A few days on from the worst day of my life..
We are heartbroken

To have our dreams come true and to be taken from us. I'm so sad and just can't stop crying. Dp has been amazing and I feel for him so much. We were so so happy to finally get pregnant after nearly 8 long years. We were on such a high and I honestly couldn't believe our luck. Every day I looked at my pregnancy test and said thank you to who ever was looking over us.
We have to go back to the clinic Wed which would have been our 8 week scan

The doctor wants to confirm what she already thinks then we decide what procedure we want. I just want it over and the waiting is killing me.
What we got from the doctor was that the haematoma got slightly bigger and basically stopped the supply to our little lentil. We honestly didn't expect this on Wed, yeah I was worried but didn't see this coming and we were both shocked and numb. We wanted this so so much. The thought of Christmas round the corner makes me sad to think how our Christmas was going to be, sharing our news with friends and family knowing I had my baby in my tummy and having my little bump showing. Knowing the following Christmas we would be a parents and have our little bundle of joy. We are heartbroken, why is this such a cruel journey. I hate being like that asking why us but just so sad and angry at the world.
To actually see those words pregnant on the test and to say I was pregnant for that short period of time was the best feeling ever. I felt so happy and like the old me before we started ttc. I feel through this journey over the years I've got lost and apart of me is lost and to feel that was amazing. I love my dp so much and he is amazing, I have great friends and family but when ttc we get lost and as much as you can have things that are good in your life it doesn't compare to my desire to have our own family!
I know in time I will feel slightly normal again but at the moment it feels so far a way. The thought of going back to normal when this is all over makes me feel sick. The thought needing to go through all this again in time makes me feel sick but I just want it so badly.
This time just was not to be

Thanks little lentil for trying, giving us that joy and happiness for that short time.
I

we do get our dreams whenever that may be xxx