* Author Topic: This parenting is sooo much harder in real life than it was in my dreams  (Read 5002 times)

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Offline wibble-wobble

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So back to the beginning and its Monday 20th and I feel like its time we went home to be a family. I couldn't leave without getting the bounty photos done. Yes I know they arw over priced, but I really didn't care I knew that I wouldn't be able to get anywhere in the first weeks to get those photo's taken.

Mr Wobble turned up while the photographer was in action so we have a really nice one of them. Me on the other hand... I looked worse than a bag of shite so declined the offer of we can do something that makes you look ok. Erm yeah that can't even be done on days where I haven't been awake for hours and had a baby less than 48 hours ago  ;D

It was mid afternoon when we were ready to be discharged, we managed to get little Wobble in her car seat just fine, well with a little move this way a bit and gently push that way and wiggle this. Being totally paranoid we asked a midwife to check she was in it safely before walking out of the door. Turns out we hadn't tightened to harness enough. That though was the least of our worries!!!

So we got to the car, opened up and started the crypton factor how the @#/? does this go. What does that bit do,bear in mind too I'd had an episiomy so was walking like John Wayne and was as flexible as concrete!  yes we learned a lesson then or maybe I should say we should have done. Test out all baby equipment before you actually try to use it in real life!

So a great start the seat wouldn't securely fit in the backseat. Ashamed to say we drove on home with me basically holding the seat in place as the belts wouldn't quite fasten. We picked the worst time too roads were closed because of some kind of police operation and cops everywhere. It was nerve wracking to say the least. But I was so happy I never thought I'd get to leave a hospital with my own baby. Its surreal that you've got your own flesh and blood to care for feeling. Its suddenly real you are going home


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    Offline wibble-wobble

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    Back home from a week away and Mr Wobble doesn't seem that much happier than before I went.

    To say things are strained is probably accurate. He loves me but blames me for the way he feels. That he gets no free time, that Little Wobble is difficult at the minute. Apparently we will have a nightmare child if we don't do something about her soon.

    I've never had a 2 year old before so I have no idea what is normal behaviour and what isn't. Or what I should do about it either if I'm honest. What are you supposed to do with a tiddler that refuses to get dressed, refuses to sit still and eat a meal, that doesn't want a dirty nappy changed?

    Personal experience so far tells me that forcing the issue ends in a tantrum, getting angry ends in tears and trying to reason well she isn't even 2 and doesn't really understand reasoning.

    Apparently she should do what we want her to as we are the adults. True we are the adults, but she has a mind of her own.

    He doesn't want to go out with her for fear of how she will behave... Paints a pretty picture doesn't he.

    He's overwhelmed, tired and is wishing his life away. I'm not supposed to be hurt by his words.... But how can I not be?

    Ask him what I can do to make things easier/better for him and he says nothing. Just goes on about how he works early and by the time he gets home he's tired. He has no  me time. His weekends off are spent with Little Wobble. There is no time for us.

    It's like Groundhog day.

    I really don't feel like I can do anything right, I'm exhausted trying to figure out how to fix it.

    I feel like all I do is cry.

    I pretty much hate myself at the minute. Zero self confidence or self worth. I look like a fat pile of shite and have no motivation to do anything about it.

    Offline wibble-wobble

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    The first week of having little Wobble home passed by in a blur.

    There were lots of visits from friends and family with cards and gifts. Then there was the midwife visit to weigh and check general well being of mummy and baby. In a way it felt a bit like we were on a stage and everyone is watching, maybe a bit of a pantomime.

    Breast feeding was going well or so I thought at that point. I'd had a blocked milk duct but after the initial panic of having no milk, it being late at night (so calling someone for advice not an option) and opening the breast pump box and all the bits not connected and instructions as clear as mud. Another you really should try these things before you may need them... As in when your newborn is screaming and you feel useless and panicked and can't see through the tears.

    At this point we had no sterilised bottles, hadn't even looked at the steriliser or read how to make a bottle of formula.

    Mr Wobble was downstairs doing the steriliser and bottle thing, while I was upstairs trying my best to comfort a screaming baby. He Googled no milk coming out and fixed the issue before the bottle was ready.

    Turned out all I needed was a hot flannel and a boob massage to get it flowing again. It wasa bit painful for a day or so.

    I was still a little nervous of my newborn, unsure how to handle her so you do everything awkwardly and extra carefully.

    For some unknown reason the first night I took little Wobble downstairs to change nappy and feed and almost tripped and fell with her (I think it was something to do with not wanting to turn the lights on and disturb Mr Wobble) so that little scaring myself ended with dh being relegated to the spare room for a while until I figured out doing things easier.

    Little Wobble was sleeping over the recommended hours that the professionals set at night (not too many over it). After speaking to a couple of people and them saying how amazing it was and you should never wake a sleeping baby it turned out that it was just that false sense of security that most newborns give their parents... Just while they are getting over the trauma of being born  ;D

    Offline wibble-wobble

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    I now officially have a 2 year old. We've had a blast celebrating her birthday, even though its been a quiet one.

    Over the last week or so Little Wobble has come on loads, she's more cuddly and seems to have an idea of how feelings work... Well a little at least.

    She's going through the everything is mine selfish phase, I have been able to get her to share by talking to her about how nice it to let others play with the toys she's not really interested in. Explaining she makes the others sad when she takes away what they have. It doesn't always end well and without tears... I don't want to be that parent that just lets their child have whatever they want at the expense of others.

    Little Wobble has good speech/communication for her age and is tall at about 3ft so people presume that she is older than she is and sometimes look shocked that she acts like the baby she still is. She may be a chatter box, but at the minute she isn't fully able to express what she feels or know what she feels. It's one of the things I hate most.... Presumtious people! In every aspect of life not just this one.

    Offline wibble-wobble

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    Week number 2 of having little Wobble home and the false sense of security I was lulled into having with a good sleeper is beginning to emerge. There are no longer the too long for a newborn spells of sleep at night or in the day come to think of it. Sleep as I used to know it now no longer existed and it was too long before I got anything that resembled a full night.... Even the experts opinion of what sleeping through the night was, took ages to establish.... But more on that another time.

    At little Wobbles 5 day check at home she'd gone from 7lb10 to 7lb at the next check  she'd put on an ounce! I must have had a midwife having a bad day as she wasn't concerned that birthweight wasn't achieved after 2 weeks and basically discharged us from her care, saying my baby appeared healthy, had gained weight and was doing all the things that newborns do... Eat, sleep, puke, poop and scream.

    It was only when the Hv popped round on the same day and saw the poor weight gain  (I didn't actually know until then either that she should be at her birth weight) that things with feeding/weight became a bain of our lives.

    I thought I had a good eater, never had any problems latching her on. I thought she was feeding for about the right amount of time. It was only when the questions started getting asked that I paid more attention.

    So little Wobble would latch on and begin to feed normally after a few minutes (maybe just more than a few) she'd be flat out asleep and sometimes be using my nipple as a dummy for comfort. She started to wake for feeding more often as she wasn't getting enough of what she needed at one sitting.

    We had a couple of weeks of weigh ins every few days with little gain. Home visits from breast feeding support groups/health visitors who specialised in all things breast feeding, who were always pretty impressed with my technique all offering the same advice and giving the same tips.

    I was leant a double breast pump to express between feeding as they at first thought I maybe wasn't producing enough and needed to boost it.  Expressing has got to be the most disheartening and stressful thing I've ever tried to do. I could spend half an hour expressing and not even get an ounce between the 2 of them. So much time and effort for very little back. Life during this time seemed wasted and very constricted. I had a baby that was practically stuck to me by now, putting her down in a pram or moses basket usually ended in her screaming and I couldn't let her do it. It just didn't sit right with me.

    I can't believe that in my nieve pre baby mind I actually thought that instead of breastfeeding I'd just express and give that. It's such a task, I have a big respect for women that can actually do it. Breastfeeding itself isn't easy to master, to do that and express successfully that takes some doing.

    We were referred to the milk clinic, there was talk of giving us donated breast milk for a few days. We started giving much frowned upon formula top ups once someone spotted that little Wobble had a posterior tongue tie that was probably causing the feeding and falling asleep before she was full issues. With a fixable problem diagnosed I didn't want to take milk away from preemies/special care that would have had more need for it than us. It was when we started giving top ups that the weight started to creep back slowly.

    Luckily referral to the tongue tie clinic wasn't that long for us (although it felt it at the time, when we were in the vicious circle of feed sleep express) after a couple weeks getting nowhere but stressed with expressing and getting nothing I gradually came round to the idea of giving as much formula as she needed.

    The posterior tongue tie was bad according to the specialist who cut it (little Wobble was around 7 1/2 weeks and still hadn't passed her birthweight by then) she was also able to properly explain the issues it had caused and the reasons why. It felt so good to have someone finally say, it's nothing you have done that has caused the feeding issues and well done for sticking with it and not being fobbed off.

    The difference in feeding after the tongue tie snip was noticeable straight away. Even Mr Wobble noticed a significant difference when giving a bottle.
    Weight gain was rapid for a few weeks after, it was like she was making up for what she had missed out on.
    It took a while to break the pattern she'd been used to of feeding for a short time and often. But we got there  :)

    So my plan in the beginning before little Wobble was born was to express and give that. When she was born I thought, no I'll give it a go at least until we go home. Then I thought well I'll give her 6 weeks, then because of the tongue tie I decided 3 months old then I'll stop. But by then I think I was enjoying the ease of boobie fixes everything and it's available 24/7 (we were still giving formula occasionally, sometimes more occasionally than others) so decided to go on to 6 months. At 6 months I tried to cut down with starting weaning only little Wobble was having none of it. She was around 9 months when we stopped, myself and Mr Wobble were going away and leaving her at Nana's for a few days so a perfect opportunity to stop. After having none for a few days she still tried to get boobie when I saw her next and there were a few more days she tried before giving up.

    I think when we stopped was right for us. She was becoming too aware of me if that makes sense. She'd give me a cheeky look before clamping down on my nipple. Even with no teeth then it wasn't pleasant. Her first tooth came through less than 2 weeks after stopping.

    It was starting to gross me out a bit, I also felt like my body didn't belong to me it was time I got it back.

    Offline wibble-wobble

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    Yestersday we had our clinic babies meet up, a 2nd birthday as we called it, even though some of our group are much older and younger.

    The first lot of our group met through a clinic thread on this site and as often happens we set up a private group away from this site once we started to get bfp's.

    To begin with there were around 20 of us, but once we started doing meetings and involving the clinic and staff/posting in their online sites we grew and grew. There are well over 100 of us now. Makes it an interesting challenge organising a meet up  ;D

    Anyway back to yesterday, the party was at a playcentre, around 30 of went, it was a little manic trying to talk to everyone. Toddlers don't stay still long enough for that. I lost count of the times I took my eyes of Little Wobble for a second and she was off. Luckily all our group had white t shirts on so they were easy to spot if they escaped  ;D I should point out here that there was no way they could get out of the playcentre. Just lost in one of the many soft play area's.

    I'm pretty lucky with Little Wobble as she isn't too adventurous at soft play and at the minute won't climb so when she darted off she'd always head for the ball pit.

    Getting to the playcentre wasn't fun, I nearly cried when the trains posted to say rail replacement buses every weekend for the foreseeable. We arrived on time sporting a brand new perfume eau de puke.... Lovely so buses can be added to the  list of things not to do. I walked home it was over 4 miles but preferable to being vommed on after party junk! Guess its safe to say my fear of puke is waning. Trying to catch upchucked toast and milk with a baby wipe... Not easy. Just glad it was early and not too many passengers looking on in disgust.

    Little Wobble wouldn't wear the travel bands, so no idea if they work or not.

    We tried to get a group photo of all the little ones, that was a big fat failure 😆 Trying to get a decent photo of 1 toddler is hard enough.... Mission impossible with over 20!

    It was a good little catch up, guess it will get easier to take group photos as they get older and more willing to stay still

    It's sort of nice to meet up with real people that have done the whole treatment thing as normal fertiles really don't get it.

    Nice to know you're not alone in your feelings

    Offline wibble-wobble

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    Definitely over the fear I had of puke, kind of had no choice than to get on with it.

    After the Sunday's little adventure on the bus ending with a vomit fest I thought thats ok I'll just not go on them and we'll be puke free until we next have to go in the car. That didn't quite go to plan!

    On the Monday we experienced our first bug. Little Wobble went to bed as normal at 7pm but woke 2 hours later, how can a little person have so much puke in them... She was covered, the bed was covered. We had to strip her off and throw her in the bath she was that gross.


    Offline wibble-wobble

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    Grossness continued....

    So after the bath little Wobble was a bit shivery and looking sorry for herself. Around now she started to bring up bile and for a while was subdued.... Weird thing was her temp was normal. After getting her dressed and warm she perked up even though she was sleepy.

    I can honestly say I don't think I've ever been more scared in my life as I was for that 2hrs or thereabouts. She fell asleep on me around 11pm and from then until 130 I was too paranoid to move her.  I tried my best to sleep upright but that wasn't happening. When I eventually managed to move to a more comfier sleeping position it felt like minutes and she woke me asking for milkies.

    So as not to wake Mr Wobble we went downstairs I gave her very watered down milk that maybe stayed down about 40 minutes. We then got cushions and made ourselves as comfy as possible on the backroom floor. I woke up freezing about 4 all the covers over the little sick note, she was toastie!

    Mr Wobble was up 430 for work, he did bring us the big duvet but little Wobble was full of beans and wanted to follow daddy round and get ready for work. After he'd gone we got back into a real bed as apposed to the floor one and slept until after 10 which was nice and I don't think has ever happened!

    Little Wobble seemed herself by now and I thought maybe she was over it.... She wasn't. A few more puke fests followed that day and we all got into bed for 6pm and watched Paddington.

    By now me and Mr Wobble thought we'd escaped catching whatever it was she had.... UNLUCKY the next morning Mr Wobble was puking his guts up before leaving for work but he thought as he was fine straight after it must have been the tub of icecream we ate before falling asleep stupidly early.

    I felt ok getting up, until I got downstairs and got all hot and sweaty and lightheaded. A crawl upstairs for me to the bathroom and a test out of the upchuck muscles... They don't get used that often thankfully. I hate sick, not just being it myself but others doing it too. Safe to say I'm more tollerant now. All I had to give up was bile, how gross does bile taste....

    Mr Wobble was home by 9am (after spreading disease round work, he decided he was best off at home... Male logic.... Do they have any?) we were all in bed til after 2 when I decided it would be too much of a nightmare with Little Wobble at bedtime if we stayed any later ( 10pm that night she finally gave in and went to sleep... In our bed again)

    I've been under weather looking after little Wobble before, but never pukey under weather. Have to say it was interesting trying to get through the day, when you are so tired from not eating as you don't feel like it and don't feel brave enough to drink coffee.

    Mr Wobble was more than useless, he spent a whole 2 days in bed and the 3rd day spent moaning how tired he felt. I don't know if it was a compliment but he said I don't know how you did it.... What else was I going to do leave a 2 year old to entertain herself? ??? He then went on to say that next time he'd sleep in the spare room so he has less chance of catching it as he really has felt awful and if both of us had got it like he did! Oh and maybe this way there would maybe be a break in us both catching it if we were going to so at least one of us would be good for little Wobble.... Ok then, like he would take total control and leave me in bed for days.... He hasn't let me lie in once since little Wobble came home!

    I would love to know how little people can be puke monsters one minute but the next full of beans demanding chocolate and crisps (then rinse and repeat) if I'm puke sick it's a case of don't eat, then you can't puke (in theory) and this can go on for a while, while I build up courage. And to have that much energy too? Are they superhuman until a certain age?  ;D

    Offline wibble-wobble

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    So as I previously said the first week of Little Wobble being home she was sleeping like.... Well a baby. She'd go for the longer than recommended spells for a newborn, I was scared to wake her but also scared to leave her go too long. It was so nice to wake and watch her stir for a feed. Those little squirmy movements and squeaky noises. That me waking and waiting for her to wake has only ever happened a few times since those very early days.

    It was probably in her 2nd week at home that sleep went up the wall. It became very rare to have more than a 3 hour stretch of uninterrupted sleep. Part of that most likely down to the feeding issues and not being satisfied enough for sleep. Another part the development leaps or wonder weeks they go through and then there was the part where she just didn't/wouldn't/couldn't settle anywhere but on me.

    I was thinking about it earlier, I probably held her for most of the first 6 months of her life. It certainly felt like we were attached sometimes  ;D

    I remember reading somewhere that most experts agree that for a baby to be sleeping through the night they only need to be sleeping 5 hour spells  ^idiot^   ^idiot^  I do not agree with experts. 5 hours ??? Who can function on 5 hours sleep. Or to break it down you put your baby to bed at 7, you have your 3 hours chill time and go to bed 10ish. Baby wakes at midnight.... You've had a whole 2 hours, you spend the next hour feeding, winding, changing and trying to put down said baby without them noticing. It then takes an age for you to drift off once again only baby doesn't know this and rinse and repeat only this time you've maybe had 3 hours. If I got 5 hours I was lucky, it happened once in a blue moon.

    Sleep Regression.... 4 months.... Did they mean it starts at 4 months or lasts for months... Seriously it went on forever in our house. We'd only just got over the 4 month when the next one started!!! It was more like 3 1/2 months the regression started for us (taking into account Little Wobble was almost 2 weeks overdue I'm guessing thats pretty normal) at the lowest point during this time I'd get literally an hour between wake ups. It was such a tiring time, Mr Wobble did his usual and slept right through every wake up. He saw it as he had no boobs so no point him doing night wake ups.

    I think during this time I tried literally everything I could to get more sleep.
    Ewan the sheep
    Other night light that plays music
    Increasing formula top up
    Stuck to bedtime routine
    Baby sleep pillow
    Baby massage
    Controlled crying.... I wimped out of after leaving her for less that 2 minutes crying, it just felt so cruel and wrong to me.
    And more, sometimes I was fooled into thinking something I'd tried had worked or made for an improvement but the truth or what I believe now is she was probably just that exhausted that she had no choice but to sleep. After about a month of really bad sleep and getting to a point where I couldn't take the lack of sleep any longer I did the frowned upon co sleeping. Little Wobble would still wake quite often but being next to me and the magic boobie fixes all, meant we were both relaxed and would sleep more.

    Little Wobble would start her bedtime in her own space and 9 times out of 10 end it in my space.


    Offline wibble-wobble

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    It's been a while since I updated, sort of busy being the Christmas Grinch. I'm really feeling all Bah Humbug this year not in the least Christmassy and Little Wobble is the same  ;D

    She doesn't want to see Father Christmas... So we haven't been, the ques are horrendous and a 2 year old in a line for what would be an age to them followed by a definite no and maybe a meltdown.... Really not putting myself through that.

    She has been interested in the post coming through the door and wants to open the 'books' and has attempted opening 1 of the presents under the tree and re arranged decorations on it. I thought she'd be more into it and I guess I'm a little disappointed that she isn't.

    In other news little Wobble is very funny at the minute and is getting cheekier by the day. She's suddenly started to give me much more cuddles, Eskimo kisses and kisses. I was beginning to think she didn't love me  ;D although she only loves me to the moon and stars and not back again, sometimes she loves me 10 thousand pounds