* Author Topic: Known-donor sperm  (Read 980 times)

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Offline HelpLorna

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Known-donor sperm
« on: 18/09/14, 07:15 »
Morning everyone! 

I know this topic is a whole can of worms and isn't a choice I would/will make lightly but... in order to help me work it out, I wonder if anyone has any experience of using a known-donor?  I have the potential to do this, and was wondering if you could recommend a lawyer to draft a contract etc etc.  He would be fine with non-anonymous in the sense that the child could contact him at 18 if they wished, but he has a wish for absolute secrecy until that point - something I understand but am not wholly comfortable with, hence my deliberation.  In all other respects he would be perfect.  Can anyone offer any advice (not on the concept but on the actual practicalities/realities?)

Many thanks xx

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    Offline Me, Myself and I

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    « Reply #1 on: 18/09/14, 08:14 »
    I don't think you can give him anonymity legally as not via hfea approved sperm bank. Even if did get something drawn up he could still break it and ask for access/parental responsibility/custody.

    The above and not being to guarantee health of donor werethe reasons I personally opted for a bank even if costly.

    Good luck

    Offline incywincy

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    « Reply #2 on: 17/10/14, 12:53 »
    Hi, this might be a bit late for you, but thought I'd reply in case.

    I used a known donor and looked into the legalities carefully.  You can get an agreement drawn up by a lawyer if you wish but it won't be legally binding.  I wrote an agreement myself and we signed it.  It's not legally binding but it shows that we've all discussed various points that concerned us and come to an agreement on them.  So if either party went to court, we couldn't be accused of not realising what each other was thinking, it shows that we've considered things like contact, custody, money, medical emergencies, parental responsibility.  I wrote it so it protects the interests of both recipient and donor, so they agree no parental responsibility or contact, we agree not to pursue for maintenance etc.

    I think your marital status makes a difference too.  If you are married or in a civil partnership your spouse/partner will go on the birth certificate as the child's second parent so that will give them legal rights.  I'm not sure what the advice is if you're not married or CPed. 

    The issue of secrecy until they're 18, you'd have to deal with that if you went through a clinic anyway.  So if you're not happy with that, you'd have to find another known donor who was willing to have contact.  From what I understand, in the rare cases where donors have later requested access to the child, they have been successful if they have had some contact with the child since birth.  If you've had no contact, they're less likely to win access to your child.

    Offline BroodyChick

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    « Reply #3 on: 24/10/14, 01:45 »
    Hi Lorna, if you and your donor have home inseminations the ladies are right whatever you draw up won't be legally binding and he would be the legal father.
    Take a look at Natalie Gamble's website for some case studies!
    If you wish to go through a fertility clinic you can introduce him there as your donor and he'd go through all the normal processes any donor would, and he wouldn't be recognised as the legal father if he doesn't want to be.
    I know this because I had tx at a clinic with a KD who was planning to co-parent so this didn't apply to us, but it was our choice.

    Offline HelpLorna

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    « Reply #4 on: 25/10/14, 21:16 »
    Thanks for your advice girls - I have decided not to use him, although we woudn't have done it as home insemination, but it would have been through a clinic.  I have gone with a donor from xytex - v exciting to have bought the magic stuff - now to see if it works!  ;) xx