* Author Topic: TTC at 39 with older partner  (Read 10384 times)

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Offline hopingforutopia

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TTC at 39 with older partner
« Reply #60 on: 5/02/18, 16:00 »
Hello All

It's been a while since I logged on as working things through with my partner and we are just about to start ICSI treatment.  We realised we were going nowhere naturally, had an appointment on the NHS (I wasn;t impressed with the consultant) and have decided to go private.  We are having to pay anyway due to my age and him having previous children.  We have also found out that he has severe oligoasthenozoospermia.  This has left me wondering what the chances are, even through ICSI, of making a baby?!  I am trying to be positive but failing...miserably.  I'm due to start injecting next week but is there any point?  Sorry, I wanted my next post on this thread to be one of positivity for you ladies.

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    Offline Claudia H

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    TTC at 39 with older partner
    « Reply #61 on: 11/02/18, 10:44 »
    Hi HFU,

    I'm going to be totally honest with you as I think that is what you are after. I think with the fertility challenges that you face honestly your chances are pretty slim. ICSI is amazing, and while I don't really know about the sperm condition that your husband has, I am sure it will help. There are also additional things they can do such as IMSI (where they use a very high powered microscope to examine the sperm and select the best) which might be worth thinking about. So those things can seriously help improve the sperm. The reason why I say your chances aren't great is sadly down to your egg quality. At 41 the frustrating reality is that the vast majority of your eggs will be chromosomaly abnormal and not able to create a baby. I know you probably know this already but it is something to think seriously about before spending all that money.

    In the end nobody can say that you definitely won't get pregnant and have a baby and there is always a chance. But statistically, the chance is pretty small, especially when combined with your partner's sperm issues. So really it comes down to a choice that only you can decide - is the amount of money worth if for the small chance of success? For some people, they will say it definitely is as if they don't try they may always be left wondering and even if they tried and didn't succeed at least they know they gave it their best shot and can then move on more easily. For others, the cost is prohibitive when the chances of success aren't great. It's really a very personal decision and one that only you can make.

    I'm not saying this to be depressing and I'm certainly not saying don't do it - I have been there myself; our last 3 rounds of IVF were when I was 40 and although they weren't successful at least I feel I gave it my all and it made the move to donor egg easier.

    and remember - however small the chance you do absolutely still have a chance. It really just comes down to money now.

    best of luck whatever you decide!
    xx

    Offline Vivbubwish

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    TTC at 39 with older partner
    « Reply #62 on: 10/03/18, 10:59 »
    Hi, can I join you ladies? I'm Viv, 41, partnr (60), currently waiting for a lap (which is pencilled in for end May) for suspected endo. Test results so far are fsh 11 and amh 4.8. All clinical letters I've had confirming these results are starkly clinical, devoid of any sensitivity and depressingly negative about my chances of conceiving. Have started looking into clinics but no idea whats going to give us the best chance. We have male factor issues too, low sperm count, along with low motility and morphology. We had hoped on iui after natural attempts dont seem to be working but consultant said we would be wasting our money, and has recommended the full ivf/icsi option. Have looked into Create clinic too as I liked the idea of a natural/mild approach. Im trying to remain hopeful but the pain/grief comes in waves fearing I will never be a mummy. They say it takes one egg and one sperm. We must remain hopeful however we end up getting there xxx

    Offline hopingforutopia

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    TTC at 39 with older partner
    « Reply #63 on: 12/03/18, 13:14 »
    Yes I know statistically that the odds are against us but I will regret it if we do not try again (and possibly again).  Our first cycle of ICSI was unsuccessful (short/mild protocol).  10 eggs were retrieved; 8 mature; 4 fertilised and 1 transferred on day 5.  The remaining 3 arrested on day 6.  We were both pretty laid back throughout the entire process but are now very upset by it all.  We went into this with so much positivity and now I fear that I will never have a child.  I have spent the weekend scouring the internet for hope and advice but think that this will never happen.  I just feel so empty.

    Offline Claudia H

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    « Reply #64 on: 12/03/18, 14:27 »
    Hi Both

    HFU - I totally understand, I really do I have absolutely been there. If you feel you aren't ready to stop and you need to try again then that is absolutely what you should do. Remember - there is still a chance, no matter how much the statistics say its against you. But it is also just worth having those other options in the back of your mind. When someone first said the words donor egg to me I felt mortified, like that was really the end, a shameful fate worse than anything and how on earth would I get over never having my own child, something i have always always wanted to do (it just took me a while to find Mr Right!).

    It took me a good two years, but eventually I just stopped caring so much about the genetics - and at a scan this morning I got to see my little baby waving at me. Ok so it won't share my genes, but who really cares? i get to grow it, give birth to it, breast feed it - that's a pretty massive biological connection in my book. And it has my DH's genes so it's not like its a total unknown - and with the role epigenetics play, it will have my thumbprint on its very makeup. It's not for everyone and its certainly not a decision to be taken lightly and can only really be made when you've grieved for the loss of your genetic child. It's nobody's Plan A, but it's a pretty brilliant Plan B - just something to have in the back of your mind while you cycle again (if that's what you decide to do!)

    Vivbubwish - I'm sorry you are in a similar situation. I'm sending you the best of luck xxx


    Offline hopingforutopia

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    TTC at 39 with older partner
    « Reply #65 on: 12/03/18, 14:59 »
    Hi Claudia

    Thanks for the reply.  My OH thinks I am thinking too far ahead and when I broached the subject of donor eggs or sperm it was a definite no from him.  He would rather have a few more tries with ICSI and then call it a day.  I too waited a while for Mr Right and there were other personal circumstances which meant that baby making had to be put on hold.  I feel so stupid for not trying earlier in my life  :(

    Offline Claudia H

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    TTC at 39 with older partner
    « Reply #66 on: 12/03/18, 16:03 »
    HFU - please don't feel stupid - we are all in the same boat. I used to lie awake torturing myself thinking 'When was the last good egg? when was it  - and I just let it slip by' - but the truth is it doesn't really work that way. You may still have good eggs, it's just very hard to find them...

    Your DH's response is totally normal and in fact my DH had the same. All I can say is if you do do a few more rounds and sadly aren't successful (and i do hope you are!!!), but if you aren't and its the choice of Donor Egg or nothing, you DH might change his mind. He's not there yet because he is still thinking about your eggs and ICSI and giving it another go(es) - but mindsets do change. Don't loose heart hun - you are still in this!!!

    x