* Author Topic: Telling the child and other people, Chat/Support thread  (Read 186227 times)

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Offline Spaykay

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Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
« Reply #70 on: 14/11/10, 18:43 »
ALF - maybe you don't need to go into so much detail about exactly 'how' conception took place, just that a 3rd person (special lady, egg donor etc) was needed to help mummy and daddy have a baby. I don't think any of us conceived convensionally were told exaclty how mummy and daddy got the baby in there. I haven't really got a plan as to how to let LO know but just talk when need be and hope she'll start to ask questions when she's ready. That question of how did I get in mummy's tummy always comes up, but little ones don't always need the fine details, just th necessary to understand. I fond sperm wierd to use too, I say daddy's swimmers lol Who knows what's right, parenthood is a journey of struggling along and trusting in decisions that may be right or wrong...GOOD LUCK!

I have a book about a duck and know there's one about an elephant too.

Kay xxx

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    Offline snoopygirl79

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #71 on: 14/11/10, 19:27 »
    olivia - how come the adaptable story is not going to be for heterosexual couples. I find that a bit unfair as I find the book a brilliant idea but unfortunately the "My Story" isn't very useful for me as we had IVF using donor sperm which resulted in twins and the "My Story" only covers DIUI resulting in a single baby. It would be much better if the story could be adapted for all of us who have had the unfortunate need to have to use a donor.
     
    I ended up buying a book from xyandme.com which fortunately covers IVF with donor sperm but however doesn't cover twins which is a great shame as 1 in 4 IVF live births result in twins so why is this aspect not covered in the books?! But I find the "Before You Were Born" a good book and it seems really sweet with the bears. I haven't started reading it to my girls yet but intend to soon but will have to adapt it to say we actually ended up with 2 babies.

    Offline olivia m

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #72 on: 15/11/10, 09:03 »
    Hi Snoopygirl
    Just wrote a long reply and lost it...so, start again.
    I understand your frustration with the books.  But the truth is that we have very little demand from heterosexual couples for books with different scenarios such as IVF, twins, going abroad etc.  Most people adapt the books that exist, often typing out words they want to change and sticking them over existing text.  With twins they tend to buy a book for each child and just change the wording slightly.  The demand for different scenarios came strongly from single women who, in particular, wanted to be able to explain having double or embryo donation abroad to their children.  It is the single women's group within DCN that has done all the work in producing the new adaptable pages for downloading.
    That said, My Story in particular, in looking a little dated.  It was written over twenty years ago now and probably needs re-illustrating.  This is very expensive to do and not on our priority list at the moment.   IVF was rarely used with donor sperm in those days as people often did very many IUI cycles (it was much cheaper then), but we don't include IVF anyway because the books are meant as 'starter' stories for very young children who could not be expected to understand - nor do they need to know - exactly how the sperm (or the egg) got inside mummy.  The wording in My Story p13 is "They went to the hospital several times when the egg was ready so that the nurse could put the sperm inside mummy"   This could refer to either IUI or IVF.
    We find that very few children actually ask about the process of putting the sperm or egg inside and certainly not until they are a bit older.  At that time IVF can be explained and some children take a keen scientific interest in it then...others don't.  If they do then Tim Appleton's book/CD Rom My Beginnings: A very special story can be really helpful.  You can get these resources directly from Tim at www.mybeginnings.org
    Hope this is helpful.
    Olivia

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    Offline Spaykay

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #73 on: 15/11/10, 17:12 »
    Maybe I'm just feeling sensitive but I do not feel unfortunate to have used a donor egg now (although I went mad when it first came up). I feel very fortunate to have my daughter and if I had a choice of having a child with our frozen donor egg embrios or using my own eggs....I'd go for the donor egg embrios now.  :)
     
    has anyone wanting a book looked at the lulu sit someone posted on here and thought about writing their own? Then it would meet your exact needs. I think with natural conception not many end with twins or more...but the parent/s can say "but there were 2 of you!) or something a bit yummier
     
    Kay xxx
     
    Kay xxx

    Offline snoopygirl79

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #74 on: 15/11/10, 19:28 »
    I'm sorry if I upset anyone with my comment but in an ideal world I wouldn't have used donor sperm but my DH is infertile so that was the only way we could have children together as we both wanted me to experience pregnancy. I was absolutely devastated when I learnt he was infertile, as was he as I wanted nothing more than to have his biological children. But then if we hadn't used donor sperm we wouldn't have our gorgeous girls and of course I wouldn't change them for the world. But I still feel it is an unfortunate situation as it's something we'll have to deal with for the rest of our lives and it still upsets me that DH will never have his own biological children. But he couldn't love our girls more.
     
    olivia - thanks for your comments. I do not understand why updating the "My Story" is not a priority at the moment as I think it's fundamental to starting the telling process as a book is definitely what we'll use to start the process. Ideally I would love a book about DIVF which results in twins but will have to settle with the one I've got just about DIVF with a single baby as I feel it's more relevant to us than the current "My Story".

    Offline ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #75 on: 15/11/10, 19:36 »
    snoopy - I feel the same, by choice we wouldn't of used DS and DH wouldn't have anything wrong with him and we would need to use contraception to stop us getting pg  ^bigbad^ ^eyes^  but like you said we wouldn't have our gorgeous boy and i thanked DH for giving him to me as without his IF we wouldn't have 'him'.  Its a strange concept  :-\
     
    I was thinking today that I wish we could stay in our bubble and little one wouldn't need to know ever  ^bigbad^  but reality is he needs to know  ^eyes^  Just hope it doesn't spoil the happy little man we have at the moment.  :'(

    Offline Spaykay

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #76 on: 15/11/10, 19:53 »
    snoopy - didn't upset, I just think unfortunate surprised me as I forget the 'genetic' part of EG.  As the who doesn't have a biological child I can say that it really doesn't matter. It's such a weird feeling as I'll never know what it's like to have a biological child. I understand what you mean because it is EG that will have to cope with having a different and maybe difficult story to tell in the end, not me...but I hope we can all find a way of making their journey into the world as natural and positive as possible :) I never knew such joy could come out of such sadness.

    Kay xxx

    Offline olivia m

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #77 on: 15/11/10, 20:59 »
    Hi Snoopygirl
    I am sorry that you don't like My Story (but pleased you have found books you are happy to read to your girls). Updating this book is not a priority because most people seem to be very happy to continue using/adapting it and we have many other projects to support parents that are competing for the small amount of funds available.  I absolutely agree that story books are a fundamental way of starting the telling process and it is good that there are a range of books to choose from as some people and their children will like some more than others.  I wish there were more for children conceived by sperm donation.  There are far more on the market for egg donation children.
    Olivia

    Offline Dominique123456

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #78 on: 1/12/10, 12:03 »
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    Offline lucy8

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #79 on: 6/12/10, 20:33 »
    Can anyone recommend any books where the  egg donor is a relative  - can not find any - thanks.