* Author Topic: List of positives about living child- free  (Read 23420 times)

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Offline Nosilab

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Re: List of positives about living child- free
« Reply #30 on: 19/03/13, 13:51 »
Thank you, I hope so too xx

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    Offline eggtastic

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    Re: List of positives about living child- free
    « Reply #31 on: 9/04/13, 14:23 »
    I thought I would add a few things...

    As I walk sightseeing or walking along in a museum... I hear screeching and crying and parents tring to shush their children... well that is something I do not envy.

    When I see women moaning and graoning on 'one born every minute'... I say to Dh, well I don't envy her and her pain!

    When friends moan about them missing their child free days of travelling carefree... I don't really envy them...

    I am starting to really see the plus sides of not having children... We can indulge ourselves ... go to bed late, have sleep ins, not be woken up by children... don't have to worry about anyone elses future... spend or money on us... spend money on us instead of tx...

    Its actually come slowly... this is having felt very sad for a long period of time... but all of these things I am starting to see are thoughts that creep up on me. 

    I don't find it hard to see children.. when I see them I smile and admire how sweet they are but I am not under any illusion that they can be little brats too  ;D  When I have an opportunity to spend time with friends children.. I enjoy it and it is really nice...

    The hardest part really was when they were baby's and it is that inner maternal instinct of mine that would kick up a fuss with my emotions...

    The other tough part at the moment is that when I see DH and he watches something on TV and I can see how cute he feels a child is I know that deep down he is yearning and missing 'his' child.  That makes me sad.  I some was I am moving on and so is he but I feel that he is still yearning for his child...

    In some ways it was always my call to a certain degree as where we would draw the line.  As in it was my body that was enduring the medications,  the egg collections, the laparoscopies, the hysteroscopies... and finally enough was enough....

    I am not in limbo... as in we have an opportunity to be parents... I feel that I cannot face another cycle... but if I could just get my head around egg donor we could have a go at surrogacy... easier said than done... but the more I see my DH's yearning and sadness... the more I want to get over my feelings on the matter of DE.

    I want to add that, infertility, the whole journey has put a huge amount of pressure on us... weve had tough times... but it seems that it has made us stronger... my dh loves me and wants me regardless of being able to produce babies.. and that means so much to me... for all of the insecurities that IF brings with it, it has also brought security to me...and for that, I am thankful... for if Infertility was not a part of my life, I would never feel this strong bond at all.


    Offline Nordickat

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    Re: List of positives about living child- free
    « Reply #32 on: 23/04/13, 12:25 »
    I have another positive to being childfree and thats that we still talk to our partners, we can talk about important stuff but also about nothing too. Its great and its something we maybe donīt appreciate enough.


    This is a sweeping generalisation, but parents of small children clearly never speak to each other about anything other than their children. You canīt give one parent a message for the other because it just never gets there. You canīt talk to them about something on the news because they have no clue what is going on beyond the route from kindergarten to home. You canīt talk to them about music, books, movies, holidays or anything because they donīt have time for such frivolities ......... so what on earth to they talk to each other about? The not communicating thing Iīve noticed loads recently amongst friends and neighbours. It really infuriates me (when Iīm in bad mood at least  ;) ) that I have to have to same conversation twice because they just donīt have time to talk to each other.

    Offline Keiki

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    Re: List of positives about living child- free
    « Reply #33 on: 24/04/13, 18:57 »
    I just want to say thank you to all those who posted on this topic. It has helped me a great deal after my latest BFN. I'm not sure how much more treatment I can take, my fiancé doesn't want to give up just yet, but this helps me to honestly consider life without a child of our own.

    It's so hard not to be bleak, but when you go on this site and see all the ladies who are in a similar boat to you and are so kind and supportive, it gives you a little hope and comfort. So thank you, especially to More2life for all her recommendations and views.  :) xx

    Offline bernie1971

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    Re: List of positives about living child- free
    « Reply #34 on: 30/04/13, 11:45 »
    I'd also like to thank all you lovely ladies for the wise words. It really helps! xx

    Offline Candy76

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    List of positives about living child- free
    « Reply #35 on: 4/12/13, 22:37 »
    Hi guys!

    Something I have been wanting to add to the list for a while:

    You don't have to be health & safety aware - I can hit frozen raspberries with an axe (or anything else that happens to by nearby) without worrying if someone will copy it  :)

    Offline Fudd

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    List of positives about living child- free
    « Reply #36 on: 3/05/14, 20:37 »
    This is so positive and great to see people feeling the same way. I am at early stages of coming to terms but getting there.

    Offline Sunshine7155

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    List of positives about living child- free
    « Reply #37 on: 10/08/14, 09:07 »
    This is such a great post and despite being an old post it has brought me comfort today.  I am back to dipping my toe into this after years of infertility, 3 miscarriages and now a failed adoption to add to the list after our ds was diagnosed with the severest form of autism and social services decided he would be better off in long term foster care.  So now I am back to where we were - the dreaded crossroads of do we stay as 2, do we adopt again or do we have more tx?  Having read these posts it is helping me see the benefits of being 2 especially after looking after a child with such severe special needs for 7 months and living how tough it is. 

    I would like to add to this list after my experience and say that I appreciate my DH so so much as the time we had our ds we hardly spoke to each other as we were so tired...we have got that back again and love each other so much.  We can go out for a walk in the country without worrying about whether our ds will decide to drop to his knees every 5 seconds or run in the opposite direction to the way we want to go.  We can go into town and look around the shops and stop for a coffee without the worry of a child getting agitated.  We can go on holiday and stay out til late...and we can eat in the restaurants we wanna eat in rather than the ones that sell pizza, chicken nuggets or chips.  We can have a lie in at the weekends and not be woken to a screaming child.  The grass really is always greener whatever situation you are in but there are lots of fun times to be had as 2 and I know that having been 3 with our very special little boy would have been very hard and times would have been a constant worry and the loneliness I felt was the worst I have ever felt because of him being so special.  At least now I can go out with friends to cheer myself up or go out with my gorgeous DH without the worry of getting a baby sitter.....of ocular we I know that what I have lost has bee incredibly painful but this thread is helping me to look at the positives that I had sometimes forgotten...so thank you xxx

    Offline Tash1973

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    List of positives about living child- free
    « Reply #38 on: 1/09/14, 10:37 »
    Hi there, is anyone still using this thread? We've just finished our second and final IVF cycle and whilst everything is very early and very raw I am wanting to draw a line under things and try to move on.

    Offline katehe

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    List of positives about living child- free
    « Reply #39 on: 2/09/14, 21:01 »
    Hi tash
    Sorry to find yourself in our boat x
    How u doin? I think u r very brave to be looking at this board so soon after ivf.
    Took me months to find the courage xx thoughts are with you x