Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!

[Michimoo]

Can't sleep !

[FertilityFriends]

[Michimoo]

Again I'm wide awake in the early hours, not really knowing what to think.
I don't feel pregnant at all. The only signs are the more frequent trips to the loo & period pains every now & then.
I look bloated but I'm not sure if that's due to all the comfort food I'm eating?
If I'm craving anything it's red wine. 🍷 I'd love to
Open a bottle & get tipsy woo to relax a bit.
I'm now worried that this mc means that DH & I just aren't compatible.
Maybe genetically we don't go together. That obviously breaks my heart.
He, even more so now, thanks we don't ever need ivf again. Look we can now get pg natrually. So let's keep going?
Well that's great if I don't keep miscarrying! I don't want to keep getting pg with twisted embryos that aren't going to make it?
Maybe we need to do PGD?
There is still a question whether my body just hates all those drugs?
That's why I want to let nature take it's course with this one. If it's meant to be it will. Let's just see what happens on its own?
I've been ivf/drug free for a year now & have had 2 natural bfps!

I'm not sure what Penny will say on Saturday if I see her. But I haven't bothered emailing her & telling her my woes. I know she'll just shout at me & tell me to think positive. I guess I just watch this space.
I took my trigger shot yesterday but haven't continued the progesterone support. I'm waiting until Saturdays results.
I'll pop some cyclogest in my case but if I'm going to miscarry I want to as soon as possible & not delay it because I'm high on progesterone.

Wow what a roller coaster eh? And there was little old me looking forward to seeing my DH & getting jiggy for 2 weeks in the sun!
Now as soon as I land on Saturday we've been summons to the clinic for bloods instead!
 
When will I get my break?

[Michimoo]

Oh good God! I'm cramping so badly tonight.
Please don't make me start miscarrying at 30,000 feet in the morning on the plane!

But it probably will. It's just the way my life rolls!

[Michimoo]

Sitting on the plane on the Tarmac & my cramps are coming & going in waves.
Think I'll be a constant visitor to the toilet this flight. Deep joy!

[Michimoo]

Here I am in Greece.
Hcg 160 no mention on the progesterone.
Dimitra & Penny are not hopeful but because it has risen they want me back in on Monday.
No red wine for me yet this weekend!
They also asked me to take another rescue shot which this time I've decided not to take.
I've already taken 2 & my hcg levels are hardly increasing. So DH & I agreed over dinner last night that we should let nature take it's course & see what the levels are on Monday with no synthetic drugs. That's when we will get a clear picture of what's going on.
So far that's :
Tuesday : hcg 67
Wednesday : hcg 104
Saturday : hcg 160

As you can see when it's written down it doesn't look too good does it?

I don't want to prolong the agony of another miscarriage any longer.

I've actually woken up this morning not feeling pregnant. I think when you know, you know.

Unfortunately in Athens EVERYTHING is closed on a Sunday so there is not much I can do to distract myself today.
I can't even go to a supermarket!
I may get DH to take us for a long drive around the coast.

I can't believe this is happening to me again!

[Michimoo]

If I'm not put in a crazy loony asylum after this then something's wrong!
 
So DH & I decided to NOT do the last pregnyl shot.

Just got today's blood results ........ hcg 360 so more than doubled in 48 hours?
 
Obviously a long way to go & I'm shocked to be fair!

Dimitra got all squeaky excited on the phone when I fessed up & told her I hadn't taken the final pregnyl.

Back in Wed for bloods & a scan! OMG!

Better enjoy the day off tomorrow.

[Michimoo]

Today has been a long day. DH is at a conference at work so I am alone until about 10pm. I went off for a walk around kifissia today to try & find a local beauticians & hairdressers. Jeez I thought they were in a recession over here? The prices of the hairdressers were shocking. Either that or I'm going to have to fly home to get my highlights done with my home hairdresser.
They want to charge me extra for the more colours I have?
In the UK you have a full set of highlights & it's one price no matter how many different colours you have. Over here they charge one price then keep adding money on the more colours!
Hmmmmm think I'm in the wrong job!
Been cramping quite badly since yesterday. Not sure what to make of it really?
No blood but I am paranoid every time I go to the loo.

I've been comfort eating today. Lots of chocolate & biscuit dunking. Been feeling queasy most of the day but I'm not sure if that's just the [email protected] I've been scoffing. 
In tomorrow morning for a scan & bloods. If my levels are still in the hundreds I know they won't see anything, but I think they are just ruling out an eptopic with the slow rise.
Please don't let it be an eptopic because God knows what I will do in Greece for medical treatment?
DH flies off on Friday on business so I will be all alone to fend for myself in a City where I know no one & don't speak the language. He's not back for a whole week & then I fly home before he gets back to Athens anyway.
My Mum is joining me for the end of the following week but this could become one scary roller coaster before hand.
I'm remembering what that wonderful Jamaican Dr at the EPU said to me before my last mc.  Pray hard my dear, stranger things have happened & try to believe in miracles.
So I'm Putting my hands together &  That the numbers are going up dramatically & my little bubba is a fighter & was just a slow starter. 

[Michimoo]

Aaaaaaahhhhhh there is a fault with Serums phone line & there's no connection!
Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

[Michimoo]

Ok so finally got through!
Hcg 700 which is still not double every 48 hours but it is increasing.
Scan rules out eptopic & saw a pin prick tiny blot in my uterus.
 
Back in on Monday for another scan & bloods.
 
Jeez! Who needs Eastenders eh? Just come along for the ride & read my flipping diary! 

[Michimoo]

Hmmmmm just when I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel, something happens to mess with my head!
So I text my friend at a fertility clinic  to let her know the increase & told her to go out & drink some vino for me this weekend. To which she responded I think we should both go & drink wine.
Now - she was either saying that to just say "hey, just have some wine", OR "it's not looking good so get drunk!"
Coming from someone who sees these numbers every day & knows the outcomes, it's left me doubting if this pregnancy is viable now?

I'm not going to question her & I wouldn't want her knowing she's worried me as it may've been a joke. But hmmmmmmmmm.

I guess Monday night may well be a wine fuelled evening. Especially as I'll be on my own in Greece.