* Author Topic: NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread  (Read 83039 times)

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Offline Cordelia

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NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
« Reply #140 on: 22/08/15, 23:34 »
Ladies some advice please.

We had anonymous donation in Greece and I have not declared it to any of my health professionals.  Each time I was asked I said that they were my eggs.  I backed out of harmony testing in case they could tell and thought everything was going fine.  Then I went for my 20 week scan last week and on the report they have given me it says "date of egg donations" and "age at egg donation".  This has totally thrown me and the consultant at this weeks appointment questioned it with me and asked if they were my eggs.  She then wrote "not donor eggs" underneath and told me to ask at my next appointment if it was just terminology and if so can they change it to egg collection.

My worry is that initially they said I needed harmony testing and so I agreed.  Then I realised that it might show up that it was DE so I withdrew from the test (less than 24 hours later) and was assured that my bloods would be withdrawn and the test would not go ahead.  I have this in writing from them.  But what if they did the test anyway? Do you think it is just terminology?  They had used my age to calculate all the risks etc. 

What do you think?  Am I being paranoid?

Cordelia xxx

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    Offline Blondie71

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #141 on: 23/08/15, 00:03 »
    Cordelia I read it like this: "date at egg donation" = the date you COULD have had egg collection and possibly frozen them and "age at egg donation" YOUR age when you had them collected because you could have had them collected 8 years ago for example which changes the test results drastically,  relax I really really really doubt they know anything it's just your own awkwardness about having to keep a huge secret that causing you paranoia  ^hugme^

    Offline Cordelia

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    « Reply #142 on: 23/08/15, 07:28 »
    Thanks blondie, I have a big dose of paranoia at the moment of a lot of things which I'm blaming on hormones.  I was convinced last week that work wanted rid of me.

    Cordelia xxxx

    Offline CrazyHorse

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    « Reply #143 on: 23/08/15, 08:08 »
    Hi, Cordelia -- first, hugs.  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ It sounds like hormones are making you a stress monkey at the moment, and I empathise because they've been doing that to me too.

    The term "donation" is often used with respect to IVF regardless of which party "donated" the gametes. For instance, I have a document somewhere from Reprofit, where I did OE IVF, that refers to the procedure as "self-donation", which frankly I thought was pretty funny. It's just a way of clarifying that the info being sought is info about the party whose gametes were used, not the party who is carrying the baby (if the two are different); or, like Blondie says, in the case of frozen eggs, clarifying that they want to know the age you were when the eggs were produced, not the age you are now. Obviously you are not under any obligation to disclose that information, as the only difference it will make is to lower your risk score on some screening tests.

    The Harmony test does not look at parentage. The only results that will be returned are risk scores for the common triploidies and, if desired, sex chromosome information. Your doctors would never receive any information from an NIPT like Harmony as to whether you and your babies were genetically related, and I don't think even the lab analysing the samples would ever know either, because that's not one of the things they're testing for.

    Hopefully that helps. :)

    Offline Cordelia

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    « Reply #144 on: 23/08/15, 14:40 »
    Thanks crazy I am a bit of a nightmare at the moment.  Very teary and stressy.  Hoping it will pass over the next few weeks.

    Feeling better about it all now.

    Cordelia xxx

    Offline Blondie71

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    « Reply #145 on: 23/08/15, 21:45 »
    Glad you're feeling bit better, that paranoia once it sets in can take you on quite a trip eh  ;D

    Offline Fox Gloves

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    « Reply #146 on: 19/09/15, 19:40 »
    Hi all, do you mind if I join the thread? I am just about to commence DE IVF in Spain and we do not plan to tell anyone at all, including the child/children born.

    I have a daughter conceived naturally and whilst I have very blue eyes and my husband has light brown eyes, my daughter has very dark chocolate brown eyes! I had never really thought about what people would think until I needed to consider donor eggs for a sibling! Suffice to say although I would like a blue eyed donor, I would accept brown. I would love the DE baby to look like me, but the fact that my OE daughter doesn't, kind of sums up that it isn't really that important.

    Offline betty21

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #147 on: 20/09/15, 09:56 »
    Good morning foxgloves - I too have a child conceived naturally that does look like me - I also had DE from Spain and my DH is Spanish yet they used a donor that was similar to me - fair hair and fair skin, blue eyes - our daughter was born with blonde hair blue eyes but looks just like her daddy - same shaped face head and definitely his mannerisms - nobody in the family know just DH and I and my doctor - we are currently 16 weeks pregnant using the same donor - if this baby which is confirmed by harmony test to be a girl does not look the same as our daughter I can only assume she takes after the donor more - I don't have a problem with this - she is still our new daughter and I am so excited - good luck xx

    Offline Fox Gloves

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    « Reply #148 on: 20/09/15, 19:44 »
    Congratulations Betty! what is a harmony test, not heard of that. x

    Offline weffwild

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    « Reply #149 on: 21/09/15, 18:18 »
    Hello everyone, long time no message! I've worked away for a month or so and we are still awaiting our treatment. Have now finally got to DS and have a donor but now been told that our bloods are no longer valid (as need to be 3 months recent of treatment date) so need to repeat before we go any further. So had this confirmed This morning that we have a donor and also sold our house! All good news. We've decided we're not telling and we seem pretty set on that, getting more excited at the thought of going ahead with some IUI now so fingers crossed! Can anyone give me an idea of what clinics tend to get you to do when you're doing natural ovulation , do they provide ovulation tests etc?