* Author Topic: Anyone using donor sperm part 77  (Read 87873 times)

0 Members

Offline CanadianAmanda

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
modify
Anyone using donor sperm part 77
« Reply #60 on: 23/04/16, 02:10 »
MrsE I am sorry you started spotting :( AF is such an ugly reminder of our struggle. I hope you are doing alright! Xo

KJade big hugs your way. You have had some rough road blocks, I can understand why you may want to jump to IVF. I hope Monday comes quickly for you so you can hopefully get some answers!!

AFM I received a call from my IVF nurse saying that I will be on the antagonist protocol once I am selected. BabyB tells me this is the shorter of the 2 protocols, so I am grateful for that. So I feel I am ending this week on a good note. Now just the wait to be selected.

Hello Daisy, Godiva, Sapphire :) I hope everyone has a fun filled weekend planned!


FertilityFriends

  • Advertisement
  • ***

    Offline MrsE1982

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    Anyone using donor sperm part 77
    « Reply #61 on: 23/04/16, 13:44 »
    Oh no AF not shown up properly. 1 blob on Thursday night and then cramps on Friday....still nothing today (saturday!) I'm not too bothered about seeing it this time as it means I'm one step closer to starting treatment again. Not expecting it to be 'normal' at all....and it isn't!

    Kjade - sorry you are in this situation being forced to use the clinic. Don't make a decision to jump to IVF based on their incompetence. Make it a medical decision as best you can. (Hard I know...doc and DH made our decision!)

    Hope your weekends are turning out ok ladies. Have read my first 'preparing for IVF' book - but clearly haven't digested any of it as am sat here eating a fish finger butty!

    Offline Godiva

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    Anyone using donor sperm part 77
    « Reply #62 on: 24/04/16, 09:12 »
    What's wrong with fish finger butties? You will be paying so much attention to what you eat once you are pregnant... Try to relax a bit, I think that is probably the most important thing you can do until you really start treatment again. At least allow yourself a few days off ;)

    Offline K jade

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    • Infertility veteran since 2011! BFN princess :)
    modify
    Anyone using donor sperm part 77
    « Reply #63 on: 24/04/16, 09:34 »
    Nothing wrong with that Mrs E, they got me through uni

    I've written a letter of complaint now.
    I've just said how distressing it is to keep calling in to comence cycles, only to have the rug pulled from under me.
    Easter holidays, clinic forgot to order DS..
    What next, the resident dog ate my notes???
    I feel so sad and regretful it'll be our second complaint

    Offline louise48910

    • Sr. Member
    • ****
    modify
    Anyone using donor sperm part 77
    « Reply #64 on: 24/04/16, 12:23 »
    Oh Kjade, they're really useless aren't they. Forgot? :( I would definitely complain. It may not achieve anything for you but it needs to be highlighted and someone needs to know that what has happened is unacceptable. Like Daisy says, who knows if it's happened before...... I see you decided to complain. Good on you.

    Sorry for the moan but I'm not really sure what we're doing at the moment. My partner seemed to think donor was the way to go. Maybe it was a bit early. He's a bit black and white, I wish we could talk about it more. Tried to talk to him about when we would properly chat and consider what we want to do but he was too tired to talk and I felt he was being difficult and he thought I was demanding a decision which I wasn't. We've got so much to think about. We both hate our some aspects of our jobs but by leaving we wouldn't be able to get anything as well paid (for this area) as we are now, want to move into a larger house but are stuck in a tiny place with minimum deposit and little equity (although mum will help). We were also going to set a date to get married once we knew what the plan would be IVF timing wise. I very negatively suggested, probably to provoke a reaction, at possibly not needing a bigger house if we can't have children which he agreed with and suggested that he might not like to commit to larger mortgage repayments if a child is not biologically his. I feel very confused and reliant on him feeling it's the right time to talk. He's the kinda guy who wouldn't give two thoughts to us leaving our jobs, packing up and living in a caravan in scotland or something and having some adventures. He said he could 'take it or leave it', having kids although does say he is upset by the whole thing. I don't know.. Maybe this is us grieving our bio child in our very dysfunctional way.

    Offline Godiva

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    Anyone using donor sperm part 77
    « Reply #65 on: 24/04/16, 13:54 »
    It does sound like him grieving, although it might not be just the loss of the possibility of having a biological child, but hearing you are completely infertile must have a terrible impact, especially as, as a male, you are already a bit of an outsider to the whole pregnancy process: they can not even make their "little contribution" to the whole process... . Also men tend to joke and tease much more about "shooting blanks", and the fact that one does not have "functioning" testicles (although they do also produce hormones, not just sperm) might make somebody feel less of a man (if any at all). Of course, we all know that even without sperm production all the other aspects of sex can work perfectly well, and the person is the same as before the diagnosis, it is something quite big to have to accept.

    In the beginning as a couple you think you just want to move on straight away, "forget" about the missing biological link. Then feelings and realisation of implications get mixed in, and you go through a difficult period. Even in my early pregnancy I sometimes find myself thinking it all over. I think some insecurity is completely normal. I was worried I might have difficulty bonding (and I do have the genetic link AND am carrying the baby), but I am comforted by the fact that even though I might not have the idea I am bonding adn the pregnancy still seems a bit surreal and not sure if it really is happening without anything tangible (apart from fatigue and occasional nausea, sickness or queasiness), I do get worried when an unexpected symptom appears and I nearly burst into tears when visiting a day care center and thinking I would need to leave a small baby there in about a year's time. DH is wonderful about it. I do not know if he is just not voicing any doubt he is bound to be feeling, but at other times he does express that he forgets that it is not actually genetically his. I think I am doing more of the worrying  ^idiot^ .

    Anyway, back to you, I think it is still very early since your definite diagnosis to not have any doubts, even though it might have been coming for a long time. Allow yourselves some time. Consider implications of quitting a job and/or moving house (even to a different region possibly, if it gives more opportunities). Now is the time to do it. No point in forcing yourselves to be unhappy being stuck in jobs you do not like and a house you do not like. Perhaps if you both feel more at ease with your current life, you can think more objectively about having a kid as a couple. If you are unhappy with your situation now (of course not considering the fertility situation), having a child now might actually upset the situation even more. Make sure you start from solid foundations. Give your partner time to get used to the idea, do not try to pressure him too much now. I know you want to move on now, but you probably do not want to if it would jeopardize your relationship, with you ending up alone with your child.

    Offline MrsE1982

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    Anyone using donor sperm part 77
    « Reply #66 on: 25/04/16, 09:16 »
    Louise - its still so early to know whats what. I found that my husband would say things like, 'well you wanted a baby, I'm not bothered' and 'It will be your baby you'll be looking after it' - he didn't mean to be hurtful (as it felt at the time) he was just trying to express the fact that he feels no 'need' to have a baby - like women tend to do.

    We joined the DCN and spoke/emailed a few couples in our specific situation. Which really helped....and actually helped me to understand his point of view, which was 'hang on a minute - I wasn't that bothered anyway, now its not even going to be mine!' As I was very much wanting to just get on with things.

    It took us a good few months to finally decide on going ahead. (well I had decided - but he had to come round to the idea himself) and it even got to the point where he had to say 'yes...lets do it' but having had that wait  - as tortuous as it was for me. I am confident that he is on board and now he is fully supportive and more confident than me that something will work.

    Its still really early for your partner and also he has had the glimmer of hope of being able to get sperm through an operation taken away from him. So I would imagine its doubly awful for him than it was for my husband.

    Offline K jade

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    • Infertility veteran since 2011! BFN princess :)
    modify
    Anyone using donor sperm part 77
    « Reply #67 on: 25/04/16, 10:19 »
    Louise if you read back thru peoples post you’ll see that all of us had our niggles and doubts about the donor thing. Me and DP went thru a particularly difficult time and sadly nearly broke up. My DP just couldn’t get his head round it, he said he couldn’t even believe that some men would go along with that. We reached a total stalemate. It was an awful time. Now he’s as desperate as I am for this treatment to work. I have to say I think he’s pretty much forgotten we are using a donor.
    I think having a sort of ‘rejection’ of your future child is kind of a normal part of the grieving process. I also felt that. Like I only wanted our bio child not this ‘alien’ one that we would be landed with. Now I honestly don’t care if our baby has 3 heads!
    I think your DPs reaction is very very normal. All I can say is give him time. You do have to grieve when the ‘bio’ door is shut, it is very very important. I know with adoption they ask you to have a number of months coming to terms with being unable to conceive and I really think it’s the same for going down the donor route. Once you have grieved you really do feel ready to embrace your future ‘3 headed’ child!!

    OMG ladies I feel so embarrassed. It turns out the absent DS is my fault. Basically I was supposed to attend a follow up after my first IUI to re do all the HFEA paperwork and order more DS. Well , I cancelled it! I thought it was to review my treatment and whether IUI was the right thing. I thought its too early for that.  Then they sent me ANOTHER letter to attend, and I cancelled again!! Lol. Oh dear. Obviously they should have made it clearer that this was what the appointment was for. But I can’t fully blame them. Turns out my clinic order per cycle as they used to order for 3 IUIs but people were getting BFP on cycle 1 and 2 and it was causing waster and costing them too much
    I’m just so glad i didn’t send my 6 PAGE LETTER OF COMPLAINT to the director rambling about how let down I felt. Ahhhhhhhh!!  Oh well we live and learn.
     

    Offline MrsE1982

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    Anyone using donor sperm part 77
    « Reply #68 on: 25/04/16, 10:39 »
    OMG Kjade - thank god you didn't send the letter.....what a plonker! Never mind - thats a major case of advance baby brain!

    Just think you will laugh at this in years to come when you are surrounded by nappies! And breathe.....these things are sent to try us!

    Offline K jade

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    • Infertility veteran since 2011! BFN princess :)
    modify
    Anyone using donor sperm part 77
    « Reply #69 on: 25/04/16, 10:46 »
    lol! i know.
     all i can say is thank god for FF as i at least can have a rant on here, otherwise my 'rant' may have made its way to the director much much sooner in the form of an email . oh gosh LOL.  you really become one  dangeous woman when your on this rollercoaster   :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[