* Author Topic: NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread  (Read 82993 times)

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Offline bundles

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NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
« on: 17/02/15, 16:43 »
This is a support thread for those people
who plan  NOT TO tell any child conceived that a donor was used

Anyone who is undecided may dip into both the telling and not telling threads
to get both sides, or ask questions.

Any posts belittling or disputing the choices others have made will be removed.
Harassment will not be tolerated in any form.


PLEASE NOTE THAT IN LIGHT OF RECENT ANTAGONISM, THIS THREAD WILL BE HEAVILY MODERATED AT ALL TIMES, WITH ANY PRO-TELLING TALK REMOVED.  ANYONE WHO RECEIVES UNWANTED PM'S IS ENCOURAGED TO PRESS THE 'REPORT TO ADMIN' BUTTON SO THAT IT CAN BE SORTED OUT

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    Offline Lilly83

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #1 on: 17/02/15, 16:48 »
    Thanks Bundles

    Happy chatting ladies

    L x

    Offline Me, Myself and I

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #2 on: 17/02/15, 21:48 »
    Perhaps the thread will have turned a new page now.....

    😘

    Offline itwillhappen2015

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #3 on: 17/02/15, 22:59 »
    Will be looking forward to some great support on here  ^reiki^

    Offline itwillhappen2015

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #4 on: 17/02/15, 23:32 »
    Natalie 1402 - didn't want to read and run. Congratulations firstly!!

    I am no where near the position you are in for decision making - but both DH and I have decided that once it is all done and dusted and we have our baby in our arms we shall destroy any evidence of us ever having DEIVF and get on with our lives as a family.

    Our reasons - i don't want anyone viewing any child as not really ours/mine - we both have lovely families & friends however I don't want my child to come with the tag line - he/ she was from a donor. If no one knows they won't be able to say that. Any other child conceived naturally doesn't have its origins discussed from birth and judgements made?
     I just think I know what people can be  like - and why on earth should anyone be privy to our private business? That said - I have pangs of doubt for the child not knowing - but since we are tx-ing abroad the info available is very limited and anonymous. That's just how I feel xxGood luck

    Offline LuckyE

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #5 on: 18/02/15, 00:03 »
    Natalie - It's a hard one and am still deciding if family will know if I use DE or no one at all. I am not in your situation yet but I think I would just keep it to your parents and brother until you have decided what you want to tell your child.

    Offline Shoegirl10

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #6 on: 18/02/15, 08:49 »
    Hi
    We are in process of DE treatment. My parents know and are 200% behind us and have been on this journey with us since the beginning.
    For my parents, DH and myself that child is our baby, my parents grandchild.  My parents made it very clear that any child coming into this family would be their grandchild be it adopted, DE or OE  so having my parents support is more important to me than what anyone else thinks.

    It is no one places to judge.

    While I understand that there are reasons for telling the child about donor conception the reality is that for me they will never be able to trace the donor so in my situation there is a disadvantage to telling the child
    Good luck
    xx


    Offline bundles

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #7 on: 19/02/15, 11:41 »
    Whilst I think it's true that some children who find 'things' (many different things) out later in life are left with questions, I don't think that's true for all - some people are naturally a glass half empty type (whereas I'm a half-full  :) ). I'm a great believer that if you bring a child up in a strong & loving home, and to feel secure in it's own body & mind, then they can deal with anything. For years my parents were cagey about how many years they were married around their wedding anniversary. I decided, with my next sister down in tow, to find their wedding certificate. I was probably about 15 at the time. Well surprise surprise, they were married in the August & I came along in the December  ;D and I'm sure at over 7ibs I wasn't 5mths early !! Did I care, no not one hoot. My mum's fault for not saying no ! At least my dad married her & I wasn't given up for adoption, which was probably the norm in the 60's (not that I'm against adoption  ;) but I wouldn't have had my 3 sisters). Sometimes I think that telling a child can make it more of a big deal for them by leaving more questions than answers but who knows. I think it's important to consider all angles & opinions but I just think it's more important to make the decision that's right for you as their parent, and as it's the one you're most comfortable with then you will deal with it the best  ^hugme^

    Offline K jade

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #8 on: 19/02/15, 11:46 »
    thanks Bundles.
    i just feel so angry that Joe Bloggs from down the road can sleep with anyone and have kids with anyone and no one bats an eye lid,
    whereas for some reason i have to constantly live in fear of the SPERM police knocking on my door?!?
    where is the sense in that, its such a double standard

    xxxxx

    Offline bundles

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #9 on: 19/02/15, 11:52 »
    K Jade  ^hugme^ I say stop watching Jeremy Kyle & Benefits Britain  ;D
    xx