* Author Topic: Has anyone accepted that they will only have one child  (Read 12507 times)

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Offline jessica60

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Hi,
As post says, has anyone accepted the fact that they have one child and not by choice this child will be an only.

I have a four year old and have been trying for number two for three years. I feel so drained and emotionally tired of this pursuit for a sibling. Ivf has really taken it out of me and so have the miscarriages.

Has anyone gone through the same? Have you decided to end the pursuit on number two and make good what you have got.

One minute  I think not trying anymore will be good for my daughter, I can have more time, energy and money for her, the next minute I worry that she will not have a sibling. She has no cousins and I have close friends  with kids in same age range.

Thoughts please ??

Also I'm nearly 40

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    Offline ELKA82

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    Has anyone accepted that they will only have one child
    « Reply #1 on: 28/05/16, 12:52 »
    Hi Jessica.
    We have 3 yo( first go at ICSI) and totally undecided about 2nd. We havent tried yet and really dont know if we will in future. Because i am in two minds. In my heart i can just go for it tomorrow, when in my head i am about, why using our savings on something that might not even happen and just have great life with our girl. So hard. Especially, she is asking lately, why all her friends have baby-siblings,  but not her.

    My husband is 50 now too and not as keen, because need Tesa.

    You r not alone xxx

    Offline jessica60

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    Has anyone accepted that they will only have one child
    « Reply #2 on: 28/05/16, 13:33 »
    Hi elka

    It's soon hard, when I had my last bfp which ended in mc, I felt scared not overjoyed. I felt panicked at sleepless nights, toddler group chats, and whether I could give the same time and all that effort I gave to my first to the baby. I took my daughter everywhere, music groups, bany signing,I just felt like I didn't have the energy.

    I'm not sure if it was my body psychologically preparing me for a mc but I was upset when I found out I lost it. What scares me is that I will have those feelings of panic again if I get a bfp.

    Is this telling me that I don't really want another one??? Because every time I see a newborn or toddler I just want another child

    Offline Blueestone

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    Has anyone accepted that they will only have one child
    « Reply #3 on: 28/05/16, 16:43 »
    Hi

    I'm am in a very similar situation!

    I have a 13yo and have been having iui and IVF with donor sperm for the last year with one cp and one early miscarriage.

    I'm now at a crossroads of having one last try, using donor eggs or giving up and just sticking to one child.

    My heart says my child deserves a sibling in this world but half of my body says I'm getting too old and I've missed the fertility boat...

    I can't bring myself to make the decision!

    Offline Sophcol

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    Has anyone accepted that they will only have one child
    « Reply #4 on: 28/05/16, 18:39 »
    Hi Jessica , Elka and Bluestone, also in a similar situation. My son is 6yrs and we've been trying for over 3 yrs for a second. Ive had 2 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy in the last year and I just don't know if I should give up and enjoy the life I have. I am exhausted and we've spent 11k on IVF already. I wish I could make the decision but I just don't know if I am ready to say no more! Should we try one more round? Has anyone thought about adoption? It kills me to think of my son as an only child! Good to know we're not alone xx

    Offline Gemini40

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    Has anyone accepted that they will only have one child
    « Reply #5 on: 28/05/16, 19:28 »
    Yip, I'm in same boat. I am going down de route but have all the same niggles, like spending all our savings and it might not work, not bonding with second, not physically  fit for it any more and another big worry being what if the child is born with difficulties or a disability. Did I push things too far ? Complete head recker

    Offline jessica60

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    Has anyone accepted that they will only have one child
    « Reply #6 on: 28/05/16, 20:24 »
    I'm lucky so far in the fact that she has not mentioned that everyone else has brothers and sisters. I'm dreading that one.

    I've just put her to bed cuddling her and again I wanted another one. I'm now downstairs having a quiet drink and watching a bit of tv whilst she is a sleep. If I had a baby I would be waiting for the baby monitor to go off, and now I think I don't want another????

    Again is it my body psychologically preparing me for not having another baby.

    I too have considered adoption but the whole process seems just as stressful as ttc. Also some adoptive children still have links to birth family and I don't think I could handle that. I would have strongly considered fostering but I work and you can't have a full time job in order to foster.

    Offline Molly78

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    Has anyone accepted that they will only have one child
    « Reply #7 on: 28/05/16, 20:24 »
    I can completely relate to what you're saying. I m keen to go through ivf again my husband has reluctantly agreed but it is exhausting, I even found my recent failed fet emotionally draining. I would love another one but my husband is concerned we will spend our time chasing something that may not happen instead of concentrating fully on enjoying our son.

    I m getting old too but I know people are successful at my age - maybe I m blindly optimistic   ^idiot^

    Offline HopingAndPraying

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    « Reply #8 on: 28/05/16, 21:11 »
    Hi ladies x

    I'm in the same boat. Always said my FET would be my last attempt and when I had a m/c it made me then think of another fresh round! But I'm having an ongoing debate with myself that if my previous fresh rounds didn't work 2 years ago what chance do I have now that I'm older! So why waste my time, emotions and money!

    It's hard to give up though!

    I would love a sibling so much for both my DD and myself! It's such a tough journey!

    Hope we all get there X good luck ladies xxx


    Offline beckalouise

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    Has anyone accepted that they will only have one child
    « Reply #9 on: 28/05/16, 21:41 »
    Hi all, sorry to hear that many of you are going though a difficult time ttc no 2  ^hugme^. Our son is nearly 5 and we have had 2 failed FET around the time he was 3. At the time is was absolutely desperate to have a second because this is what I always thought I would have growing up! However quite quickly (and surprised myself) I decided to give up on fertility treatment and spend the time and money giving my son lots of amazing experiences. We been all over and he LOVES his family holidays and day trips out  :). I'm lucky that's he's never asked why he doesn't have a brother or sister too! My friends that have new borns now first have started school have often commented how they miss life with 1 and the freedom to give them all of them!

    It a very personal decision and maybe I'm just lucky coming to some closer quicker than most xx