* Author Topic: NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread  (Read 83868 times)

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Offline Carter4

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NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
« Reply #180 on: 27/10/15, 21:55 »
Hi Fox

I have five month old twin girls from DE. We told absolutely no one. I occasionally worry that a family member may suspect, but it is very fleeting. Also the chances of anyone voicing this to us are slim to none anyway. Ironically one of my girls is the double of her older sister, who in turn looks just like me. My other twin girl perhaps resembles my DH, but I should imagine more like our donor. Already in these first few months I worry less and less. Essentially you just crack on with this amazing little family unit you have. The half part sibling crossed my mind beforehand, but doesn't even get a look in anymore. I wish you every success x

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    Offline Tomtom123

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #181 on: 17/11/15, 19:29 »
    Hello. I hope you don't mind me posting here. I'm pregnant with donor conceived twins. Unfortunately one does not look too healthy and I've been advised to do either cvs or harmony test. My preference would be for harmony as less risky. However the place where we went for early scan is not my clinic we did I've and we did not disclose that they were donor eggs. I am worried now that the test either won't work or will show I'm not genetic mother. Does anyone know if you don't disclose this whether the results will be possible? I know it looks to detect free Dna from the foetus in my blood but in a genetic connection there would be similarities in the dna but with donor embryos no link at all. I really don't want to disclose at this point as I'm still trying to process it fully

    Offline CrazyHorse

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    « Reply #182 on: 17/11/15, 19:42 »
    Hi, Tomtom, no need to worry about Harmony -- its results won't show whether your baby is genetically related to you, and results also will not be affected by any information such as your age or whether you used DE.  ^hugme^

    Offline bombsh3ll

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #183 on: 18/11/15, 22:01 »
    Tomtom123,

    CrazyHorse is right, the test is not looking for whether the baby carries your DNA & nor is it affected by disclosing use of DE or not.

    The only thing I would add is that neither of these tests are mandatory & you should think carefully about whether the results would change your management. Talk through the implications for both twins with your consultant.

    I opted not to have any tests for Downs' etc as the result wouldn't have lead to any improvement in mine or my baby's care. If positive I would only have been offered an abortion or a procedure that can cause one, but obviously with twins I realise that things can be more complicated & that difficult decisions may need to be made in order to give you the best chance of going home with at least one baby.

    Wishing you and your babies a positive outcome,

    B xxx


    Offline Blondie71

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    « Reply #184 on: 18/11/15, 22:13 »
    There are tests you may need to disclose on is if a problem is detected with the babies after they are born (more common unfortunately in twins) in which either both or one baby will need genetics dna tests and if anything comes up amiss they will test you and hubby, if it's serious other close family members too so then it will be obvious that there is no genetic link to you, my twins are currently undergoing these tests and they will test me too if anything shows up next month, hope this doesn't freak you out but better to be prepared for all the scenarios esp where multiples are concerned x

    Offline Tomtom123

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    « Reply #185 on: 20/11/15, 18:10 »
    Many thanks for the replies. I worried that they need to know as they are trying to analyse babies free DNA within my blood. Apparently only recently has the test been available for DE singletons or twins so I wonder why that is? What has changed with the test. Crazy horse you sound like you understand the test. Are you sure that if I don't declare it the test will still work.
    I'm opting for harmony over cvs or amino because there is no unnecessary risk to the babies. I know I don't have to but a problem with one baby may affect the other and we would rather know what we are facing so we can at least be prepared. I'm not sure what we will do longer term - one thing at a time. Thank you for your help.

    Offline CrazyHorse

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    « Reply #186 on: 20/11/15, 18:58 »
    Hi, Tomtom -- yes, Harmony will still work if you don't declare your use of DE. The reason it wasn't approved to be marketed for twins or DE singletons was just due to a lack of accumulated empirical evidence for these categories, which is understandable as they account for a small fraction of all pregnancies. They're not comparing the baby's DNA to yours for similarities, they only need to be able to distinguish the baby's DNA from yours (which obviously they can do as the baby's not your clone). The thing with doing Harmony with twins is that if you get a high-risk result, you won't know which baby is high-risk, or if both are high-risk. But a low-risk result will apply to both babies.

    Offline CurlyGirl1225

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    « Reply #187 on: 10/04/16, 20:16 »
    Hello

    After four years of issues I've just got my BFP from using donor eggs. It's very very early days but I'm already wondering if I need or should tell the midwife or nhs that we used as donor. Especially when last year a natural pregnancy ended in termination from a chromosome problem?

    Should I allow them to keep me in a high risk bubble? Does it matter if I don't tell them?

    Thank you

    Offline Orchid-1

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #188 on: 11/04/16, 18:13 »
    Curlygirl - no I personally don't think it matters if you don't tell them. Off course it is up to you.
    The midwife is not a Geneticist.

    Offline bombsh3ll

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #189 on: 16/04/16, 19:04 »
    Hi CurlyGirl,

    There's no medical advantage to disclosing use of DE in my opinion.

    I emphasized the fact that I'd gone through 3 self-funded IVF cycles, hence the stakes for me were far higher & the psychological landscape very different than someone who could conceive naturally, but the origin of the eggs wouldn't have changed my care in any way so I allowed the assumption that I'd used my own eggs to continue.

    Depending on your age you may be considered "higher risk" if thought to have used OE - I was 31 so my age never really came into it - but closer monitoring, if it applies to you, is no bad thing.

    I personally declined any tests for non-treatable conditions such as Down's as a positive result wouldn't have changed my management, but if you do opt for such screening and your age is significantly more than the donor's, your real risk is a lot lower than that estimated by any age-based calculation.

    Best wishes,

    B xxx