* Author Topic: PGD for NF1. #1, #2, #3 #4 #5 #6= BFN'; surrogacy #7 = BFP.  (Read 23918 times)

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Offline Carrie88

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First lubion infection done!!
I forgot how much these hurt, totally worth every bruise and pain though if it works xx


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    Offline Carrie88

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    Called guys today, thyroid is down to 1.7 so happy with that.
    Also called the embryologist team and they said they'll give me a print out of the embryos this time, she's made a note on my file to make sure they don't forget.

    My suitcase is packed and my transfer baby dust socks!! I'm in work 9-5pm tomorrow, driving home and then we need to leave ours by 5.30ish. We leave Liverpool at 6.47pm and get into London at 9pm, then we're getting a taxi to the hotel as we're staying in a roughish part of Hackney. We booked a hotel on a website where you don't know what it is till you book, only 67 and it's a 4 star hotel, just the location is apparently awful so I'd rather not risk walking there in the dark.

    Currently have a whole bundle of emotions right now :/ I'm snappy and emotional and then times excited, Eurgh xx

    Offline Carrie88

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    Having a nightmare journey to London.
    We got to Liverpool lime street to find out all trains are cancelled to London tonight as the signals down in Euston due to a fire.
    We were advised to travel tomorrow (not an option)
    So we are currently on a train to Milton Keynes and then a coach to London.
    It's going to take bloody hours.

    Offline Carrie88

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    OK we've had to get off at Nuneaton. Then get a train to Leicester and then a train to st Pancras.
    Due into London at 11pm.

    We left our house are 5.30pm -.-

    Offline Carrie88

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    It's 12.30am and I've just got into bed at the hotel.
    I am knackered but we are here safe, I'm in London, that's the main thing!!

    Offline Carrie88

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    I am PUPO (again). I'm PASP (pregnant and staying pregnant this time though)

    I woke up this morning feeling shattered after our long day yesterday but excited. We got to Guys about 11:15am and we were seen on time.
    The team LOVED my baby dust transfer socks, they said they've never seen anything like that before and asked where I got them from etc
    As usual my embryos have defrosted beautifully (their words) 100% survival and expansion.
    weve transferred 2 x 5ABs
    Then we got a takeaway Nando's and ate it on the train home which was lush.
    I feel completely different this time, I actually wonder if I am becoming a little bit desensitised, like I'm not even thinking about them at the moment, I'm just acting like normal.
    I've asked my husband to disable google off my iPhone which he has and i think I'm gonna get him to do the same with my iPad so I can't go crazy googling.

    Please wish me luck. I want this to work more than anything xx

    Offline Carrie88

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    I am not ok.

    I was doing great. I put the transfer out the back of my mind.
    Friday - I went out for lunch with friends and a bit of shopping in Chester
    Yesterday - me and the hubby had a date day in Telford visiting Blist Hill.

    And then it all went wrong. I have an horrendous bruise from my first fragmin and a lot of people reccomended arnica to me, so I got some from Asda. I read the leaflet and it said don't use if pregnant but I still rubbed a bit on my bruise, then I googled it and found some real conflicting advice saying do not use it as it can cause uterine contractions and miscarriages so I washed it all off, the cream was on my bruise for less than 5 minutes.
    I have anxiety so obviously that means though it's too late and the cream has caused uterine contractions and so the embryo won't attach and has caused it to fail after 2 days.

    So I cried and cried and I've barely slept because I just feel like I've ruined this transfer cos I used arnica cream :(

    I'm so sad.

    Offline Carrie88

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    Just tested now with a 3 hour hold on a FRER and it's negative.

    I think I'm out.

    Offline Carrie88

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    Every day since Saturday I've been clicking on this to update it and then clicking out again as I physically can not find the words I truly want to say.
    I've just scrolled right down from the top to the bottom as I can not bare to read any of the posts.

    Wasn't I a fool to actually think this transfer was going to work?

    We are utterly heartbroken, we have pretty much spent the past 3 days in our pjs moping going through the stages of grief....numbness, sadness and currently on anger.

    My head is now overwhelmed with questions:

    Do we need an egg donor?
    Do we need a sperm donor?
    Do we need a surrogate?
    Will this ever work?
    How many more times do I have to put myself through this?
    Was my womb good this time but the embryo wrong?
    Was my womb bad the past 3 times and the embryo good?

    I find it hard to believe 5 of my embryos would be abnormal enough to not implant.

    Sadly I've had to leave my clinics social media page as I think I'm the only one on there whose not had success by now and for my mental health I needed to come out of it as it's too upsetting for me.

    We've decided to have further tests:

    Dq alpha
    Hidden c test
    ERA test

    Follow up with guys: 18th May
    Follow up with private consultant: 8th May

    I'm going to book an app with dr Gorgy in London to see what he has to say too.

    Things are going to get complicated.

    Offline Carrie88

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    Still struggling to want to update this but here we go.

    First thank you to everyone whose messaged me to say they're thinking of me or telling me not to give up, members I've never even really spoken to have messaged and I'm very grateful and appreciative.

    Still feeling quite alone in the PGD world as I don't know anyone whose gone through as many failed transfers as me....I know ivf people who have but not pgd as there's never normally any problems with people who go through pgd as they do it just to screen out a genetic condition.

    So update!!!!!

    1. My bleed from this failed transfer only lasted 1 day which I know isn't normal. I've gone back to acupuncture to try and regulate my periods as they are so messed up. I managed to get a bit of brown blood together and shipped that off to Greece last week for the hidden C test.

    2. Were going to see Dr Gorgy next Wednesday.

    3. I'm going down to Gennet care on the 26th May to discuss the ERA. I tried to get that app for the same day as dr Gorgy but couldn't so 2 trips to London.

    4. I had my follow up with the private immune consultant and he was very shocked it didn't work. He said I'm now in like the 10% of the population now as in I've had 3 failed transfers plus 1 failed immune transfer. I asked him not to bull me and to tell me if it's never going too and he said it will, I just haven't found the right protocol yet.

    I wish our embryos were pgs tested though so least I'd know for defo which the problem was - the seed or the environment.

    Hubby and me have had some blow ups this week. He feels he's paid 6k since we started this process on train tickets, hotels, consultations, extra tests, extra meds etc and we have nothing to show for it. He also feels that it's a waste of time going to see dr Gorgy and to pay for anymore tests.
    He has the money from his mums inheritance, which he always said would be the baby fund.
    I told him if he gave up on this and he still had the money I would never be able to forgive him and I'd resent him forever and until I am told that this will never work for us, I will keep going and I will keep fighting.