* Author Topic: 11dp5dt  (Read 12634 times)

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Offline mamochka

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11dp5dt
« Reply #10 on: 2/11/14, 23:09 »
Just dont use the hot bottle on lower tummy!

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    Offline Babyninja

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    11dp5dt
    « Reply #11 on: 3/11/14, 09:31 »
    So today, my blood flow is bight red.

    I didn't wake up twice in the night to pee.

    We did a first response and the meditest hcg given to us from the clinic. Both show a pregnant line and we can't deny the FR is darker than yesterday(pm) and about the same as friday. I have a headache and feel emotionally drained. DH felt strongly I should take at least two days off work, this is when I feel things are unfair he's as sad and worried as me but has to be the strong one. Plus I'd like to be at home together. 
    He was mortified he was away during such a traumatic (for us) time.

    In my wiser moments I know nothing is certain until tomorrow. We can't possibly know the outcome. We know today my beta must still be over 20 MUI as that's what the meditest can pick up. I don't know the rate at which hcg goes down after mc.

    We are still hoping both blastocysts had implanted and we've lost only one.

    Yesterday I asked the Dr if I am having a MC how can we establish the cause? He said the NHS wait for THREE before they decide to diagnose. I said, in what must of sounded a pathetic voice, " but I'm 40"

    I'm already cross about the time it took for us to get to this point. After being abroad for six years, returning 2 years ago I found NHS logic fundamentally flawed.

    Firstly at 38 I had to pretty much beg for help. My Dr insisted I, "I looked so young I'll probably fall pregnant easily" this wasn't based on any facts I had just told her we had been trying for 2 years, I had a history of irregular periods, that 6 years before I had 1 in that year but had lost weight, changed my diet and exercised to get that number upto 10. I also mentioned dh had a low Sc ( we didn't know details) Instead of 1) taking a look at the printed test history I had from being away, 2) instead of doing tests on both me and dh at the same time, we were subjected to waiting for months for the test and results. When I was scanned I was told told by the gentleman who was scanning, compared to what he sees every day I was pretty normal, that I should relax and go on holiday as this was probably the best way to get pregnant, I was emotional that day but he spoke as if I was to blame. His flippant comment really irritated me - he had no knowledge of my life past, how long we had been trying, my life style abroad or that babies are still born in war zones which is a pretty stressful place. Like most women who are Ttc I have looked at my options, looked at studies. I know stress can be an issue but the conclusion on many studies is the biological need to reproduce is stronger than a bit of stress. Bare in mind I'm really very lucky, I have a cheerful demeanor, lovely family, great inlaws and enjoy a range if therapeutic hobbies, we aren't stressed about money, we don't over spend or live beyond our means but are happy to be modest, we buy 2nd hand and try to live in an honest and modest way. Infertility is stressful, but in the great scheme of things I am aware of people with much more serious issues they have to deal with.  Like most people we try and appreciate what we have and we don't hunger for material wealth. I guess we are pretty contented. I put myself through uni, I worked and paid back my debt, we save and aren't frivolous. During our time abroad I worked 12 hours 22 weeks a year and was the most relaxed i have ever been. My diet was healthy, my hobbies were full-filling and our relationship blossomed. Yet we still didn't fall. I never once even peed on a stick! So I'm pretty sure looking young and not being relaxed won't help me get pregnant.

    After we got my normal result- which I already knew. Dh was then tested. The appointment took months. When he finally did it he carefully followed the instructions to the letter and arrived with his sample held to his body to maintain the correct temp as per instructions. He placed his pot in the correct place,informed the technician, nipped to the loo and on his return, the pot was still in the tray. Feeling that no one was taking his pot seriously, leaving it in full view, he watched and waited another 10-15 minutes and no one took it. That night we considered the logic of, exact time slots and strict treatment instructions for him and his pot, and lack of urgency at the hospital.
    When we received the results, at the doctors, she said it was borderline and not to worry as if he was to do it again now, it would probably be fine. We both found this ridiculous.
    Although, I had been pushing my DR for IVF it took my DH to insist I was nearly 40 and push her about what she was going to do next before the doctor would make us an appointment with the nhs ivf clinic. Another month goes by and we are faced with the a different doctor, looking at our tests saying we can try clomid. That dh's sperm was a bit low. They want to do another test on DH, to check and so we again wait. The test for DH is at the same place, again he does it at home, straps it to his body and after handing it in he waits and watches. No one picks it up. Eventually, he has to leave for work. This time we are told the result is worse. He has lots but they don't move about much. We are told to try clomid after a laparscopy.  It's now a year and a half since I first went to the doctor and said we need IVF. The ops takes more time to come through. I go in at 6.30, I go under at 13.30. No problems are discovered but am in pain for two weeks. Finally, we see the actual specialist instead of her underlings. She tells us dh's results aren't great. My results are ok. That we can try clomid while we process application / recommendation for IVF privately. I'm too old for ivf in Buckinghamshire. Cut off is 36. I say but DH is 32. This is irrelevant apparantly. So the man is younger, the man has the issue but we can't get free help because I am over 36.    So we start clomid. My periods start being 24days. We are on for 3 months when we have to return. We see a different dr again. She says, "we can make you ovulate as often as we like but if the sperm aren't moving you won't get pregnant".    So now??? They tell us this now??? It's his mobility. I comment this is a shock. The doctor says you were told by your own doctor according to her letter! I say we were told he was borderline, that if he did it again it would probably be fine. She shows me the letter. Omg. It's there.

     So the process for private IVF begins. We continue clomide as we might get lucky meanwhile and no one says to stop. It takes about 6 weeks for the recommendation, to be sent. In our first meeting we meet a great doctor. He needs another test from DH. He asks our history. Whenever my next period starts I can begin... Oh you have just finished clomide... Nope you have to wait 6-8 weeks for it to be out of your system. ARGH!   

    Now here I am. 2 years later. 1x ICSI. Never having a positive pregnancy my whole life and after reading and reading. In the end all I can do is cross my fingers.



    Offline Babyninja

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    « Reply #12 on: 3/11/14, 09:43 »
    PS

    1) I can't use a clear blue digital to test as they wouldn't pick up till over 50miu xx
    2) asked doctor if hot water bottle was ok. He said fine as not boiling, just warm.

    Offline Blondie71

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    « Reply #13 on: 3/11/14, 18:54 »
    If you're pregnant clear blue digital will pick it up by now

    Offline Babyninja

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    « Reply #14 on: 3/11/14, 22:22 »
    Clear blue picks up hcg at over 50 and as I'm now 90% sure my hcg is going down I think it will be about 10-15 tomorrow.
    The clinic called me again today and they said, normally they wouldn't give a blood test, they'd give another urine test and if it was a CP or MC eventually no line would appear.
    She was honest and explained there wasn't much chance of anything but an MC. My hcg is too low, all my symptoms are of an MC. So we decided  to wait until tomorrow afternoon and not do anymore pee tests.

    In short there is little chance after bleeding and cramping so heavily for 3 days and having hcg at 28 that it will double by tomorrow.

    We have spent the evening on the sofa watching outer favourite shows. We are both so sad, but are stronger now we have honest news.
    We have some hope too. We could fall naturally between now and if that doesn't work, in Jan2015 we will defrost our two snow embryos. 
    The nurse suggested a medicated FET because of my cycle history. We will have a debrief about this unsuccessful attempt in a couple of weeks, and talk of the future.

    Will write again tomorrow.




    Offline Blondie71

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    « Reply #15 on: 3/11/14, 22:27 »
    I'm really sorry to hear this ^eyes^ I hope you guys are ok and taking care of each other tonight very unfair  :'( x

    Offline mandalay

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    « Reply #16 on: 4/11/14, 07:44 »
    I am so sorry for what's happened to you in the past, Babyninja.  The NHS are absolutely crap for encouragement or investigation to help you get pregnant.   They are fine once you have succeeded.   If you can possibly do it, use private clinics for everything before then.   I wasted a lot of time and had to find everything out for myself.
    You have a loving husband who wants this as much as you do and I am sure that you will have your baby or babies very soon.
    There are plenty of stories on FF about ladies who bleed and go on to have healthy pregnancies so don't give up.
    There are also many people who believe that ladies experience a second super fertile stage in their lives naturally in their early forties.  Kind of like Mother Nature's last hurrah!  And you are just at the start of this!! 
    Keep believing.  The only thing I can do is  ^hugme^ and say that I am thinking about you.

    Offline Babyninja

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    « Reply #17 on: 4/11/14, 21:29 »
    Well, we went to the hospital and my hcg is 21. The doctor examined me and said that from what she can see and from the two results I have miscarried.
    The next process is simply to go home and wait two weeks for confirmation of a negative pregnancy test.

    I'm heartbroken. I knew what was coming but I'm still so sad.
    I know very well how much heartache others have been through, I read and watched peoples hopes and dreams get raised and taken away from them, over and over. I feel guilty to feel so low as I had hardly got pregnant.

    Will write more when I feel better.
    Many thanks for the support of the last few days xx
    I'm at the 4 year mark, one ICSI and now a CP/mc.
    I am my own story, I hope it has a happy ending, eventually.

    Xx xxx xxx