Adoption and Fostering > Adoption Diaries

Our Big Leap

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tinkytoes:
Hello everyone,

I have been glued to all your diaries over the last few weeks and have decided, what the heck, I'll give it a go myself.  I know I have gained so much valuable information from your posts and can only hope mine proves as helpful to others as yours have been for me.  I must also confess to shedding many tears reading your amazing stories and can only hope (pray  ^pray^) that I too will be blessed with a family life of my own (even if there are complete hellish moments  ;D ).

Bit of background, Husband (H for ease) and i have had a zillion miscarriages, we could set an olympic record I'm sure, or be pretty high up the medal table, so we're giving all that the heave ho and have over the last year felt like a huge weight has lifted.  Seriously, it has been truly dire and I only wish we gave up earlier.  A few years ago I would never have believed I would have said that!

Anyway, we have taken the plunge, been to the preparation course and currently in Stage One, referees been contacted and medicals set for next week.  I'll let you know what happens at the medical and at the moment the SW are only after written references from the referees.  The preparation course was so very good.  We have learnt so much about attachment and armed with so much info to begin thiinking about how we could parent LOs and to love and repair them.  I can already feel my heart burst as I type this, I so want to make a difference.  Some of you have actually posted your tips and advice as to parenting your children (please please keep them coming) which have been super invaluable, thank you for sharing this vital information.

H and I are hoping to adopt a sibling group (2 we think) of 0 to 4 years either two boys or boy anf girl, whether this will change during the process we will see.  H and I keep chatting about what we have learnt and how we can cope with 2, and we are still committed despite the challenges that lay ahead.  I am so very excited but nervous we may not get to the end.  What if they hate us.  I am sure you have all felt this. 

fingers, toes and all other long things crossed!

Thanks for listening, will check in after medicals

Tinky   

Tictoc:
Welcome tinky. I didn't do a diary as I only discovered this site when we were on second adoption - I love following the diaries though and wish I had kept one from the beginning so I could remember it all. I honestly don't know how people manage with miscarriages and I hope this journey is easier than the one you have been on already.

We originally wanted to be approved for two but were only approved for one. Then 2 years after AD was placed we were approved to adopt again, just 2 months later our AS was placed with a sibling on the way - he then came to us 6 months later. It seemed like we spent so much of our life trying to have a family and suddenly I am a mother of 4 (all under 6) - arghhh!

Good luck with everything

tinkytoes:
Hi Tictoc, thanks for your message, miscarriage is a truly miserable and awful experience, and yet I feel so much better than I was and at peace with it all now.  I enjoy life to the max and I am happy although still very desperate to have a family, there is a definate gap and yearning in our lives which can be sad at times. 

Thats amazing that you were approved for 4 (!) in such a short space of time, do you think it helped having them 'staggered' so to speak so you could tackle any behavioural issues more directly with each one kinda in turn?  We would like two but the more I read about attachment issues I wonder if one child would do better with us at first so he/she can have all our attention.  But H is very keen on two but it will be me who'll be giving up work (can't say I'm sad about that!  ;D) and be with them all the time so I'm worrying two will run rings round me!!!  I've read lots of books on attachment style parenting (Dan Hughes is brill) and whilst I feel equipped (even at this early stage) I can imagine the reality is going to be quite a shock.  Still, I would just love two. I wonder if you were disappointed to be approved for just one at first?

Thanks for sharing Tictoc :) 

Medicals tomorrow, I will update for those generally interested.  Neither myself or H have any big medical issues although I had depression 10 years ago relating to being ditched by an ex.  Was on anti depressants for 18 months.  but it was a long time ago and have already mentioned it to SW who didn't seem concerned. Hopefully all will be okay.

tat ta for now

tinkytoes:
Hi everyone,

a busy old week this week.

Had our medicals last Monday, went okay.  Around 30 minutes each (we went in one after the other), no bloods taken just urine test.  You complete the medical reort form in part chronicaling any mental/physical illnesses etc before you go in.  I've had depression previously so this went in mine, although nothing now.  Doctor then explained she would read my comments and then she would write dowm her comments looking over my notes.

She had my records from when I was born!  Was very interesting to note that my mother had taken me in for nappy rash when I was a few months old.  She said there was anything that she was concerned about but I asked her to comment on my depression 10 years previously, so said she was going to but wasn't worried and thought I was fine and had done well to come to terms with all our losses.  I am very lucky to have a very supportive GP. 

she checked height/weight/BMI (I am just under 25 - eeek!) she then performed the examination which at times was rather comical, she was a little embarrassed permforming it but it was to ensure that all reflexes and body movement are normal (sticking my tongue out was the weirdest of all!).

She asked me specifically about any lumps or bumps I was worried about, none presently but I checked my entire body when I got home to be sure and she said I would need a cholesterol test doing which I am booking back in for but otherwise she said the form would be sent off to the agency straight away and that the cholesterol info would follow.

So all in all, it was fine, it was actually quite enjoyable.  My GP was so lovely and said some very nice things about me/adoption generally and miscarriage. 

Since Monday we have received an email from the agency confirming dates for the stage 2 prep course although we are not supposed to take that as an invitiation to move onto stage 2 (I guess thats because we have one reference outstanding - friend has been nudged!).

So we are feeling pretty happy.  I'm also head down in the books learning more and more about attachment theory and therapeutic care.  It is fascinating!  I'm seriously thinking of a career in social work!

That's all for now, wil check in again when I have news of stage 2 (please please please  ^pray^)

 

ciacox:
Sounds like things are going great!

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