* Author Topic: NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread  (Read 83054 times)

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Offline Josefine

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NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
« Reply #280 on: 8/06/17, 15:43 »
hello ladies, where do I read information about not telling, any good links on the web? When I google all I found is how not good that is and the rest is about how to tell, and to tell is the only way. any good information about not telling? Articles, blog posts and so on?

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    Offline nevertoolate

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #281 on: 8/06/17, 15:47 »
    It's very pro telling based. I think on this subject I think this site is your best friend. Hope you a re doing well x

    Offline Josefine

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #282 on: 8/06/17, 15:54 »
    yeah you are right. I just feel so bad when googling about it, but I know my truth and no one can push me at any direction. This is right for me and my husband.

    Offline nevertoolate

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #283 on: 8/06/17, 16:03 »
    I think a lot of this is based on children mainly USA based who have had really bad childhoods. It not down to donor but the dynamics with them and their parents so a lot of anguish. There is nothing about the people with happy contented childhoods as the parents probably would not bother posting anything. When my little boy looks at me we have a very very strong bond which has nothing to do with genetics. I am his mother, I deserve to be as I have fought so hard for him.
    I do worry about those awful adds aswell but who in their right mind wants to send their DNA to a random commercial company so they can have it on file and maybe send it on elsewhere! Crazy... I hope my boy will realise that when it comes up

    Offline Tinseltown

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #284 on: 8/06/17, 18:07 »
    The problem with the "telling" push is that I don't think it's really well backed up research at all. They naturally  can only research donor children who have either been told or who have found out some way or another.

    They can't possibly research donor children who have never been told and are just happy with their lives.

    Offline nevertoolate

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #285 on: 8/06/17, 19:10 »
    What I wonder is if you have had a very loving and contented childhood would you start searching? I think the people search when they have felt unloved or not gel within the family. This can happen all the time with genetic children and their parents. There is only one voice of telling out there. Honestly, personally for me the thought of trying to explain to a small child about donor eggs/ sperm and them them going through school etc with that info is such a lot of pressure for a small child. We constantly see situations of bullying online etc and we are expected to encourage our small children to deal within a sometimes very judgemental world with that. I have no intention of having my child as an experiment for an organisation setup by people with their own personal agenda.

    Offline looby1005

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #286 on: 8/06/17, 19:57 »
    I just wish now id not told my mum and sister so that no one knows, I worry the child will resent me for not telling them, don't want them to feel its a big secret, but then I also think it's not like they were given up by their biological mum, a very kind lady donated her eggs for us to have a child of our own, that we want so much and will love unconditionally. Its so hard when you look on line and it all says you must tell x

    Offline nevertoolate

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #287 on: 8/06/17, 20:15 »
    I know how you feel and i felt that at the start of my journey but I have really analysed so many views and opinions until I could not do anymore and my conclusion for me is that number one an adult can handle that info better than a small child. I honestly also feel for a woman there is a massive difference in how you feel between using donor eggs/ sperm or both. One of the people involved in the dcn are lecturing about telling and donor eggs and she has used her own eggs for her own pregnancies. I will not be given a guilt trip from someone who has not even gone through the same journey as me. Also the telling seem to have more of a view that our children should be told about the donor as if the donating ladies handed us one of their babies not an egg/ eggs.
    Society will change its attitude as more and more women start having children later from different circumstances, because this is at the start we are the ones dealing with the kickback but I believe it will improve. That child you carry IS yours and if they find out about the treatment in the future I hope he will see just how much heart wrenching nightmare ivf journey I took to get him here.

    Offline looby1005

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #288 on: 8/06/17, 20:29 »
    Thats how I feel dreamingofBFP, it's so easy for people who have not had to go through this to judge and have opinions, our child is loved by 2 parents who want them more then anything from second we see that embryo  x

    Offline nevertoolate

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #289 on: 8/06/17, 21:01 »
    we gave birth to this baby. it seems society sees a woman using donor eggs as the last taboo. it appears to be socially acceptable to use donor sperm to get pregnant but the minute you put donor eggs in the mix, then all hell breaks loose. as i said before i see this as the ultimate in sisterhood, each of us helping each other. i helped my donor to have her family by contributing to her treatment. she offered me some of her eggs so i could try for my own baby. yes and i am eternally grateful to her that she gave me some eggs but after that my body took over by helping that embryo grow and survive and give birth to that baby. is that not worth something in its own right ? surely that is the most important part of it all,,,,
    if the very worst comes to the worst and this comes out in the future, i will sit my son down and explain to him my personal journey which took me to this point. i hope i will have shown him so much love and care and respect as my child that he will always know i am his mother, nobody else.