* Author Topic: NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread  (Read 83045 times)

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Offline Apple Orchard

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NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
« Reply #90 on: 2/07/15, 09:41 »
CrazyHorse, lovely post too. Never say never!! I too was certain I'd only want one because I was so grateful. Didn't think I could be that lucky twice. But then number one was born and I realised I wanted another. maybe you won't ... But maybe you will!! Good luck with your pregnancy. I hope it goes smoothly.

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    Offline CrazyHorse

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #91 on: 2/07/15, 09:58 »
    Thanks, Apple Orchard.  ^hugme^ Still can hardly believe it!

    As always, wishing all you ladies luck with your roads to a completed family.  ^reiki^

    Offline Orchid-1

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #92 on: 2/07/15, 10:20 »
    Hi Ladies, just came across this post.

    We are going to do OE but are considering DE for the future. My DH and I don't want it on our records.

    I have been very vague about what clinic I am going to privately and any tests they have done. The GP is truely lovely and has let me do simple blood tests through their practice. I feel a little rattled because she is of the opinion the child should be told, if I go the donor route. I've said to GP we would not consider DE.

    We feel really strongly that the decision should be ours mine and DH's. Our blood types will be the same.

    What are the tests they ask the mother and child to do, if I do get pregnant?? What are the tests I need to refuse.
    I will do the harmony test privately.

    Any helpful advice would be welcome.  :-\

    All the best to you all out there. x

    Offline betty21

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #93 on: 2/07/15, 10:28 »
    Well i just got my BFP - i  feel truly blessed - we used the same donor as before (in spain) and all going well will have a beautiful sibling for our little girl. Last time round i did inform doctor surgery what we had done and now wondering what to do this time as dont want it all over my notes. I will  do the Harmony test to rule out any problems  at 10weeks. We have not told anyone in the family that we used DE in our last pregnancy and wont again. Just hope our little bean hangs on in there x

    Offline CrazyHorse

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    NOT Telling the child, Chat/Support thread
    « Reply #94 on: 2/07/15, 10:36 »
    Our blood types will be the same.

    What are the tests they ask the mother and child to do, if I do get pregnant?? What are the tests I need to refuse.

    If you have blood type matching with your donor (or matching such that your child's blood type will be one that you and your partner could have produced naturally), there are no tests you need to decline in order to keep DE out of your records. What you need to be aware of is that the screening tests offered currently on NHS for Down's and other trisomies calculate your pregnancy's risk using a formula that includes the age of the genetic mother at the time of conception. If they make the calculation using your age, you will get a higher risk result than the actual risk for your pregnancy. This isn't a problem, you just need to be aware that your actual risk is less than whatever result you get from the test. You can also do the Harmony test privately, as those results are based on chromosomal analysis and aren't significantly affected by maternal age. The Harmony test will not provide any information about whether you and your baby are genetically related. Or you can decline the screenings for the trisomies altogether.

    HTH!  :)

    Offline Orchid-1

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    « Reply #95 on: 2/07/15, 10:46 »
    Thank you Crazyhorse. That puts my mind at rest.

    Just one more question - how accurate are the Harmony tests for Downs? - Can it specifically say for sure the baby has Downs from the chromosomal information or is just estimates based on probabilities?

    Offline CrazyHorse

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    « Reply #96 on: 2/07/15, 10:53 »
    The Harmony test is vastly more accurate than the older non-invasive screening tests, but is not 100% definitive. Something like 1-2% of women will not have enough fetal DNA in their bloodstream for the test to return a result. False positives (i.e., the test saying the fetus almost certainly has a trisomy when it actually doesn't) are unlikely but possible, so you would need CVS or amnio to confirm before taking any decision to TFMR if a trisomy was suspected. If you get a negative (i.e., very low-risk result), those are less likely to be incorrect than a positive and you can be pretty darn confident your baby doesn't have the conditions tested for. The test only returns basically binary results; they're expressed as a risk, but you'll either be very low-risk (i.e., 1 in 10,000) or very high-risk (i.e., the baby is probably affected).

    Offline Orchid-1

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    « Reply #97 on: 2/07/15, 11:20 »
    Thank you Crazyhorse and all the best for your pregnancy  :)

    Thank you Ellaa. That is really useful.  :)

    It will make our decision re DE easier.

    ps Congrats Betty21 :)

    Offline TiggerBounces

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    « Reply #98 on: 5/07/15, 11:05 »
    OK, Im a bit scared to post as I'm only now beginning to realise there are some seriously strong positions on this topic....I feel though that this is the safest place for me to post. We are thinking of DE in Spain. (I probably would tell any child we were lucky enough to have BUT my reason is very, very, very personal, my mum died of a very unusual type of leukaemia. I don't want to start justifying that decision here. I TOTALLY get why people don't/wouldn't tell their child and a massive part of me is still debating that).  What I'm most interested in is the anonymous part. I can't find much of a discussion around this stance, telling a child but them not being able to trace a donor... Should I be posting in the other group...(I'm really scared to!). Any advice? There's so much discussion and information on telling and knowing a donor, but I can't find much discussion or information on the pros of using an anonymous donor. Please help if this is the right place for posting. If not, Im sorry! x

    Offline CrazyHorse

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    « Reply #99 on: 5/07/15, 11:15 »
    I *think* bombsh3ll intends to disclose donor conception, but her treatment was in Spain and so the donor would be anonymous by law. Maybe she'll pop along in a bit and give her thoughts.

    I doubt anyone would get upset about you posting on here as someone who plans to disclose to their own children, but has questions; it's just when people who don't want to disclose get pressured to change their minds that it all kicks off. :)