* Author Topic: Susan's PGD diary #1 BFN, #2 BFP! Now TTC no. 2  (Read 61064 times)

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Offline -Susan-

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Susan's PGD diary #1 BFN, #2 BFP! Now TTC no. 2
« Reply #360 on: 9/10/19, 07:38 »
I donít like saying this, as I feel Iíll jinx myself, but no further bleeding this morning so far. If it was my period Iíd expect a proper flow this morning. I did rush to insert the pessary on the train and donít think I inserted quite far enough, and I split my tablets yesterday (thought Iíd put four tablets in my bag, but had three, so took the fourth when I got to the hotel) - maybe it was breakthrough spotting. It wasnít a lot at all, so hopefully itís nothing bad. In the past, I bled 7dp5dt if it hadnít worked, so today is important.

Iím not allowing myself to dare to hope it was implantation.

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    Offline -Susan-

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    Susan's PGD diary #1 BFN, #2 BFP! Now TTC no. 2
    « Reply #361 on: 9/10/19, 07:39 »
    Also I tried to get a pregnancy test last night for today, but the local sainsburies didnít have one, and honestly I find Birmingham a bit intimidating and unfamiliar, so I wasnít about to roam the streets in the dark, hunting for a shop that sold one.

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    Susan's PGD diary #1 BFN, #2 BFP! Now TTC no. 2
    « Reply #362 on: 9/10/19, 22:28 »
    BFP!!!   ;D thank you, God!  ^pray^

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    Susan's PGD diary #1 BFN, #2 BFP! Now TTC no. 2
    « Reply #363 on: 11/10/19, 14:37 »
    HCG 12 :( this is so hard.

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    Susan's PGD diary #1 BFN, #2 BFP! Now TTC no. 2
    « Reply #364 on: 11/10/19, 17:04 »
    Iím not doing this anymore. Itís such a hard road and I need to work on building the best life I can as a family of three. Iím so lucky to have my beautiful, smart and very loving son, I leave my journey with a miracle that so many sadly donít ever get. Iím very grateful. I need time to come to terms with my life not looking like I thought it would, but Iíll get there. It had looked so hopeful - guessing itís just a blighted ovum :(

    Iím not bleeding yet. Iím still to take the pessaries and tablets until another check of my hcg next week. But I know in my heart this isnít going to work.

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    Susan's PGD diary #1 BFN, #2 BFP! Now TTC no. 2
    « Reply #365 on: 13/10/19, 00:05 »
    No bleeding. Cervix is high and soft. I took a pregnancy test this morning and it was positive, so hcg isnít dropping fast. The line was possibly even slightly darker than yesterday afternoons, but I guess that makes sense given itís afternoon vs early morning urine. I still have vague pregnancy - like symptoms, eg tender and heavier feeling boobs. Guess the drugs are doing a better job this time than in previous cycles at trying to sustain the pregnancy. Iím not even bleeding yet.

    Still getting my head round this being it. I always saw myself with a little girl, a little sister for my boy. Heíd have loved that. However, one good thing, I can completely dedicate myself to him and have more time and money for him. Iím looking at music classes for him now, heís already going to karate, swimming and football lessons, and a church childrenís  club that my dad helps run,  and I couldnít afford it all as easily if there was another sibling, plus co ordinating it would also be difficult. Plus no sibling rivalry, no jealousy, all our attention is on him. Also, for me, itíll be easier going away with work, building a career, following my own interests. Hubby can look after him easily enough but would find it hard with two. No doubt, some things are easier with an only child. And heís a happy, loving boy, with lots of friends and relatives who love and spend time with him. For example, hes very close to my parents and my brothers, especially my younger brother. Heís actually got a really lovely relationship with my younger brother -  my brother is very introverted and  shy, heís known for being very quiet (and super smart), he finds social situations difficult and  to be honest I think heís almost certainly on the autistic spectrum, but my son brings him out of his shell. you can tell my brother really appreciates that my son loves him and is affectionate towards him, and really wants to spend time with him. Heís so patient and caring with my son and will play with him for hours. Anyway, my point is, my sons not lonely. Iím determined that he will have the best childhood I can give him, even if I never can provide him with a sibling. I need to make sure I provide him with as many social opportunities as I can.

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    Susan's PGD diary #1 BFN, #2 BFP! Now TTC no. 2
    « Reply #366 on: 14/10/19, 23:27 »
    Still no bleeding. But Iím feeling crampy and emotional. Last pregnancy test I took this afternoon was I think negative, maybe a shadow of a line. Not FMU (first morning urine), Iíll take another test tomorrow morning.

    It sounds ridiculous and desperate, but while Iím not bleeding, Iím still holding a glimmer of hope Iím not about to miscarry. Pathetic I know. No way this is going to end well. Do I even count as pregnant anymore? I had positive hcg and no bleeding yet - I guess I do? Clearly thisíll be a chemical though. Part of me wonders if the placenta isnít forming correctly but the embryo part would be ok otherwise, and so my body is trying to hold on to it. Again, pathetic of me I know, itís clutching at straws.

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    Susan's PGD diary #1 BFN, #2 BFP! Now TTC no. 2
    « Reply #367 on: 17/10/19, 12:42 »
    Less than 2 HCG. Time to move on as a family of 3. I felt like a bit of a fraud being at the clinic this morning, I didnít feel I should be there anymore. Itíll take me time to come to terms with it, and who knows what the future holds - Iím 32, maybe 10 years of fertility left. But at least I feel done with fertility treatment - I donít want to go back. Iím meant to get a bleed within a week, if not Iím to let them know. But it should be soon.

    Time to put an end to my diary - itís been a rollercoaster since I started it in 2012 and itís helped. And I have my son, itís most definitely worth it for him, and the knowledge he doesnít have DHís condition. It feels weird that Iím leaving this behind though.  All the best to others still on their journey xx