* Author Topic: NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread  (Read 83067 times)

0 Members

Offline nevertoolate

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
modify
NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
« Reply #320 on: 10/03/18, 23:17 »
hi good luck to you. i was not questioned on it at all. i am not sure why they would question both blood groups. it was not mentioned at all.

FertilityFriends

  • Advertisement
  • ***

    Offline Tinseltown

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #321 on: 10/03/18, 23:45 »
    Destined - We have been asked for both our blood groups. I have a relatively rare blood group, and if we were going with my blood group only, our options would be minimal (less than 10% of UK population, for example). We instead went for a donor who has my DH's blood group. There's a 25% chance that my blood group and DH's blood group can create a child with his blood group.

    Offline Tincancat

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #322 on: 11/03/18, 20:40 »
    Blood group of mother is always tested in pregnancy because if you are rhesus negative then you need anti D.
    Baby blood group is not tested as routine,  only if they require  treatment on special care or are jaundiced.  This is only to find cause of jaundice.   Even if it was tested and different to the mum then the assumption is blood group has come from Dad........  no one ever tests Dad. Therefore there really isn't any need to match blood group.
    TCCx

    Offline Tincancat

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #323 on: 12/03/18, 01:54 »
    No problem. I work on a neonatal unit.  We never test blood group of Dad because we are not even remotely interested. All we are looking for is an interaction between Mum and baby blood as a cause for jaundice. Jaundice happens frequently and it is because baby naturally often has a different blood group to a mum precisely because Dad is different blood group.  Testing blood group of baby allows staff to predict if reaction and hence jaundice will be prolonged. The only time I've ever tested Dad blood is when DNA testing  if looking at genetic cause of a congenital condition in a baby however most DNA testing doesn't require parents blood only if an ambiguous result comes up.  Even then parents can refuse to be DNA tested themselves if they wished.
    TCCx

    Offline Kitkat496

    • Sr. Member
    • ****
    modify
    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #324 on: 12/03/18, 11:32 »
    Yes what Tincancat said...since the fathers blood type is not usually known to the doctors delivering, even if your LO ends up with a different blood type from you, people would not have any reason to question this as normal (because it IS very normal; if you want to refresh your memory...in the donor thread there is a good explanation of different blood type combos)

    Offline nevertoolate

    • Sr. Member
    • ****
    modify
    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #325 on: 12/03/18, 12:47 »
    Apologies if i was not clear on my last posting. what i meant to say is that the hospital did not ask about blood groups so i had always assumed that it would only be a potential issue for non disclosure option for any potential health issues of the child. best of luck with your treatment xx

    Offline Tincancat

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #326 on: 12/03/18, 17:37 »
    No one has to know ever you used donor if  you have treatment abroad.   However do consider your partner will know and if you ever split in the future there could be a problem if they threatened to tell plus if the child ever became suspicious they could do a convert DNA test in the future....just things to consider.
    TCCX

    Offline Clarabelle71

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #327 on: 11/05/18, 15:04 »
    I noticed there is a not telling private board but not sure how to access it. Although we wrote our blood types on our medical history form i realized they never listed our donors blood type.x

    Offline bundles

    • Volunteer
    • *
    • Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so ! D.Adams
    modify
    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #328 on: 11/05/18, 17:38 »
    Ladies can I just repeat that the Private Not Telling Board is strictly for ladies who are pregnant with, or who have, donor conceived children. Cycling ladies are not permitted. It is also stringently monitored and ONLY ladies that are 100% not telling are allowed access. If you are unsure, you will not be allowed in. This will be demonstrated by your posting history, which should be fairly substantial. We will not allow new ladies access for obvious reasons.
    You can PM me if you require access & can comply with all of the above.
    Thank you.

    Bundles
    Site Management

    Offline ZC

    • Sr. Member
    • ****
    modify
    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #329 on: 28/05/18, 09:56 »
    Hi All,
    New here and so relieved to find you all. ADMIN if this is not ok delete right away. Same question will be posted in the telling thread.

    Currently pregnant with DE after a long and painful road to get here. I am worrying beyond belief about this. I know I will have to dip into both threads so hopefully some of you can help.

    Do you think you can get away without telling? I thought so but it seems like every TV ad is about finding your ancestors through DNA samples, even my own family all did it the other day to see where they hail from and I nearly vomited with the stress. It also matches you with cousins and other relatives and enables contact using saliva samples that you send off. So I am now totally freaked out about this. When my child is older this sort of thing will be huge. I worry they will find a relative that isn't my relative and cop on!

    We used anonymous donor too so no hope of the child making contact with the donor unless she is registered on one of those DNA searching ancestry websites.  So the child could want to but can't make contact which informed my decision about not telling as well.

    We have told no one not even family. We felt the first person who should know is the child. And that stands. But then our little one chooses to tell people and I worry about that. Maybe thinking way too far ahead.

    So how do you plan to manage this? I saw someone say they would destroy all evidence. Well I thought of that too and just the emails alone are so many that I fear I would miss one. And then the paperwork etc. And then in the hospital it is down as a DE baby due to panorama testing (not being able to get harmony test due to DE). So thats a record on my hospital file and maybe their birth record. Actually I might just check that. So baby blood type is already know and that they have no DNA shared with me.

    As you can see I feel totally panicked and overwhelmed and I think about this a lot. It is in fact ruining this pregnancy. Although I am so so happy to be pregnant this is such a burden right now.