* Author Topic: Trying Again after Loss - Part Sixteen  (Read 62849 times)

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Offline 2Buttons

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Trying Again after Loss - Part Sixteen
« Reply #130 on: 3/06/15, 13:26 »
Hi ladies, I hope u don't mind me jumping on, I've been lurking since my mc started in February and now in my first 2ww since and just looking for some understanding at how much harder this wait has been and how either result seems to pose a negative and I'm a bit worried that I'm gonna land with a hard bump come Sunday...feeling sorry for myself, angry with dh and the world, exhausted at the thought of having to pick myself up again... Just needed a safe place to vent my wallow, thank you for reading and sharing your stories and good luck to all of you xx

Sapphire hope the polyp was/is of no concern. My mc was confirmed as trisomy 11 eventually.

Nuttynat fx for ur apptmt too.

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    Offline Sapphire952

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    Trying Again after Loss - Part Sixteen
    « Reply #131 on: 3/06/15, 22:15 »
    Nutty - fx for your appointment.  How are you doing? All these complications are just something else to deal with aren't they.  I hope you get some answers.

    2Buttons - glad to see you've finally got an answer as to the cause of your m/c. Personally I found this helped.  It's a tough old road, I too am scared at the prospect of trying again.  I think you've got to try and think positively, this is potentially a new pregnancy and the same thing will hopefully not happen again.  We've been through so many knocks that I too tend to think the worse.  Lots of luck for Sunday xx

    Afm - I've got my appointment next week, somewhat freaking myself out about what the consultant will find and what my HSG found.  I feel quite close to breaking point with all the pent up worry.  I just want to be normal and to try again.   

    Offline 2Buttons

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    Trying Again after Loss - Part Sixteen
    « Reply #132 on: 5/06/15, 13:37 »
    hi ladies,

    Thanks Sapphire, it definitely helps to know the reason. I'm sorry you r anxious about ur apptmt, polyps are common and come and go, (I had one on my first cycle), so odds on its nothing, but I understand the 'what do I have to deal with now?' feeling and not trusting the statistics anymore. Do you know if they'll do another scan at your apptmt they ought to be able to see it (and show you) on ultrasound? Try not to worry, ^hugme^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^

    Offline Sapphire952

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    Trying Again after Loss - Part Sixteen
    « Reply #133 on: 5/06/15, 22:14 »
    Thanks 2buttons.  Yes - I'm seeing the consultant at the clinic for a u/s so we'll see... Fx

    Good luck for Sunday xxx ^reiki^

    Offline swanlake

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    Trying Again after Loss - Part Sixteen
    « Reply #134 on: 6/06/15, 18:56 »
    Heh girls

    Hope it's ok to join in

    Sapphire I have just had a scan that has revealed a polyp too, Dr wants it removed before next cycle. Are they common after eprc procedures? Keep feeling massively awful that maybe the polyp was there and caused the miscarriage in March as had to have a eprc 3 years ago and thinking this may have been the cause, hard to know.

    My good friend had her baby in May just over a month after our mmc and I am struggling, mainly because her little one ended up in hospital on antibiotics, I did the right thing and texted her to make sure all was ok, which wasn't easy as she knew about my probs, and after having miscarriages herself, as soon as she was pregnant it was though I didn't exist, even when I told her about our recent miscarriage there was no support from her.

    I feel so torn, the angry part wants to completley ignore her and leave her to it at this time, as I felt she left me, the other part wants to try and salvage our friendship and support her. I have sent general messages to her but nothing in depth, and not offering her support as I would have done. I am sure she feels like I am not bothered, I am, but have just felt so dropped by her that I am finding it hard to be there for her now. Sigh.....

    This ivf and mmc journey is so awful

    Xxx

    Offline Sapphire952

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    Trying Again after Loss - Part Sixteen
    « Reply #135 on: 6/06/15, 20:23 »
    Swanlake,

    So sorry to read about your losses.  Such a tough journey.

    From what I understand about polyps, they can be caused by hormone levels rather than ERPC.  I wonder whether the iVF drugs might've caused mine (if that is what it is).  I don't know if there is any scientific evidence that polyps can cause m/c, I think doctors often air on the side of caution.  Will you have to have a hysteroscopy to remove it? Wil try and find out more when I see the consultant and let you know..

    Friends with babies/pregnant are so tricky aren't they.  At the moment, I find myself avoiding them as it causes me too much pain to see them.  Particularly a good friend of mine who is pregnant and would've been two weeks behind me.  In avoiding them I feel sad that infertility has led to this and sometimes want to fight back and not let it get in the way.  Sometimes it's worse in my head then in reality. 

    If your friendship matters, why not try talking with your friend to try Nd clear the air.  Perhaps she feels as awkward and difficult as you?  If she's a good friend, I would hope she would be understanding of your feelings.  I know it is never straightforward xxx

    Offline 2Buttons

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    Trying Again after Loss - Part Sixteen
    « Reply #136 on: 6/06/15, 20:39 »
    Hi Swanlake (pretty name), sorry for your mc sweetie. Lots of good company here  ^hugme^
    Re ur friend, sounds like u found a stick to beat yourself with there, whatever's going on in her life is not affected by you ( in the nicest possible way). Maybe wait till ur in a happy mood and just call her, you can always feign a doorbell if you want to get off again but the fact you took time to call will immediately clean any air that needs it and ...put that stick down, she knows why it's hard for you too  ^hugme^

    For anyone getting a hysteroscopy there's a silver lining in that they'll also clearout any adhesions and you'll have the colour photos to prove no infections etc. i know its not easy but just trying to be positive. ^reiki^

    Offline swanlake

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    Trying Again after Loss - Part Sixteen
    « Reply #137 on: 7/06/15, 08:24 »
    Hi sapphire and 2buttons

    Yes the Dr recommended a hysteroscopy but I am freaking out as its another procedure and another ga. It's becuase it so important and don't want anything to go wrong, they always scare you with the things that might happen with ga's don't they?

    I know what you mean sapphire about it being worse in your head then reality. It just feels so raw being around pregnancy. My 'friend' had three miscarriages before her pregnancy and we promised if it happened to one before the other we would handle the telling very sensitively, by calling hubby to break the news. Anyway she called me when my car had broken down last winter, and I was miles from home and 2hours till the pick up came......I told her all of this, and then she just told me she was pregnant. I know she must have plucked up the courage to tell me, but I had to sit for two hours sobbing, on my own in the dark, it was horrific, and I don't think I have quite gotten over the insensitivity.

    We then had to go for immune testing, which she knew about, in November last year, and she still hasn't asked how that went. Then my mmc, again I let her know and nothing. So it's REALLY hard. I wish I could talk to her and try and clear the air but I just feel so angry. Maybe you are right I need to wait till I am feeling better, it's the aftermath of mmc that is hard, until you get back into the cycling again......the waiting sucks!

    I love the door bell idea 2buttons! I will remember that one.  But it's easy to find that stick isn't it? I know she is hurting and panicking about her little one, but I just can't bring myself to support her, as I feel there has been so little from her when I needed it, but I think if I dont, it may be a further nail in our relationship. I know I need to go and visit the baby, but that's another hard one isn't it? But you are right both, the air does need clearing!

    Thanks for the reassurance re the Hysteroscopy. It's important to be positive isn't it? I am hoping it will be a good thing to have done
    Thanks for the wise words both  hope your treatments/plans are going ok too xxx




    Offline Sapphire952

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    Trying Again after Loss - Part Sixteen
    « Reply #138 on: 9/06/15, 17:37 »
    2 buttons - thanks for your words of wisdom hun.  Did I see some good news on the forum regarding your HPT? Xx

    Swanlake - as 2buttons said, I thik we have to think positive about the hysterscopy.  If it means your body is on a better position to get that positive then it's a good thing to do.  Don't worry too much about the GA.  They are low risk and if you've had them before, you'll know what to expect.  I've personally come to enjoy GAs (having never had one before last Septemebr and being terrified I've since had 5 (don't ask!), decided I quite enjoy the escape!). 

    I'm sorry things are so difficult with your friend - it's so so difficult isn't it.  I hope you can find a way through it.  I feel so bitter about some of friends who are pregnant/have had children that I'm worried I will loose friendships.  Sometimes I just don't have the strength to face them.

    Offline Sapphire952

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    Trying Again after Loss - Part Sixteen
    « Reply #139 on: 9/06/15, 17:44 »
    Afm (doing this in two parts as just lost everything) - had clinic appointment this morning to get feedback on my HSG. Lots of info flying about my head... It was good and bad news...

    Good news
    - no obvious sign of polyp on U/s so need to go back for an early cycle scan to re-assess.  In the meantime consultant is happy for me to start cycle (the pill) on next AF (next week).  I will have the scan and if there is no apparent polyp I will continue.  If there is a hint of the polyp then I will stop the pill and have a hysterscopy.  Been offered outpatient hysterscopy (wait 6 wks) or alternatively GA (wait 3 months).. Fingers crossed it won't be needed.

    Bad news:
    AMH appears to have dropped through floor - got a reading of 13.5, it was 24 before....
    Donor issues that I need to find a workaround for...

    Xxx