* Author Topic: NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread  (Read 83044 times)

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Offline Blondie71

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NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
« Reply #110 on: 5/07/15, 21:36 »
bottle blonde here too B   ^roflmao^

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    Offline weffwild

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #111 on: 11/07/15, 23:54 »
    So we finally had out counselling - for anyone who's not been following it was for DS via our clinic. I was very surprised actually, as many had said they tend to be one sided at the clinic Etc. we were shocked as we'd discussed this on the journey there and had said, unless they give us a reason that we'd 110% never thought about we're going in there with our plan.  And you know what we did that but we weren't swayed or had any attempt to. She was quite accomodating that we are choosing to not tell and just asked a few scenarios that we hadn't thought of but scarily my DH and I had the exact same responses to them all, great in a way I suppose! Same hymn sheet and all that! Anyway we feel happy with the counselling and had a lot answered and feel prepared to move on. We're just waiting on a couple of results to forward to the clinic and the donor search is in motion as we speak! So here's to a two week holiday abroad and my last alcohol consumption before treatment!

    Offline Jes87

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #112 on: 13/07/15, 15:30 »
    Hey all,

    Little off topic I suppose, but I have a question that I was wondering about  and thought you folks might be able to help with - we're in the telling camp (no judgement about not telling, though), but it might come up in the future if our daughter didn't really want anyone she had just met to know. How do you all manage eye colour?

    My wife has blue eyes and I have green eyes, but our donor has brown eyes. At the moment her eyes are blue and looking like they will stay that way, but they could still change. It would be pretty much biologically impossible, or at least highly unlikely, for her to have brown eyes had she been conceived naturally. Did you all just pick a donor with the "right" eye colour, or have you got stories lined up in case?

    Offline bombsh3ll

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #113 on: 13/07/15, 17:22 »
    Hi Jes87,

    As we knew from the outset we wouldn't tell anyone, we would only have accepted a plausible donor ie physical features and blood group that could have resulted from OS/OE. Our clinic in Spain insisted on credible donor matching anyway as not-telling is more the norm there.

    My daughter like me is brown eyed, and was born with brown eyes. How old is your daughter? If she is more than a few months a change in eye colour is unlikely.

    Also, it would take someone very astute with in depth biological knowledge to figure out your daughter's genetic origins from the colour of hers & her family's eyes. Most people just aren't that observant, & even if someone did notice it would be beyond rude of them to comment on it.

    Best wishes,

    B xxx

    Offline CrazyHorse

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #114 on: 13/07/15, 17:23 »
    Hi, Ellaa, generally speaking, brown eye colour is dominant, which means that a brown-eyed person can either have one gene for brown and one gene for blue/green, or two genes for brown. If I recall correctly, the genes for eye colour are actually a fair bit more complicated than that, but that's the basic idea. Blue eyes and pale skin are recessive traits, so an olive-skinned, brown-eyed person can still carry recessive genes for those. So if both you and your partner have blue eyes, and phenotype match is important to you, you would want a donor with blue eyes. But if either of you have brown eyes, or both of you have brown eyes, you could have have a donor with any eye colour and still have a child who is a plausible phenotype match for you both, as a child from your own gametes could in theory have any eye colour. Blue and green are more complicated; I think two truly blue-eyed people (with true grey being a subtype of blue) generally can't produce a green-eyed child, but -- again, If I recall correctly -- the gene for green is less dominant than the gene for brown. I don't recall whether hazel eyes are basically a subtype of brown eyes, from the gene dominance perspective, or if they're more complicated than that.

    Offline K jade

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #115 on: 13/07/15, 17:39 »
    Jess i have to agree with bombshell,
    Even if a person noticed a child with different eye colour parents , it would more than likely just fly over their heads without a second thought
    I cannot think off the top of my head what colour my DPs parents eyes are. I've probably never noticed.
    Because it is now beyond normal for families to be 'non biological' , even if someone did notice, they are probably not going to think anything at all.

    The term 'donor conceived' is only known within the IVF community. People who have not experienced infertility wouldn't know what that meant, so defiantly wouldn't jump to that conclusion even if they were rude enough to comment on any discrepancy in eye colour

    Offline Me, Myself and I

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    « Reply #116 on: 13/07/15, 18:43 »
    My lo is ds conceived. One half of the makeup has blue eyes the other brown. Lo has blue. All that's said is Great Uncle X had those exact eyes!
    In the scheme of things this is one of the lesser issues I'd think.

    Offline bundles

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    « Reply #117 on: 13/07/15, 19:50 »
    Hi Jes  :) It's very easy to get caught up in the specifics of things when using donors, A bit like knowing you have a big spot coming on your nose & thinking that everyone is looking at it, when the truth is that there's really nothing to see yet  :)
    The actuality of eye colour genetics is quite complex and since it doesn't just concern a couple of genes is nowhere near as easy to explain as blood groups. Wiki sums it up quite nicely:

    So far, as many as 15 genes have been associated with eye color inheritance. The earlier belief that blue eye color is a simple recessive trait has been shown to be incorrect. The genetics of eye color are so complex that almost any parent-child combination of eye colors can occur.

    There is also another interesting site that tells 'How Blue Eyed Parents Can Have Brown Eyed Children':

    http://genetics.thetech.org/how-blue-eyed-parents-can-have-brown-eyed-children

    If in doubt, you could always say that the milkman has that colour eyes  ;)

    xx

    /links

    Offline CrazyHorse

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    « Reply #118 on: 13/07/15, 20:01 »
    Thanks for that link, Bundles, that is fascinating! You definitely gave a much better explanation than me.  ;D  I did remember that there were quite a few genes involved in eye colour, but was not aware of the epistasis issue! Thanks for giving us the correct scoop on things. :)

    Offline Jes87

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    « Reply #119 on: 13/07/15, 20:58 »
    Thankd for the replies everyone! Turns out it's more complicated than I thought :) I was using a pretty basic eye colour calculator that just had the brown as dominant and blue/green as recessive.

    Also good point about people not being that observant ha.