* Author Topic: NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread  (Read 83061 times)

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Offline justjazzyjess

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NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
« Reply #360 on: 22/11/19, 19:17 »
Thanks Stacey. It's so nice to speak to other people who aren't telling or considering not telling - I feel very judged for even thinking about not telling but me and my partner are pretty sure at the moment we don't want to for many reasons.

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    Offline Stacey10

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #361 on: 22/11/19, 20:06 »
    Yep definitely not into telling here at all 🙂

    Offline express19

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #362 on: 23/11/19, 11:39 »
    Hi All,

    Hope you don't mind my joining, so happy to have come across this thread and have been reading from the start!

    I am definitely in the NO telling camp. Going solo and people might wonder about the source of the sperm, but it could just have easily been a one night stand. I don't want to chance people, especially family judging my choice of DE as all my sisters have been able to conceive naturally. I am also using anonymous donors, so what will be the point of giving the child a 'marker'? Just imagine if at a family gathering, someone had to explain to one of my nieces or nephews that my child is not really a 'blood' cousin!

    I have just started treatment and hoping it will work as I feel the age pressure already. I really need a thread like this where people planning not to tell can be free to express themselves, but most importantly, know that there are others like me. Almost every article online talks of telling and helping the child to adjust, even the free counselling sessions are skewed that way. But, I just don't and can't see any benefit that comes from that and especially for double donation.

    Also good to read about people's experience in terms of what you say to your GP and for me, it's very timely advice as I definitely do not want the mention of using DE or even DS on my record. After all, a one night stand will not be recorded on there!!

    Thanks to all who post on here, there are many silent participants that your stories and experience are helping.

    Offline Tinseltown

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #363 on: 8/12/19, 19:35 »
    Hmmm... in my case, I'm not in touch with any member of family on my biological father's side (who died when I was little). So if I had a bio child, he/she would not have the full medical history either.

    Offline Lily1988

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #364 on: 25/02/20, 18:32 »
    Hi everyone I'm new here. We have been battling with infertility for 6 years now. Partner has Non obstructive azoospermia and microtese will be performed this year. We k ow our chances are very slim of finding any sperm and if we do that our success chances are poor. Over the years the thought of sperm donation has gone from no never to yes. My partner 60/40 for a sperm doner, again he only wanted a biological child but he's warming to the idea. The more I have thought though and grieved a biological child with my partner the more I'm Excepting and becoming excited for a future as a family using sperm donation. I'm all for not telling anyone at all. My opinion is that this child not be made in same way as most but it will be made with so much love and wanted so much. My father is my step father and I know my bilogical dad but it shows DNA means not much as the love I have for my step father is how a daughter loves a dad and my bilogical father Is just a distant family member to me. We speak now and again. Have I ever hated that my step dad isn't my bilogical dad and honestly it doesn't matter at all. It's shown me that blood isn't thicker than water really what matters is bonding time and love. Another example is how iv explained to my partner is how much do we love our dog. We love him like our child and its a animal. Im nit comparing a baby to a dog but I wanted to look at how love isn't about DNA. Now all this is becoming real and we are talking more and more I'm waking with anxiety. What if I don't bond with the child? Or what if my love is a different live to my partners love for the child? Will we feel like we are living a lie when his family are overjoyed that he has a child that's not biologically his.? I'm sure all these feeling are normal but the fear is there that my dream isn't actually what the reality would be.

    Offline Lily1988

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #365 on: 25/02/20, 18:35 »
    Excuse the few typos in my last post x

    Offline Jeb1982

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #366 on: 4/06/20, 15:01 »
    Hi ladies

    Hope you dont mind me joining the chat.

    I'm so confused atm just to let you know alittle history I have dd OE who is nearly 6 and mc just over 2yrs ago again OE.


    I have been struggling with the thought of no using my OE and thought I got my head around DE I have been on the waiting list in the UK since Feb 2019 and recently been having counselling to accept that my future is to have no more children and enjoy life with my dh and dd. Which I have just finally accepted until NOW had a call from the clinic saying the have found a match and its a perfect match....
    The only issue now is my emotions are everywhere again and quizzing myself do I really want this journey again.

    I dont want to tell the child if I accept the offer but scared if they find out later on in life. The donor has her own child but only willing to donate to 1 family so its exclusive but I'm scared if someone finds out. What if someone gets hold my GP records as it was mentioned I'm considering DE.

    Sorry to ramble on ladies but im frazzled.

    Thanks for hearing me out and please dont take this the wrong way as I am ungrateful for actually having an offer as I am very grateful but quiz myself should I be grateful for what I have and let someone elses dream come true. 🤔😣

    Thanks
    Jeb x

    Offline Stacey10

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #367 on: 4/06/20, 17:35 »
    Hi,
    Didnít want to read and run, it seems it basically comes down to the decision, if your happy with one child, if you are and can say your ďdoneĒ then maybe pass on the offer, if your not sure or you know deep down you would like the possibility if another child then if you turn down this offer maybe you will regret it down the line.
    If you do go ahead with the offer, then you really donít need to tell anyone, not even your gp, it wonít affect the pregnancy at all so it is really up to you if you decide to tell. We havenít told anyone, apart from our gp, because they helped with the drugs I needed for my cycle. I suppose the hospital may have guessed as I was 49 at the time, but nothing was mentioned, it was just treated like a normal pregnancy.  :)

    Offline Jeb1982

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    « Reply #368 on: 4/06/20, 20:45 »
    Hi Stacey10

    Thank you for your message.

    I am happy with my daughter but I'm worried what if occurs afew yeara down the line or even less.  Its not like that little seed planted in my brain has gone away.

    Thank you for your reply.

    Take care
    Jeb x

    Offline ZC

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #369 on: 4/06/20, 21:35 »
    I have a little one through DE and always happy to talk to or help anyone considering it. Iím honest and will answer any question. Feel free to message me directly.
    Thereís so much you just donít realise and think of before actually having a DE baby.
    Take your time and be kind to yourself.