IUI starting January 2014 - New Year New Start

[_MrsH_]

So today has been a sh!t one to say the least.....I am emotional, irritable, fed up, angry - you name it I'm feeling it. Feeling like I'm losing it a bit to be honest. I don't think I will ever have the strength to get through another cycle of IVF - if not physically definitely emotionally!

I went to the hospital yesterday for another scan and bloods. I took my mother-in-law along as my husband had to go to a Uni day in Leeds. My MIL is an amazing woman - so supportive and nurturing. I had my scan and nothing much is happening - the nurse said that the largest follicle is 8.9 so they wouldn't even class it as growing until it reaches 10. I'm honestly not holding out much hope - I think we will be cancelled again which will devastate me. I asked the nurse who did the scan if we could up our dose of gonal f and she said they don't usually up it during a cycle but she said I could have bloods done just incase and she'd speak to the doctor at their meeting at lunchtime.

I then went out to Costa with my friend for about 4 hours! Was lovely to chat and catch up. I rang the hospital whilst out and they have agreed to up my dose to 225 from 175 but they want to see me again on Monday to keep an eye on me. Now I don't think this is enough time to see growth so I messaged my friend who was an IVF nurse and she said it is enough time for them to see any improvements and will give them a chance to up it again if need be. I bloody hope it works - I can't handle the disappointment.

I had a chat with my MIL last night and she said she found it really upsetting coming with me as she feels that other people bang on about their little issues as if they are major problems and she said they aren't in comparison to ours. She broke my heart - it was so sad. I don't think that we'd get through it if it wasn't for her.

I can definitely tell that the dose has been increased - I am in a terrible mood. Tried to inject my cetrotide myself so I didn't have to wake my husband but I couldn't do it - it hurt too much. I know I should man up but it was horrible - feel like I'd let myself down.

[FertilityFriends]

[_MrsH_]

We were here super early this morning so had a scan already. Have one follicle of around 15, then around 4/5 that are around 12 then a few that are nineteen 8&10. Got to have bloods done. Really not holding much hope of lasting to egg collection!  The nurse, Cal, was lovely. She said she'll have to take it to the meeting at lunch but they might give me another few days or decide if canceling would give us a better chance next time! How do we get through this journey?!!

[_MrsH_]

Had a busy day yesterday - went for our scan for which I wasn't holding out much hope then went to see Lady Gaga which was amazing!!

I phoned the hospital after work yesterday and spoke to Cal again. She was lovely and asked how I was feeling which no one has ever asked on the phone so I could have cried! They have decided to keep us going until Saturday and we will go back then for another scan. I'm praying we will have some positive news tomorrow.

I then had a bit of a nightmare this morning - there was an air bubble in the Cetrotide so my husband removed it but part of the injection shot out! Then to top it off he injected it and must have hit a little capillary or something so it started coming out!! This ended in a huge row before I stomped off to work!!

I phoned them to check if we needed to do anything and the nurse I spoke to wasn't very nice - I explained what had happened and she basically shouted at me that it didn't matter if there was an air bubble and we should have just injected it! I told her that we'd been shown to remove it when we had training but she said I hadn't(!!) Then she asked how long we'd been on Cetrotide so I said over a week now (which is true!) so she said 'you can't have, we don't let you inject for longer than a week'.  Grrrr I know how long I've been on it - stupid woman!!! Anyway....in the end she said that it didn't matter and to just inject tomorrow as normal! Wow!!! I hate stupid people!!

[_MrsH_]

Oh my good God! We're going to egg collection!! Don't know if I'm relieved or shitting myself!  :-) we have around 8 follicles that are ready to go. Then there were some that were ever so slightly under. So hopefully they'll be bigger by then too. I'm so scared now! Trish the nurse, said that I have a endometrial cyst in my womb which want there Thursday so they are going to keep an eye on it. Fingers crossed that's nothing to worry about. Eeeekk

[_MrsH_]

Today has been the biggest moment so far on our ivf journey, how we got through it I don't know. Today was egg collection, I was absolutely terrified as I didn't know what to expect and I think that makes it worse sometimes doesn't it.

We were late to the hospital as traffic was terrible, should have been there at 8.30 but got there 20 minutes late so David was stressing but it didn't matter really as they were running late.

We went through and had a chat with the embryologist about what would happen then David went off to do his business which took ages as he said he had stage fright!

Then it was time to get ready and get gowned up. This was when the nerves truly hit. I thought I'd be more emotional at this point but I felt ok. I had my cannula fitted and had a paracetamol drip attached then it was time to do the serious stuff!!

We went into theatre to manic Monday playing....very apt!!  I had 4 women looking at my nether region which was strange lol  I suppose you get used to it! Then I was given some morphine like pain relief and some entinox and we began. To be honest I thought it'd be a, lot worse than it was, but I am hurting more now. Don't get me wrong, it bloody hurt but I could handle it with the gas and air. The only problem was the gas made me feel sick so I tried not to have too much.

They checked on the cyst I had on Saturday and it'd gone down. They managed to get 8 eggs out although 1 was immature. They seemed quite positive that we should have at least 4.

The plan is to call us tomorrow morning to see how they have fertilised overnight. It's weird to think we could have little babies cooking as I type!! They will then phone on Thursday and if they aren't brilliant we'll go in Thursday afternoon but if they are holding on we'd go back Saturday.

You think the worry is over but it begins again after every phase, now it's worry about whether our babies survive the night, then the week. It's nerve wracking.

I was exhausted afterwards, I didn't sleep well but also think it was through the anxiety and emotion of the day. I was thinking about my mother in law being emotional when I was laid in theatre which brought a, tear to my eye. Then when I was moved back to our room I couldn't stop crying! Then my brother in law sent me a lovely text which set me off again and made my hubby choke up.

I'm now laid on the settee at home, I'm tired, drained and in pain. I walked across the road to the in laws before and it was agony...surely it shouldn't be this painful?!

Anyway I'm off to bed....I'm shattered. Fingers crossed for tomorrow xx

[_MrsH_]

Morning, just had the first phone call. Only 3 out of 7 have fertilised. I'm feeling quite disappointed now. I was hoping for 4. Why we beat ourselves up continually?! They said they will be using time lapse, and will give us a quick ring tomorrow. They have provisionally booked us in for Thursday morning but should know tomorrow. She did say that if all 3 did well we'd hold out until Saturday....which I don't feel positive about.
I forgot to start the pessaries last night as I fell to sleep, I've started this morning, hope it doesn't matter!

It's all so stressful, I feel drained! Still feeling sore this morning, hope it wears off.

[_MrsH_]

Quick update - all 3 embryos are going strong, they've split like they are supposed to. We are having them transferred on Saturday at 11:40 am. Feeling rather nervous about it all now. We've decided to tell our family they cancelled us while we were there to take some pressure off - then if it is positive we'll be able to surprise them over Christmas. I know it sounds like a horrible thing to do but I'm feeling under pressure now.

[_MrsH_]

Today has overtaken last Monday as the biggest day of our lives.......the day where it really feels like make or break and the day that could hopefully be the first day of the rest of our lives. Today egg collection took place!!

The hospital rang this morning and said that one embryo had died (or at least it feels like it has died), one was excellent and the third was starting to dwindle and they weren't sure whether it would make it to freezing although they aid they'd know by the time we got there for our appointment at 11:40am.

Anyway egg collection seemed to go well - they said that the one they put back in was a grade 4/4/2 (must be a good omen with the football formation!) - not really sure what that means though - she said it was good but I'm so confused by it all sometimes. The second one was 4/3/1 so they are going to check it tomorrow and ring us to let us know if it will freeze - they wouldn't put it back in with the first as they said they wanted to leave it overnight - surely since it is my body and my embryo and the fact that it might go to waste if it can't be frozen they should have put it in too?!

Anyway - I'm not going to dwell on it (or I'll at least try!) - I'm going to relax as much as possible....easier said than done!! I have a new dog coming tomorrow so he will keep us busy I'm sure!  We are going back for the result on the 9th December when our lives might really change forever!! Eeeeeekkkk. My husband is going in for an operation on the 8th with it OTD but I'm hoping to have some signs by then!

The hospital gave us a picture of our strongest little emby before he went back in and then another of him in my tummy - I can't stop looking at it in awe! Amazing to think I'm now PUPO!!!

[_MrsH_]

So stressed!!! Started off today with the embryologist calling to say the final embryo hadn't made it - bit annoyed that they didn't just transfer them both yesterday. Just going to try and relax any pray this little stay where they are! We then got our new dog today who is adorable although a little boistrous!!....hoping we have him calmed soon. The hubby then nipped to get him some dog food and I was texting my friend, I looked up to find a druggy that lives down the road hammering on my window! She was shouting at me accusing me of grassing on her for selling cocaine and reporting her to social services...which would be ok if I had any idea of what she was on about!! She was screaming she was going to torch the house and everything - I absolutely sh1t myself!! I was so shocked - all I could think was 'don't get stressed, think of the embryo'. She eventually went and I phoned my husband who was nearly home - then when he got back she was screaming at saying she was gonna kill me!! I was shaking for an hour....i phoned the police and they haven't been out yet! I keep jumping and watching out of the window incase she comes back. This is the last thing I need.

[_MrsH_]

So the reign of terror goes on! Sat waiting for the police as the druggy down the road has been back causing trouble. Luckily I wasn't in and was out with my father-in-law at the time but I'm absolutely terrified. I haven't been in on my own since and we keep the door locked at all times. All this stress can't be good for our little embryo surely - I need it to stay strong, even though I'm not feeling strong.

The police came the other day and they went to see her and she was still adamant that it was me who has grassed on her as my husbands sister has told her it was!! The police also believe it was his sister! We're devastated. Meanwhile his sister said it isn't her who told her that...although she admitted it was her who had actually reported her!!

I just feel constantly sick - I cant settle at all. I dont want to be in house on my own at all and I make sure the door is locked at all times.

Whilst writing this the police have phoned to say that they aren't coming as it isn't an emergency! My husband has to go to the station tomorrow! I honestly cant cope xx