* Author Topic: Telling the child and other people, Chat/Support thread  (Read 186223 times)

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Offline drownedgirl

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Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
« Reply #140 on: 1/05/11, 16:00 »
It is a thorny issue
Worrying our choices might cause pain to put children in future is a hard sort of second guessing

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    Offline drownedgirl

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #141 on: 1/05/11, 18:54 »
    I had a very good idea today

    Using your iPhone to support telling

    If your family is anything like ours the children are fascinated by the new generation phones

    I was showing m pics today from mine and my social media Inc me pg with the twins, them as babies and her when she was hospitalised at 10m

    If I had scan pics etc on here I could go back further

    Just create a folder with pic of donor/clinic/embryo/scan/pg tummy/newborn baby/ your family etc and in odd moments when they need entertaining flick through the images and tell the story

    Same pics can support a very simple story at first or a lot more detail later

    Will trickle into their consciousness very gradually

    Offline Spaykay

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #142 on: 2/05/11, 07:49 »
    EG already uses my iphone and says BABY when she sees the scan...so cute!

    I just wish we could travel forward in time and ask our kids how they would go about this.

    Kay xxx

    Offline drownedgirl

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #143 on: 2/05/11, 09:14 »
    Well I think making sure they don't remember being sat down and 'told' in a way that makes them feel it is a big deal is a good start

    I think having them look back on 'before I knew' and 'after I knew' puts too much pressure on

    Sk - perhaps get her scan pic on your phone too then she will internalise early on that both your children grew the same ... And ditto for your new child

    Let them
    Appreciate what they have in common   

    Offline olivia m

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #144 on: 2/05/11, 09:17 »
    Hi Kay
    Your anxiety is understandable but lots of DC young people are now talking about how it feels to be told you are donor conceived and in essence their thoughts are summed up by Sam, who was 16 at the time -

    “People seem to get so stressed about it all. I think they should just chill out more. If they care enough to join the Network and come to the meetings then they’re obviously really anxious to do the right thing, so they probably will do the right thing.”

    Although he refers to people coming to DCN meetings because that is what he was talking with his mother about at the time, I think more broadly he means all parents who are thoughtful and believe that by being honest they are doing the best they can for their children.

    We give lots of guidance in DCN about ways in which you might go about sharing information with your children - whether they are conceived with or without the help of a donor - but we NEVER say there is only one right way to go about it as everyone is the expert on their own family.  You just have to trust yourself to get it right most of the time, taking into account your child's stage of development and their temperament and personality.  Also take on board suggestions of ways to approach the subject given by us and people like DG, and adapt for your own circumstances. Try not to worry too much, it really will be OK.
    Olivia

    Offline drownedgirl

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #145 on: 2/05/11, 09:19 »
    Because in your heart eg is not second best in anyway, she will know that x

    Offline Spaykay

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #146 on: 2/05/11, 13:50 »
    Thanjs (((()))) I actually worry about loving the next as much as her, they have a lot to live up to!!! Lol

    Offline drownedgirl

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #147 on: 2/05/11, 14:04 »
    All second time round mums have that fear !

    Offline olivia m

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #148 on: 18/05/11, 08:24 »
    Hi all
    I wonder how everyone feels about changing the title of this thread to Telling the Child and Other People?  Our experience at DC Network is that more people these days are anxious about how to share information with other members of the family and who needs to know outside the family circle.  And of course if a child knows how they were conceived then they may choose any moment to talk with others about it...although this doesn't often happen until they are seven or eight (with exceptions!).  Dizzi is comfortable with the idea of amending the title but it would be good to know how other FFers feel about it.
    Olivia

    Offline suitcase of dreams

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #149 on: 18/05/11, 08:53 »
    Yes, I think that probably makes sense Olivia - we've already touched on this on the thread anyway, and it would be good to have a place to talk about this aspect of telling as well as telling the child themselves  :)

    Suitcase
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