* Author Topic: IUI starting January 2014 - New Year New Start  (Read 13360 times)

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Offline _MrsH_

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IUI starting January 2014 - New Year New Start
« Reply #90 on: 9/12/14, 07:26 »
Had a bit of an emotional week this week, started off feeling like af was coming but that has since gone and I keep getting feelings of nausea when I move. I just pray our little miracle wants to stay with us. I'm petrified that it will be a negative yet can't comprehend a positive either. The feeling of utter dread that we might never get our dream is awful. I don't want to let my husband down, we've come so far to be let down now.


On my way for blood test! Don't hold much hope though, just don't think we'll be that lucky. We will also wait until Feb/mar time, if not later, I think I need a break from it. There's only so much of being strong that you can do isn't there.


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    Offline _MrsH_

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    IUI starting January 2014 - New Year New Start
    « Reply #91 on: 9/12/14, 16:34 »
    Never would I have ever thought that I would be writing this but I am..............


    Had such amazing news. We got our very first BIG FAT POSITIVE!! Eeeeeeeekkkkkk.

    I'm in absolute total shock - we still can't believe it. Our hcg levels were 62 so still slightly low so we have to go back on Thursday for a repeat blood test but we are going to stay hopeful....this is our time.  Our friend who was an ivf nurse said that at her old work anything over 50 was a good positive. I hope so!

    This morning was the only time that I'd fully allowed myself to believe I could be - I was eating a bacon sandwich and suddenly felt so sick.........but then I dismissed it because I couldn't quite believe that I could ever be pregnant!!  But we are. Part of me doesn't want to get my hopes up but I can't help it!

    We rushed out to get a digital pregnancy test so we could see the words written down...it was so exciting!! Arghhh!!! 

    We went up to tell my mother-in-law and because I'd been crying she thought it was negative so I just said we're gonna be a mummy and daddy...she replied 'f*ck off!! haha  She couldn't believe it either.

    Offline _MrsH_

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    IUI starting January 2014 - New Year New Start
    « Reply #92 on: 11/12/14, 19:04 »
    Today has been the WORST day in our last 6 years of trying to conceive. Went for repeat bloods to check that the hcg levels were doubling....not only were they not doubling but they were also falling. They had dropped to 14!! Looks like we are in the early stages of a miscarriage and have been told to watch out for the signs of ectopic pregnancy.

    We are broken!  :'(   absolutely devastated, gutted. I can't even think of any other words. I can't stop crying - my whole face hurts I've cried that much. Having to then tell the few we'd told was another blow. Why can't we get our break. We have had the worst year which we thought had just dramatically improved and then bamm our happy rug is pulled from under us and our world is shattered!!

    Offline _MrsH_

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    IUI starting January 2014 - New Year New Start
    « Reply #93 on: 20/12/14, 21:29 »
    Really struggling on the inside at the moment - can't get over losing our little miracle. Even though we were only 4 weeks and 2 days pregnant it still felt like our baby....our chance of a family. I probably sound ridiculous to so many people but I feel like I'm grieving for an actual child - is that stupid?? I don't know. If it is then thats just how I feel. I don't know how to move on. I've struggled through the last week at work - no idea how i've got here.

    We had another appointment at the hospital on Thursday to check my hormone levels had gone back to 0 which they have so I'm not officially not pregnant again...lucky me! We saw Cecilia who is such a lovely, caring nurse. I had a little cry as she made the mistake of asking me how I am. She was so understanding bless her. I so feel like I've let David down. We are booked in to see Dr Sharifa Hashim on the 15th January and she also recommended that I book in for counselling so I'm down to see someone on the 9th January. I hope it helps.

    I booked myself in at my doctors on Friday and saw a lovely doctor (Dr Tiagi) to try and get booked in for some counselling through my doctors as travelling to Sheffield every week is a nightmare and costs me a fortune. Plus the appointments are during the day so means more time off work. The doctor was wonderful - I cried....obviously! It didn't matter though and she didn't make me feel bad for it. She offered me a sick note for stress but since I'm off for two weeks it doesn't really matter at the minute so she said when we start our next round I can go and get one which was nice of her. She said she could only understand how I was feeling from the outside due to family going through the same thing. Anyway I was booked onto the waiting list for counselling but will stick to the appointment at jessops in the meantime.

    Offline _MrsH_

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    IUI starting January 2014 - New Year New Start
    « Reply #94 on: 1/01/15, 20:26 »
    So it's now a new year.....another year where I've started it not being a mummy and my husband not being a daddy. That makes me so sad. We should be going for our first scan tomorrow  :'(

    I'm still finding it incredibly tough, I got through Chirstmas ok but it's always there - it's always on my mind. I can't forget. I so desperately want to feel like me again and I don't, not yet. I want to cry....all of the time....but I can't because I feel numb. The brave face slips sometimes but I'm trying to stay strong. At least we have each other. And we have our little Winston. We definitely got our dog at the right time - he pulled us both from a dark place.

    We have decided to put off treatment until around March - to give us chance to lose a bit of weight and get healthy for the best chance. Our best friends will be moving to live near us in January too and as they are due to have IVF again around the same time we will be able to support each other. I can't wait.

    Here's to new beginnings.....and new experiences.

    Offline _MrsH_

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    IUI starting January 2014 - New Year New Start
    « Reply #95 on: 12/01/15, 19:20 »
    Been a while since I wrote on here - I've had to have a little time out of it all and step back a little bit. Been feeling really low about everything and the time out has hopefully done me some good. Still feel really sad, we should have had our first scan by now and would be 10 weeks. I know I should just try to move forward but I'm finding it increasingly difficult.

    I had my first session of counselling last Friday - I came out feeling deflated so I'm hoping that this is normal. I can't say I feel any better for it if I'm being totally honest. We also have our follow up appointment with Dr Sharif on Thursday so hopefully we will know when we can go again....soon I hope as I'm putting off another operation for my bladder pacemaker that I need until the next round is out of the way.

    Offline _MrsH_

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    IUI starting January 2014 - New Year New Start
    « Reply #96 on: 19/01/15, 18:43 »
    Had our follow up appointment last week. It wasn't too bad actually - Dr Sharif (?) was lovely. We discussed our next attempt and agreed they'd try a higher dose of medication in hope of getting enough eggs to freeze. Since I had all those complications last year after I had my gallbladder out I've put some weight back on so we have decided to take a couple of months to get healthy again. It also gives me chance to have an operation to have a bladder pacemaker fitted which I have been putting off for 18 months! Also, my period was due a week ago and hasn't shown yet - is it normal after an early miscarriage to be late?