* Author Topic: IUI starting January 2014 - New Year New Start  (Read 13374 times)

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Offline _MrsH_

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IUI starting January 2014 - New Year New Start
« Reply #70 on: 6/10/14, 17:46 »
We're at the hospital for another scan tomorrow....feeling a little nervous about it incase they say something is wrong and cancel. Fertility treatment is all waiting waiting waiting!! Had an emotional weekend but feeling ok today - yesterdays injections really hurt me so had a little cry. Then this morning they made me bleed which made me sad. Feeling a little sorry for myself at the minute....have had a constant headache which is driving me mad and i'm so tired.

Was scared half to death by a bloody mouse at 11.30pm on saturday night running across the living room floor!! I jumped on the work desk while the hubby tipped the room upside down. He got it into the kitchen where it ran behind the fridge then behind the cooker and hid in a hole behind the cooker. The hubby then tipped the cooker upside down so it looked like we'd been burgled!! The mouse then ran into the boiler cupboard and disappeared! I was stood on the kitchen table at this point....I'm sure the stress isn't good for me! lol  We then went to tesco to buy poison!!

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    Offline _MrsH_

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    IUI starting January 2014 - New Year New Start
    « Reply #71 on: 7/10/14, 19:14 »
    Today has been the day from hell!!!  >:( :'(       ^bigbad^

    Not with the hospital....that went ok. Had the scan this morning and then we both had to have blood screening done again which I HATE!! bluerghhh!! They had to take blood out of my hand as my arm didn't want to play!! Anyway the scan itself went ok, although I was a little disappointed as the biggest follicle was at 12mm  so they wanted to wait until Saturday to scan again which is a annoying as we expected Saturday to be egg collection but looks like that will be next week instead. I was hoping for Saturday as it would give me the weekend to relax. The nurse then decided she wanted me back on Thursday as she didn't want to leave it too long for my ovaries as they say I'm at a higher risk of OHSS. Hopefully Thursday they will have had a growth spurt!! To top it off I then had to go and wait another hour for more medication round at the pharmacy!! Grrrr

    We set off back to drop me off at work and go stuck behind 2 calves who had escaped onto a country round hahaha  did make me laugh watching my hubby and his stepdad who has achondroplasia herding up some baby cows!! Very surreal. Cheered me up a bit anyway with those two running down the road in the rain!

    I then finally made it to work and was given 2 rubbish classes to cover where the kids were sods!! I felt rough and had a bad headache too so they just made it worse - behaviour was terrible and I just wanted to go and cry!!

    Offline _MrsH_

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    « Reply #72 on: 9/10/14, 19:32 »
    Had an absolutely awful day! Went for the scan this morning and the nurse asked me about any symptoms I  was having - told her about having headaches, nausea and being bloated and she said that it sounded like my oestrogen levels were high and because I have pcos they couldn't let them go too high otherwise it might cause problems. She did the scan and said that they were still slow growing but we should phone back in the afternoon and go back on monday for another scan. Then she gave me more medication to last. When I had my bloods I read in my notes from Tuesday that I was due another scan today as my pcos level was high but no on has mentioned it was high so I'm a bit confused on what that actually means and whether that causes other issues.

    I said to my hubby back in the waiting room whilst waiting for bloods that I had a bad feeling and thought we'd be cancelled and then when I phoned back this afternoon that's exactly what happened! I could tell when the nurse answered that she had her sympathy voice on. The nurse on the phone asked if the nurse this morning had mentioned anything about my scan which she hadn't really. She went on to say that they would expect a few more follicles at this stage and I only had one really good sized one and the other smaller ones wouldn't get up to the size needed. My oestrogen levels were too low in the end too. I've been on a dose 150 gonal f although when I had iui we were on a dose of 50 and had over 10 follicles each time....how does that work?? She said that they'd have to cancel the cycle which I am devastated about. I asked if this would count as an attempt and she said as we live in Rotherham we would have one more attempt on the NHS. Is this right?? Surely having a cycle cancelled at this stage shouldn't be classed as an attempt??? We were under the impression from our consultation that if a cycle was cancelled before egg collection we would go again. We also can't start until my second period which would be the beginning of December now which worries me as they then close for Christmas so would I get a cycle in on time?!!

    I phoned the hubby and he came straight for me. We are both devastated....its honestly like grieving and we havent even lost anything! I think we are both petrified that if next time doesn't work there is no chance we'd be parents.....we could never afford to pay for ivf privately. What do we do??

    Offline _MrsH_

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    « Reply #73 on: 10/10/14, 20:59 »
    The support I have had since yesterday has been amazing, it means so much. I have some amazing friends.

    I have just about got through the day today.....no idea how!! Seriously had to drag myself out of bed this morning, when all I wanted to do was stay with the husband. I arrived at work (eventually!) and a woman came in to tell me and my boss about her sister who has just got pregnant on her first round of ivf! Grrrr  I had to walk out and go to the toilet! Had to stop myself crying a number of times today. I have managed to keep myself incredibly busy. A few of my close work friends said they were surprised I went to work, but what could I phone in and say?? I'm not ill am I?! I had no viable excuse. My best friend at work said she was proud of me bless her!

    Is it normal to feel so upset?? - I still feel like I could cry now to be honest. I suppose its like grieving isn't it in a way. Or is it?? Am I just being stupid? Should I just get over it and move on. My whole face still hurts from crying last night, and I hardly slept. My eyes have been bright red all day! Sure the kids at school thought I was on something!!

    Still can't get my head round how we could only have one decent sized follicle when we had lots with iui and had a lower dose of gonal-f!   My husband phoned Jessops today to ask about whether it was an attempt or not and they said they'd ring him back but they haven't! If they dont phone in the morning he'll ring them back. Keeping my fingers crossed

    Offline _MrsH_

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    « Reply #74 on: 12/10/14, 19:58 »
    Still not getting any easier to be honest. The husband now says he's worried about me which makes it much worse. Why can't I just move on or at least pretend that I'm ok. Husband says he knows I'm struggling - I can't help feel bad that I'm letting him down which just destroys me. This is SO hard. I'm looking to him to make me feel better but if I can't help myself how can I expect him to help me?! I have an aching in my chest that wont go away. Starting to worry that our close friends will start finding me boring. I feel like I'm fighting tears all of the time - we watched Armageddon last night and yes it was sad so I would have cried but I was hysterically crying - more for me than the film! I must have looked ridiculous. Think I'm going to get hubby to ask about counselling when he phones the clinic back tomorrow. What else do I do?!

    Offline _MrsH_

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    « Reply #75 on: 14/10/14, 19:12 »
    The hospital still havent called back! Grrr I know they are busy but still, you'd expect a call wouldn't you! Gonna ring them tomorrow. Hoping it might be some positive news regarding out funding.

    Had a bit of a break down yesterday - covered a rubbish class and left feeling a bit teary - ended up blubbing for hours. Went straight hom obviously and just couldnt stop crying! xx

    Offline _MrsH_

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    « Reply #76 on: 19/10/14, 18:26 »
    Bit of an update, not been on since last week and I've had a busy one. Didn't get any response back from the hospital so on Wednesday I phoned them myself as I was fed up of waiting and I actually felt a bit stronger. I told them I'd had my cycle cancelled last week and wanted a bit of extra information as I was quite upset the previous week. The nurse I spoke to was lovely and made me feel better. I asked about whether it was classed as an attempt or not and she said it wasn't as it was a cancelled cycled and everyone is entitled to one cancelled cycle. So we still have 2 IVF tries thank goodness. We felt such relief, it was a weight lifted - the hubby almost cried with relief. The nurse also said that we could go again as soon as my period started which she said should be around 2 weeks - I hope so. Although we tried to have lots of sex....so hopefully my period won't need to start!!  If not I can get going again. We are so pleased - thought it might be after Christmas but obviously not!! Eeek....we are still sad the last attempt failed but at least we have had some positive news!

    I then manned up enough to attend a infertility support group in Sheffield which was great! I've put off going for around a year and I have no idea why, it was so good for me and was just what I needed. I met some lovely, lovely women. Will definitely be going again.

    I then got a text off my brothers girlfriend who has a 3 month old baby - she text to see how I was so I said I'd been better, to which she replied 'when do you start ivf?' so I said we'd had it and it failed the week before. Her response was 'I'm really not coping, being a mum is so hard.' No response to our IVF attempt at all. Like sh1t I care if she's not coping - why would you even say that to someone who has 30 seconds previously said their chances of being a mum are running out?!!!  Get stuffed, stupid girl!!

    Then, to top it off, yesterday I was talking to my mum...and to say we don't have the best relationship is an understatement. Anyway, she was crying about my grandad being ill so I was very sympathetic. She then went on to Bleep my brothers girlfriend off (the one mentioned above) so I decided to tell her about the above incident....having not told my mum we'd even had IVF I thought she'd have something to say about it.....which she did - she just said 'that doesn't surprise me, that is so like her!' No mention to the fact I'd said IVF has been cancelled or anything!! I had to laugh (otherwise I'd have cried!!) It no longer surprises me!

    I spoke to my friend who was an IVF nurse and she told me that every cancelled cycle shouldn't class as an attempt at all so going to query it when we start. She also said that to ensure we get an egg collection no matter how many follicles there are if it will use an attempt.

    Offline _MrsH_

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    « Reply #77 on: 26/10/14, 22:48 »
    Had a few pains over the weekend, feel like my period is starting which is rubbish - was hoping for something positive to happen. We did something naughty and injected for a few extra days after our cancelled cycle to give us a bit of a chance. I know its bad but who wouldn't do whatever was possible to give them a decent chance of conceiving?? I'm sure as hell positive  that we wouldn't be the only ones to do it. Anyway I don't think it will have worked. I had pink speckles of blood when I wiped on Saturday but it has since disappeared. My friend said it could be implantation bleeding but I don't think we'd be that lucky.

    One of the women I have been talking to from the support group I went to the other week emailed round to see if anyone would be willing to do an article for the local paper about how it feels to be infertile and to have ivf. I contacted her and said we would be willing to do it although I wouldn't want a photo or our names to be used. She agreed that it would be fine and wanted to know how it feels from mine and my husbands point of few. I'll include what we both said below but it will be in our local paper next week. I'm feeling a bit nervous now to be honest. Reading what my husband said was so emotional.


    Here is what I said.....
    I don't think any of us as we grow up think that we'd have a baby through fertility treatment. It most certainly wasn't in my plan. I thought it'd be all hearts and flowers and would happen naturally - I didn't plan this!!

    I'm 26 (27 in a week!) and my husband is 33. I currently work as a Cover Teacher within a Secondary School and my husband works as a Lab Technician. We have been together 6 1/2 years and have been trying to conceive for 5 1/2 years. We decided to start trying early on as I have known since I was 17 that I have PCOS and it would be harder to conceive. We tried naturally for about a year and a half before being referred to Jessops. Our experience at Jessops has been mostly positive and they have always being thorough. I have had endless tests ranging from blood, to scans to surgery requiring general anaesthetic. As a woman I have to say it all feels extremely intrusive. There's never going to be anything normal about flashing your bits to all and sundry!! It does however get easier! 

    We are quite lucky in the fact that our best friends are on the same journey so we have a good source of support (which is vital)...it doesn't however, make it easier to deal with! We have since had 3 rounds of IUI which all ended in a negative result which devastated me enough but then to have an IVF cycle cancelled due to poor response was the worst feeling ever. I always seem to struggle with the fact that I am stopping my husband having the family he so desperately wants. I think this feeling is the one that gets me more than anything - the thought that I am letting him down.

    I sometimes spend days crying - why me? We are a religious couple and I think its hard to wonder why God would make us suffer! We know we'd be great parents, loving and kind, so why would God make us fight so hard - especially when alcoholics and druggies are free to pop them out. Starting IVF was another issue with religion - I fought with my conscience that it wasn't ethical to even think about having treatment but in the end I thought if I had to choose I would choose a family!

    My husband feels that it is harder watching me go through treatment than what it is for him - he knows how much I struggle with the guilt and there is nothing he can do about it. Sometimes the men are a bit like a spare part as there isn't much to do when the woman carries the problems - infact I secretly hoped in the beginning David had the issues and not me! He feels the waiting is the worst thing....waiting for appointments, waiting for treatment, waiting for results!

    No one chooses this journey and it is quite easy to crumble - we are lucky to have the support of my mother in law as my family are useless - no one bothers to ask which sometimes I think hurts more than the daily injections, the headaches, the nausea, the backache, the scans, the bloods....the waiting!


    Here is my husbands response....
    I find talking about mine and my wife's infertility quite difficult, I say our infertility because that's what it is, I cant have children without my wife and likewise for her. We are a unit that is in this together. I find it quite easy to be logical and break things down and try to see each part of the process as a step forward whereas she sees it as a whole. For us there has been many setbacks to get the point of actual ivf, with weight, three rounds of iui, illness and operations, which all have caused my wife to be distraught with grief at times and this makes me feel absolutely helpless. I can only offer my shoulder to cry on and to say we will get there in the end, but with the nagging thought that we could possibly not get there in the end. With positive news from time to time I find myself like the party pooper quelling the excitement, always with an eye on what could go wrong. This is not to say I don't get excited but my theory is plan for the worst hope for the best. I sort of wish that it was me with the actual problem because I cant do anything to help her. I also feel that no matter what the end result for us is, that we will have come through this together it has made us stronger, and for this I am thankful, not everyone has such a difficult time in their relationship, this is the reason I am thankful, children or not I look at my wife and feel proud that we have shared something so intimate, and when I look at my wife im proud to say that yes we are having fertility problems, but this woman is besides me, she is here to support me, and I to support her, nothing could buy this or take it away.   


    This makes me incredibly emotional as my husband tends to keep his feelings to himself for fear of upsetting me.

    Please Note: Fertility Friends does not endorse any type of self medication/DIY drugs administering. We strongly advise you to seek advice from your GP/clinic on any aspects when self administering drugs of this nature and do not do so without professional medical supervision/approval.

    Offline _MrsH_

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    IUI starting January 2014 - New Year New Start
    « Reply #78 on: 29/10/14, 23:48 »
    Everyone around me is announcing they're having a baby!  :'(    It is driving me insane. I just want my turn now. Our article will be appearing in the local paper tomorrow - I was sent a copy tonight and it really upset me seeing it in print. It didn't include everything that I said but it makes some wonderful points throughout the article - she has done a fab job. I just want to give my husband a family. Hopefully we can start round 2 soon.

    Offline _MrsH_

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    « Reply #79 on: 9/11/14, 16:29 »
    No such luck for us this time.........no amount of self-medication has given us our dream this months - AF started on Friday.....only a couple of hours after we took another negative pregnancy test! Gutted  :'(       It did mean that we have managed to start IVF round 2. We went for our scan and bloods on Saturday which meant we could start injecting this morning. On the paperwork at the hospital there was an error......again! Shock horror!!  It said we were having icsi so we questioned it as my husband has a healthy sperm count - luckily this was a mistake and they apologised. I wish they'd take more care. Everything looked good with the scan - we are on a dose of 175 of Gonal F and start Cetrotide on Thursday. Feeling rather emotional and feeling rather sorry for myself today.

    We went out for tea with my brother, his girlfriend and my 1 year old nephew last night and my nephew wanted to hug me all the time - even today when I think about it has made me incredibly emotional!! Im a wreck. Then to top it off we went to Church this morning and as it was Armistice Day I teared up through both the service in Church and again at the Cenotaph! What is going on!!!