* Author Topic: Info on your donor - NHS  (Read 1488 times)

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Offline sarahsuperdork

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Info on your donor - NHS
« Reply #10 on: 13/08/14, 23:50 »
We got given info on height, weight, eye and hair colour, nationality, blood group and occupation. Our donor was Scandinavian due to the shortage of donors in the UK at the moment. I did a bit of research as I thought only our son can access more info (non-identifying) at 16 but we as parents can apply to the HFEA earlier and receive this. I think we probably will, just so we have as much info as we can to give our son if/when he asks for it.

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    Offline bailey434

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    Info on your donor - NHS
    « Reply #11 on: 14/08/14, 07:48 »
    There are also some good books (bedtime story sort of books) on Amazon for ways to tell children in a really normal way so that it's not a big deal later on. Definitely worth a look  :)
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    Offline Lilly83

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    « Reply #12 on: 14/08/14, 08:30 »
    Sarah

    I wondered if as a parent you could access the info, its a tough one, I think personally I wouldn't get the info before the child, there's a big chance they might not want to know anything and I'm not sure I would like to know then find out they didn't, like opening a can of worms, that's just my views though not saying its the right way

    I went to a donor seminar and some parents of donor conceived children did a talk, one had twins from known donor eggs, the other had a 19 year old anon sperm donor son, it was really interesting

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    Offline sarahsuperdork

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    « Reply #13 on: 14/08/14, 09:03 »
    Lilly, yes I think you're right in some cases. I guess you can't possibly know when your children are babies whether or not they'll want to know anything in the future. It also depends on whether or not the children are told that they were donor conceived - I know some families choose not to. For us, because we're a same sex couple, our son will always know he was donor conceived and I'd like to be armed with as much information as possible, even if he wasn't interested. The HFEA recommends that you prepare your child for a lack of information (since much of it is optional and not all donors offer it) but I thought if we find out what information there is now, while he's too young to know, we won't have to prepare him for anything because we'll know exactly what information there is available.

    And it might sound a bit odd, but I'd like to know, too. Because we're two mums, it doesn't feel as though we're displacing anyone by tracing rudimentary information about the donor we used. There's no dad in our house to feel sidelined, if you like.

    Offline wibble-wobble

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    « Reply #14 on: 14/08/14, 10:23 »
    I don't want my hubby to feel sidelined but I would like to know what info there is on her donor before she does, like others have said just to prepare her for what she might get later on if that's what she decides she wants to do.

    We haven't spoken about what to tell her and when since we first found out we were going down the donor route. Which was pretty much 2 years ago. I'm hoping dh is still in the same mindset as then. He is and always will be her dad, nurture plays a more important role than nature.

    He only ever knew what his mum told him about his bio father and I know he is curious to know more  about that part of his family tree (unfortunately tho his bio dad died in the 90's and he was quite a bit older than his mum so his grandparents aren't around either, and as far as we  know his dad was an only child)

    He doesn't think of his bio dad as his 'real dad'  he always says my dad was his best ever dad ( he has a step dad ) but it was my dad that showed him what a real father was. I'm hoping he still has all this mind as I  really want my daughter to know how she has got here and not find out when she is an adult. I'm working up the courage to have the conversation about it with him soon

    Offline Sasha23

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    « Reply #15 on: 15/08/14, 09:40 »
    We had the choice of 2 donors on the NHS.  We got the standard eye/hair colour ,height and weight. We also got a statement they had written about themselves.  We weren't 100% sure about either so asked what other options we had.  The clinic contacted the National Gamete Society and they did a search for us and came back with 2 more options from a private clinic in the UK.  We chose one as it ticked all our boxes and we felt much happier with this choice and preferred his personal statement (we had to pay for the samples).  We also payed and extra 50 to get a lot more information, including a photo of the donor as a baby and a good will letter for the child when he/she reaches 18.  So we have all the information ready.  I have to say at the time reading through the information and seeing the picture was very emotional but I'm glad we have it.

    I had 3 failed donor IUI's, followed by a cancelled ivf due to high fsh.  We were then told we wouldn't get nhs funding unless we used egg donor too.  We changed clinics, got our sperm donor samples transferred, had a full ivf cycle with my own eggs, NHS funded and I'm now 18 weeks pregnant with identical twins. :0)

    Offline WolfyOne

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    « Reply #16 on: 16/08/14, 17:58 »
    We had to go private as donor treatment is not funded in our area. Info we were given about our donor options was height, weight, race, hair colour, eye colour, occupation and two interests.