! She is definately a Miss which was a relief as I'd have had a lot of returns to make !!
     
    I'll update again after our return scan visit x

    Offline osborne

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    Re: Osborne's 1st IVF - It's a BFP!!!
    « Reply #25 on: 12/05/11, 22:17 »
    4D Scan Take 2!! 3rd May 2011
     
    Following on from last weeks attempt, we went back to the clinic today - baby had moved since last week however still shy as had her left arm in front of her face!! Her head was towards my right hip and legs to the left of my belly button!
     
    Was scanned for nearly an hour again which was amazing to see however couldn't get the angle quite right but the pictures are still so clear! we also received a DVD of the moving images which are fantastic - saw her rubbing her face with her hands and moving her fingers, swallowing, frowning - just the best experience ever!
     
    Time seems to be flying by now whereas to begin with we were living day by day step by step - I'll be 30 weeks on Monday and I'll leave work at the end of June.
     
    I'm feeling really well at the moment & really enjoying it... pray these last few weeks go by without any problems and soon our long awaited dream will be reality.
     
     

    Offline osborne

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    Re: Osborne's 1st IVF - It's a BFP!!!
    « Reply #26 on: 7/06/11, 22:15 »
    Tuesday June 7th 2011 - 33wks
     
    Just made it through an anxious week, started last Tuesday 31st May where I had an antenatal clinic appointment which was booked months ago when we were under consultant care; I had checked last month to see if we needed to attend it given we'd been signed back over to midwife care but they confirmed I should still come along. As it was meant to be a normal weigh in, urine check, blood pressue etc DH didn't come along...
     
    Had all the usual checks done and was waiting in the room for the Consultant when the nurse came back in to tell me that I needed to have a scan... I was initially angry as DH was about to miss out on another opportunity to see the baby. Had to wait ages for a slot but eventually went through then had to sit and wait some more for the Consultant again, knew DH would be wondering what I'd been doing all that time so I text him about the scan....
     
    It was the Consultant's SHO who came in, he must have been all of 12 years old! Then he dropped the bombshell that the amniotic fluid was too low! he then started gabbling on about what was now needed before promptly exiting the room to speak to the Consultant! I was feeling everything you can imagine, I called DH to fill him in however just sat on the phone  :'(  unable to get my words out; poor DH hadn't a clue what was going on but was of course alarmed. SHO then came back into the room, saw I was upset and asked me what seemed to be worrying me!  ^bigbad^  He then decided it woud be an idea to show me the sonographer's report which showed a graph on high, medium & low fluid levels and where my level was; essentially below a 5 is too low and I was a 9. He also showed me the growth graph which confirmed the baby to be the right size for my dates. He then explained how it could just be that the baby hadn't pee'd enough out at the time I was scanned and that it was common and they'd now be doing some traces on the baby's heartbeat over the week with a follow up scan a week from then. Why he hadn't explained things that way to start with lord knows...
     
    So, off to Reception to book in my next appointments keen to call DH back to update him - receptionist could tell I'd been crying so started asking me if I was ok - worst thing you can do as only sets me off again! So was ushered off with a midwife who took my notes and reviewed everything from that afternoon then ran through it all even offering to show me where to go for the trace - in fairness she had done a better job than the SHO!
     
    DH had managed to get dropped at the Hospital (I'd taken the car that day to make matters worse!) so was able to explain to him what was going on.
     
    We had traces the following day and again on Saturday and the baby was fine; aside from those I was told to not expend too much energy and drink loads of water and ensure I was keeping a close eye on movement. We've encountered lots of incompetence with the medics we've seen to date and blatant errors so the poor midwife who saw us on the Wednesday unfortunately felt the frustration which had built up with DH who it would seem had had the final straw with what happened with the SHO the day prior. 
     
    Today DH came with me, they told us during the scan that the fluid levels were almost back to normal at 16 so great relief after an awful sleepless week worrying. We then waited for the Dr and perhaps due to DH's offload to the midwife on Wednesday we finally got to meet our actual Consultant after 7 months! It was a refreshing change not to have to correct a medic, or tell them our history - she'd done her homework and took us through the scan from today and plan of action moving forward which is that I will continue to be monitored and scanned over the coming weeks and should continue keeping hydrated, not overdoing it etc. I also took the opportunity to ask her about my contradicting blood results where I'd had results from the same sample saying I was both O positive and O Negative! She looked up the latest results and could see the lab had already investigated it and that the latest result is most definately O Positive so I don't need the anti D injection.
     
    So, that's us for now medically... on a lighter note DH has been working tirelessly to get the house finished, carpets are going down tomorrow which means the nursey can be put together and I can start washing clothes and putting them away; vey exciting!!
     
    I'll continue to updateof course; for anyone reading sorry long post but want to record all that happens. Good luck to those on you on your own FF journey x

    Offline osborne

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    Re: Osborne's 1st IVF - It's a BFP!!!
    « Reply #27 on: 30/06/11, 23:56 »
    Tuesday June 28th 2011
     
    Had another scan today to check the baby's growth and fluid; growth all fine but fluid once again on the low side so, have to keep monitoring baby's movements which are regular and as I type this she appears to be trying to break out of my side!!! Back again in 2 weeks for another scan; it is a worry as baby of course doesn't always move as frequently as i may want her too so at these times I drink an ice cold lemondade and eat something sweet to try and get her moving.
     
    Nursery is finished and looks lovely; DH did a fabulous job on decorating and building the flat pack furniture - everything is washed, ironed and put away! hospital bag is also packed - so much stuff to take!! I left work Friday 24th, waited so long for it to be my turn to have their desk decorated and lovely baby things given to you - was a great day and I relished every second!! I've been so busy this week with various appointments and things to do around the house - definately nesting!! Hoping next week I'll be able to relax a bit more!! Mum's coming down tomorrow for the weekend and i'm being thrown a baby shower by my dear friend; can't wait - still have to pinch myself sometimes that this is actually finally happening TO ME!!! (and DH of course!)
     
    Top floor of the house is now finished and had a deep clean, just some wooden floor to go down and a bit of tiling and skirting downstairs then the house will be finished!! DH has worked so hard, I am very lucky to have him  :-*
     
    So, that's where we are at the moment - all getting rather exciting but nerve wracking at the same time. I'll post again at the next scan but thinking lots of  ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^  thoughts that baby will continue moving regularly and will stay happy in there for at least another few weeks!
     
     

    Offline osborne

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    Re: Osborne's 1st IVF - It's a BFP!!!
    « Reply #28 on: 16/07/11, 19:10 »
    Tuesday July 12th 2011 - 38 weeks pregnant
     
    Had our follow up scan this afternoon to check on the fluid level and baby's growth; after the scan actually got to see our Consultant again rather than one of her dr's and she explained that the fluid is now under the minimum level therefore they will book me in for an induction  ^eyes^
     
    Baby is growing normally and moving LOADS so they're really pleased with that side of things but aren't prepared to continue the way in which we have been so, had to go and have baby's heartbeat monitored after seeing the Consultant - all well, we'll be doing this every Tuesday & Friday until the day of the induction which is currently booked in for Thursday July 21st; I have to telephone the hospital the day before and potentially they may say come on in that day! Likewise, if it gets busy on the Thursday we'll possibly be pushed back a day or 2.
     
    So, initially disappointed and upset that I shan't get to deliver under midwife led care and use the birthing pool etc however, they have reassured me that even though I'll be in the main delivery suite, they very much encourage you to stay mobile and there are birthing balls etc in there; I won't be hooked up to a monitor constantly, they'll just do that every 6 hours or so therefore I can move around and go out for fresh air etc. I just hope that it'll work first go with the pessary rather than have to go through 3 doses of that before they move me onto a drip in which case I would be in bed all the time.
     
    Whatever is best for the baby of course and getting used to the idea - if a little shocked -that we'll be meeting her a bit sooner than anticipated - panicking I've forgotten something now!!  ;D
     
    I imagine this will be my last post now prior to becomming a Mummy - wow! Have found keeping this diary invaluable and sure it'll come in very useful when we try for number 2! I will of course complete the diary with how the induction goes as soon as I can but for those who have been reading it, I hope it's helped you on your journey's as reading other ladies diaries helped me on mine xx

    Offline osborne

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    Re: Osborne's 1st IVF - It's a BFP!!!
    « Reply #29 on: 3/08/11, 21:23 »
    Wednesday August 3rd 2011 - Mummy to an 11 day old!!
     
    Lovely DH has packed me off to the bedroom with a strong coffee and the laptop in order to finish off this diary with my birth story so here goes... apologies it's long winded to anyone reading it but this diary has been the only place I've recorded EVERYTHING so want to ensure it's as full an account as possible!  ;)
     
    O.k, so we were booked in for an induction on Thursday July 21st but told (oddly!) to call the hospital on Wednesday 20th as if they had room, we'd go in then... cue sleepless night Tuesday, getting psyched up and getting up nice and early to be ready only to then spend Wednesday making several calls at the hospitals request to check on progress of bed availability! Anyhow, get to around 2pm and told highly unlikely to happen now so call back at 8.45 the following day - poor DH had gone into work so been anticipating a "GO GO GO" call all day  ;D . So cue a replay of poor sleep and having to get up even earlier to make that call and potentially go into hospital the following morning...
     
    On the dot, made the call to Hospital on Thursday 21st at 8.45... told the midwife who would be looking after me was on a drug round and would call me back...waited an hour and after no call, rang them - apparently they were just about to call me mmmmm  ^bigbad^  - told no spare beds at the moment and they hope to call me by 2pm later that day! Although annoying, thought I'd make the best use of time and try and catch some sleep... didn't hear back so called them later that afternoon and told to come on in at 5.30 -eeek, this is all now very real!! DH had come home so, off we went to have our baby!
     
    Initially we had to wait in a waiting room and got called through around 6pm, shown to a cubicle which literally just had a bed, a table, a cupboard & chair and was in a bay of 6 beds with all but 1 full. A young midwife called Jen then came along and explained the induction process, filled in some paperwork and took swabs for MSRA! She checked Baby's position then put me on the monitor to check baby's heartbeat etc; all was well so time for the dreaded pessary! upon examination, my cervix was closed and high up... pessary in and wasn't painful, just uncomfortable... was told they'd check on me again in 6 hours, it was 7.40pm by this time so that'd be around 1.40am the next day! The monitor went back on for 20 minutes and by time it was due to come off, i was getting periody back ache pains! DH was allowed to stay til 10pm so we went for a walk round the hospital - by the time he was due to leave, the pain was really uncomfortable all around my back, underneath and front...i'd been given paracetamol and DH ran me a bath but I wished he didnt have to go home and was so upset with the pain and fact I'd be on my own. I had my bath which helped whilst in it then went back to my cubicle, it was almost 11pm by now and lights out!! a nurse bought me some codeine as DH had explained on his way out how upset I was... took that but no help then spent the next couple of hours stood up in the cubicle swaying as couldnt get comfortable in any way on the bed. I was collected at 1:30 am to go off to another treatment room and have a trace for 20 minutes to check on the baby's heartbeat and movements and to see if I was having any tightenings... the trace confirmed baby was fine and that I was having tightenings which were border line as to whether I'd need another pessary. The midwife then examined me but despite the tightenings, my cervix was still very high and only 1cm open and "very non favourable" apparently! The examination was very uncomfortable. The midwife said that due to the amount of discomfort, they would not add another pessary at that point but see how things went over night and examine me again at 6:30am. So, off I plodded back to the lonely cubicle where I spent thehe rest of the early hours sttod swaying! There was a girl opposite me who had been induced half hour before me, I thought she had been given her second pessary as she got taken to the treatment room before me and I heard a nurse telling her if the pain got too bad she could have pethidene - I felt like a right wimp at the time as I didn't think I was having contractions and wasn't coping after just one pessary! turns out the girl was same stage as me and hadn't had the second pessary but had had pethident, didn't realise til after the event though that I could have had pethidene but nobody offered me any!
     
    So, having been awake all night I nervously awaited 6.30 am which came.... and went! Nobody came to see me and DH arrived about 8.30 and still nobody had been! DH went off to see the midwife, was told someone would come shortly... after a wait, still nobody so off DH went again determined to get some answers! This time the next shift of midwives had started and he was told by ours that the reason nobody had been to give me the next pessary was because they didn't have enough staff to look after the current number of ladies in labour and that had they given me the next pessary and I have responded to it the care of all us ladies would have been compromised - crazy as essentially my progression was halted due to NHS staffing levels  ^bigbad^
     
    This midwife then said she'd check to see if it was o.k to give me the next pessary and she'd come back shortly... she did come back but unfortunately by this time I was having no pains at all and the examination became so painful (this was due to my body reacting to the pessary making it sensitive) she couldn't continue. She did then suggest using gas and air which I was happy to try but again, it was just agony and I couldn't let her continue (again, felt like a right wuss as everyone in the ward would have been able to hear me begging the midwife to stop however, the lady in the next bay had the same problem a few hours later on her examination so glad wasn't just me making all the fuss!).
     
    Because we were under a consultant DH asked to see them as I was adamant I couldn't progress with more pessaries when my cervix was so unfavourable so I was of the opinion we should "just" have a C section... the consultant wasn't available until the afternoon so it was agreed that we would now wait to speak to her. The girl who was at the same stage as me on the one pessary had gone into full labour and was in agony so got whisked off to delivery suite... one of the registrars came to see us around noon, he was very patronising and came out with a very stupid comment to DH about how one of our options was simply to go home and wait to labour naturally - totally opposite to what Consultant's advice was! Anyway, he soon left us to it and Consultant did then come along with the Midwife; basically the Consultant was of the opinion that a second pessary was needed and she was rather angered that it wasn't given at 1.30am or later that morning - DH explained to the Consultant what the Midwife had said about low staffing etc which Consultant was very unaccepting of, the Midwife was clearly unimpressed that Dh had told Consultant this as she was a bit frosty with us afterwards!! So, it was agreed the Consultant would examine me using a numbing gel and the gas and air - thankfully this did the trick and whilst far from fun, it was bareable! Consultant decided not to insert the pessary at the time of examining me but was able to confirm I was 1cm dilated and cervix seemed to be softening, she went and called delivery suite to see if they had space for me now rather than use another pessary, Consultant thought if they could take me now by her "calling in a favour"!, get an epidural going (due to being so sensitive!)  and brake my waters... sadly delivery suite were full so Consultant did insert the 2nd pessary but stressed that this would be the final one and that in 6 hours time (6.40pm on the Friday 22nd) I would be going down to Delivery Suite guarenteed to have my waters broken; Consultant even tried to insert the cannula required for my drip as some kind of reassurance I would definitely be going down! unfortunately she couldn't hit the vein correctly! Midwife was present during all of this and literally after Consultant left insisting we would be going down and that she'd even call them from home if there were any problems, Midwife said "you do know you'll not go down unless they have a bed for you"!!! sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
     
    The second pessary didn't work at all - no pain, no niggles - nothing so, 6.40 came and went, DH chased Midwife up to make sure I was about to go to delivery suite; we were assured we were one of two ladies about to go once the bed was free... ended up going down about 7.30pm in the end and were in the room directly opposite the Midwifes office.
     
    Our room had a bed in the middle of the room, a sink and worktop area in front of the bed, a window with a view of some scrap of gravel, a chair and all the monitoring equipment to each side of the bed. We sat and waited for our Midwife and they were just changing shift so were doing a handover of where each lady was at - we could hear everything as they had the door open! They came to me and we heard them saying how our Consultant had tried it on by trying to get me down after just one pessary but they had refused insisting I have another! They did say I was priority.... heard them going through other ladies and they all kept laughing, not really sure what at... when they had finished their meeting they all came out of the office and some poor lady ringing her bell got cursed by one of the midwifes who seemed put out that the room bell was buzzing yet again in that room! As you can imagine, by this point I have lost faith in the care we were receiving; all of the medical staff seem hostile and not have our best interests at heart and just don't seem to want to care. Enter our midwife at this point, she introduced herself and acknowledged it was a special IVF baby and started asking me questions about where we had the IVF, how much it cost etc - I was very guarded firstly because of what we'd just heard and been through to date and secondly because every time we disclose to NHS staff where we had treatment, we've been looked down on or had some kind of derogatory comment made when in fact the treatment and care we received was first class with the NHS being able to learn oodles from the approach our clinc took in every aspect from cleanliness to efficiency and patient care! ANYWAY, turns out the only reason she was interested was because aside from a few hours of midwifery per month, she also works for an IVF clinic in the UK! After that I relaxed a bit and we got on fine  ;D
     
    The cannula went in and I was hooked up to some fluids and we waited for the anesthetist to pop in the epidural... she was hillarous! Her and the midwife had a debate as to whether Posh Spice had paid for gender selection treatment to have her little girl; the midwife didn't agree with it but the anesthetist was of the opinion that if you're that rich why not!! Anyway, took about 30 minutes in all to get the epidural sighted and in place... nice feeling once it's in, all warm and relaxing! Midwife checked my feeling each side, my right side wasnt quite numb so had to lay on that side to get the drug to that area which happened. My waters were then broken easily and ironically the fluid level was normal!!! I then had the syntocin hormone drip hooked up and that was it, just had to lay on bed with monitor constantly on baby checking her heartbeat and my contractions...this must have been about 10pm, I didnt contract to start with but eventually I did...this went on through the night,we couldnt sleep as midwife had to keep checking on me every 15 minutes to ensure all the drips and monitors were ok and spray me with cold water to check the epidural was still working - DH only had an uncomfortable chair to sit in! I didnt have anything to eat or drink aside from half a cereal bar, I was being sick regularly anyhow. I had to have a catheter placed as couldnt get up to go to the loo, didnt feel it though due to epidural.
     
    It was a long night especially as the wall clock was at the end of my bed so thats what my focal point was!! a second sleepless night for us both!! I was fully dilated at 7am but the midwife didnt want to start my pushing as she was going off shift at 8!! Our new midwife who started at 8 was the first one who started the induction so that was good... so legs up into stirrups  ^eyes^ and started pushing; does feel like you're about to pooh and I was a bit scared of this to begin with!! For just over an hour I pushed as hard as I could but she just couldnt come down the final couple centremetres! Midwife then got Dr to check on me and it was agreed that as I was pushing in the right way but by now just didn't have any more energy I'd have forceps. A female Dr then did an episiotomy cut and the first forceps was placed - it wasn't until this point when she was wanting to place the second forceps that I started feeling the most uncomfortable in terms of pressure in my bottom; it was awful and you just want someone to help you! I got very distressed at this point and the Dr needed me to be still, DH tried calming me down and I held his hand as the forceps was placed and the baby was delivered - it was all very quick and I just wasn't with it; I had thought it would be this perfect event where the baby would arrive and be placed on me and along with DH we'd be in this content family bubble of bliss however, for whatever reason be it the pain or tiredness it was a different experience. Baby was placed on me and I remember feeling a warm damp lump  ;D but then my uterus wasn't contracting and our midwife was panicking; she shouted at DH to press the emergency button on the wall and then all of a sudden all these medical people were in the room all trying to get my uterus to contract! I just remember feeling sleepy and could see DH standing out of the way with the baby to my right; I was bleeding at this point and they couldn't stop it - I couldn't see any of this of course and didn't really know what was going on! Eventually the bleed stopped and my uterus contracted but our Midwife was quite shaken (she was only young) and didn't want to do my stritches so the Consultant Dr did them.
     
    Finally I was able to get my legs out of those stirrups but they felt so heavy, especially the left side! Baby was then back with me and latched on straight away. We stayed in that room for the next couple of hours where I was cleaned up and the baby weighed etc; regretably we didn't get a photo of all of us in those precious moments which I'm really sad about. There are some of me and baby but not DH  :(
     
    The Midwife then got DH to pack everything up and off we went to post natal ward - I held the baby whilst wheeled up in a wheel chair whilst poor DH had to carry the bags!!
     
    Up on the ward, we settled in - my legs slowly started coming back to life but I was very sore so walking was tricky! We only stayed the one night which I initially spent sleeping before trying to feed the baby and of course change a nappy!! I really wished DH could have stayed with us but he had to leave  ^eyes^ There were another 3 sets of new parents and baby's in our ward and I'm certain our LO was the most well behaved although LO didn't want to go to sleep without leaving the lamp on!! I spent a lot of that night just watching her and checking her, it felt amazing to have her here at last but not real!! I loved her instantly.
     
    The midwifes come round throughout the night to check on you and give you pain releif and help with breast feeding and as LO had a tongue tie which was preventing her from feeding as well as she might, one of the Midwifes cut the tie and she was then able to feed.
     
    I couldn't wait for DH to get back the next morning and he sent me some special text messages during the night which I've still kept!! DH arrived about 9.30 and whilst I had a shower, he went to the baby's health check. Then the midwife gave LO her first bath as she has a lot of hair which was gunked up!! She loved her bath!!
     
    I was then discharged around 11.30am Sunday July 24th and LO had her security tag removed!! Her going home outfit was a JOJO Maman Bebe pink daisy babygro and Daddy settled her into the carseat and placed a nice shawl over her that my Mum had bought then it was time to go! It was lovely walking out into the fresh air after all those days in hospital! DH took a photo of us at the hospital entrance and then off we went, home with our precious miracle daughter, a family at last - our dream come true.
     
    I'll be printing this diary off to give it to LO when she's older as part of a box of keep sakes to show her our journey to have her and how special she is; It feels such a long time ago I started the diary but reading back some of the entries takes me right back to that point in time and the spectrum of emotions involved in treatment and then pregnancy. I hope its helped anyone reading it believe their own dream can come true, I would go through it all again in a heartbeat when I look down now to see the perfect sleeping baby I'm holding in my arms - my Daughter xxx