* Author Topic: Has anyone accepted that they will only have one child  (Read 12510 times)

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Offline Lilly08

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Has anyone accepted that they will only have one child
« Reply #40 on: 17/07/17, 10:47 »
Hi.. My story is very similar. We already have a 10 years old child and we want a sibling for our child. I thought of IVF.. but the issue is that I'm 47 years old!! Hubby is 48.
I didn't think to give up. There are other options. Most likely I will go for surrogacy. Have you thought about it?
I think surrogacy will be the best option for us.
I also heard that surrogacy abroad is cheaper.
I'm currently contacting some of the clinics. I will keep you updated. But probabilities of success are high and results are worth it. That keeps me motivated to try. We should never lose hope.
Please, don't give up and keep on trying. I'm sure you will have great news soon :)

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    Offline helchris1981

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    Has anyone accepted that they will only have one child
    « Reply #41 on: 24/07/17, 15:11 »
    Same here, we have a 3 year old daughter and ever since I was a child I wanted 3 children, we started trying a year ago now but as soon as we did my periods stopped and I was told I was menopausal after tests but now there is a question mark over that as recent test results are normal, however my periods have stopped again after they started again last year! Anyway, we are starting to accept that we won't have another child, we're focusing on the positives of it and while at first I found it very hard being around friends who have all since gone on to have a second child I now see the bonuses to only having one, the time I get to spend with my daughter, and she will hopefully grow up closer to me and my husband which can only be a good thing. My friends with two are finding it hard and guilty splitting their time between two, and you only have to read the other sections of this forum to find so many stories of people that don't have any children 😢 it doesn't take away the fact that having the choice of having another child taken away from us though, it is heart breaking, it's like grieving for a loved one, I'm sure it will get better for us all with time x

    Offline HopefulKayte

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    Has anyone accepted that they will only have one child
    « Reply #42 on: 31/07/17, 20:30 »
    I am happy to find this kind and supportive group, but not happy for what we are struggling with. I don't know anyone in my 'real life' that is facing this, and very few people I know have even faced infertility.

    We have a wonderful little boy who just turned 4.5, conceived via IVF. We have been trying to give him a sibling since he was 1. We are unable to get pregnant without IVF, so it's been a long 8 years of expensive, stressful, lonely times. There is no coverage here and we are in this alone. We feel very lucky to have succeeded with our son, and from his birth to age 1, it was amazing to have a break from constant cycling and medical stress, and to focus on the miracle of having had a child!

    I feel ashamed to admit for the past couple years I've been really depressed about what's happened since. We had a chemical when he was 1.5, but I handled that pretty well, I think I had "IVF succeeders" guilt and felt it would only be fair to have another tough time conceiving. (Funny how warped things can get.) Plus he still seemed so small and we were enjoying him so much. We weren't able to get another BFP via IVF cycles until he was 2.5, and that ended in a difficult miscarriage. Since then, I have felt depressed, and often compared myself to others. And shortly after that, he started asking for a sibling. We tried with 3 more fresh cycles with no success and little hope with my own eggs. Then we did a donor egg cycle, though we didn't have any of the money, and thought it would be the answer. He wanted a sibling so much, was now 4, and all of his friends except one and his cousins had one or two siblings, and things became very hard for me socially. I was always on edge about what he might say in public and how attached he was to younger kids and babies. Also people didn't know what to say about our years of infertility and our loss, so some said nothing or drifted away, and sometimes I felt the need to exclude myself from certain things too.

    I took some solace in that his closest friend, a boy 2 years older, was an only child and by choice. (I would not be happy for another person's infertility.) I can't really deal with him not having a sibling, it seems so fair to fight so long and hard and pay so much, and not succeed. I would tell myself that "at least he will always have ____" and when he asks why he can't get a baby, I would always point out there are other 1 child families and point out his closest friend. It pained me because I can't relate to that being a lifestyle choice or desire, so I would be so sad saying that but at least he could relate to someone. I always felt safe around this couple and their child, no worries, and grateful that he would know even one child who would have a similar life to him.

    Then this week the couple told us they are pregnant. It was planned, they changed their mind to pursue another child which is obviously totally fine, but I have to admit I have been crying for days. Mainly for my little boy. I can't even imagine what will happen when he finds out, and the guilt and sadness I will feel when what we've always told him, that he wasn't the only one, evolves into his best friend "getting a baby". I can't imagine his confusion and realization that he is the only one without a brother or sister. I feel like a horrible person but I think it will shatter me. We are gearing up for a more affordable cycle overseas and no one knows about it, just like our last cycles. I can only pray it works.

    Thanks for listening. It feels a bit better to get it out. Feeling so low.

    Offline Lilly08

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    Has anyone accepted that they will only have one child
    « Reply #43 on: 2/08/17, 21:16 »
    HopefulKayte, sorry to know that. :-[ :(
    I don't think your son will suffer when he finds out he is the only child.. Children don't perceive things like adults..After a while he will forget about it..
    World is full of children who never had a brother or a sister and they grow up healthy and happy.
    4-6 years old is when children are discovering everything around them and they ask and request a lot of stuff. It is just natural.
    It seems this issue is causing YOU a lot of stress and pain...I'm sure most of the women here can feel related in a way or another.
    Have you considered adoption? or any other option?
    Feel free to write us whenever you feel to  ^hugme^


    Offline HopefulKayte

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    « Reply #44 on: 3/08/17, 20:58 »
    Thanks Lilly so much for reaching out. You are definitely right, I feel a lot of stress and pain. We had a failed donor egg cycle this spring that was wildly expensive and the donor didn't do much better than me in terms of making a blastocyst. I thought the door would be shut financially at this point, and I was too scared to even go there in case that sad attempt was "the end". When my husband asked if we were going to the Czech Republic to try next time, I almost cried with relief. I know it's not a given, but to transfer one average donor embryo with nothing to freeze and it not taking gutted us. I really feel the need to give it a good try and am anxious to try again.
    We are about to head to a neighbourhood party where we will see this couple and I'm pretty sure everyone knows the news although they are early along. I have been having a lot of anxiety about it. I've realized most of my pain and upset come from the fact that they knew about our miscarriage (after many IVFS, and over my birthday) and they kept away. I feel like they knew how difficult infertility in our marriage has been, and that it was my birthday, and to not show any kindness, or even send me a text or offer to help with our son, I have never forgotten that. I had to shamefully admit to my husband that in addition to the surprise of them telling us they're pregnant, I am not over their actions showing they didn't care when we lost our baby. As they know we don't have a supportive family who would assist, so really this caused us more pain as we have helped them so much in hard times. I will aim to give her a hug and try not to feel weird as the person in the room everyone knows is infertile and has had miscarriages, though no one has ever said anything to me about it or before/following situations that must have been hard for us.
    Sometimes this battle is just so hard, and I feel like it's all up to me to navigate, stay unemotional and make easier for everyone else. I know people don't mean to hurt when they say nothing but when everyone you know says nothing, it can be quite lonely and overwhelming. As with any trauma, love and some compassion is always a blessing!

    Offline Lilly08

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    Has anyone accepted that they will only have one child
    « Reply #45 on: 13/08/17, 14:16 »
    Hopefulkate.. some people just don't know how to show support or empathy. I think this is the case of your friends. Others just don't care. Some people are selfish. But you don't have to let them bring you down. Count your blessings instead.
    You have still chances of being a mom again..so there is hope. Keep strong!
    Wishing you the best in your trip! May this time be the lucky one! :)

    Offline TM88

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    « Reply #46 on: 13/08/17, 17:08 »
    Hi all,

    I used to be on this site quite regularly but haven't looked at it for a long time.

    I have a daughter who was conceived naturally in 2013 who is now 3.5 years old and we have been trying for number 2 since she was 1.  I had a miscarriage before her (natural conception with the help of clomid) then 6 months later had fell pregnant with her and no help from clomid.  I fell pregnant naturally after i stopped breast feeding after 2 periods but sadly miscarried at 9/10 weeks ( had 1 scan and no hb, went back next week and there was a slow heart beat and then miscarried the week after, at the same time my second cousin (who was 2 years older than me) sadly died suddenly so wonder if that had any impact).   4 months later fell pregnant naturally again but sadly miscarried at 6 weeks.  I was shocked to get pregnant so quickly after the previous miscarriage but it wasn't to be.  Since then i went into trying to get pregnant overdrive, spending a fortune on acupuncture and taking herbs but still nothing.  So in march last year decided to go for ivy, did some tests and everything was good, AMH was 49 and FSH 6 so we said ok we try for another 3 months but nothing and we went for our first IVF.  They extracted 20 eggs, 16 fertilised and we took half to day 5 and half we froze at day 3.  So in total we had 4 x top grade blastocysts frozen and 4 x day 3 frozen.  They didn't do transfer that cycle as they worries my estradiol was too high especially as i responded so well to drugs.  So we waited 2 months as i went to friends wedding in hk and then in oct did my first FEt, transferred 2 top grade day 5 blasts with assisted hatching and glue and nothing, it was a natural cycle FET, then next month transferred 3, remaining 2 x day 5 and 1 x day 3, again nothing.  Then in jan this year transferred the remaining 3 day 3 and got a BFP, went to 7 weeks scan and there was a heart beat but potentially another yolk sac and she said maybe twins, come back in 10 days but when we went back, hb had gone and yet another miscarriage.  Took a good 3.5 weeks later before i properly miscarried.  Was booked in for a procedure but bled at home the night before.  Since then we have been trying naturally but nowt and I am at wits end.

    Im trying to convince myself if i don't think about it will happen.  I am worried that if we die, there will be no one for my daughter.  With my last miscarriage we stupidly told my daughter she would have a brother and sister and she was so excited.  Now when i say to her I'm sorry mummy can't have any more children she is like "its ok mummy, you have me"  "its just mummy daddy and me" but then we see her desperate to play with other kids and all other kids have siblings.

    I gave myself 6 months to try naturally although its not been 6 months yet (its been 5) i am losing hope.

    I had a mum text me from the NCT group telling me she's pregnant and due in october (she initially said she only wanted 1) and that she hopes it hasn't upset me as she knows i am trying...i am happy for her but i am allowed to be sad for me.

    I am trying to think of positives about having an only child but my desire to have more kids is killing me.  I always wanted 4.

    To be fair, I am 1 of 5 and don't really get on with my siblings all the time.

    i need to try and change my mindset as i don't want to damage what i have with my daughter.

    My husband isn't keen to try ivf as we aren't rich and spending all our savings.  I know he wants more kids too.

    we talked about adoption and i thought i was really up for it but my cousin who died recently of cancer has only made me want my own kid even more.  I am scared we will die and my daughter will have no one.

    Sorry to go on but need to get it off my chest. 

    Im trying a new acupuncturist tuesday, please pray it will work.

    Also all my friends are having 2 or even 3 kids now - some both parents smoke but still so fertile.

    I know i should be grateful as I had my daughter late in life.  I had her at 41, just 2 months shy of 42.  I am now 45 so i know my time is seriously running out.  My husband is 39.

    Should i try OE IVF one more time?

    Rant over - i really hope we get our miracles
    x


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    Has anyone accepted that they will only have one child
    « Reply #47 on: 13/08/17, 17:33 »
    Before you try anything, naturally or ivf, have yourself tested for blood clotting, thyroid function and nk cells. Due to your age, could be chromosomal abnormality as well and that's only possible if you go through ivf and the blastocysts are tested. Gl!

    Offline TM88

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    « Reply #48 on: 13/08/17, 17:37 »
    All my bloods came back normal last year but yes will get retested.  need to book appointment with GP.  Wonder if they will give me the tests as last time they wouldn't refer to recurrent miscarriage clinic as i was "too old".

    I will need to do AMH again

    do you know how i can change the signature bit ?

    Offline TM88

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    Has anyone accepted that they will only have one child
    « Reply #49 on: 13/08/17, 17:38 »
    forgot to say my last miscarriage - was due to 3 chromosome 16s