* Author Topic: Telling the child and other people, Chat/Support thread  (Read 186193 times)

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Offline olivia m

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Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
« Reply #80 on: 6/12/10, 20:54 »
Hi Lucy
To my knowledge there are not any books for children where the donor is a relative.  That said, the existing ones are pretty easy to adapt with your own words.  We would be happy to help with that at DC Network if you felt you wanted support.  We also have a group of families where the donor is a relative so you might want to be in touch with them.  www.dcnetwork.org
Olivia
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    Offline Ginger

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #81 on: 7/01/11, 22:53 »
    Hello FF and long time no post.

    My beautiful egg-donor  conceived son was 4 in November, and tonight, with a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye I opened the DCN "Our Story" for the first time. (the donor was vaguely known to us but lives in England, we now live in Ireland)

    I read it and he listened, making lots of wide-eyed contact, but saying nothing. After we finished, he asked for a second story, which I read, and then he asked for "Our Story" again, which was interesting. Second time round he asked a few questions and made a few comments, including "how did I get in your tummy, how did I get out, did I sleep alone in the hospital, I couldn't see out your tummy when I was in it"

    To cap it all off, and I am still laughing, he asked me ""Do you remember when you were a tiny baby, the size of a germ, (thumb and forefinger used to illustrate) and you grew in MY tummy? You grew and grew so big (hands out stretched to illustrate) and you were so big you blew my head off, and the doctor had to put a new one on" ,,, I am still laughing out loud just typing this again.

    So, it's a start, and I am so proud of myself! Onwards and upwards

    LOVE to you all and your dreams

    Deirdre xxx

    Offline olivia m

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #82 on: 8/01/11, 10:17 »
    Wonderful Deirdre and well done.  What amazing creatures our children are. Lovely to have news of your family.
    Olivia

    Offline mojitomummy

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #83 on: 8/01/11, 13:56 »
    Deirdre - awwww  :) xxxx

    Offline leoaimee

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #84 on: 23/01/11, 08:55 »
    really cute deidre!  well done.

    our dd is just starting to think about mummies and daddies - which i guess is the first step to understanding her donor sperm.
    she said at christmas 'elmo daddy' 'lulu mummies'

    its very sweet!

    we have started telling her about being in the tummy and being born.  and about the seed that was put in the tummy to make her.

    any other telling news?

    ax

    Offline Spaykay

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #85 on: 23/01/11, 19:08 »
    I've told a few people and the general reaction so far is "Oh, so your not her mum?" or "Why do people need to know? WHy does she need to know?" ERRRRRRMMMMM!!!!! IT'S HER LIFE AND RIGHT! Gawd it sometimes makes me feel lke it's the wrong decision to tell others (not her obviously! I fell that's right!), can't wait until donation is seen and understood as openly as adoption. I keep forgetting to "TELL" EG, bit young to understand still anyway.

    Kay xxx

    Offline Yxx

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #86 on: 23/01/11, 20:30 »
    I know it is such an amazingly selfishless generous thing to donate eggs/sperm but I just don't understand why people think of them as mother/father.  We are their mothers/fathers, brought them into this world and are nuturing them the best we can.

    We are starting to think of ways to tell DD.  We have made a photobook of her first year and put a message in there next to my bump photo about a kind lady helping us.  Been umming and ahhing about the My Story book but I don't know what words it uses and don't want DD feeling really different to others and being 'special'.

    Very tricky but I'm sure we will get there and she will hopefully understand.

    Yxx

    Offline olivia m

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #87 on: 23/01/11, 22:29 »
    Hi all
    What makes the DC Network Our Story for children conceived by egg donation different to vast majority of other story books for children conceived in this way (mostly American) is that it does not talk about 'being special' or being 'an angel'.  It is just a simple and straightforward story told in language that is right for small children.  DCN members can borrow a copy first to check language feels right for their family before buying a copy.  The Telling and Talking booklets (2.50 to download or 8.50 for printed copy from our website) also stress the importance of treating a child normally and not as 'special' in any way.  The booklet for parents of children aged 0-7 can help with timing of talking, starting the story,  adding to information already given and words to use, plus insights into ways children may respond.
    Olivia

    Offline Spaykay

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #88 on: 24/01/11, 10:23 »
    I've got the book and it's just a simple and true birth story.

    Offline wishing4miracle

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    Re: Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #89 on: 24/01/11, 10:44 »
    I just read alittle of this board.comin from an egg sharer like myslf i do not view myself as bein the mum.i gave a special gift of an egg that helps achieve a family.its the lady i give them to thats the mum. They make it into a baby and carry and look after them that makes them mummy.yes im its bio mother but im never their mum.i just do my little bit by growin an egg for ladies like yourselves :) it makes me very happy i helped someone achieve their dreams by becomin parents.i will be tellin my boys when theyre older