* Author Topic: Telling the child and other people, Chat/Support thread  (Read 186199 times)

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Offline *ALF*

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Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
« Reply #60 on: 12/11/10, 12:06 »
Hi
 
Wondered if people could give me some feedback about using 'telling' books with children and which books they use.
 
J's understanding is very good and she loves books and picks up and remembers stories very well so I have been aware for a while now that I really ought to start reading her My Story book to her as she seems ready to start taking in the basics of her begininngs.
Anyway, I took the step yesterday. We read it 2 times at nap yesterday and 2 times at bedtime.  This morning I heard over the monitor her reading it to herslf 'mummy and daddy went to the hospital to see the doctor' 'we were very happy to hear this' 'the nurse put the sperm in mummy' at which point she got distracted by the something special theme tune on TV and stopped reading. 
Not sure how I feel about my 2.5 year old saying the word sperm  :-\
 
TBH although I like the My Story book I think it'll be better for her when she's a few years older purely because it's written from her point of view, which I think will be good in a couple of years but at the moment I think I would rather a story written from our point of view - does that make sense.
I've done some surfing and found the xyandme book Before you were born, which is written as though the parents are telling the story (it also introduces the word donor and uses the term cells instead of sperm/egg which I think I prefer for now).  Before I order it though just wondered if anyone else has it and what they think of it.  Or are there any other books available that are written as though the parents are telling the story?
At the moment I'm adapting the My Story book as I read.
 
Any experiences of using either of these, or other, books would be great.
 
Thanks
ALF

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    Offline mojitomummy

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #61 on: 12/11/10, 13:16 »
    Alf,a god point. Zac is just 20 months and i've read it a couple of times but hes not repeating wordslike that yet so sorry i can't be more help. i would be interested in what other experiences people have had though as well. xx

    Offline Kerry Crabtree

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #62 on: 12/11/10, 13:25 »
    hi


    i have published a simple poem/ story book called a most precious gift on lulu.com


    it has blank pages to stick photos and draw your own pics to make it personal but is hard backed or can be downloaded.


    it refers to a gift of an egg in a very simple non specific way.


    http://www.lulu.com/product/hardcover/a-most-precious-gift/4442263?productTrackingContext=search_results/search_shelf/center/4


    please take a look any profit i make from selling the book is to go towards my treatment.


    thanks

    /links

    Offline Kerry Crabtree

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #63 on: 12/11/10, 13:26 »
    oh its published in my maiden name kerry roling

    Offline LiziBee

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #64 on: 12/11/10, 20:37 »
    Alf - I believe that DCN are about to launch an 'adaptable' copy of My Story on CDROM in the new year. (I'm sure Olivia can provide the details!) I'm just hoping it will work OK on my Mac!!
    Lizi.x

    Offline olivia m

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #65 on: 12/11/10, 22:02 »
    Hi everyone
    The adaptable version of Our Story will be for single women/lesbians who often have a range of more complex donor and family situations than heterosexual couples.  It's not a CDRom, but a way of putting different pages together for different situations.  These can be downloaded as they are or made into a proper book via Lulu.  Hopefully, they will be available as soon as our new website goes live later this month.  However, I am pretty sure they include the word 'sperm' as well.
    I know that some people are uncomfortable with this term, so you could substitute the word 'seed' for the time being if you like but you might just want to think what is so difficult about this word.  I'd be interested to know what others feel about this too.

    Yes Lizi it should all work on your Mac..I have one of those too!
    Olivia

    Offline *ALF*

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #66 on: 12/11/10, 22:39 »
    Olivia - there is nothing difficult about the word sperm, I would just rather introduce the whole concept using the word cell for now and progress to the words sperm and egg in a few years.  My post wasn't supposed to relate to the ease or not of using these words, what I was trying to ask for was other peoples experiences of using the different 'telling' books that are available.
     
    My comment about not being sure about how I feel about my 2.5 year old saying the word sperm was meant more as an acknowlegement that it is one of the many 'steps/differences' we have to accept as being part of the process of telling our donor child of their origins - sperm is not one of the usual words in a 2.5 yr olds vocabulary.
     
    I will leave it there but would still like to hear from others, particularly if they have used a book other than My Story.
     
    ALF
     

    Offline Lirac

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #67 on: 13/11/10, 22:51 »
    Hi Ladies,
    New to this thread but jsut read Elinor's question re. telling professionals. I was totally upfront about having DE and my consultant thanked me for my honesty - he said that there is an increased chance of pre-eclampsia with donor eggs - not clear why but think it is to do with immune issues.
     
    Anyway, I was monitored really closely and, at the first sign of pre-eclampsia, was admitted to hospital. Sadly deterioriated and ended up in ICU (long story - happy ending) and DS was born 8 weeks prem but doing brilliantly now. Have been advised if I do DE again, to try to have same donor as this reduces risk apparently, but donor is unwilling so may have to take a risk with another!
     
    Just wanted to say that the pre-eclampsia risk is a real one - I think I wouldn't have been monitored so closely if I hadn't been older and specified DE - and anything that makes professionals take extra care of you has to be a good thing.
     
    Everyone we have met and who has taken care of us has had nothing but respect and admiration for the journey we have gone through - we even had the sister telling us of her experiences as a donor! All very cathartic and reinforced that honesty is the best policy.
     
    Sorry for crashing onto the thread!
     
    Lirac

    Offline olivia m

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #68 on: 14/11/10, 13:11 »
    ALF, I absolutely agree that there is no one way to go about telling children.  Everyone has to do what feels right for their family and that includes the language that is used.  American 'experts' tend to say that you should use proper terms for everything and always use the word 'ova' instead of 'egg' insisting that a child could become distressed through confusing eggs you have for breakfast with those used to help make a baby.  Also that womb or uterus should be referred to instead of 'mummy's tummy'.  As with the word 'sperm' none of these anatomical terms form part of a young child's vocabulary.  At DCN we support any language that parents feel comfortable with.  It is then natural to start using the correct terms as a child's understanding increases with age.

    Lirac - So glad you had a good outcome to your story of pre-eclampsia....a very frightening condition.  Always good to hear when someone feels that honesty has not only NOT produced negative responses, but in fact provoked very positive support and care.
    Olivia

    Offline ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #69 on: 14/11/10, 13:18 »
    lirac the risk of PE in DE is to do with the body trying to reject the Donor egg whch isn't biologically yours. I was told if you have  a few cycles with the same DE then your body will get used to it and then stop rejecting it. Yes agree, professinals should know about DE due to this risk and also to get the nuchal scan results.