* Author Topic: NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread  (Read 83053 times)

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Offline Twinkletoes42

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NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
« Reply #300 on: 22/06/17, 23:20 »
Tick

Thank you for your post I hope my DE cycle is successful and it's nice to read others thoughts

Thank you
Xx

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    Offline deblovescats

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #301 on: 22/06/17, 23:40 »
    Hi ladies
    It really is a difficult decision to go for DE and I think it is entirely our decision to tell or not to tell, and no one should be able to make us feel bad about whatever we do. I agree with bundles and sassy - it is us who grow our babies, and they are our babies and no one else's. The donor gives us a few cells, it is our bodies who nurture these little ones and no one else. I totally agree about the ignorant comments on social media and the papers etc - about giving away babies. I actually loved being pregnant and would happily do it again - thankfully I didn't suffer with any problems except morning sickness, but I am now fitter and thinner than before I became pregnant. I would not swap my little ones for any other - they would not be them if they were not from DE. It was my chance to become pregnant and I took it. I have never regretted it. I had misgivings initially when pregnant with DS about DE, but it soon resolved. But with my second pregnancy, I was ok with it from the start because I knew how gorgeous my baby would be as I already had her brother! When my baby daughter gazes up at me, satiated with my milk, I know I'm her mum and she loves me, she doesn't care about the DE. When my son cuddles me and gives me a smile, my heart melts. I'm totally in love with them.
    I am in two minds about telling or not telling. Sometimes I think one way, sometimes the other. I am trying to weigh it all up. As I'm single, people know about the sperm donor aspect but only my sister knows about the DE, and that is only because we've had lots of disagreements. She always wanted a baby, but couldn't go ahead due to her job. She resents me having mine. She always said that she would be able to have a baby with OE despite her age as we were related and I had, so in the end I had to put her straight otherwise she would have been labouring under a misapprehension.

    Offline moneybunny

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #302 on: 5/07/17, 22:19 »
    Hello M'ladies, Got my BPF this morning!
    first time IVF DE.

    I'm on the no telling camp. i don't need the hassle from the outside world/family etc. makes everything much simpler for them as well as for me.
    so now i am on a mission to find out FACTS.
    My question: which situations would be compromising for this decision?

    for example - i know that when time comes for the down-syndrome test (is it calledharmony test??) -
    i will say this conception was made from my own 45 year old eggs,
    the assessment would therefore not be in my favor and incorrect - (Because it is actually an egg  from a 22 year old.)

    Or if the child has a genetic condition that might need my own genetic examination - things could get uncomfortably spooky.

    So besides that, what are other possible situations that may compromise my not-telling decision?


    Offline moneybunny

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #303 on: 8/07/17, 15:50 »
    hmm...this thread seems so quiet...

    so anyway, i am reading now about the Harmony test and realize that if you dont tell the doctor about the DE, the results of the test may be invalid.
    one work around i can think about is just going abroad (Czech Republic perhaps?) and do the test privately there,
    I would then disclose the DE fact, but it wont go into any of my medical records. should cost around 600 dollars or so.

    anyone went through this? or any advice?

    Offline nevertoolate

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #304 on: 8/07/17, 19:49 »
    Hi
    Even though it is good to hear positive feedback from a person planning to tell. I ask mindful that this forum was setup as a safe space for non telling as there was so much aggressive opinions towards non tellers. I hope this forum remains that safe space.

    Offline Pinkie3

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #305 on: 8/07/17, 19:57 »
    Moneybunny , congratulations on your bfp wonderful news.

    In regards to the harmony test I recommend getting it done privately, all information is confidential and will not appear on any of your records. If you have the downs tests on the NHS at your 12 week scan don't tell anyone, just write the DE info on the blood form, its only the blood tests that they need to know about this. When I received the results by letter the donor wasn't mentioned.

    So far I can't think of any other situations that will compromise you not telling. I have told a few health professionals in confidence (they wrote nothing on file at my request) only because of some tests my little one was having and I wanted to know if DE made any difference, each time I have been told No!
    I hope that helps and good luck with everything x

    Offline Blondie71

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #306 on: 9/07/17, 10:07 »
    No dreamingofbfp you're thinking of the private thread that moderators have to approve you for and this thread is for people to explore balanced opinions in a respectful non judgemental manner as lots of people are in a quandary, I personally would hate either side to be silenced as I have learnt tolerance myself from seeing different circumstances and opinions 😉

    Offline Blondie71

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #307 on: 9/07/17, 10:17 »
    Moneybunny in response to your question if something was discovered down the line and genetics testing was required you may need to disclose if dna comparisons were needed but that's only likely scenario and of course don't know how advanced future technology will take us but really I wouldn't let any of that stand in your way, and in the unlikely event they do find out I'm certain they will know how very wanted they were and what lengths you went to for them ❤

    Offline moneybunny

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #308 on: 11/07/17, 17:26 »
    great! thanks for the replies girls!

    had my first ultra sound today (14 days after transfer, isn't that real early??)
    and we saw one embryo. well more like a black dot.
    The other one (i had 2 embies transfered)  - didn't show his face.
    Think there's any chance it will??

    Offline moneybunny

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #309 on: 24/07/17, 22:03 »
    So update - had Ultrasound today, the second embryo re-appeared out of the blue!!
    so now i got me twins. not sure if i'm happy or really really really scared....

    First i want to say that i have carefully read the ENTIRE thread from page 1 - and i still dont get the Harmony test...
    Is it "safe" for a non teller or not?
    My health insurance would pay for the test but i do not want any medical worker to know it's DE.
    not even my lovely Gynecologist.
    as far as i am concerned - it shouldnt appear on ANY form.

    So while some members here wrote the harmony test doesn't look at genetics
    , one Member (Fox Gloves i believe) wrote this:

    "...Just for others reading this thread, this wasn't the case for me. I had a harmony test and didn't disclose that I had used DE (when asked I stated I had used OE) and my test came back as failed. I spoke to the senior lab technician and she explained that DNA was found in my blood which was not mine and was not my babies..."

    So yea, doing it privetly would be the best but its going to cost at lease 600 Euros,

    so i would like to see if there is a way to avoid that payment AND keep my non telling nobody policy.

    So my question - is there anyone here who here had/has twins and did not tell ANYONE?
    If so - how did you pull through the tests? (Harmony and the Amnio?)