* Author Topic: Anyone using donor sperm part 77  (Read 102011 times)

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Offline daisyg

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Anyone using donor sperm part 77
« Reply #70 on: 25/04/16, 11:23 »
KJade!  ;D
 
 
At least you've got a ready-made letter of complaint for if anyone ever messes with you EVER! ^bigbad^
 
You are only human, and I can see why you cancelled if you weren't sure what they wanted to see you about?
 
Anyway, onwards and upwards  :) ....
 
D xxxx

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    Offline Godiva

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    Anyone using donor sperm part 77
    « Reply #71 on: 25/04/16, 19:01 »
    oh, dear, I can imagine how you feel KJade...
    Hopefully you can get things en route soon though, and at least you know for the future.

    Offline Babybplease

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    « Reply #72 on: 26/04/16, 02:53 »
    Kjade I'm so sorry about all the confusion! So frustrating I hope you can get it sorted and back to cycling soon!


    Louise- it's sound like he's flipping back and forth. I don't get the mortgage and non bio baby tho? Does he mean that he would only want a big house over the head of a bio baby of his and not any child that you parent? That's a bit concerning. However I feel he is facing the fact it's 100% over for him. That can take months. My fiancÚ was a shut down type for a while he just put up a wall. We're telling everyone I mean social media and all about our journey this week because its infertility awareness week and we have yet to officially announce we're pregnant so we're doing it along with full story and awareness. I could not be prouder of him but let me tell you that is NOT easy and it's taken a long time to get to this point. Maybe suggest setting an actual date night to have a talk. Order in your favorite take out and pencil in a night where you sit down and discuss how you are both feeling. Sending you hugs.

    AFM- still spotting almost a month later daily! I'm very worried about the implications this could have on the pregnancy long term as I'm at an increased for pre-term, abruption, restricted growth ect. However last check baby is good as ever. Keeping the faith!

    Offline Godiva

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    Anyone using donor sperm part 77
    « Reply #73 on: 26/04/16, 19:11 »
    Sorry to hear the stress continues and you do not get to enjoy things as you hoped, Babyplease. How far along are you know? Fact that all is still fine on scan must give some comfort (baby is getting enough "food" to grow, so it can only be a small bit that is leaking). Fingers crossed for you! Oh, and so brave of you (especially of your partner) to be so open about everything. The most important people around us know, and a lot of people at my work know (I work in hospital where most tests were done, and I work with people who were present for the tests). We are not keeping it a huge secret, but on the other hand we are not telling the whole world (yet?). I have begun to feel that it is up to our children who they tell and who not. I do mention (if I feel it appropriate) that we needed help to get pregnant, but I have always been vague about what help exactly...

    Offline MrsE1982

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    « Reply #74 on: 27/04/16, 08:04 »
    Wishing you all the best with your big reveal Baby. Am sure you will be receiving lots of support from loved ones.

    Offline Babybplease

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    « Reply #75 on: 27/04/16, 16:48 »
    Godiva, I totally agree with that logic and that was our original plan. But the more we thought about the less we trusted people to keep their mouths shut. And not just cause they mean in cause they can't help it. So we decided tell now and hopefully it just becomes old news and not gossip when our kid is like 3 and blurts out I have a donor dad or something. But I was thinking the same as you. But our friends while very liberal and supportive just can't keep poop to themselves. I can't believe both our Moms have. I knew my Mom as pain as she is would keep a secret to the grave if I asked her to, but DF's mom he said didn't think she could. She had but she must ask every few days if she can tell yet ha ha. I'm sending out my email this morning eeks. The announcement picture is the word Pregnant spelled out with needles and a slice on my little bump in the corner. I link to an infertility etiquette page and ask that everyone to please read it over and become infertility aware. We'll see how it goes. I think we extremely lucky we both come from open liberal groups of friends and family. I do have one religious nut type aunt but she loves babies so damn much I don't think she could care where they come from.

    Offline K jade

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    Anyone using donor sperm part 77
    « Reply #76 on: 27/04/16, 17:54 »
    Sorry for a bit of a pity me post, but I'm feeling rather deflated. The mix up with the clinic has been sorted but means it'll be about 12 weeks before I can cycle again due to 8weeks it'll take xytex then waiting for next cycle day 1.

    Whilst this was partly my error and yes, I'm glad I didn't send my long letter lol, I feel quite disappointed that' they didn't emphasise that I had to complete paperwork EACH cycle. But these thing happen. It has been such a long journey and I do sometimes feel very disheartened that I started this at 26 and am still going!
    I can only hope that my next cycle is successful and the end is finally nigh!!
    I'll have a little break from here as I won't really have much to say, but I'll be watching and cheering u all on
    K xx
    Baby I hope things go well and u get lots of positive responses

    Offline Godiva

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    « Reply #77 on: 27/04/16, 18:30 »
    Babyplease: I would like to have that link to infertility etiquette too, sounds interesting. And yes, I believe everybody has their own way (and especially "who-list") of telling. Good for you (and especially your partner) to "come out" with that story. I do know that if you mention donor conception to people, you will be amazed about the number of people who will admit to also having had problems and even have used or considering to use a donor (I already found 2 people just in the group I openly talked about it, and that is not counting the people who were always open about it due to being single or in a same sex relationship. One of these people has not told her 18-year old twins, I am pretty sure I am one of the very few people around her who knows).

    KJade: 12 weeks!!! Wow, that is a long wait. Does that mean you also have to wait 3 months between each IUI? Is there nowhere else (with faster delivery times) that you can order sperm? A failed cycle is frustrating, but not being able to retry next month (or 2 months at the most) afterwards must be horrible!

    Offline K jade

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    « Reply #78 on: 27/04/16, 18:42 »
    Yes it looks like 12wks is the norm. So if I do complete the course of 3 Iuis it'll take the rest of the year. So I'll do this Iui then go for a review and have a serious think  about whether the next is worth bothering with or just move straight to IVF.
    I'm dithering toward the latter
    Xx

    Offline Babybplease

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    « Reply #79 on: 27/04/16, 20:14 »
    So here it is ladies and includes those links Godiva. Since I can't attach the photo it started with "WE ARE... and was picture of my bump with the word PREGNANT spelled out in my needles on the floor:



    What is that I spelled the word PREGNANT with you ask? Oh that's just a very very very small portion of the hundreds of needles it took to get here.

    In October 2014 we had just put an offer on our first house. Later that day we got the devastating news that Jonny has the rarest and hardest to treat Male Infertility diagnosis, Non-Obstructive Azoospermia. Yes it's a mouthful. Only about 1% of the worlds population are faced with this unfortunate condition. In our case it means that for an unknown reason he does not produce sperm, likely never has and most certainly never will. We cried till our eyes hurt and then we got a dog instead of a house since we would need our down payment if we were to start a family.

    After some time had passed and a few tears had dried we decided to purse all we could physically and financially to try and beat this diagnosis. We dived head first into the world of infertility treatments. I wish I could say that once we got started things got better, but they did not, they got worse, much worse. Our first hurdle was retrieving sperm from Jonny in an operation where they take a knife and open up his testicles to look for sperm. It was successful and we thought we had the biggest hurdle out of the way. They found 23 sperm. Yup 2-3. A fertile man has over 20 million.

    Sadly however over the course of 8 months the 3 embryos that were to become our biological baby each failed to implant in my uterus. It was blow after blow after blow. This past fall we finally decided to shut the door on a biological baby and turn to the use of donor sperm. We just couldn't risk even more disappointment. This was not a decision we take lightly. We believe it is a huge responsibility to raise a donor conceived child and knew from the start we would always be open and honest with our child about their origins. I could never keep such a secret from them and so we knew those we loved should know too so there are no surprises or gossip. Love is what makes a family, not genes. And that we have boat loads of.

    All in all it has taken hundreds of needles, over 50 doctors visits, countless vials of blood, 2 IVF rounds, 3 canceled rounds, 3 failed frozen embryo transfers, 1 fresh embryo transfer, thousands of tears, over $40,000, treatment of one bacterial infection, one testicular surgery, 26 eggs from my body, lots of puppy cuddles, one vial of donor sperm, 1 amazing fertility doctor, 2 embryology labs, 1 great urologist and the kind of strength I was just about out of. But we are the lucky ones. Even now while pregnant at almost 16 weeks, with a sub chorionic hematoma, a high risk pregnancy, an ER visit with diagnosis of a threatened miscarriage, we are still so lucky. So many others will not be. And this is why I share our story this week on that of National Infertility Awareness Week when their theme is #startasking.

    During our struggles social media to me was a landmine of baby photos, pregnancy announcements, discussions of parenting... constant reminders of what I didn't and may never have. Most friends tho well intentioned would say things that made me feel worse rather than encouraged or supported. They would complain about their pregnancies, they would ask us if we'd adopt, they'd say it will work out when they never had a crystal ball to know if it will, they would reference some so in so who did this or that as if I hadn't spent every waking moment staying up to date on every treatment I could, they would be so blindly ignorant to what the process really entailed when all it took was a half hour on google. Their attempts at being helpful often felt more like slaps in the face. It's one of the reasons so many infertiles stay in the closet rather than be open about their struggles, talking about it makes it worse because so few people know the right thing to say, and usually that's just an "I'm sorry".

    I am asking all of you for a favor, to help others who may be suffering silently around you.  Please read over this infertility etiquette. I can't express in words how hard infertility truly is. Even being pregnant, even having children eventually, the scars of infertility will still be there. I will never be the same person nor will I ever relate to fertiles in the same way. Infertility has become something that many of us suffer in the dark like drug addicts rather than other people inflicted with a health crisis. A diagnosis that goes untreated because our insurance will cover abortions and vasectomies but not IVF. It has been proven by researchers that those afflicted with Infertility suffer worse or similar depression than those that have terminal illnesses like cancer, I know it was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with and I mean the absolute hardest. Why don't more infertiles speak up so that we can be in this together? I do not know why others don't but I know that from now on I always will. Read over the link below and educate yourself. It's time we put an end to the question "So are you trying for kids yet?" And so many more questions and comments that may be sending the people we love into even darker places. You can never understand what people like me have gone thru but you can help. You can become infertility aware.

    http://www.resolve.org/support/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html?referrer=https://www.google.com/

    http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/The-psychological-impact-of-infertility-and-its-treatment


    Thank you for your patience in reading this, your support and your love. We are so grateful to have been able to even take this journey. We are the few that could afford it financially, mentally and physically. Please spread the word. Let people know you are infertility aware and maybe we can make a difference to help get care for the 1 in 8 couples who will face this in the same way all other health issues are covered by insurance. Lets help others come out of the shadows because suffering alone sucks.

    If you know or are someone battling with infertility please know you are not alone and I will always be a phone, text or email away to listen.

    /links