* Author Topic: Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!  (Read 212717 times)

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Offline Michimoo

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Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
« on: 20/11/13, 10:01 »
It's been over 2 years since I found this website when I was just starting out on this IVF journey.
Never in a million years did I expect to be here on cycle number 6 with nothing to show for it.

I've spent most of my time encouraging other women, giving my advice & congratulating them as they move on & become Mothers. I however stand still in a stagnant pond without so much of a ripple.

I've never seen 2 lines on a pee stick being of the pg kind or the OV kind.
I still don't actually believe they exist.

So why have I decided to write a diary of this specific attempt you may ask? Well I'm not sure. Maybe I need some comfort? Maybe I need to get my thoughts & feelings down? Maybe I need to document the rollecoaster so I can read back through it after EC? Maybe it's because I'm feeling quite negative about this upcoming cycle before its even began?!

One thing is certain & that's if we have no answers from this attempt we get to a stale mate in our journey.
DH will be content just being a two if that's what our destiny is. I'm not.

After having a Cancer scare a month ago it has made the desire to have a child even more important to me. I realised that if I died, what was I leaving behind? Nothing! If my DH met someone else, what would be around to remind him of me? Nothing! My friends would move on & life would move on. I would become a distant memory that may pop up in conversation as that girl they once knew who died too early. What a shame, anyway what's on tv tonight?

So here we go again. Squeezing one last cycle into the s**tty 2013 its become with the hope we start a new year with good news!

Today I start my 2 week pre treatment.
2x5mg steroids
5mg Folic acid
1 Celebrex

What am I about to do to my body again?
Press start on the roller coaster & hold on tight!!!!
Here we go ................

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    Offline Michimoo

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    Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
    « Reply #1 on: 21/11/13, 08:00 »
    Well good news today. I finally have the total all clear from the suspect melanoma on my foot. It has been now diagnosed as a blood clot after the biopsy. However I had to have a blood clotting screening to make sure I didn't have a blood clotting disorder or DVT etc. My screening was normal & WBC normal too. Phew! Thank God they didn't test the levels whilst I was on Neupogen otherwise they would've rushed me into A&E.  ;D

    Trying to muster up the motivation to go for a swim this morning. I really can't be bothered but now I've started these steroids I need to keep the weight gain at bay.

    Offline Michimoo

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    Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
    « Reply #2 on: 22/11/13, 08:41 »
    Got to start my brown Cyclacur in the next day or so to delay my period. It's quite frustrating really as I'm bang on 28 days & I only need to delay it by 1 or 2 days. This is to enable DH to get back from his work in Brazil for the correct time. I'm also basing the cycle length on our last attempt with Penny. Just hope she doesn't try to shorten it! I sat down with the calendar last night working out timings & boy is it going to be tight. I just hope Lady Luck will be on my side a little as I don't need to be stressing about that as well as everything else!
    The "to do" list is getting longer by the minute. Thankfully I've completed all my Christmas shopping. Just have to wrap it now which is one of my pet hates. It ends up looking like a 10 year old has wrapped the gifts as by about the second one I'm fed up.

    I've booked myself into my first ever Aqua class this morning. I'm now regretting it! But I'm out all weekend so no exercise for me in the following 2 days.

    Knowing that I have to limit my salt & sugar intake on these steroids I keep having a waft of chocolate aroma filling my living room in the evening! What on earth am I gonna be like in a few weeks time?  ^idiot^

    Offline Michimoo

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    Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
    « Reply #3 on: 22/11/13, 13:36 »
    Well Aqua was an eye opener! The average age was about 83 & I think I needed a blue rinse! Not sure I'll be doing that again.  ;D
    I've worked out I've burnt over 100 calories which is more than I would've done today so I guess it's better than nothing. Just got to make sure I don't sneakily eat the additional calories with my main meal tonight.

    I know I'm keeping this diary to put my thoughts & feelings down but I do wonder if my journey or daily adventures are helping anyone else out there who is reading it?

    Feel free to pm me if you like as its nice to speak to other ladies.

    Offline Michimoo

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    Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
    « Reply #4 on: 24/11/13, 08:14 »
    I've woken up this morning with a sore throat. I know I'm in the pre 2 week treatment of steroids but I'm wondering if I can take anything for it? Surely the whole point of the steroids is to suppress the immune system & anything from the chemist would increase the immune system so it would just balance it out?
    I've kind of realised this is actually what always happens after ET. I end up with a sore throat for a few days after. Hmmmm has that always been my immune system killing off my embies?
    But surely if you get a sore throat then your immune system should be concentrating on fighting that not attacking your embies? Logic would suggest that No?
    I'm getting confused about all this immune stuff.

    Maybe I should just email Penny & see if I can take anything to help this sore throat?

    Offline Michimoo

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    Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
    « Reply #5 on: 24/11/13, 16:51 »
    Oh no! What have I done? Been to the Cinema today with my friend & eaten a MASSIVE bag of minstrels! So much to the "avoid excess sugar with steriods". I even began to get a sugar rush headache during the film. Of course I'm regretting it now. So what did I do? I looked at my gym classes for tomorrow & decided to sign myself up for a hot yoga session!  ^idiot^

    Note to self: do not eat sweets in the cinema then feel guilty & book a class that is gonna kill you!

    Offline Michimoo

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    Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
    « Reply #6 on: 25/11/13, 21:36 »
    Well just got back from my "hot yoga" class  :o Wow!
    I might as well of just sat in the sauna for an hour & kept cranking the heat up!

    Hmmmmm jury is out. I don't really feel like I did any exercise just sweated a lot.

    Lets see how I feel in the morning? Think I may of sweated a few minstrels out from yesterday though!  ;D

    Offline Michimoo

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    Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
    « Reply #7 on: 27/11/13, 20:19 »
    So, tried out Zumba last night & I loved it! Will be going again next Tuesday night. Bit annoyed that I've had this gym membership for 2 years & only just found a class I enjoy. In 2 weeks time I won't be allowed to do it & will then be off to Greece.
    Well hopefully I won't be able to do it for another 9 months after that eh?  ^pray^ ^pray^ ^pray^

    Anyway got home at 9:30pm from Zumba with the plan to jump in the shower & our 6 month kitten was foaming at the mouth & really lethargic. I called the emergency vet & they advised to bring her in. This was 20 mins away & was going to cost 153 just for the consultation!!!  :o But I had to do it for peace of mind. If DH was here he would've said to leave it until the morning. Well he isn't so I wanted to make sure she was ok.

    I'm sitting in the waiting room, waiting for the vet to call me in & then it suddenly dawns on me what I look like. All I've done is rush in, call the vet & get my fur baby there as soon as possible. I've just gone into automatic pilot.
    I look down & see I'm in my joggers, trainers, T-shirt, no makeup, my hair is on the top of my head in an 80's pineapple do & have my driving glasses on! Mmmmmm one sexy Mamma!

    Guess what ........... The door opens & I get called in by the vet and of course, the vet just happens to be a right fitty! (You can't be serious!)

    I go in & he examines the kitten, he opens her mouth & says she has bad breath. I then start wondering if maybe I have bad breath as I've been jumping around for an hour. I spend the rest of the consultation talking out of the side of my mouth, just in case.
    (I completely forgot that I had a mint in the car on the way up.)

    So not only do I look like Vicky Pollard I also look like I have a speech problem too!  ;D

    Anyway the kitten is fine. No diagnosis as yet but still keeping an eye on her & limiting her food for the time being.
    Tonight she has been bounding round the living room so I take that as a sign she's feeling better.

    I sometimes wonder if I'm living in a sitcom?

    Offline Michimoo

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    Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
    « Reply #8 on: 28/11/13, 19:18 »
    Well this waking up between 5:30am - 6am milarkie is starting to grate on me. Stupid steroids!  I ended up getting up & driving to Bicester outlet village this morning in rush hour traffic  ^idiot^ I got there when it opened & bought DH his final Xmas pressie.
    I desperately had a look round for myself but couldn't see anything.  :(

    And HOORAY  ^banana^ I've just wrapped the last Xmas pressie! So pleased that I can tick that chore off of the list. I may tackle the Christmas cards tomorrow.

    Starting to get pain in my (.)(.) which generally means AF is on her way. It better bloody not be as I'm on this brown cyclacur & i'll be due on next week. Otherwise we will have to cancel this cycle all together!  ^pray^ keep AF at bay!

    Trying out another fitness class tonight : Body Balance. Apparently it's a mix between Yoga & Pilates. Maybe it will chill me out a bit so I can sleep tonight. :(


    Offline Michimoo

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    Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
    « Reply #9 on: 28/11/13, 22:24 »
    Wow body balance was strange! The instructor started the class by telling us all her Mother died on Friday & she was glad! Also this was her first class since her mother died & she was not sure how the sad music was going to affect her so bear with her!  :o

    See I knew I lived in a sitcom. Only I could go to a new class & that's the first announcement. It was a little bizarre.

    Anyway the class was really slow & boring. So nope not doing that one again!

    At the end though she did drop a lavender scented tissue on our laps when we had our eyes closed. So I have kept it & am going to put it next to my pillow tonight to see if that helps me sleep.