Hoping and Praying ICSI 3 gives us our BFP... ICSI Number 4 and still hoping

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2-3 Weeks Pregnant 

Done it yesterday before I drove myself mad 

Feeling OK,  seem to have insomnia 😴  can't get to sleep and waking about half 4 onwards! But I'll take that, I just feel so blessed to finally have our dreams come true 

We went shopping yesterday and all I seen was babies and pregnant ladies, I was so happy thinking I'll have the bump soon and baby/babies in time 

I'm def feeling the bloat, been sweating it out wearing my fleece at work trying to cover up.  Not that I'm showing but bloated plus I'm pretty slim so I'm sure it will be noticeable in time..

Awww I'm so happy, I try not let any negative thoughts creep in.  I'm trying to enjoy every minute 

Xxx

[FertilityFriends]

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So going by my app I'm;

5 weeks and 3 days 

I wasn't gonna down load an app till I'm further on but couldn't help myself!

I still don't feel different and do worry from time to time, should I not have more symptoms?   I know everyone is different but maybe having something would put my mind at ease..

Sleep still up and down, up through the night for a pee and breast fuller and veiny.  I'm feeling like I need to eat first thing which I've never done, usually wait till I'm up a few hours and have breakfast at his work.

Counting down till Wednesday,  everything OK!  Still doesn't feel real but I'm loving this feeling apart from  the worry and stress of what if's..

Dp trying to feed me pasta and prawns for dinner tonight     until I had to remind him I can't have prawns lol, its all these wee things that make me smile.  Situations I never thought I would get too as time went on!

Got a night out with friends this wknd.  Feel I should go and make an appearance as I've not managed out in ages with the lead up to treatment.  I'll need to pretend I'm drinking and gonna leave Sharpe, I've got a busy day Sunday so that's my excuse.  My friends know our situation but know we've not had treatment in a few years, tbh I think they kinda know when somethings going on as I'm quiet and hibernate.  I have mentioned to a couple of friends I'm talking it easy with the drink just now, trying to stay as healthy as possible in the hope things will happen next year ie treatment! I'm sure no one will ask too many questions as they know I'm quite private with it. 

Hoping with a busy wknd Wednesday will be here before we know it.

  my little embies are snuggling in xxx

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5 weeks and 5 days..

The nerves are really kicking in    Counting down till Wednesday for our first scan.    everything is ok.  Maybe once I see it I'll believe I'm pregnant!

I honestly expected more symptoms tbh, maybe if I did it would put me at ease.  Had a few stretchy feelings yesterday and I do get a dry mouth.  Breast are fuller and sore on and off! I really should appreciate not having sickness really, think it's just my mind over thinking!

I need to try keep busy and not over think it, try and enjoy it!  I've researched and alot of people say that prednisone can mask pregnancy symptoms, I'm hoping this is the case and that I am still fully pregnant 

Anyways gonna pick up some more digital pregnancy tests and do one tomorrow in the hope it's moved on again.  Maybe that will put me at ease.

Please little embie/embies keep snuggling in  xxx

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6 weeks and 1 day 

Scan tomorrow, hoping and  I am Pregnant and everything is ok    Feel like the last week has been like the tww!!

I stupidly did a test Saturday lunch time which came up 2-3 weeks Pregnant, happy to see pregnant but a bit worried/anxious it hadn't moved on  argh why did I do it as it worried me all weekend! That and not having many symptoms!  I used a very diluted urine not sure if that affects it.

So yesterday I had to do another test and what a relieve to see Pregnant 3± plus 

Symptoms wise not much, breast don't seem as sore (pocking and prodding doesn't help), peeing more, sleep still up and down and dry mouth but really that's it, think this is worrying me but trying not to read too much into it! oh felt a little tender/uncomfortable yesterday with the odd sharp pain.

Wish I could fast forward to the scan, scared, nervous, excited just still doesn't feel real and actually can't believe we've finally got here!  Praying tomorrow we see a perfect heartbeat/beats    Maybe then it will feel real xxx

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Scan today showed a perfect little heartbeat 

Measuring 5 weeks and 5 days so slightly behind my app.

I still can't believe it, I thought once I seen it I would start believing it but I'm just so scared.  She came across a haematoma not far from my little bean  this has me really worried now and I'm so scared it's going to be taken away any second.  Why are things never simple?

We were going to just tell our parents after our little scan but I'm scared and we have decided to wait a bit, our next scan is 2 weeks time, I'm  my pregnancy continues and my baby keeps growing strong.  I hope the haematoma disappears in the meantime.  I really didn't know what it was and of course I've been on Dr Google the worse thing to do but just had to read up on it.

I've been feeling quite bloated and tender today, when I wiped I thought I seen a tiny smear of blood.

Please please little bean continue to grow and be strong  xxx

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Started spotting today    pinkish now brown.  No cramping.  Know this can be common in early pregnancy but gives me the fear 

I'm  it's the haematoma coming away and that my little Lentil as we started calling him/her is ok and still getting cosy 

Phoned the clinic and to go in on Wednesday for a scan.  Please please stick little one  xxx

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Scan tomorrow morning.    our little lentil is ok and growing stronger by the day!!!

Friday was a worry when I seen the blood, started pink then brown.  Tried to not over think it and worry myself hoping it was the haematoma.  Did stop and not had much since just the odd when wiping.  Done a test Saturday and today and still a strong positive!!

Dp was a bit annoyed Friday, think he panicked and ask if it had anything to do with the scan? wishing we hadn't had it!  I explained it wasn't anything to do with the scan and not to think like that!  Tbh because I knew I had the haematoma I didn't panic/freak the way I thought I would have seeing blood.  Yeah I'm worrying but  all is well.

I'm nervous and excited for tomorrow more so nervous.  Please please let everything be ok..

Symptoms wise really not much 

Was very bloated yesterday to the point it was so uncomfortable.  Had a lot of pasta over the weekend, not sure if it's been too much    Nose bleeding slightly in the morning but that's it really.  Again trying not to worry about no symptoms.

Had to phone midwife as handed in a form a few weeks back but not heard anything.  Of course she had no record of my form that I handed into the doctors!  She's booked me in in a few weeks to go over everything, she was very apologetic!....

Please little one be ok tomorrow  xxx

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No heartbeat. .

Devastated x

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A few days on from the worst day of my life..

We are heartbroken    To have our dreams come true and to be taken from us.  I'm so sad and just can't stop crying.  Dp has been amazing and I feel for him so much.  We were so so happy to finally get pregnant after nearly 8 long years.  We were on such a high and I honestly couldn't believe our luck.  Every day I looked at my pregnancy test and said thank you to who ever was looking over us.

We have to go back to the clinic Wed which would have been our 8 week scan    The doctor wants to confirm what she already thinks then we decide what procedure we want.  I just want it over and the waiting is killing me. 

What we got from the doctor was that the haematoma got slightly bigger and basically stopped the supply to our little lentil.  We honestly didn't expect this on Wed, yeah I was worried but didn't see this coming and we were both shocked and numb.  We wanted this so so much.  The thought of Christmas round the corner makes me sad to think how our Christmas was going to be, sharing our news with friends and family knowing I had my baby in my tummy and having my little bump showing.  Knowing the following Christmas we would be a parents and have our little bundle of joy.  We are heartbroken, why is this such a cruel journey.  I hate being like that asking why us but just so sad and angry at the world. 

To actually see those words pregnant on the test and to say I was pregnant for that short period of time was the best feeling ever.  I felt so happy and like the old me before we started ttc.  I feel through this journey over the years I've got lost and apart of me is lost and to feel that was amazing.  I  love my dp so much and he is amazing, I have great friends and family but when ttc we get lost and as much as you can have things that are good in your life it doesn't compare to my desire to have our own family!

I know in time I will feel slightly normal again but at the moment it feels so far a way.  The thought of going back to normal when this is all over makes me feel sick.  The thought needing to go through all this again in time makes me feel sick but I just want it so badly.

This time just was not to be    Thanks little lentil for trying, giving us that joy and happiness for that short time.

I  we do get our dreams whenever that may be xxx

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The support I've had on here from so many amazing ladies truly has been amazing 

Thank you so much for all your kind words, love and support.  Means so much and honestly would be lost without this site and the support.

Good luck in all your journeys  And I hope that many of yous have had your dreams come true and many of yous are not far from your dreams 

Thank you so much xxx