Well, I bet you all thought I'd dropped off the face of the earth eh?
Some days I did think about it.
Where to begin? .............
As usual my life never goes to plan & there is always a drama for me to contend with. Unfortunately nothing seems to go smoothly in my life & someone upstairs really has a vendetta against me.
Let's go back to when I last wrote in my diary. Boy this is going to be a LONG post! Hold on tight ladies & try & keep up!
MY EX BFF :-
So, no more news really. No contact, no message, nada, nothing. However she has now resorted to tagging herself in places on social media with my other friend (her bridesmaid) & saying "love you" under her status.
However it's become very clear that she is telling people that I am the bad old witch who is horrible etc & God knows what fabricated story has been made up. One thing is for sure I am NOT invited to the Wedding, this friendship will never be rekindled & she will never admit or see that she is in the wrong because nothing is ever her fault. What did annoy me was that it was my DH 40th birthday 3 weeks ago & she didn't wish him happy birthday on social media. Her Mum did, My other friend did & it's not like she didn't know when it was as I'd been going on about it for 2 years for his surprise birthday party.
At the end of the day her issue is with me & she should've wished him happy birthday.
COUNSELLING :-
Have I cried in any session? no!
Do I find it useful? no!
Do I find her patronising? yes!
Could I be a counsellor? Yes!
Am I better off for going? No!
Is she expensive? Yes!
We even discussed DE & she started arguing with me over the "telling the child" taboo. "Research shows that children want to know they are donor, she barked.
I said; really? And how many children have you interviewed where the child wasn't told & is perfectly happy?
"Well none, because they don't know any different." she said.
EXACTLY!
We then spent the rest of the session debating about if you should or shouldn't tell the child!
Counselling conclusion = waste of money.
POEM :-
Well I didn't hear anything about my poem so guess they didn't like it. What I did find out after entering was that one of the judges had been through many iVFs & written a poem about fertility issues. So I kindda hoped that she would be on my side. Guess not. The poem that won was one of those poems that doesn't rhyme at all & didn't make any sense. You know the ones that go something like;
I walked into a room,
a monkey elaborately entered wearing a green scarf,
trees, trees, trees,
Yoghurt.
Maybe I should've entered that one? I might've got a prize!!
HOLIDAY :-
We have booked a holiday & are flying in 4 days. Finally I have something to look forward to. Apart from going abroad to Greece for IVF our last proper holiday was our honeymoon 4 years ago. However guess what ...... We are flying Malaysian airlines to kuala lumpur! Where did MH370 Malaysian airlines fly from? kuala lumpur! And they've still not found the plane! So if another Malaysian airlines flight disappears from London to KL on Tuesday night......... I'm on it!!
Checked the weather forecast & it's thunder & lightning for the 2 weeks we are there aswell. Of course it is! Nothing goes right does it! Oh well it'll just be a very expensive 2 week long hot shower then! Oops.
FITNESS :-
I have turned into a bit of a fitness class addict. I now do Bokwa, boowaika & Zumba 3-4x per week. I'm not at my goal weight as I still have 1/2 stone to lose which is going to increase as I go on holiday & eat loads. But I am back squeezing in my size 8's just! There will be lots of bikini photos taken in the first few days on holiday until the eating commences! Then we will be back to fully clothed shots. I'm not sure my motivation will continue when I come back as although I do these classes I do struggle to get there. Once I'm there I am fine, but I do have to drag myself off the sofa.
DH DRAMA:-
Well, where do I begin. Think I'll just make it brief as this has been a bit of a nightmare & consumed me for weeks now. As some of you know my DH works on the rigs & we only see each other 6 months of the year. Well he left at the end of February to go back on his hitch & everything was starting to fall into place for us. We had booked a holiday, we'd talked about maybe doing another round of IVF in the summer looking at his rotation, I was getting healthy & losing weight, I'd got a part time job 2 days a week which was helping me out with money & getting my brain active again. We had a plan & things were looking up. He gets to his job, works 3 days & then I get a phone call from Brazil.
My DH had written a personal email which had been hacked by another employee & because he'd bad mouthed this employee in the email my DH was now going to be taken down the disciplinary route & was being shipped off the rig!
WTF??
To cut a very long story short, my DH has been suspended & sent home without pay for 3 months as his punishment! They are using him as an example to the rest of the company! They still want to keep him as he is a good worker but he isn't required back due to shift changes until June & until he returns to work they will not put him back on the payroll. Hasten to say this has put a huge stress on our relationship & situation. He is the only earner & we can't get a refund for our holiday as it's all booked & paid for. We now don't have any household income apart from my £400 per month part time job. So any IVF is now out of the window as the savings are paying the mortgage. Absolutely devastated.
It's a nightmare I can do without.
I feel like someone really doesn't want me to get pg as ridiculous scenarios keep getting in the way & preventing any happiness we may endure.
We booked our holiday 4 days before my DH left for Brazil & I think in total we had a whole 7 days of thinking things were improving & feeling more positive. Then SMACK - back to everything going wrong again!
So, that's where I am & that's why I've been AWOL from FF.
My life as usual is never simple or easy.
Thank you to the PM's from peeps thinking of me & I will respond. But I'm just a bit all over the place at the moment.
I can't sleep & I am feeling a bit gloomy on the inside. However on the outside I'm smiling & no one would know any different.
TTFN ladies,
Until the next drama episode!
