DIUI long road 3rd time lucky ?

[Rach9520]

Ok so tomorrow should be be my official test dat... Tested yesterday and this morning BFN !!

I seem to have wet knickers sorry tmi but it's not something I've had unless ovulating .... Boobs are ok ish a little tender but nothing exciting ....

Insomnia still there but did sleep till 4am last night .....

Have had any more hot flushes or feeling sick..... I am already thinking this hasn't worked... Got to call the clinic on Monday ....... If it's game over this month will be going straight to icsi

[FertilityFriends]

[Rach9520]

Hey

Well it's game over this time bfn !!

Af arrived today and to make me feel even worse my best friend who has po and he dh is diabtic told me she's 8 weeks pregnant !! Safe to say I fried my eyes out when I left her  then sag at work thinking about it
.. them cried all the way home .

It's times like this I ask why not me .... what have I done in my previous life to deserve all this bad luck !! This is the last iui will be moving onto icsi next I think .....

Emotionally this is getting harder and haider ... why couldn't that little one hold on tight in April why did if have to stop growing?

[Rach9520]

Hey everyone .....


 Well I've been on buseriline since the 22nd January ...... Starting o get Headaches now .... Af was a few days late but it was to be expected ...

scam on the 11 th check the lining ext And hopefully status gonal f on the 12 .... Then 2 more scans... Then hopefully egg collection 24th feb....

Not look,my foward to having a general antithetic though ....

Also started having acupunture ...

[Rach9520]

Well today is a bad day .... went for my baseline scan and was told my lining is to thick is is 7.5 and ideally they would like it under 5 ... so they sent me for a blood test to see how low my estrogen was ... and they said if it was low enough I could start the gobal f tomorrrow ... went to have my bloods done they rushed it through ...


By 10.30am I had a call from the clinic to tell my estrogen is to high and that I've got to take buserilin for another week ... which means the egg collection might be delayed or cancelled... I won't know anymore until the 18th for my next scan !!

I'm so gutted ... I just want something to be easy for once

[Rach9520]

Well where has the year gone ? Last year I was smiling like a Cheshire cat as I got my BFP ... which sadly didn't stick... thinking about it makes me really upset knowing I could be now holding a small precious baby ... Instead I'm having to inject myself everyday because I can't do what my body was naturally made for ....

I know things are meant to happen for a reason but why does it have to be so hard ..

Watching those around me get pregnant tiem and time again without any troubles but can't actually cope with he children they have. This makes me question everything about life and how it's very unfair.

At the moment we are in the process if having our kitchen done which I suppose has been a blessing to keep my mind busy .. well until today anyway.

My friends haven't really been around much either I started a social media chat with all of them telling them how I'm getting on, but none of them have actually asked me how I'm doing etc etc..

[Rach9520]

Ok so had another scan today ... It went horribly wrong lining is to thick cycle cancelled.

What I don't understand is that when I had the iui I didn't start the buserilin until the day after my period and my lining was great nice and thin .... surely if my lining hasn't got any thicker I could just start goal f

[Rach9520]

Well .... This time last year I was going through a terrible time not knowing if my jelly bean was going to stick or not and wondering what if .... well here I am a year on and everythime I look at the date ... I remember what I was feeling what my body was going through. I remember all the hosiptal visits. All the blood tests and the scans that followed.

I remember the scan that showed me and my husband our baby with a fluttery heart beat and all was perfect ....
I remember being at a 50th golden wedding party knowing something was wrong on mothers day .... The  the 1st April was given the news I didn't want to here ... my baby had died. I them stayed at home whilst waiting for my body to release my jelly bean. This process was painful and extrrmley gross ...

When my body finally released the baby the sac came out whole along with the baby. You could see a mini body with arms and legs.... I was heart broken ...

But now time to move on and I need to stop looking in the past .... at the moment things may seem hard but I know they can only get better at some point....

I know one day i will hold a child of my own ... so precious so much love ...

My brother is getting married in November and I'm a bridesmaid .... my sister in laws little sister is pregnant and is due in July and her brothers wife is also due in September ... so babies everywhere .... I need to stop being selfish and making people feel sorry for me

I need to man up and 1 enjoy what I have 2 look forward to what the future holds
3 if I haven't had a child by the time I'm 35 I will possible look to go down the adoption route but until then I will kick this ferealty journey into he ass I WILL NOT let THIS BEAT ME 

[Rach9520]

Well been wondering g how long af will take to show her ugly head and started spotting this evening so fingers crossed she rears her ugly head and this could hopefully mean we can then plan and start the next lot if treatment .... tbh I was a little excited when I was on "knicker" watch ... its amazing normally you don't want af to arrive but know that this is for my lining to thin out and get rid of my lining and start afresh is music to my ears .

I think the plan this time might be to run with my natural cycle but to give me double the dose of buserilin ... then providing the baseline goes ok then start swimming. .. but I've got to try and keep a cool head as I don't want to get to excited only to fall hard ..

Oh and since sharing this page with my friends I've realised that they are there to support me ... They just didn't understand what it was like .. so thank you to all fot hem but my main point here ladies is if your reading this don't be afraid to share what's going on with your friends .. tell them to Google stuff... tell them how ur feeling and most important of all let them in ... sharing the load actually helps reduces your stress.

I'm going for my 4th accupunture this week and I can xdf say I've been more relaxed and I'm sleeping better ...

[Rach9520]

It's been a while since I last posted .

So I stopped the buserilin  on th 18th Feb and I've been waiting for af to arrive... well no sign of her yet but tmi I ahve a lot of cm...and I mean alot .. very egg whites looking .. having to wear a pad ... I'm hoping this means my body is ovulating normally and that hopefully af will arrive soon so we can start the process all over again .

Thank fully been busy with the kitchen refurb so my minds been kept busy ...

Sat watching obem at the moment and think how this time last year was when I saw and heardcmy baby's heart beat ... I was over the Moon and thought that it was going to be my time to be a mummy ....

Mothers day is looming ..... and I can't help feel sad that my little one isn't here bit could of been .. dis I do somthineg wrong last year... should I of taken it easier ... what if!! How long can I keep punishing myself.

I went to my works annual conference last week and sat there think how sick and ill felt but enjoying feeling that way .. and that hurt even more I keep relating dates and events to how u was feeling at the time .... why do dates have this affect? ?

My baby would of been 6 months old by now ....

This is not an easy process ....

[Rach9520]

So still waiting for af still no sign at all which us very frustraing.. surely it shouldn't take this long.

I have had very itchy and now sore nipples last week but this has now calmed down.

Cm has decreased

I have been do the ovulation tests when I had alot of cm but nothing showed up that I had ovulated so Im even more confused than I was before. There apart of me deep down which is hoping that perhaps I could of fallen pregnant naturally ... but I know that's never going to happen.

If af hasn't arrived by this Wednesday I will contact the clinic to see what they would advise