* Author Topic: Hoping and Praying ICSI 3 gives us our BFP... ICSI Number 4 and still hoping  (Read 27311 times)

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Offline Prettypink

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Hoping and Praying ICSI 3 gives us our BFP
« Reply #50 on: 20/03/15, 12:10 »
Friday today and I'm 11dp 3dt

How am I feeling anxious, nervous, scared the list could go on 😢  really really don't know what way this is gonna go

Def feel a bit different from my last two cycles. Still got back ache on and off,  had a strange niggle down past my left ovary had it most of yesterday on and off and a wee bit Wednesday could be something could be nothing..  Nose still bleeding on and off too.. ARGH Honestly am so nervous for that call Monday..

Spoke to my dp last night about the outcome. He's a bit like Mmm really not sure, he said things were going well right up till transfer until the embroyolist said it was not good news from Eeva, he just had that horrible sick feeling come over him as did I..  I have prayed for my little embies to be fighter's and really hope someone is listening..

This is a very very hard journey. All we want is a little family and to be parents 💜

Being on the crinone gel really messes with your head as any little symptoms you have you question if it's related to that.  Haven't mentioned any symptoms to my dp as don't know if it's anything good or not and would rather just keep it to myself for now..

How I'm gonna manage over the weekend I don't know.  Working tomorrow then out for dinner with my sister and dh more food 😋

Could just cry at the drop of a hat, feeling so emotional. Think stress related and not knowing if it's worked..

Please little embies still be with me growing 💞💞




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    Offline Prettypink

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    Hoping and Praying ICSI 3 gives us our BFP
    « Reply #51 on: 21/03/15, 13:24 »
    Woke up feeling like my af is not far away 😔😔

    Feeling crampy and when I wiped this morning the toilet roll had a slight bit of brown which I normally get before my period 😔

    Mentioned to my dp but wish I hadn't now the sadness in his face, suppose we need to prepare ourselves for Monday.

    Need to go back to work, gonna be on constant knicker watch just waiting 😢

    Offline Prettypink

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    Hoping and Praying ICSI 3 gives us our BFP
    « Reply #52 on: 22/03/15, 11:38 »
    Today I am spotting 😢 I'm sure af will be in full flow later today or tomorrow 😢

    Is it worth going for bloods tomorrow when we already know the outcome. Just feel numb, not really sunk in yet. Really thought it would be third time lucky for us. Felt different this time around from my last two cycles.  Just shows the crinone can cause so many different symptoms

    We put so much into this and it's all coming to an end.  5 years and nothing 😢

    Offline Prettypink

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    « Reply #53 on: 23/03/15, 16:06 »
    BFN today as expected 😢

    Af in full flow so we already knew really.

    All that planning and everything for nothing.  So sad that my dream of having a family is over. Five long years of heartache tbh. Our relationship had been through alot and only just managed to deal with alot of issues due to the whole ttc.

    Time to move on and try get on with our life's. Gonna be very hard but know I need to move on or it will destroy what I've got...

    Very much an emotional rollercoster and alot of stress. Never had to deal with anything like this and at 31 it's been very tough.

    Thank you for the support it always kept my spirits up when I was low.

    It's good bye from me and Time to move forward, who knows what the future holds

    Xx

    Offline Prettypink

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    « Reply #54 on: 18/10/15, 10:40 »
    So here I am a few months on and still desperate for a family 💜

    Just reading my last post on my diary from March when we got our bfn.  With the last quote time to move on! The truth is I haven't really or can't tbh.  We just desperately want a family and I feel I'm not getting any younger and I just can't give up.  Could be mad to start thinking about any treatment again?!

    After our last bfn we didn't go for our review our letter said it all basically if we were considering treatment again they advised donor something I wasn't ready to hear.  A few months trying to digest things and move on with our life's was pretty tough, I had my better days and had my low days, nights going to bed in tears trying to not show my dp how upset I was 😢 he knew tho as I was pretty miserable!

    We always said we would not do anymore treatment after our third.  My dp said the only way he would was if it was donor as he feels we would have a better chance and he had accepted things.  Pretty tough to hear but I had to accept his feelings plus he was maybe right?

    Anyway I had started looking and researching donor, my thoughts changed all the time one day yes the next not so sure, I kinda felt I was grieving and I was full of what if's.  I do feel our last treatment we tried everything but the clinic never really looked into male fertility all we were advised to do was use Eeva and my dp to take wellman.

    After researching all sinarios my dp went to the doctor and asked for antibiotics as I had researched and found alot of clinics recommend them along with vitamins c and e. So he started them and got his hormones checked which came back ok, but then again it was just our gp so he who knows as he never spoke to him about the results just got a print out from the receptionist.

    So I started swaying away from the donor, I honestly feel I'm still full of what if's probably sounding mad after being advised donor but we still don't even know if the antibiotics have helped plus the vitamins?  The letter did say my dp must have dna damage from our results so Im hoping the vitamins c and e plus zinc and selculm he's on may help!

    The last few weeks I have been reading up on Dr Ramsey, I was wanting to bring it up to my dp but I didn't wanna put it on him and for him to feel under pressure and for all the old feelings from our previous treatments to overcome him again 😢 but I just felt if we went and seen him he may be a miracle work and be able to help us but then again we could see him and could basically say sorry but I can't help and donor is the only route then I feel I can myself accept it coming from someone who specialises in male problems and move on and start our journey with donor..

    In the end I didn't have to be the first to bring up any treatment as out the blue my dp mentioned about another treatment?! To say I was shocked was an understatement I just felt he wasn't giving up on himself just yet 💜 

    After listening to what he had to say and how he felt, I told him I had been researching info on Dr Ramsey and really felt we should go and see him!! My dp agreed 😁 I'm just so glad as I do feel this can allow us to move on to what journey that may be!

    So going to London the end of this month for a consultation, need to get trains booked and probably gonna work out an expensive trip from Scotland But would do and pay anything tbh..  I'm sure I will be full of mixed emotions and pretty nervous when the appointment comes, but it's just what we had to do
    ..  Catch you later

    😉 💜

    Offline Prettypink

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    « Reply #55 on: 29/10/15, 21:48 »
    Seeing Dr Ramsey tomorrow. Heading down first thing on the train will be a long journey but not stops or changes which is good ☺

    Been trying not to over think everything.  Don't wanna get my hopes up and think Dr Ramsey will find something and be able to fix it! Mixed emotions we might basically be told nothing can be done to improve and to except and move on to another direction which as I've said we just need this last opinion before anything.

    Dp feeling it, not saying much but know it's really getting to him.  You kinda feel when you start on this rollercoster again it just brings back all the emotions from the past.  It never really leaves you but you just learn to live with it but this brings it all back up to the surface again which is pretty hard..

    But this was what we have chosen to do and I really hope and pray Dr Ramsey can work a miracle for us as reading up on everything he seems to be a miracle worker for many people..

    Bedtime for now 😴  xx

    Offline Prettypink

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    « Reply #56 on: 31/10/15, 20:02 »
    Update from yesterday..

    Got the train down at 7.40 straight down to Euston think four and a half hours wasn't too long tbh.  Once we got there we wanted to find the clinic first, was about a 20min walk.  Once we found it we went for lunch before our app at 2,30.  Omg London is soo busy?!

    Anyway app went well, Dr Ramsey was very nice.  He basically went through my dp history and took notes plus I had previous test results from over the years.   He then examined my dp and discovered he has a varicose on his b*ll (sorry 😂)  he explained that this could be causing problems with the build up of heat?! Something I had read up on.  He wanted some test done and 1009 later and so many blood samples, urine sample and a seman sample we were done?! On top of that we were 200 for consultation and 300 for train tickets, I kinda knew what to expect reading some of the stories here but my dp was pretty shocked 😲

    Anyway in the consultation I'm sure Dr Ramsey mentioned an ultrasound.  This wasn't done my dp seemed to think after all the results are back depending on the outcome this may be done then? Dr Ramsey said the results should be in by the end of November and he would like to see us again.  Was thinking of asking if he would do a phone consultation as it's such an added expense travelling down but not sure if he can, if not we'll go down needs must!

    Don't wanna get my hopes up too much and think with Dr Ramsey findings everything will improve when fixed! Really hoping this is the case but don't wanna get a head of myself just yet.  Things can change all the time in this rollercoster full of ups and downs!  After our app it was back to get the train felt longer coming home plus a few steamers to which didn't help 😛 probably just jealous I wasn't joining them lol.

    So end of November we will know more.  So glad we went and seen him 😊  xx

    Offline Prettypink

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    « Reply #57 on: 6/11/15, 08:05 »
    Omg I need to give myself a shake?!?  😡

    Feel like the last few months I'm just going from day to day miserable 😔 I usually love this time of year but really can't be bothered with anything!!

    Felt better coming away from Dr Ramsey last week plus I'm glad we're looking into things, still don't know any results.  Dr Ramsey off on holiday, still need to organise appointment for end of the month.  Just feel a bit deflated maybe I should phone today and try find out what test were carried out and if any results are in Yet!

    I just wish I could snap out if this as it will be dragging dp down too even though I do feel he is pretty low too.. Got two close friends due babies this week too maybe all getting on top of me.  If my last treatment worked I would have been due round about now 😢

    Xxx

    Offline Prettypink

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    « Reply #58 on: 6/11/15, 20:57 »
    Letter from Dr Ramsey today.

    Thanking us for our visit.  He explained that he may have a avenue for treatment relating to the large varicose he found on dp, but this really depends on the results from the tests done particularly the dna so another anxious wait!

    We have been advised in the past my dp may have high dna damage, just hope and pray the vitamins make a difference.

    Will start looking into another appointment for end of November xx

    Offline Prettypink

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    « Reply #59 on: 15/11/15, 23:11 »
    Still waiting on the dna test results.  Both feeling anxious, hate the waiting 😔

    Everything depends on these results really, can't really think about any way forward till we know how much dna damage my dp has, I'm imagining if all shows ok or a percentage that's workable then I think Dr Ramseys route would be to deal with the varicose.  Or if too high realistically I can't see him being able to help..

    Lets hope we get results this week and we can get the help we need, anxious wait again really xx