Fertility Friends Support Forum banner

Anyone using donor sperm part 77

153K views 2K replies 60 participants last post by  wilberdoo 
#1 ·
#102 ·
Lol Kjade....predictive text has some good ones when it comes to IF! Try to enjoy the time - go and get drunk. I did the other weekend (didn't take long as I had been teetotal for a while = cheap date!)

Yep MIL nearly had another go yesterday at BILs house as we all went round for BBQ. I'd told BIL and SIL when we arrived quietly that had started AF so it would be another 4 weeks at least till I start injecting and therefore he can plan his life again! Rest of family arrive for BBQ - who know but wouldn't dream of chatting about it over a sausage. And also some friends arrive - who have no idea, I'm not that close to them really. So as you can imagine a mixed crowd!

So I'm enjoying the sunshine, thinking how weird it is that the bio father of our child is chilling out BBQ'ing away and MIL pipes up again about how next year we could be doing this with more kids knocking around. And wondering what they will look like.....Given that all the kids in hubby and BILs family look the same - I think we are onto a pretty safe bet. Even if we weren't mixing up the whole uncle/donor thing!!

Hubby had left by this point to go to work....I just walked away and SIL dealt with her....!
 
#103 ·
LOL! MrsE that did make me chuckle!
generally I don't really like BBqs but I must say yours sounds very entertaining indeed!

 
#104 ·
OMG I am soooooo annoyed. Had a letter from the NHS saying they are referring our funding request to a panel, which we have missed the May one will be held on 9th June. So this means that we can't get funding for IVF/ICSI approved until at earliest end of June. When I will be 34.

The reasons for this are because we haven't followed the traditional 'pathway of 6 IUI' and it is 'outside of process' to do anything else.

So I can carry on with another 4 IUIs with minimal success rate (more than right now anyway) and waste as much NHS cash as possible whilst they sit on their bums and decide if we can have the funding or not.

I'm sorry we don't have sperm to try naturally NHS.....I'm sorry that we have chosen a donor that is not ideal for IUI, but you know what can we do!? FFS I am really annoyed and am trying to work out who to complain to!

Clinic have been really good and don't get it either. They are going to try and talk to the NHS and see whats going on, if all else fails then they will get me an IUI protocol written up - as then I'm not wasting anymore time and have some sort of chance in between times.
 
#105 ·
MrsE: sounds like you are having a rough time. I could strangle MIL if she did that to me all those times, like it is not bad enough having to go for a donor in the first place and getting your head around it all... And then NHS misery... Hope clinic can sort things out, but nice they understand you do not want to continue to waste time.

KJade: autocorrect can be very funny. I can just picture donor jumping in and out of the water to fetch sticks :-D . (I do not use autocorrect, partly for that reason)

Beattie: how's things going? Going bonkers already?  ;)
 
#106 ·
MrsE - I hear your frustration.  NHS funding for donors is really frustrating, inconsistent and incoherent.  I didn't get any DS funded and they changed rules towards end of my treatment which would be meant that if I was a new patient who happened to need a donor, I'd have had no funding at all!! Absolutely disgraceful in my view. 

Great that your clinic are on your side and can hopefully go into bat for you.  Daft as you say as you're acting on the Clinics recommendations and pursuing the most cost effective route... Keeping fx that you can resolve and potentially do a IUI in the meantime! Xx

KJade - try and keep positive Hun, you will get there :) so many delays I know are so painful.  Try and focus on positive and fill your time doing things you wouldn't be able to if you were in treatment.  I feel your pain though xx

All the talk about badly behaving MILs gets me thinking - we haven't told anyone we have used donor.  We wanted to wait until we were pregnant and then review the situation and timing about when we tell people - that way we would be giving people positive news (pregnancy) along with the sad news about how we'd had to get here.  Since we got pregnant we haven't really discussed, we've recently told parents but haven't mentioned it.  To be honest I'm happy with this arrangement for now, we are obviously v happy to be pregnant and in a way the donor but doesn't feel like it matters that much.  However, MIL had already been scrutinising the scan photo looking for my DH's likeliness which of course she is not going to find.  This makes me feel bad - feel like we are deceiving her.  I don't want to bring it up with DH at the moment as we are still taking one day at a time etc - I think it's one for discussion when we have a bit more time...
 
#107 ·
I have only had positive reactions from people who knew we went down donor route. More uncomfortable was one reaction from somebody who did not know (to DH): "oh, so you managed after all..." (Ouch! I know it was well meant, and he knew we had some difficulty as DH had infection after TESE - hard to hide when he was walking with legs far apart and in obvious pain. Even if they did not know what problem was, it was clear which area had been operated on...)
 
#108 ·
Sapphire - you will work out the best time and the best people to share news with. I am sure of it. You have plenty of time to decide a common front between you!

MIL is now the least of my worries. I am battling the NHS BIG TIME

So my clinic called and they are happy to do another IUI (some chance better than zero) but they think that the NHS funding may have been frozen for IUI. Because they have requested IVF/ICSI treatment. They are trying to find out if NHS will pay for another IUI at the moment!

So because the doctor has said that IUI is unlikely to work and we should move to ICSI the NHS wont pay for any more IUI, yet because I haven’t had 6 IUIs as per their 'process' I have to wait for a panel to decide on ICSI funding!!!

Total madness!!! I am being denied treatment - I can just see the headline now!

I have written a letter of complaint - but am just waiting to see what comes of this final twist in the tale before sending to my MP, my doctor, the PALS place and everyone else I can think of.
 
#109 ·
oh my gosh I have just typed a reply flipin twice and both times comp has crashed. this is my last attempt.

MrsE that's terrible. how can they justify that kind of catch 22 situation? we prepare ourselves for the stress of fertility tx but these kind of delays make it 1000 times worse !!  :mad: :mad:
I think you'll have to put this in writing now. and cite the emotional impact of it all. it is hard enough going through all this you should have the treatment you are entitled to, not have to worry about fighting your corner AS WELL.
I know you said the panel sit in june but do you know roughly how long after that u can start?
 
#110 ·
saph I wouldn't  worry and don't feel guilty. I doubt we will ever tell our in laws. they are in their 70s now and by the time the child comes to understand they may well  have passed on so not a lot of point really.


well my cycles have completely messed up! last one 33 days. this one 22. what's going on? could the drugs still be in my system? i'm worrying I have menopause. again.
my baseline scans always look good. so could there still be something sinister  going on?
 
#111 ·
Thanks Kjade - I am really mad, one sniff of my ovaries aging due to these delays and I am going to get all legal on them!

Apparently the panel sit on 9th June, which should be around about day 2/3 of my next cycle. I have asked them to be specific as to  when I can expect a decision, so just waiting for a response. I have also asked if the decision can be communicated to me and clinic via telephone or email to speed things up. Earliest we will be on is the cycle after that which is late June/early July. I reckon - and thats assuming that all goes to plan and NHS act quickly when writing up notes etc. Hahahahaha excuse me whilst I fall off my chair laughing at the irony of that last sentence.

Wouldn't it be weird Kjade if we ended up cycling again together after all the stress and miscommunications we have both had!?
 
#112 ·
MrsE - I am so sorry, that is soooooo frustrating!!

KJade - your autocorrect story made me laugh

Sapphire- we also have not told most people. We have shared this with both our parents and my closest friend. We will tell our siblings and closest friends once we are pregnant. I wish I felt more comfortable about telling everyone, but my mother's side of the family love family gossip, and we do not want to be the centre of it... So we will just be selective who we tell. I don't know if this is right or wrong, but oh well.

Beattie- when is your testing date? Thinking of you!

Godiva - I am encouraged to hear all your responses have been positive :) how many weeks are you now?

Sorry if I have missed anyone

AFM I am on day 24 of my cycle so I expect AF will arrive on Monday... Which means my first ultrasound/bloodwork will be Tuesday and I should start stims on Wednesday. I am grateful to be working tomorrow and then have my parents visiting for the weekend. I definitely want to keep busy for the rest of my cycle!
Hope you have a good Friday! Xo

 
#113 ·
ooh exciting Amanda - what I wouldn't give to be starting soon! You are right keep busy and distracted as best you can!

I still have no idea if I can have IUI or not. I can't worry about it any more. We are now approaching the anniversary of the 0 sperm analysis result so for my own sanity I simply can't worry about it. The frustration disappointment and downright outrage is not healthy. We just have to enjoy life and each other as best we can.

Our baby will turn up when its the right time. Whether that right time is delayed by the NHS red tape or not.

Sending out lots of zen vibes to you all ladies this weekend!
 
#114 ·
Hope you get your answer soon (or your AF waits a bit longer) Mrs E...

Amanda: fingers crossed AF does not let you down!

I had my 12 w scan today: everything looking fine. According to my (internet) calculations I should be 12+1 today, but I have been promoted to 12+6 based on US (baby looked more like 13 weeks). Strange they change my EDD, when I am absolutely sure of term... Oh well, will discuss with obstetrician. After talking to a couple of obstetricians today decided to go for the NIPT (like harmony in UK), both said straight away that if they were me they would do it. Results in about 2 weeks, but DH can not wait to know sex (still not sure if I want to know...). Good news: weaning off progesteron pessaries can start, last one on Monday :-D. (DH is very happy about that too, as am I)
 
#115 ·
MrsE I'm so sorry. I know how u feel though. Today I have really felt at a loss with it all and tempted to throw the towel in completely  but of course I won't
It really feel so like obstacle after obstacle, I guess u just keep Chipping away until something gives. If I'm meant to be one of those women who has to try for 20years plus so be it

We are considering going to xytex directly now and paying them ourselves to get things moving quicker. But how do I go about this? Also how much money? It would be for 1 Iui. Anyone know?? Is it complicated?

Godiva I'm glad scan went well x
 
#116 ·
Godiva - congrats on reaching the 12 wk milestone.  So glad your scan went well :) can I ask why you're doing the Harmony test? Did the scan suggest you had risk factors or do you want to do the test just to be sure things are all ok?

KJade - I looked into using XYtex and it looked quite straightforward.  You should be able to ship direct to your clinic assuming your clinic are on their books.  They re very helpful if you want to contact them direct with questions:

MrsE - sending hugs - you will get there.  I think you're right, just got to try and enjoy life as much as possible whilst you wait.  I'm so sorry you're having such a frustrating time on the NHS.

Canadian - best of luck for your forthcoming cycle xx
 
#117 ·
Sapphire: at first I thought I would not do the test, but my Belgian fert specialist seemed to think it a good idea. I was not completely convinced so asked the opinion of 2 OB's yesterday, and both asked my age (34, 35th birthday in 2 months): 35 is considered as starting to get into a slightly higher risk categorie. Both replied: "Weeeell, it might not be a bad idea. And it is always better to know there is a problem in first trimester than after 20 weeks..." Apparently ultrasound (and triple test) miss quite a few problems. As I was expecting a "nah, don't bother", or at least a "wait until you have had the scan" answer I decided to go straight for the NIPT (even though scan was fine).
Yesterday evening, after having seen the scan, DH spent quite some time talking and singing to belly :). He thinks we should find a lullaby to sing already now, to calm baby afterwards, as it will be soothed by a familiar melody... He is so lovely about whole thing!
 
#118 ·
Beatie I'm so sorry
xxxx
 
#119 ·
I'm so sorry to hear that, beattie. Any idea about next steps already?
 
#120 ·
I'm sorry to hear about your BFN Hun - hugs. ^hugme^
Progesterone sounds like a good idea - I'm a believer. 
 
#121 ·
Beattie :( I am sorry love! Many hugs your way...  ^hugme^

KJade- I use repromed and I believe it is the same process for xytex (at least in Canada anyway). It said on their website you can order online but I have always called. They will need to know your clinic name, address and physician's name and will confirm your donor number, number of vials and type of vial ordered (washed, unwashed, IVF/ICSI). I imagine it is a similar process for you, but best of luck!!

Godiva, here they encourage that test or PGD to all IVF patients... So we will be doing the test at 10 weeks as well... Assuming we get pregnant soon... Right now it feels like a very distant dream! So excited to hear things are moving right along for you.

 
#122 ·
The problem is that people think that with a test they are guaranteed a "normal" baby. A test like Harmony/NIPT actually only looks at 4 pairs of chromosomes: 13,17 and 21 (if I am not mistaken in numbers) and sex chromosomes. If there is a larger concentration of one of the 3 sets of chromosomes in the mother's blood, this could mean a problem in baby. If they detect a Y chromosome the baby is a boy (amazing to think that as a woman you might actually have a  chromosome circulating: maybe that is the cause of "pregnancy dementia"  :p , could be interesting to compare women carrying boys and girls  ;D ). Any other problem (like deletion of part of a chromosome, or even a mosaic, meaning that there are both normal and abnormal cells) are not detected. Sex chromosome abnormalities (like Klinefelters) are not always detected. What the test does is (try to) detect foetal DNA strands in the mother's blood, so not complete cells with a nucleus. The frequency of certain bits are compared to each other, and a large difference in concentrations might mean there is a problem (= high risk result). Then the advice usually is to go for a more invasive test (taking some amniotic fluid or a "placental biopsy") to really have foetal cells to analyse more accurately. This should only be done if you do consider a termination, as both come with a risk of miscarriage.
PGD takes one (or a couple) of cells from an embryo before it is transferred. As the tests take some time, the embryo's are usually frozen afterwards, and a FET is done once the results are known. PGD can also damage the embryo, causing it not to survive. PGD can test for much more problems, but it is usually only done if the future parents carry a known genetic mutation (eg cystic fibrosis, sickle-cell,...). I did not know it also was used to screen embryo's without a known genetic problem.
 
#123 ·
Beattie I'm sorry about your BFN. Take your time to cry and shout about it.

Kjade - Just look into your NHS funding if you do pay. Basically the moment I pay for any sort of treatment I forfeit my NHS 'go' - this is for IVF so I am assuming they have the same process for IUIs. Also would you rather pay the cash out for IUI or save it to go towards an IVF cycle should you need it? Not sure how much they are but I think at my clinic with the drugs is about £1000 - I also would have to pay for our donors tests too.

Hope you all had a good weekend. So I went out for a friends birthday and had a drink - first time in ages. And managed to throw up when I got home!!! I haven't done that for a good 15 years! Hubby was not impressed....my alcohol tolerance has dropped right down and I didn't realise until it was too late....oops. So I felt rough all day yesterday, just goes to show what sort of poison we put into our bodies!

I have also made a decision. I can't get stressed about the NHS and their delays. It simply wont do any good and can only harm my ovaries....I need to keep them all happy and stress free ready for IVF. I keep telling myself this and eventually it will get through!
 
#124 ·
Hey ladies! Hope you are surving.

Godiva I did had just turned 36 and it made its sooooo much easier to relax after getting this results I def recommend it. Just wanted to throw that in there.

Hope those wishing for IVF for get on that train soon. The hold ups get so exhausting.

Have our anatomy scan on Thursday a bit nervous but my spotting has finally been gone for a full week now so feeling better about it.
 
#125 ·
MrsE - good attitude Hun.  Keep up the positive thoughts.  You will get there :)

Baby - good luck for your scan, fx it all goes well. Mine is 2 weeks on Thursday when I will hopefully be 19+6. Pleased your bleeding has eased and hopefully stopped! I hope that's the end of it.  I haven't had any for two weeks which (based on my track record) means I'm probably due some!!
 
#126 ·
Hang in there Beattie.  IUI does work, for some people it just takes a bit longer. I got my BFP on our 6th try. If you look at my signature you'll see we had quite a journey,  but we did get there in the end. During those dark days this website,  and this thread in particular were my saviour.  The hardest part was not even knowing if I could get pregnant,  but we persevered and it was so worth it in the end. Our little boy is 18 months now and such a joy.

Hi to everyone else. I'm on oldie on this site. Almost everybody seems to get pregnant in the end, and then we get busy with babies,  so try stay positive  ^hugme^

Afm - TTC2 for a sibling. This is our first attempt.  I'm going mad on 2ww and thought I'd pop back on this site for some support
 
Top