* Author Topic: home education diary  (Read 56637 times)

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Offline jdm4tth3ws

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« Reply #110 on: 8/11/14, 08:41 »
I have been noticing recently that he wont give much eye contact, he flits to an frim your face all the while hes speaking. he seeks out 1 particular girl at meet ups and she has asd. from what ive been reading, kids without asd dont seek out kids with asd. asd kids become victims of bullying v quickly due to being different. A cant verbalise things when hes happy, but can verbalise and physically show anger.
i have started to notice that when were shopping he has to put remaining stock tidy and neat symmetrical. eg i aaked him to get 3 bottles of milk for me, which he did. but that left the shel with 3 untidy bottles so i had to move them down to the next shelf where they fit in with the rest of the bottles and were symmetrical to the rest. i didnt say a word.
things have to be done exactly as stated or we.have major arguements. and its simply not worth it. another example, when we wake up, most mornings he wakes.up angry ??? but on the rare occasion he wakes up happy, we have fun in the bedroom (like today) and then when we move to go downstairs, he gets halfway down the stairs and his face changes. gets to the living room door and its full on bad mood! i actually hate.morning where he wakes up happy as i know.its waiting for a ticking time bomb. and its always such a shock to my system when he reverts to bad mood when we get downstairs. my brain doesnt cope well with the sudden tempreture shift as i am not by nature a morning person, but i do try hard to be light and breezy. the sudden alteration in mood really messes with my head and is such a culture shock. they are playing on my bed as i write this and i can already hear the voice changing from pleasant to whingeing which will be full on bqd temper by the time we get downstairs. but, as my heart sinks. i am at least ready for it today.

i honestly dont know if time out really does anything for him as when we've used it, he doesnt show real remorse. he just goes through the motions.

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    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    « Reply #111 on: 8/11/14, 09:11 »
    He doesnt show happiness as such. even on days out he wanted to go to, he finds ways of losing his temper and spoiling what was previously a nice day. i do nit charge him with this, just tey to make the best out if a bad situation.
    J on the other hand is a breeze. wakes up in a good mood, stays in a good mood, is cuddly and responsive. makes eye contact all the time. we play 'look into my eys'. alot. basically we look into each others eyes, nose to nose, and we see who can hold out the longest without laughing. normally J cracks first. A cant do it very often. he does ocassionally manage 1 minute but it doesnt make.him laugh, it makes him angry. i used to play this with my eldest and he was like J found it extrememly funny. C used to expect comfort when he fell over, J does now. A has never wanted comfort. instead the tears are anger because he has fell, not because hes hurt himself. when i have gone to comfort him, he has pushed me away very forcefully screaming no i dont want it. now, we ask do you want comforting amd the answer is always no, i dont need you two.
    i do feel that he has mild asd although i refuse to go back to gp or camhs as i will handle this my own way. we prefer to be an insular family with no (authority/or medical) outside interference. i also dont want him labelled. so all we can do is deal with every situation as they arise and adjust parenting accordingly. appropraite punishment/reward/ignorance to each individual situation as we see fit. he actually hasnt been too bad since that major meltdown, he had 1 the following day, where he started slamming the door and i simply said "thats not acceptable, your ban will be extended" he then threw himself on the floor (not age appropriate at nearly 7) and had a screaming jag for 10 mins, which we ignored. he hit the door once which again got the not acceptable i will extend ban if you carry on and he stopped. he calmex down relatively quickly and moved on to other activities.
    cuddles are not cuddles with him. they are power hugs. him tryi.g to assert his authority (like a dog does) he stays rigid the whole time and he is the one that has aaked for a cuddle. J when being cuddled, relaxes his body into you and is soft and squidgy (ifykwim) but A is rigid and hard. forces his head down on your ahoulder with such fierceness, it does hurt. keeps his face out of your eyeline, looks ahead, rather than at the cuddler. i honestly dont know if it is asd or detachment issues because of his forst yr of life and therefore he doesnt trust us as parents. because he was early and fast, i went into shock for quite a while. couldnt even remember how to turn a running tap off in my own home!!!! so my friend 'helped' however, when i was compos mentus she carried on 'helping'. pusheling me out of the way to get to the baby first, handing him to my mum when she came round. forever nursing and holding him. she weaned him, she taught him to sit up etc, etc, etc. at night he would scream for her and wouldnt settle for me. this went on for quite a while. my dh didnt know how to stop what was happening. A wouldnt settle.for him either. A would look for 'friend' when she went home at night. then my uncle died. and friend got ill.  i still feel he doesnt trust us deep down so dh had to have A for almost 3 months while i cleared my uncles house out. she had depression so didnt come to 'help' with A. after hat i couldnt take anymore, had a row with ber and moved house. we didnt see friend for 3 yrs on a social aspect. but i feel A grieved for her.

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    « Reply #112 on: 8/11/14, 09:24 »
    I feel he doesnt trust us deep down as those early connections werent made with his parents. we dont see her at all now. although she did come round about 6 weeks ago, but thankfully the kids were still at school. so didnt even know she had been. i never allow her to see the boys especially A anymore.
    from my perspective i feel cheated and betrayed. emotionally and financially and physically we went through hell to get him. icsi hard work. the pregnancy was tough. spent the first 12 weeks in bed as every time i moved i bled loads and threatened to miscarry. after 12 wks sciatica kicjed in big time and by the 6 month i was bed bound. i went out twice a day. in a morning to get my friend up (she lived next door) so she would be up in time to get her kids to school. i would go on the school run with her in the car. and then go on afternoon school run with her. she was at the birth. she was involved in everything. and then when i had him and i was truly shocked (3 wks early and he came out in 1 go) i had what my mum called an agie fit. shaking so much i couldnt hold the baby. my brain just shut down. i came out of it slowly aftr 6 wks but she already had her claws into him by then.
    i dont think any of us really recovered from this lack of bonding process.
    we just try to work with what weve got.
    J was a different kettle of fish. she was no longer around and i eaised him right from the word go, how and when i wanted. i weaned when i felt he was ready, i manged to bf him for 6 months. i didnt with A. 6 wkz was a i manged and my milk dried up. i taught J to sit up, to play with toys, to walk, to talk, everything. J has no issues.
    A has so many (and so do i) that sometimes hes hard to read and to onow what to do for the best for him. J i am almost certain 95% of the time what is right for him.
    maybe its me with the problems, dont know. but i wont go for counselling as i feel they would report me to social services - paranoia i know, but thats what keeps me alive and striving to be the best mum i can, to all of them!
    anyway on a lighter note im off to collect my puppy :)

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    « Reply #113 on: 8/11/14, 22:51 »
    Walter is home!!!!  im slouching on the sofa and hes asleep on my shoulder. aah bless.
    he has already had a tap on his nose. he snapped at my big baby. so yes he got a tap and a sharp no! an hour later hes puppu barking (soooo cute) and setting big boy, trying to get him to play :-). but every time moo goes near him, he runs off and vice versa to be fair. so funny. J will not leave him alone. poor A doesnt get a look in. my triplet friend (walters first human mum) agrees A problems could be either asd or parent detachment. so juries out. she has an older son with adhd, ocd and tourettes and asd tendencies. still not going to grt him 'diagnosed' i do not want him labelled. at the end of the day he is who he is. a label is not going to change that. There are improvements - he doesnt rely on J as much for compqnionship, but still steuggles in noisy households. twice he took himself off to another room on his own, just to play on his own and get a break. but thays ok. he still dictates how long we stay atm, after about 4 hrs he had had enouvh and was saying i want to go home now. hopefully though he will start to calm down as we need to have quiet time due to pup joining household. we will be tied down to the house until Walter is a bit bigger and stands a chance of defending himself.
    cat ignored Walter and hasnt tried to escape so thays good. walter has approached the rats cage but i keep moving him away from columbus. partially blind but excellent hearing. she will nip him.
    A asked why we couldnt bring Walters mum home as well and i said cos shes my friends dog. yes but she'll miss him. so i had to explain that after a certain amount of time they will forget they are related and will possibly try to make babies with each other and thats not good as they are so closely related. said their puppies wouldnt come out right or could be dead and that would be awful. funny enough he was quite happy with that explanation. more than i wanted to give at this time, but fair enough.
    so new car, new pup, new ............... future! lol

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    « Reply #114 on: 9/11/14, 19:12 »
    I bought A some cards that do animation yesterday. hirses running, eagles flying etc. today he gor one out and wrote on it 'thank you for taking me out of scool' and gave it to me. bless him!
    he completed an alien workbook today. :)
    Walter is sooo damn cute. mitch and Wally are doing ok. although moo was not impressed with wally trying to hump him.
    took moo for a walk today, on my own, just to get a breather drom family life as lively as it is. wally is not hpusetrained yet so wishing i could buy/invent puppy nappies lol :D
    my friend is beginning to settle with her new dog, but she has lost a friend of over 30 yrs, simply because shes had anither dog :O He told her it was him or a dog. she chose dog!!!!
    mum is still making snide comments about A's behaviour. 3 days before im due on. i dont know how i managed to bite my lip and shut up.
    sick of snide comments about his lack of good behaviour. i am doing my best here and it just doesnt feel good enough !

    Offline karenanna

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    « Reply #115 on: 9/11/14, 19:48 »
    Hi Jade

    If you don't wants to go to CAMHS or the GP how about seeking out a parents support group for ASD or a charity.

    There are some excellent ones out there and they may be able to give you advice about things that work and things that don't in a way that you are more comfortable with.

    Please don't try to just cope alone, as sometimes you do need some specialist advice to find your way and do what's best for your DS. It sounds as though learning some strategies for the different situations may help and a charity or parents support group could provide you with these.

    If you want help finding anything in your area let me know - I'm usually good and tracking these things down.

    KA xxx

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    « Reply #116 on: 10/11/14, 16:43 »
    Hii Karenanna,
    i think a charity/support group could possibly be a good idea. but i am a real technophobe and wouldnt know the first thing about searching them out, so that would be great thanks.
    things are looking better today. git my mum in the car, and told her what i suspect about A and said as nicely as possible that comments like "do u ever does as youre told" and "everyone has to lose games sometimes and if you insist on throwing cushions at me again i shall smack you, regardless of what mum/dad say" do not help. i asked her to think back. before she made losing comment what was he doing? she said i cant remember. as i said sulking on the sofa, she said yes thats right and then i said and when you made losing comment what happened. she said he launched 2 cushions at me. so i said yes, the situation escalated. i said if you jad ignored him, like i was, he would have come out of it quicker and easier than he actually did.
    i said its not like ypur day. your day kids wefe just naughty, i said hes not naughty, i seriously believe he has issues. whethef that be asd or delayed separation anxiety, i dont know. but please what he needs is patience, quiet and calm. not shouting and threats to hit him.
    she has said this is what she will tey to do in future.
    J recognised the word no today :-) A and i were doing a column of words, sorting out 'oh' 'or' and 'oo' sounds. and J saw the word no and pointed to it and said no. i was so chuffed. must write that in his diary tonight.
    think A and J both work better in.the afternoon. mornings are for racing around. afternoons sitting down to workbooks ir lego. etc.

    Walter is sleeping in his cage SHOCK HORROR!!!
    we have been down my friends this morning and got about 20 toys for him.and mitch to share. we have ran both dogs ragged with rhese toys and no both dogs are asleep, by themselves instead of on laps or shoulders :-D

    Offline karenanna

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    « Reply #117 on: 10/11/14, 18:30 »
    Jade - if you send me a personal message with what area you live in, I'll search some links out for you and send you a PM back.

    They usually have phone numbers, meetings etc... As well as online stuff.

    KA xxx

    PS any problems with knowing how to PM let me know

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    « Reply #118 on: 10/11/14, 22:47 »
    Done!
    oops walter has just been mitch slapped!!! got too close to big boys nether regions. mitch put his foot down with a firm hand. to be fair, walter has been trying to hump him on/off all day. waltef hid in a corner. hopefully, thays the worst over.
    boys were good at bedrime tonight. makes life so much more pleasant when that happens.
    walters first sets of vaccinations tomorrow. i'll just hand him over and say take him in the back. im not good with injecting kids/dogs. very squeamish. give me ivf jabs any day. i can do those things easily, piece of cake. inject or watch injecrions on my kids/dogs i have a virtual nervous breakdown. theres nowt as queer as folk!!! :-D

    Offline karenanna

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    « Reply #119 on: 11/11/14, 09:21 »
    Jade - have PM'd you with some links

    KA xxx