* Author Topic: Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!  (Read 213801 times)

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Offline Michimoo

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Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
« Reply #60 on: 11/01/14, 07:40 »
Well 4lb lost in 3 days so I'm happy with that. I just hope I don't put it all back on now I'm eating normally again.
I've still got a headache which just won't budge.

I'm debating whether to have my morning cup of tea or substitute it for hot water & lemon instead?

If I didn't have my friend staying over tonight then I would've still been doing the diet.
Bless her. She said "it's your birthday weekend & I'm not having you on your own. I'm going to come down & keep you company."
The only problem is I need to tidy the house & make up the spare bed.

I know I'm sounding a lot more upbeat but my heart is still floating in the bottom of my feet. I can't bring myself to think about the conversation we had a few days ago cause it kills me.

I am now looking at every child & seeing the resemblence with their Mum. It's like a bomb ticking away that I've smothered with a blanket. I don't dare take the blanket away as I know it's going to go off.

I'm very good at doing the stiff upper lip & just getting on with things. The problem is it's still there in the back of my brain whirring round & round. Hence the insomnia & probably hence the headaches.

It's been far too much in such a short space of time I need to try & focus on 1 thing at a time. At the moment that's losing weight. Then I'm off into town at lunchtime today & then I've got my friend so I have that to keep me busy for the next 24 hours.

Anyway so much to do, so little time. I'm going to get up & start my day.

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    Offline Michimoo

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    Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
    « Reply #61 on: 13/01/14, 23:33 »
    Ignore the last post. I've put it all back on plus some!
    Been comfort eating all weekend. :(

    I have had the headache from Hell for 5 days & today was a migraine. Even my migraine tablets wouldn't touch it. Think it maybe from the steriods as I think I've come off them too quickly. I went from 40mg - 0 in 5 days. I cut to half each day. 40, 20, 10 then 5 then 0. But looking on google I think I should've cut down slower over a period of a few weeks!
    God my head is killing me.  :(

    Offline Michimoo

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    Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
    « Reply #62 on: 14/01/14, 11:23 »
    I've cancelled Zumba tonight due to day 6 of my headache  :(

    When will my fitness regime start?

    Have rebooked for Sunday morning so hoping I'm a bit better by then.  ^pray^

    Need to get rid of the jelly belly that's a reminder of the failure. Want to start at least feeling good about myself again. Was hoping to be a fitty for when DH comes home. No chance of that as I only have 3 weeks left.

    Offline Michimoo

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    Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
    « Reply #63 on: 15/01/14, 05:30 »
    4am AWAKE - with headache. It's now 5:30am & I'm still AWAKE!

    Just gone into social media & there are 2 women on their status' complaining/moaning about being pg!

    You're lucky to be flipping pg, what I wouldn't give to be pg just even for 24 hours. Grrrrrrr.
    It really makes me mad! Some people just don't realise how lucky they are.

    I'm meant to be seeing a friend for lunch today. Just hope I can keep this headache at bay. I may contact the chiropractor & see if he can fit me in this afternoon? It might help.

    Anyway, I'm going to try & get back to sleep if I can.

    Offline Michimoo

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    Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
    « Reply #64 on: 16/01/14, 21:40 »
    So went to my GP yesterday as had a pm from a FF'er who is reading my diary & was concerned about me. Her DH is a Dr & he'd advised that maybe I'd come off steroids too quickly & really needed to go back on them. This kicked me up the ^Booty^ to call my GP after 7 days of headaches.
    It amazes me how complete strangers can be so caring & thoughtful. It really touched me that she went out of her way to speak to her DH & pm me. Thank you if you are reading this.  ^hugme^

    Anyway GP has advised for me to go back onto steroids for 10 days. Starting with 10mg, reducing to 5mg then 0.
    However she also said that my headaches could be viral as there is a bug going round at the moment & as I have no immune system then I'd be susceptible.
    Could be tension headaches due to the stress I've gone through.
    Could be all the drugs coming out my system, so my body is having a withdrawal type attack.
    Or all of the above!  ;D

    I'm booked in for a massage tomorrow morning so let's hope that helps.

    Then I've got the chiropractor after & then I'm out for dinner with a friend in the evening.

    She's actually quite a big agent in London & I'm tempted to broach the acting subject with her.
    I will play it by ear as I've been her friend for over a year now but never wanted her to think I was only friends with her because she is an agent.

    I'm not like that. It doesn't matter if you are Brad Pitt, if I don't like you or your not a nice person then I don't want to know & I'll walk away. But there are SOOOOOO many people in this industry that are only friends with people because of who they are or what they can do or get from them.

    I met A very, very famous British actor when I was in Cannes a few years ago when he was just kicking off his career & before he was famous. We had drinks with him & his girlfriend & his agents. We were the only British people in this tiny nightclub. He was so rude & arrogant. I ended up not talking to him after a while. I can't watch him in films now as it annoys me. Only problem is he's in loads of flipping films that I want to watch & one this year too.  :-\

    I will see how tomorrow night goes & I might not even broach the subject. I wouldn't want an Agent yet anyway as I have no confidence. But maybe in the future I might.

    Offline Michimoo

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    Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
    « Reply #65 on: 18/01/14, 01:40 »
    Had a lovely evening but was too chicken to broach the acting subject! 🐔🐓

    Offline Michimoo

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    Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
    « Reply #66 on: 21/01/14, 08:56 »
    So, I've started back into my fitness class regime again.
    Zumba was Sunday morning & Bokwa was last night.
    I really didn't know what Bokwa was. I had read it was a fitness class where you spell out letters of the alphabet with your feet! Obviously I was completely intrigued so had to go along. Boy am I regretting it now!!
    It was a bit like a street dance class! As I'm so uncoordinated I was going in the opposite direction to the others quite a lot.
    Pumping arms & jigging your legs in different directions doesn't bode well for me. I end up looking like a spaghetti man.  ;D

    Yesterday's class was focused on the letter F & by the time it had finished I was wondering what the F I'd been doing for an hour, how the F I hadn't keeled over, I didn't know I could F -ing sweat so much & not sure if I'll be F -ing able to move on the morning!  :o

    I've got Zumba again tonight! Then the classes dry up. I might have a look & see what is on towards the end of the week.

    Hot bath for me I think & I weighed myself last night & I'd put on 2lbs - what the Bokwa F is all that about?

    Offline Michimoo

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    Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
    « Reply #67 on: 27/01/14, 10:20 »
    Well where do I begin?
    My friend of 20 years who I've been there for through everything has just hit me with a low blow.
    I'll give a bit of background first.
    I was her ONLY friend for a few years & introduced her to my friends so she knew more people. She's had a miscarriage, a baby 7 years ago (who I dote on even though I can't have kids) & an abortion at 22weeks because the baby has a heart problem & would have to have operations. And recently divorced her husband. These are just the main key dramas not including the boyfriend break ups, the arguments etc..
    I've dropped everything when she's called me & drive round even if it's in the middle of the night. Etc etc. Whilst her divorce was going on I was doing ivf number 2 but just got on with supporting her as she was my priority as my friend.
    Anyway she's getting remarried in August. Yes remarried after 1 year of being divorced.
    She's not been around for any of my ivfs ever. She knew about them but was never there for me as it was always about her. I actually gave up telling her after round 4 as she's wrapped up in her whole new life.
    She didn't know about the Cancer scare at the time, operations etc & generally doesn't give a sh*t.
    I've tried to call her out on it before & she doesn't think it's a problem & shuts me down.
    The final straw was on Friday when I met her for lunch. She told me she's having my other friend as bridesmaid & I'm not to be a part of the day. Wtf?
    I didn't say a word & left with steam coming out of my ears.
    Hurt is an understatement. More so that she has lied to me for months as I've asked about the wedding & she's just diverted me about the bridesmaid situation.
    Are these the actions of a best friend? I'm lost for words.
     :'(

    I've stewed all weekend & finally messaged her on Sunday morning. I was very careful not to make it all about the new Wedding (because it's not) but pointed out that this revelation was the final slap in my face.
    I asked her why she couldn't reciprocate my friendship when I needed her & that I'm extremely hurt. I said that going through IVF is traumatic, let alone failing the amount of times I have & doing it alone without DH. If I needed her at anytime then the last 2 years was when I did & she'd not been there for any of it, when I'd always dropped everything when she called me.
    To which the reply was ........ I didn't think you'd be bothered about the Wedding, I don't want a de ja vous of my last wedding ( I was bridesmaid 15 years ago)
    I've always asked you about your ivfs when I see you so I don't understand what your problem is?
    I hope something as trivial as this doesn't stop us from being friends!
    OMG! Are you kidding?

    I haven't replied, because I can't. I actually have no words at all.
    Sad as it is. I am having to say goodbye to a 20 year friendship but looking back it has always been one sided & I couldn't see it at the time.
    She was bridesmaid at my wedding 4 years ago & I'm going to hate seeing my wedding pictures now with her in them.

    I want to erase her with a big heavy duty rubber!

    Anyone can ask about ivfs after the event but the "best friend" is the one who stands with you & picks you up whilst you are going through it!

    I'm so mad!
     ^swear^ ^tantrum^ ^tantrum^ ^tantrum^ ^swear^


    Offline Michimoo

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    Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
    « Reply #68 on: 27/01/14, 22:55 »
    Been to Bokwa again this evening! Yes it was still the letter F tonight!

    When they were doing the air punches I pretended my ex friends face was right in front of me. I think I popped my shoulder.  ;D

    Offline Michimoo

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    Fresh cycle number 6! I must be mad!
    « Reply #69 on: 30/01/14, 07:31 »
    Well I'm awake & still stewing about my ex friend. I can't believe that she replied to my message like that & even though I didn't reply I've not heard another peep from her. I'm gutted.
    Gutted that she obviously doesn't value my friendship enough to fight for it.
    If it was the other way round I would've been on her doorstep to sort this out.

    Not sure if I should send another message or not. I've composed a different one everyday so far. But each time I go to send I think "what's the point?".

    I don't need this along with everything else.  :( what an utter bit*h.