So back home lying in bed with one of the worst nights sleep for a while. I just kept dreaming of scans, blood tests, hospitals, pregnant women, happy couples with toddlers ...... Aaaaahhhh.
I realised that yesterday should've been a day that women are overjoyed with. Going for a scan & finding out its twins! How lovely, how wonderful, ready made family.
But No! I get told ooooh look it's twins, oh sorry they're both dead!
Come back in a week just to make sure.
So for a week just walk round with 2 dead babies inside you with the knowledge that we'll be booking you in for a D&C in 2 weeks. Joy!
I just want to get back to my life. I'm a stone heavier. I want to go back to my fitness classes. I still feel like poop from this cold which had now turned into a chesty cough.
I want to start taking drugs to alleviate this illness.
There's a fitness event coming up 2nd week of Nov that I've paid for & been looking forward to since July! I want to be well enough to go to that. Not lying around recovering from a miscarriage or waiting for one to happen.
I need to move on.
Tbh it's the only way I'm going to be able to deal with this.
I told DH the news yesterday & asked how he felt about it.
His answer was; "well there's nothing we can do so we just have to get on with it don't we?"
What do you mean WE? I've got to have the bloody D&C & go through it again. Not you!!!
I'm trying to google to see if HB's can miraculously appear? Not too hopeful.
Thank God I'm home now though.
I think the biscuit/chocolate cupboard is going to be raided all day today before the diet starts next week.
Oh & no I didn't have my wine on the plane. I was a good girl.
But I'm expecting to be very drunk in the next few weeks.
