* Author Topic: Telling the child and other people, Chat/Support thread  (Read 186195 times)

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Offline Spaykay

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Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
« Reply #20 on: 17/10/10, 20:06 »
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    Offline bunnygirl2000

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #21 on: 17/10/10, 21:36 »
    Hi there

    I haven't posted here before but I have been loitering for a while and would be interested in your opinions on my perspective. 

    I donated eggs a few months ago; the eggs were shared between 2 recipients (both anon) one of whom is now pregnant.  I can find out next year if a live birth (or births I guess it could be twins) results.  The only people who know that I have donated are my husband and one of my close friends who were both very supportive of my decision.  I have not told my parents or siblings because I felt that I wanted to tell my own children first but they are very young (pre-school age).  At the moment I feel not telling is the right thing but when should I tell my children and the rest of my family?   

    I was really interested to hear that donor-conceived children are more interested in finding out about half siblings.  It does make sense when I think about it.


    Offline Mistletoe (Holly)

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #22 on: 17/10/10, 22:15 »
    It was a lovely thing that you did - bringing happiness to otherwise infertile couples. I am so grateful to our sperm donor and I have lots of friends who are desperate for donor eggs.
    We need more people like you in the world. ^hugme^

    There are many books that are written for children. I am not sure if there are any books specifically for the biological children of an egg or sperm donor.

    The donor conception network print books for children of all ages and you might find some ways of telling the story well from those. I am not sure that children would really even begin to understand until the age of 5 or 6. It might be when the questions around ''where did I come from'' start.

    Offline Bloofuss

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #23 on: 19/10/10, 22:31 »
    Hiya

    Only me again after a bit of advice - I was a second recipient when it came to donor eggs and am unsure if 1st recipient was successful as if she was that then would be another half sibling to my boy (so hard to take all this in).  Are they obligated to tell him this when he is of an age??

    Thanks
    Bloo x

    Offline olivia m

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #24 on: 20/10/10, 09:09 »
    Hi Bloofuss
    The half-sib stuff is a bit mind-blowing, particularly when your child is very young and connections seem very far away.  As far as I understand it, there is no obligation by anyone to tell a child that they have half-sibs, but any young person from the age of 18 can ask about numbers, gender and years of birth of half-sibs (YOU can get this information now) and register to be in contact by mutual consent.  This will be in addition to being able to have identifiable information about the donor from this age too.  Remember that neither you nor your child can get information about children in the family of the donor.  This may only happen as a result of a post-18 link-up with the donor.

    In order for any of this information not to come as a shock, I think it is helpful for a child to have grown up knowing that these possibilities exist.  Not that emphasis has to be placed on them - that would be out of proportion - and you probably wouldn't start talking about half-sibs until a child really understood fully about donor conception generally (between age 7 and 10) - but just to bring the possibility into conversation at around that age and see where a child takes it.  My own children did not really think about half-sibs until our daughter was asked about them by a journalist at age 14.  She thinks the possibility is really cool, but because she was conceived in 1986 her chances of connection are very slim.
    Best
    Olivia

    Offline ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #25 on: 20/10/10, 09:43 »
    olivia - can you tell me which book i need for using a sperm donor to read to our monster,  I've looked but can't see it. can you put a link up. I've looked on amazon and it looks like its 25??!! and from USA??

    Offline olivia m

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #26 on: 20/10/10, 11:19 »
    Hi Mini
    The book you need is My Story for children conceived by sperm donation (into heterosexual couple families).  The Bookshop page on our web site does not seem to have a different link to the site in general so go to www.dcnetwork.org  click on Bookshop and then scroll down to the story books for young children.  The cost is 8.50 plus 2.50 P+P
    Happy reading!
    Olivia

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    Offline ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #27 on: 20/10/10, 12:36 »
    thanks olivia!  :)

    Offline ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #28 on: 20/10/10, 12:39 »
    just ordered it!  ;D
     
    I love pay pal!  ::) ::) ::) ::)

    Offline pinkcat

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #29 on: 20/10/10, 14:14 »
    Can I just ask does the "my story" book still make sense if you've had IVF not IUI?
     
    I bought the "before you were born" book from XY and me in the USA and it's really good apart from the "mommy" rather than "mummy"!!
     
    pinkcat